The end of a romantic relationship is almost always a tough experience to face. Here are three simple steps to follow after a breakup to shorten the amount of time you have to spend healing mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Immediately after a breakup, what can you do maintain yourself and get past the initial hurt so that you can really start healing and functioning properly again?
Like any traumatic or stressful experience, going through a breakup will trigger a release of stress chemicals in your body.
In order for your system to overcome the shock of the experience and for you to engage and activate your higher thinking center or your forebrain, you need to turn that chemical flow off.
- Lie down on your back on the floor or a bed.
- Put your arms and legs in the air and begin kicking them out wildly, as quickly and as hard as you can.
- At the point that you feel a change in your body (it usually only takes a few seconds), drop your arms and legs and breathe in very deeply, right to the pit of your stomach, and then breathe out hard.
- Repeat the breathing cycle three times.
It is still going to take some time for you to come out of the shock you are in, but this exercise should give you some immediate relief. In my experience most people stay in shock for between a week and a couple of months. You will need to let the shock pass before you can try to focus on or deal with your pain effectively.
The next important step in redressing balance and restoring equilibrium is equaling-to the other person.
When we go through something like a breakup, it’s easy to slip into a mindset where you think that your partner is somehow immune from pain in this scenario, or that they’re somehow better off than you. This feeling is greatly intensified when you are the party that has been rejected.
Regardless of the circumstances you are facing, chances are really good that your breakup has led to one or both of you feeling an imbalance of power in the relationship. This exercise will help you feel on equal footing with the other party again, which helps to reduce the intensity of the pain and emotion you are feeling.
You can perform this exercise on your own as a visualization, or ask a close friend to stand in as your partner for the exercise. This exercise is a reality-shifting technique that works on the mental and energetic levels.
- Put a chair in front of you and imagine your partner standing on it, or have your friend stand there and see them as your partner. Notice how uncomfortable you feel with them looking down on you.
- Now reverse positions and look down on your imaginary partner or the person standing in for your partner. Notice how uncomfortable it feels to be looking down on them.
- Now stand directly in front of your imaginary partner or the person standing in, looking at them at eye level. See them as your equal.
- Say: “I am your equal. I accept you as my equal.”
- Hear them say: “I am your equal. I accept you as my equal.”
You can repeat this exercise as often as you need to. There may not always be immediate relief, but over the next few weeks maintaining your equal-to status will help shorten the amount of time you have to spend mourning the relationship’s loss and feeling inferior.
Whether or not you like the fact, you are going to have to forgive your partner and yourself eventually, even if it’s just so that you can move on to a new relationship.
Jumpstarting the forgiveness process not only gets you there quicker, it also shortens the amount of time you’ll spend being angry, because you won’t have to think all the nasty angry thoughts that you usually have to go through after a breakup.
The simplest way to do this is to memorize the statement: “I’m sorry, I love you, I forgive you, please forgive me,” and say this out loud or in your head repeatedly, whenever you think about your ex.
Because you have something to say and do, this also prevents you from overthinking the situation and what has happened. It’s often that cycle of negative and destructive thinking which keeps us stuck in pain.
Using the statement instead of thinking the thoughts enables you to prevent the buildup of angry and negative emotion and energy, which gives your system the time it needs to heal more quickly.
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