The Power of Letting Go of the Need to Know Why

question-mark2We have all been baffled at one point or another trying to understand and question why certain things unfold in our lives as they do. There have been countless times in my own personal life where I have gone over and over certain scenarios that have unfolded wondering, “How could this have happened? And why?!” More often than not, the answer doesn’t usually come in the moment of mental struggle but weeks or months later after I have surrendered and let go of the need to know.

Why is letting go of the need to know, “why,” so liberating? Because often times we don’t have the answer and it’s ok to, “not know.” Trying to understand and intellectualize every situation that unfolds (especially those situations that rub the Ego-mind the wrong way) is more often than not a form of control. When things happen to us that our beyond our intellectual mind and understanding, our mind goes out of control trying to, “figure it all out.” As a result, we take ourselves out of the present moment and scramble out of fear to make sure that that particular situation never happens again. The fact that we don’t know why it happened in the first place creates a greater need to become more in control over our lives than ever. In turn, we stay hostage to the situation, which then keeps us from moving forward with ease and love.

Doing the inner work around our life experiences, especially those that are painful or baffling are very important. This is where we can often break a lifetime’s worth of unhealthy patterns and cycles. Many answers can lie in questioning certain events if we are meant to know at that point in time. But if it becomes a struggle to understand and the answers aren’t coming easily that’s when the act of surrender and saying, “I don’t know,” is so powerful. We can speculate, question and not accept what has happened but that isn’t always the best solution or the one that is needed or necessary.

In the wake of recent events in Connecticut and the numerous tragedies that occur all over the planet daily, we are often left wondering why such atrocious experiences happen. The truth is, is that we may not ever know why.  The Ego-Mind needs to know why in order to stay in control and in power. To surrender and to not know is an act of defeat to the Ego-Mind. The job of the Ego-Mind is to protect you from any threat or painful experience from happening again. If it can, “figure it out,” than it can figure out a way to protect you. Surrender as easy as it sounds, can be met with much adversity and strain as the Ego-Mind puts up plenty of resistance instead of letting things go in order to move forward. This is why admitting and repeating, “I don’t know,” over and over again can assist you in releasing the need to know why.

Surrender and not knowing is a way to release our struggle. Remember to trust that life has a flow and that everything that is happening whether it is positive or negative, is in fact completely for our highest good. Sometimes, the not knowing is in our highest. Take what you can from your life experiences and learn from them.  Whatever is leftover that perplexes you; let it go to the Universe or your Higher Self to work through. Feel the freedom and the liberation that occurs as a result.

 ————–

Vanessa Petronelli B.A., W.W.H.P. & Certified Yoga and Mindfulness Teacher

From an early age Vanessa knew that her path in life would revolve around specializing in several areas of human growth and development including “deprogramming,” from limiting belief systems, detachment from ego and self-love. She is a life coach and healer, teaches yoga and meditation and facilitates workshops and retreats.

Her passion and purpose is to assist in humanity’s evolution in consciousness through the facilitation of coaching, providing healings, writing and teaching yoga/meditation.

You can read more about Vanessa’s services by viewing her website here: www.openheart-openmind.ca

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18 comments on “The Power of Letting Go of the Need to Know Why

  1. Jordan Rep Iam

    Thank You

  2. Such a good time for this post! Love & Light

  3. Isn’t the urge to know an integral part of the human condition? Isn’t the ability to figure out stuff one of the most precious gifts that humans possess? Why should we

    The recent event in Connecticut isn’t too hard to figure out. Such events are manifestations of how society can influence an individual’s mental models and behaviour. It is precisely the striving to understand such events that can lead to solving them and the betterment of society. We only need the will to really look at the situation and really see what is going on. In this case, it seems fairly simple:

    1) abolish firearms (the American belief that the possession of guns is an aspect of freedom is culturally constructed in the minds of people. This construct in current US culture has more to do with profit than with actual freedom. The need for protection in modern society shouldn’t include any firearms as they in fact limit freedom by stimulating fear among citizens)

    2) stimulate harmonization, not conflict. (firearms in themselves are already symbols of conflict, it should be clear that this should be avoided). Furthermore, any symbolism that induce internal or external polarization should be avoided. Internal polarization occurs with ‘cognitive dissonance’ (advertisments, not being happy with who you are, striving for the perfect cultural image, …), external polarization occurs with egoic identification (race, religion, any aspect of identity). Focus on (inclusive) similarities instead of (exclusive) differences..

    2) educate people in a way that doesn’t let them believe that they are isolated individuals in a world of ‘survival of the fittest’ but teach them instead that they are an important part of an immensely interconnected universe in which they are important and treat them respectively. Teach them the magic of the universe and such events will not unfold. People who act in the way the shooter has done, are only in need for attention and recognition and the feeling that they too are important. Every human has that need. So just fill the need in any way possible. It is culture that leads them to believe they do not matter. Change the culture and people will follow.

    We need to figure out things so we can change them. If that is used for the betterment of people, I rather choose lying awake at night, frantically trying to figure something out than simply stating ‘I don’t know’. With determination, answers reveal themselves eventually. If I am in a situation in which I have to limit myself to liberate others, I will do so happily.

    I think the problem lies not in the act of figuring out, but rather in the way people deal with the act. If you realize that your consciousness is not equal to your thinking processes (Ego), you no longer identify yourself with these processes. But you shouldn’t condemn the Ego as something bad. Ego also has value. It is as much part of our humanity. We only need to learn how to harmonize with it in a correct way. Consciousness has the ability to guide and realize this. It is learning how to think whilst not identifying with the thinking. So when observing yourself trying to figure something out, do not overcome it by quickly stating ‘I don’t know’, but simply observe your mind for what it is, and understand why it is doing what it is doing. Then you can find liberation whilst still enjoying the art of thinking.

    (I pose this not as truth, this is only my thinking process. If I wrote something horribly wrong, I apologize sincerely.)

    • Amanda

      Very wise words indeed!

  4. Thank you everyone for your posts! Wyseur your response is thought provoking and merely creates an additional dialogue, so thank you!

  5. Ahhh yes…the futility of the need to know “why?”.
    Even though it is proven that I found this true in my most great challenges faced in life. Yet somehow I still forget. This ‘need to know why’, still traps me. Only to realize that it was a worthless thought of aimlessly holding on to unnecessary grief.

  6. jeff

    Yes!!!!

  7. I wholeheartedly embrace this philosophy. I constantly mull things over in my head, often to the point of making myself feel sick to the stomach and to the brink madness. I agree with the notion that ‘knowing why things occur’ is a means of the mind being in control and it’s way of eliminating potential threats. I have recently allowed myself to let go of a few things that had stagnated my growth and my mind now feels a lot clearer now.

  8. Pingback: The Power of Letting Go of the Need to Know Why | Truth Is Scary

  9. Pingback: The Power of Letting Go of the Need to Know Why | The Illuminati

  10. LaurenLL

    wyseur: Your post, for me, was better than the article itself. I, too, have learned that we’re all a combination of our creatiion(I wince at ego because of its negative connotation) and pure consciousness. Have you ever read Morty Lefkoe’s blog? He actually has a process that brings this into our awareness.
    We are curious animals, we humans, and asking “why?” leads us forward. It all depends on what we;re interested in. And the meaning we invent.

  11. Yvonne

    A thought occurred to me a few days ago and now again while I was reading this and I wonder… :) :) if by not allowing ourselves to experience these emotions of ego (although I agree rewarding) if we are not stagnating our evolution. And if we are stagnating our evolution of the ego which has naturely evolved to the point that it is has today, then in what direction are we growing (rhetorical but feel free to respond).

  12. Yvonne

    Also, I just read the rest of the comments and I believe a primary condition of being human is to place meaning to things and this is why we ask why. I think the blogger here may be viewing this subject from another perspective by which asking the question why, defeats a person making them feel depressed. Sometimes trying to find meaning turns into an obsession when there is no meaning to find. Maybe not asking the question why, we are creating a defense mechanism in it’s self created by the ego in order not to feel hurt anymore by society which seems today, to have no regard for anything or anyone.

  13. I agree Yvonne, and there is always meaning to be found, you just have to know where to look. Sometimes you can’t find it in the Ego, but only in consciousness. The fact that you can’t find meaning is meaningful in itself :) . This can not be ‘thought’ by Ego, only realized by consciousness. So it’s actually quite simple. The moment you think you find yourself in a situation of meaninglessness, just try to realize, try to be aware of the fact your mind is simply performing its natural human ability. Moreover, try to realize the functional aspect of it. Try to see why your brain is doing this. There is logic behind it. It is a very important part of our nature. It will drive you towards unknown places of interest. It is part of our ‘exploration tools’. If we would instantaneously find absolute meaning in our immediate surroundings, we would not move anymore. So just realize and watch the process of mind itself. Then you are no longer part of this process, but the process becomes part of you. Listen to it, because it has meaning :) .. Btw, every time your realize your mind is doing it’s thing, you will start to laugh, I promise :)

    Socrates once said, “I know you won’t believe me, but the highest form of Human Excellence is to question oneself and others.”

  14. Yvonne

    I understand completely and points well made :)

  15. Silk Road

    Yea I’m going to continue figuring out why. It allows us to not repeat the mistakes humanity has all to many times repeated. There is seriously something wrong with this world, and if we don’t ask that question, “Why?” Then it will continue being destroyed by those with endless greed and the people of this world will continue being torn apart by war and violence.

    This comes not from a place of ego, But a place of wanting to create a better world for each and every person living on this rock, in the middle of space, created just because. We have the power, the technology, and the resources to do this, For every person to make their own choices and to live how they want to. Without being subjected to what we can and cannot do, or allowed to or not to. Every person has the power to make their own decisions. Let them choose how to live their own lives.
    This is possible be the uniting of every person to overthrow those that subject you to this way of life, and living. You don’t agree with something that the government or what some other entity is enforcing upon you? You are apart of us.

    This is humanity awakening to itself, a collective conscious is coming together, To create a better world for everyone. Unfortunately the window needs to be open for the light to come in. It doesn’t help when you’re being fought against opening that window. But the crack has appeared and that’s the first step.

    Look at what Humanity has created and achieved thus far, in its mere brief existence. There is so much more awaiting us.

  16. Hi Everyone! Thank you for the interesting discussion that my article posed for each of you. The participation and responses are wonderful. I did write this from a place in which one finds themselves consistently stumped and perplexed by the wonderment of, “why,” to their human experiences. I too understand that as human beings we have the tendency to need to intellectualize and to put meaning to everything and to a degree I know how important it is to questions things. If we didn’t question many things (especially the state of the planet for example) change would be much slower and perhaps not even happen. This was not the point of where I was writing my article from though. Sometimes, the incessant need to know why certain things have happened in our lives that are not explainable or easily understood by the mind, leads to consistent suffering and this is where surrender is so important in our personal and spiritual growth. We are so used to doing and using our force, action and power to get answers and find solutions to our lives and in the world. Surrender is often viewed as submissiveness in contrast by our culture but that is truly not the case here in point. Things happen beyond human reasoning and understanding sometimes. When we go through those experiences where understanding, “why,” isn’t possible, this is where surrender and letting go opens us up to liberation and freedom from being trapped in our heads! Your higher consciousness is brilliant and can assist you in feeling more liberated from the human condition, especially during life events where trying to figure out why it happened or worked out a certain way isn’t presenting itself. Staying in your head and questioning why perpetually at times can keep you from living a more present and engaged life. Face it, we don’t know everything and that’s OK! It’s a humbling experience for us human beings when we don’t always have the answers or reasoning to everything. So you can choose to continue to constantly question and search for the answer, “why,” during those periods of time or you can let go and allow your higher consciousness to assist you in the process.

    I send you all so many blessings! I am posting more articles on here and in the CE magazine. I love the conversations that this creates so I look forward to hearing more from you in the future :-)

  17. You are right Vanessa. The Taoist perspective of ‘wu wei’ or ‘action without action’ follows your explanation. Western man is indeed to focused on invoking force to dominate his surroundings. Capitalism and Neoliberalism have spread this mentality across the globe. The use of force to realize domination is still the fundamental premise on which our society is built. This is not only the case in a socio-political, economic and cultural context, but also in our scientific pursuit of knowledge and understanding. Western society is unbalanced and exhibits too much ‘yang’. The USA is at the core of this imbalance which manifests as an imperialistic entity of domination.
    The idea that the possession of weapons enables freedom, however absurd in the eyes of the rest of the world, is actually a logical conclusion of the self-conditioning within their belief system. The horrific shootings are then also logical extensions of such pathological beliefs. This becomes especially clear when you’ve seen the ideas that are formed to solve the shootings in schools. ‘Just give the teachers weapons to defend themselves in schools’ is now being debated as a real solution to such problems. This only adds to the absurdity, but again is logical within their belief system.

    On the bright side though, such manifestations are probably regretfully necessary to aid the evolutionary path of the realization that things need to change. The more such extreme events will occur, the more people will realize that the fundamental premises are incorrect. The economic crisis for example has aided many (myself included) to realize the absurdity of our financial system, revolutionizing their own beliefs and life style. The rise of the Occupy Movement, the Arab Spring, Anonymous, and even websites such as this one are all part of a counter-force that induces (r)evolution. Extreme conditions are essential to stimulate renewed direction. The shocking truths that we are being confronted with is the fuel for an improved consciousness.
    Evolution occurs through a dialectical interplay of thesis and antithesis that results in a synthesis. This synthesis then functions again as the new thesis. We are currently experiencing the antithesis of the Newtonian paradigm and are advancing towards a synthesis that reconnects western science with eastern mysticism. This not only has to do with ethical considerations of how to live life, but also with western scientific conclusions that surprisingly resonate with perspectives from eastern philosophy. I think (and hope) consciousness will become the new fundamental premise in the synthesis of east and west in a global framework. The convergence of science, religion and philosophy into a coherent unity seems of primary importance. We need to understand that there is no division between an external physical reality and an internal mental reality. It is this division that has led us to believe in domination over the environment. When this division is transcended, we realize that we are not isolated entities of matter, randomly roaming the face of the hostile earth, but interconnected beings of energy, children of the earth, constantly creating reality.This is no longer only esoteric mysticism but scientific fact. Humility for the grandeur of cosmic events and gratitude for being part of it then indeed become key notions for understanding and is the first step towards liberation.

    Personally, I have come to these conclusions through the ability of connecting to specific sources of information (internet). I think evolution has a lot to do with information processing. Information is the substance that allows our minds to grow. Collective evolution implies a certain responsability to make use of the information sources provided. I think it is possible to combine the egoic search of mind for understanding with the conscious effort to be aware. Our mind is as much a vessel for our consciousness as our body is the vessel for our mind… As Newton said:

    “If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants”

    We need to combine this with Socrates saying: “The more I learn, the more I learn how little I know.” and with Lao Tse’s perspective: “The more you know, the less you understand.”

    The following passage that I plucked of the internet is a good explanation for how the mind is connected to consciousness from a Taoist perspective. It resonates with Vanessa’s point and I see it as a synthesis of all of the above posts:

    “Education for the Taoist is a solo quest, without walls and boundaries. The Taoist seeks to understand the naturalness of everything as it exists in the present. Instead of trying to know each separate piece, the Taoist tries to understand the whole, for the whole is the Tao. We can say that we know someone, but we do not understand them. But to say that we understand someone, is that not better than saying that we know them? In Taoism, the key is not to know something; the key is to understand it. One goes about this through self education and transformation. This kind of education is also natural; it just needs to be recognized. In addition, the Taoist is an educator in a sense. The Taoist teaches by example. Lao Tsu said, “The Master, by residing in the Tao, sets an example for all beings.” Naturally, when others see one who is enlightened, they will realize it, and they will learn.”

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