Today, as I decided to sit with my emotional discomfort, I realized that it all has to do with the aspects of me that still believe in separation. All sorts of roles and memories of feeling rejected and abandoned flashed by my mind’s eye and it felt like a stab in the heart. But instead of running with the “poor me” story, I got to observe it for a moment and see how the one feeling stabbed was the one repeatedly saying “I am separate, I need to be cared for, to be special, to prove myself to receive love”… which is a perception I have adopted at some point during my childhood. As much as the ego would like to continue its quest to find relief through external validation, do *I* need to experience life through this effortful perception? Is it who I am?
As much as I have resonated with the reality of oneness for quite some time and felt it at various points, when it came to “me” being a part of this oneness, I was still unsure. I still didn’t fully feel “one” but was so used to this subconscious feeling of separation that I didn’t question my perception further. But if I know that the world is experiencing a shift from a belief in separation to a state of oneness, why wouldn’t I be included in the process?
The conscious and subconscious beliefs in our separation is what many souls have signed up to integrate this year. We have been waiting for this transformation to take place so we can fully embody our true essence and create a new world. In my life, these beliefs have manifested themselves through emotions of feeling alone, left out, judged and uncared for, which have been graciously brought to my awareness by external roles and events acting as a “mirror” for me to gain awareness of them.
We all have our own perceptions of separation with different stories attached to them. Some may feel like they need to judge and separate themselves from the “powers that be”, while others feel a great fear of failure, loss or death. Regardless of when or how we may feel separate, we are all in the process of releasing these emotional charges and old perceptions (instead of avoiding the feeling and compensating for them.)
If you too are uncovering old yet still powerful emotional charges within, it sure can feel intense when we are used to work around them and unconsciously identify with their story. But we can now skip the cycle of talking our way out of them and going right to their source by first feeling them fully.
A GLIMPSE OF ONENESS
I wish to share the experience I had today when allowing myself to feel my emotions to their maximum potential. It started off as feeling rejected and unloved by the current “messenger” in my life playing the perfect role to trigger this old emotion. It quickly became an accumulated feeling of all past emotional reactions to scenarios of rejection I have experienced and never integrated. Yet in the end, it was simply a profound cry of separation. It was not so much about the scenarios and roles around me, but my own feeling of being separate from the source of life. From my own source. It was a profound yearning to be “a part of something, a part of love” paired with the belief that I wasn’t. I allowed myself to feel it fully. When the emotion subsided and all that was left was a quiet mind, I opened my eyes and stared at the tree outside my window. Then a thought came: “both me and that tree are a part of this experience right now”. I began noticing more things around me and felt like I was a part of them. They were neutral, whole, simply being what they are… just like me in that moment. How could I not be a part of this? I obviously am! I then felt the life within me, and felt that this life also extends to that tree, that object, that person walking past the street… the whole space around me. The life within is the same that is seemingly without. I am a part of everything.
“Even a stone, and more easily a flower or a bird, could show you the way back to God, to the Source, to yourself. When you look at it or hold it & let it be without imposing a word of mental label on it, a sense of awe, of wonder, arises within you. Its essence silently communicates itself to you and reflects your own essence back to you.”
– Eckhart Tolle
It may sound strange, but this felt so simple yet so true. When we move through and beyond our stories and emotional reactions and accept silence once again, we begin to notice the obvious. We are a part of everything/everyone that is – and in that state, it doesn’t matter what our own viewpoint of this “isness” looks like. I didn’t experience the full blown out-of-body experience of oneness, but I feel that this is not the point anyways. We are meant to bring the experience and knowing of oneness IN THIS BODY AND MIND. It is only mental noise and subconscious or conscious mind identification that is creating this veil of separation between us and what is. It is our emotional charges (often from the past) and beliefs that keep us from maintaining this natural state of being.
Separation is a dream, a figment of imagination we are now meant to PLAY with in the knowing of who we are, not forever remain identified with it. We must first release the idea that this is a serious life or death situation. How? By letting ourselves “die” a little! Not in a literal way, but by letting go of our identification with all that is impermanent – all that “dies” – such as our identities, emotions and body. It can feel like a death when we first feel ourselves without an identity or attachment to anything external, but it is simply the end of living in time: of making a present identity through an accumulated past and projected future.
“We can only let go of what we allow ourselves to feel”
Uninterrupted FEELING of this moment really is the “short-cut.” We can feel it all: the heartbreak, the pain, the fear, the shame, the guilt, the sadness, the lack, the disappointment, and even the rush of getting exactly what we want. We’ll then see that feeling loss won’t kill us, and feeling gain won’t “fix” us either… simply because we are eternal and complete beings anyways. We may even turn around and say “that was an intense… but pretty cool ride! Emotions are awesome!”
Anyways, I hope this helped lighten up whoever is going through old emotions and experiencing intense scenarios in their lives, or even those feeling a general lack of peace. Remember, what we are experiencing is a mirror, for what we need to look at WITHIN ourselves. The only source we need to find love and peace is the source that is already inside of us all. So “finding” really isn’t the appropriate word!
Enjoy your awakening process, we are really uncovering who we thought we could never be: our true, friggin brilliant and expansive selves. No more strings attached 😉
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