How do we act out regret?
If we look a little bit deeper is there any real substance to regret? Or have we all just given so much energy to the judgement of our own experiences that we then spend our entire lives limited due to this idea of “regret” and want the chance to change the past.
I feel that we all share this sense of regret for something within each of our lives. We are so caught up in changing the past that we don’t even see the affect of holding on to regret and how it determines the choices we are making in the moment.
If I wanted to I could spend the rest of my experience on earth in deep regret. I’m not sure I want to live like that anymore…live in the past. The reality is, I don’t know if I can spend the rest of my life trying to change the unchangeable, because I’d rather live making the changes that affect me in the moment.
In truth, the past doesn’t exist. It’s only the memories and the energy we attach to those memories that exist. When we regret, we are living in that memory, giving the memory more energy than the present moment. It’s like being stuck in time. I’ve done it for months, re-living the same day or moment over and over in my head to the point where I couldn’t even raise my body out of bed. It makes your body feel as heavy as a bag of rocks and your brain like mashed potatoes. I’m sure they have numerous ways to diagnose this feeling, and lots of mediation to relieve the feeling, but Ill stick to my own knowing that these “symptoms” were the affects of living in the past and giving all my energy to wanting to change a time that no longer existed thus I couldn’t function in the moment. You feel as if the world around you can not even go on until this change in the past has been made. You don’t know how to even begin to adapt to these changes that you had no control over and now you still have no control to change them. It’s a very hectic place to be lost within yourself, very draining and quite scary at times.
I had a discussion with my Nonna (Italian for Grandmother) the other day and during our discussion it just all hit me, as if she had just thrown a brick big enough to hit my whole body at once. The most control I have is with the choices I am faced with right now with each moment that passes. She was discussing past events about my life and not talking about them in a judging manner, but simply stated that to make the right changes now you have to let the past go and only I can do that. Regardless of what I’ve done in the past or has been done to me, I’m only carrying it with me as long as I keep the energy attached to those memories as strong as I have been. I’m the only one who can make the changes for myself each breath I take, and if I keep basing my choices today on how I would have changed past events then I’d have to ask myself, “where does the past end and the moment of right now begin?” for me, this moment of clarity I cant deny or let go of. I’m not sharing this with anyone to say that this is an easy thing to let go and come to a realization of peace of letting past events go that are hindering, everyone will follow their own paths, experiences and timelines but I wanted to share because I don’t feel I was or am alone in being trapped in a state of fear, dissolution, and REGRET. It’s a beautiful feeling to know that once a moment has passed, you have the power to keep that memory alive and the type of energy you choose to help keep the memory alive. It’s a beautiful and empowering feeling to know that you have control over your choices at every moment moving forward.
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