Heartbreak is powerful. There’s no doubt about it.
Breakups can leave us emotionally scarred for a long time, and the pain of missing someone can last for years after a breakup. But when we look at our feelings of longing as the problem, we prolong our pain.
Our feelings are there to point us to areas that we need to grow in. When we suppress those feelings instead of working through them, we create problems for ourselves.
We miss someone because we feel like that person is supposed to be in our lives and isn’t. We therefore feel incomplete without them.
We feel incomplete when we’ve attached a piece of our identity to a person or thing; when that person is no longer in our lives, it can feel like we can’t be happy without them. The only way to recover from this is to shift our perspective.
We’re Powerful Individuals
You have created every single emotion you’ve ever felt. No one can make you feel happy or sad. Before you write that off as New Age-y, think about it: have you ever deliberately stayed mad at someone even when they were trying to make you laugh? Have you given someone the cold shoulder and ignored their efforts to speak to you even when you wanted to smile?
Have you ever chosen to deliberately think of all the wonderful things in your life and felt thankful? For those who keep a gratitude journal, you will know beyond a doubt that you can cultivate feelings.
Another example of this is when we’re in a great mood and then we’re reminded of something we’re sad about. Our happiness is interrupted, our thoughts form about that topic, and sadness starts to bubble up. Like a downward spiral, we actually pull ourselves out of our happy state and into a sad one. This deliberate cultivation of our emotions is a process that everyone takes part in every day.
So every time you have felt happy or fulfilled when your ex was around, it was because you created that feeling.
This means that you’re able to feel fulfilled and happy again if you choose to create those feelings.
We can cultivate our emotions and, with practice, we can learn to consciously master this skill and choose our emotions on a daily basis. Meditation is the art of focus. When we craft this skill, we can learn to focus on a particular feeling and cultivate it so that our day takes on the tone that we set for it.
Meditation is something that I practice daily and it has brought so much calm, focus, and lucidity to my day. It is an amazing practice that can help us create our feelings deliberately rather than being a victim to them. If you’re interested in trying out this out for yourself, check out this guided meditation below:
Don’t Try to Get Over Your Feelings — Use Them As Fuel
We cannot “get over” pain; we can only ever go through it. Think about all of the emotions that have arisen from a very painful event: sadness, anger, resentment, longing, etc. Painful emotions are potent. They are rocket fuel that will propel you in whatever direction you choose. Think about the power of a rocket. That fueled rocket MUST go somewhere just like your emotions HAVE to be expressed.
So channel your intense feelings into a creative endeavor. What could you create that would adequately express your feelings? You can create anything you want regardless of whether you’re experienced in any art or not. Paint a picture, write a song, write a story, make a film, create unique meals, work out at a gym, etc. Find your art and dedicate yourself to it. The more you channel your pain, the further that rocket takes you.
There is no such thing as a life without pain. That pain will change your life in one way or another because it breeds passion. The only choice we EVER have is to decide what we will do with our fuel.
Where will your passion take you?
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