Over five years ago, I experienced what felt like the most difficult time of my life. As if overnight, every issue started to surface. I began to question EVERYTHING. I felt confused and disoriented. I was a hot mess! Everything seemed out of sort and I was up and down emotionally. I felt out of control.
THIS PERIOD OF MY LIFE FELT LIKE A BLACK HOLE.
Naturally, I turned to my family and friends to ease my pain and suffering. I would turn to one particular friend regularly and divulge to her my deepest woes. She was amazing at listening and offering advice. She became my rock. I felt like I didn’t require any help or assistance from anyone else but her. And then she dropped a bomb.
“I LOVE YOU VANESSA. I AM HERE FOR YOU. BUT YOU REALLY HAVE TO SEEK OUTSIDE HELP. PLEASE GET A LIFE COACH OR INVEST IN A THERAPIST TO TALK TO YOU. I CANNOT CHANGE YOU. IT ISN’T MY JOB. I AM YOUR FRIEND.”
It hit me hard. And it hurt at first. I made my friend out to be my lifeline. I was surprised and even shocked that she would suggest such a thing. I was in denial of needing any outside help. I thought it meant that I was weak and unstable. I was always used to figuring my problems out on my own. In fact for most of my life, I was proud of that belief. Now it was working against me. It was obvious that I was going around in a loop for months, perhaps even years, around the same issues and she was the first person to call me out on it.
I had so much resistance around getting help that I prolonged the process for as long as I could. Then one day, I just got it. I felt drained from having the same conversations about my problems with people. I was exhausted from the constant barrage of negative thoughts and being on an emotional roller coaster. I realized that my friend did the most loving act of service for me. She truly wanted me to find my inner happiness by finding myself. I stopped my stories around receiving assistance. I let go of my pride and my resistance. I dropped the excuse around money being the reason why I wasn’t able to get help and I finally gave in to allowing a professional to seek out and show me my blind spots. I hired a life coach and I invested in spiritual psychotherapy and in a variety of various healing techniques that have helped me to become the soulful, self-aware, conscious and successful person and self-development/spiritual teacher I am today.
As a result, I realized that I would never again want my friends or any other person in my life to take on the role that the professionals I have been working with have. If you are still uncertain as to why, here is the answer:
BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO CLOSE TO YOU!
It isn’t their job to listen to your problems consistently. Even though they know you well, they aren’t trained or skilled in the services that a coach, healer and therapist can provide. Most of the time they simply can’t be neutral and non-judgmental toward you. Simply put, your relationships are not meant to be sounding boards for your issues. And the expectation that they are supposed to be isn’t healthy.
A life coach for instance, will help you to transform your life by guiding you to find the answers within yourself. A life coach will also provide for you the proper tools and techniques to discover who you are and where you want to go. A life coach meets you where you are at and assists you in moving forward with clarity and purpose. A psychotherapist will work on you with your past, helping you to understand and give you insight on why you make certain choices and do certain things based on past events and as a result show you how you can make clearer choices and decisions for yourself based on who you are today. A healer will provide holistic treatments on every level. They are tuned into your being and use their intuitive, educational and natural healing gifts to dive deep into your mind, body and soul to help you heal naturally from the inside out.
Even if you have a friend that is involved in any of these professions, does not give you the permission to unload onto them and to expect them to help you either. At the end of the day, the relationships you have are meant to be enjoyable, expansive, easeful and fun.
The bottom line is this: An evolved, professional life coach, healer or therapist is neutral, they can get to the root of your issues, they are in service to your needs and have dedicated their life’s work to assisting people. Your only job is TO WANT TO GET THEIR HELP. Nobody in your personal life can do that for you. If you are tired of suffering and hearing yourself repeat your problems to others and refuse to live with unhealthy habits and patterns playing out, you will do whatever it takes to put an end to it, permanently. You will come up with the money, you will find the time, and you will be dedicated and committed to living a happy life that incorporates healthy and thriving relationships.
Every time I invest in myself, the Universe ALWAYS brings back what I have invested and more. This also includes the relationships I have. All the people that are in my life are there for a reason. We enjoy each other’s company, we support each other but there is ZERO expectation that any one of us will “fix,” heal or help each other to the point where we are coaching or counseling one another. Like me, the people in my life value outside assistance and they go get it when it is needed.
Not only have I learned to love myself more deeply in receiving the help I have required over the years, but I am also helping the entire planet by doing this work. I can serve the world more powerfully in this state. When you work on yourself, you give permission for others to do the same. When you hold more space for love in your being, you then bring more love into the world. Abundance, vibrancy and healthy relationships are all an aspect of love. What we put out into the world, we receive back. To help yourself is in fact to love yourself. That is why working on your mind-body and soul is so important.
If you need me, I am here for you. Start investing in yourself TODAY.
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