I grew up Catholic. I went to Catholic schools, church at times, the religion was followed a little bit at home and I made my sacraments. I could never ever come to terms with the doctrine of Catholicism. Something just did not resonate inside me but because the schools had pumped the doctrine in me at a young age, its programming was deep in my belief systems. Catholicism has taken its death explanation to a level of fear and guilt and it was clearly, at least in my opinion, not true. I could always see this and so it made my feelings towards death even more confusing. As you begin to look across the board at all religions I found a common theme on death and none of them resonated with me. I began to realize what religion was really for, but that isn’t relevant to this topic so we will move on.
As I began to share with more people I got more and more viewpoints on what death was all about. This was all an attempt to make my problem go away so I could be at peace and not have this terrible feeling.
I got all the ideas people had about death, “it doesn’t matter you have no control over it.” “Where we are living now is suffering and hell so death will be a nice sleep.” “There has to be something more to life, we can’t just die and it be the end, don’t worry!” All of these ideas were fine but, none of them resonated with me and none of them helped me. They just didn’t make sense to me, so my problem continued.
Eventually it got to the point where I would go try out a professional. See what they had to say about the whole issue. This didn’t go so well, it seemed as though their idea of the problem had a lot to do with how I felt I didn’t have control over my life and I needed to take back control in order to enjoy what I had now. In theory this would alleviate my feelings towards death and I would be fine. This got me feeling slightly better for a couple months as I made a few changes, but it was very short lived. The truth hadn’t come to me yet but my higher self was beginning to help me, only, I didn’t know it yet.
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