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What does it mean to have confidence? Or to build confidence? In the world of self-help, or even in the world in general, it seems that having or building confidence is a big issue and is often misunderstood.

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The typical belief is that we must build confidence in order to feel good about ourselves and what we are doing, or even to have the ability to do something something. But what is confidence? What are we really building? Why is it so hard to achieve for many of us and why does it ultimately feel like a never-ending battle to do so?

This week on our web series, “These Guys,” Mark and I discuss this very topic and dive deeply into how we can build true confidence. We explore the basic beliefs about confidence, what mistakes we often make in trying to “build” it, and how we can go about unlocking our innate confidence without the need to tell ourselves a series of stories. Check it out:

1. It’s not about having to tell yourself stories in order to have confidence. You simply remove the stories that are making you feel like you don’t have confidence.

2. Certain things are going to take time to learn, and that’s OK. Be aware that things will unfold as they need to and give yourself the space to learn, try, and explore through the journey. You don’t have to be perfect right away and so confidence shouldn’t be an issue.

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3. If you are looking for physical confidence in how you look, first ask yourself why you don’t have confidence to begin with. What story are you telling yourself about your appearance that takes away your innate knowledge that you are perfect just as you are?

The idea of “building confidence” is ultimately an illusion we buy into in order to experience temporary spurts of feeling OK about ourselves and what we are doing. Ultimately, it comes down to bringing it within vs looking outside for validation of your “confidence.”

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