Being in a spiritually healthy relationship requires a lot of conscious effort but it is deeply rewarding. Here are some tips that I’ve learned, through personal experience and through working with my clients, which will ensure a healthy and long lasting partnership:
1. It’s extremely important to respect your partner’s unique way of doing things. They may handle their emotions differently than you. This is okay. Give them the space to do so.
2. “Sorry” isn’t for the weak. It takes a strong, confident person to apologize for hurting someone’s feelings. Say it when you need to.
3. A real apology doesn’t have expectations. It’s important to allow the person receiving your apology to deal with their feelings in their own way. You can’t expect them to apologize back to you, to forgive you, or to move past their feelings quickly. Their response is their responsibility, not yours. So let it go.
4. If you’re the one who’s been on the receiving end of an apology and you’re still holding onto your pain, that’s your issue, not the person whose apologized to you. If you’re still hurting, then you need to take the appropriate actions to deal with your pain. Sometimes this can be better resolved by communicating your feelings to that person, taking some alone time, or journalling.
5. There are ALWAYS two sides to a story. Even when you think that you’ve done nothing wrong, your partner will have a different perspective. If we’re going to grow as people and as partners, then we need to be able to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. So if your partner is calling you out on something, it’s in your best interest to listen to what they’re saying, because other people in your life could be feeling the same way.
6. Playing the victim in any relationship is always destructive. Take responsibility for your actions and hear your partner’s point of view.
7. The goal of a relationship is not to avoid pain but to walk a path alongside one another. There will be pain and pleasure. They’re both part of life. All relationships will have their ups and downs, and this is normal.
8. Your partner will most definitely challenge you in one way or another. Each and every person in your life is there to challenge and support you. They will foster growth in one way or another. So expect that your partner will challenge you. This is healthy. What is not healthy is taking each challenge that presents itself as an opportunity to dig your heels into the ground and stay stagnant.
9. Life is change. When one partner refuses to grow, problems arise. Allow the challenges that arise in your relationship to help you be a better you.
10.Growing together makes for a harmonious partnership. When you listen to your partner and grow to be a better you, your partner will feel loved and respected.
11. Change starts with you. Even though it can be extremely difficult to even fathom doing something nice for your partner if you’re in a difficult space, you must try. Then you must try again. Then again and again. Continue listening, keep growing, keep loving, keep respecting your partner. You will feel better and your partner will take notice and need to change their behavior because you’ve changed yours.
12. Change for you, not for them. Whatever changes you do decide to implement, make sure you’re doing them because you want to be a better you and not to please or get more love from someone. Changing for yourself is a healthy motivation and will keep you inspired to stick to said changes. Changing because you want to get love or acceptance from someone will eventually build resentment.
13. Know the difference between being challenged in a healthy way and abuse. If your intention is to hurt your partner because of the pain you’re feeling inside, then that is unhealthy. Take some time apart or speak to a professional to help you deal with your emotions. It is no one’s fault that you feel the way that you do and no one’s actions warrants abuse.
14. If you’re on the receiving end of abuse and your partner is continually acting out of a place of toxicity, then you may want to rethink your relationship. Get help from loved ones or a professional if you need to.
15. Communicate your feelings. Repressing your desires and emotions helps no one and builds resentment. Your partner deserves to know what you feel, so let it out.
16. Your relationship is ultimately there to help you grow so it’s worth your while to put love, time, and energy into it. Do nice things for your partner. Give gifts, hugs, kisses, and love notes; go out together, say “I love you,” and explore new avenues as a couple. This builds trust and helps you bond.
17. Treat your partner as you’d like to be treated. Whenever in doubt, use the golden rule.
18. Give yourself space. Embrace alone time and take whatever time you need to process your feelings. Space is important.
19. Always remember who you are and what you value in life. Make time to do the things that you enjoy.
20. You’re responsible for your own happiness. It is never up to your partner to ensure you’re happy. Do what you need to do to feel good.
I hope that you enjoyed these tips for having a healthy relationship. If you have any more that you’d like to add, write them in the comments below!
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