We’ve all been through that dating experience… you meet the guy, everything is going perfectly, and then bam! All of sudden you or he is not interested anymore… and you’re not quite sure what went wrong.

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It’s great if the party that loses interest is you, because well, it doesn’t matter anymore, does it? But if you’re the party that’s left behind wondering what happened, well, it just plain sucks.

The Mirrors of Relationship

So first off, you’re not going insane, this really did happen. It’s quite common in relationships actually, and it’s called the mirrors of relationship.

Basically, up until a certain point in your evolutionary development, many of the relationships that come into your life, both romantic and platonic, do so in order to show you a mirror of yourself. The same holds true for the other party.

The moment you or the other party gains conscious awareness of the lesson that you came together to learn, the energetic pull that draws you into the relationship will fall away, causing you to lose interest.

Mirrors usually come to show you something in the following categories:

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  • Who you are
  • What you judge, resist, admire, or carry a charge (e.g. fear of lack) around
  • What you’ve lost and compromised within yourself
  • What your expectations of yourself, others, and the Divine are, and their expectations of you
  • Generational Patterns that are learned from family
  • Active Memories of past events or people
  • Karmic influencers
  • Fears
  • Conflicts, complements, and dualities in your primary relationships

So How Do You Recognize Mirrors?

The Mirrors of Relationship are pretty easy to identify.

The point of the exercise is to create awareness, because in most cases, awareness is usually enough to create a shift, basically releasing the energetic hold that the characteristic has over you. By awareness, what I mean is that the moment you see the statement it will just make sense for you, be and feel obvious.

In cases that it doesn’t release immediately and just becomes an awareness, you would be advised to work with a coach or energy healing practitioner to shift the belief or belief systems.

Start by listing all the characteristics in your partner (or anyone) that bug you or that you admire.

Once you have each characteristic, e.g., “I love how possessive John is,” then you compare it against the following list of questions:

  1. Where am I like this?
  2. Where do I judge this in others or myself?
  3. Where do I resist or fear this in my life?
  4. Where do I look up to/admire others for having this characteristic?
  5. Where do I fear this not materializing in my life?
  6. Where have I lost or compromised parts of myself to have this in my life?
  7. Where have I lost or compromised this characteristic in myself?
  8. Where have I given this up in someone else that I’ve lost?
  9. Am I meeting my own expectations of who I thought I’d be?
  10. Am I meeting my parents/my family/society/God’s expectations of myself?
  11. Do I feel like my parents/my family/society/God are living up to my expectations of them?
  12. Are other people in my family like this or lacking this characteristic?
  13. Can I remember a specific incident or person from my past related to this?
  14. Is this related to something that I’ve thought about my whole life?
  15. Does something about this scare me?
  16. Is this something I judge or admire in my partner?
  17. Is there something I’m refusing to surrender to or accept, e.g. accepting something bad as now being good and vice versa?
  18. Is this something that my partner and I always seem out of sync about, e.g. only one of us seems to have good money flow at a time, never both?

As you ask each question, write down your first thought, exactly as the thought comes out. Not every single question will apply when you go through the process, but just ignore those that don’t. The trick however, is to answer honestly, as honestly as possible, and maybe bring in a friend who will help you with an objective view if you’re struggling.

Once you’ve taken a few characteristics and answered the questions honestly on all of them, you’ll start seeing patterns and similarities across the statements. Those statements are the core beliefs at play in your situation at present, and as discussed, usually awareness alone can be enough to release them.

If you are battling to release the awareness, you could also try one of the mental processes on Life Coaches Toolbox.

Making It Work For You

If you start working with mirrors and using them, you’ll be addicted pretty quickly; they’re a powerful tool for blasting through the energy blocks that keep drawing you back into the same bad relationship patterns.

So when you’re dating, you make this work for you by applying healing principles backwards.

In this case, the philosophy says that the next person you attract will pick up energetically exactly where the last person left off – so ask the new person the burning questions you have from your last relationship, e.g., “What do you think commitment means?”

I hope it goes without saying that you should make this conversational and part of a natural flow of conversation, and it shouldn’t be anything like an interview or twenty questions.

When you have statements from your new potential beau, you cycle those statements through the mirror questions and look for patterns and repeats.

If you have an awareness and shift the belief system, and it was only the mirror holding you to the person, then you or they will lose interest with almost immediate effect.

This process means that you will be able to change the energy of the people you are attracting and remove the blocks that have held you back from happiness in the past, welcoming a whole new level of love and commitment into your life.

The same holds true of the kinds of friends and colleagues you’re attracting – this process will work with any person, any characteristic in fact. It’s just a really efficient way of dating.

This is also a powerful technique to use to help you clear away the hurt after a relationship, especially when you still feel strongly drawn towards the person but don’t know why.


Life Coaches Toolbox offers a range of beautifully designed and ready-to-download Life Coaching processes, tools, techniques, scales and question sets, as well as a range of free tools and diagnostics for coaches to use with clients and for clients to use on their own. Chemory Gunko is available for one-on-one life coaching sessions, in person and via Skype.

For more information visit www.lifecoachestoolbox.com

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