As a relationship coach I often hear the question, “What does he/she want?” Here are five possible answers to the question of what your partner, or the person you’re longing after, wants.

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When people ask this question, it’s usually with the hope that the answer is going to be something that they can create in themselves in order to make the other person fall in love with them.

You’re never going to be able to do that, and to be honest, you really don’t want to – just remember back to a time that someone was in love with you and you didn’t feel it. No one can force that emotion.

It sucks to have to accept that, I know, but the sooner you do, the sooner you will be free to find the love that you truly deserve.

1. To Feel Love & Be In Love

If you ask most people what they want in a relationship, they’ll tell you it’s to be LOVED by someone.

This actually isn’t true though; although most people don’t realize it.

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What people actually want is to be in a relationship where they feel those loving and in love feelings towards someone else. If love were all about the way that the other person feels about us, then stalkers wouldn’t get such a bad rap.

The truth is that you only welcome someone’s love when you feel something for him or her in return. Someone who presses his or her love onto you when you don’t want it is usually just creepy.

2. To Belong

When you belong somewhere, with a group of people, you not only have a place where you fit in, but you have a place where your presence is missed.

Without you around physically and energetically, there is a you-shaped hole inside that person’s life, and there are holes that perfectly fit those people in your life.

3. To Be Wanted & Needed

Yes mainstream media and pop psychology love to tell us that needing something is a bad thing, but how bad can it really be if it’s a characteristic that occurs so naturally and easily in so many of us?

When you go on any personal development, growth, and evolution journey, one of the things that you will discover is that every aspect we think of as negative, like attachment, anger, and being needed, all have positive benefits for us too.

If you’ve ever felt secondary and unnecessary in a situation, like a third wheel, you’ll know one of the obvious benefits of feeling needed – not feeling unwanted.

People want to be welcomed warmly, they want to know that you can’t live without them, and they want to know that your world will be emptier without them. You only have to look inside yourself briefly to prove it: to know that you want all of those things for yourself as well.

4. To Feel Comfortable & At Home

When you feel comfortable and at home around someone, you don’t have to pretend or put on airs and graces.

So it stands to reason that when you feel at home and comfortable around someone you’ll want to spend time with him or her. Luckily, energy healing and coaching can actually help you change your energy in this regard, and help you drop the mirrors that are causing energetic tension between the two of you.

Once you’ve dropped the mirrors though, you may actually find that you no longer want to be in the relationship – even if all of a sudden the other party does.

Read more about the mirrors of relationship here or here.

5. To Share

“Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of all human beings.”

– Miles Franklin

Just think about it for a minute… when you care for someone, what you really want to do is spend time with them, share space with them, talk to them, and validate the experiences of your life and world by having this person share them with you and reflect them back to you.

If you’re in a relationship where you want the focus to be solely placed onto you, you’re missing the point of why the other person is here: they also have a story to tell and a life to share.

So when last did you listen? Ask how was your day? How much do you really know about what is going on in your partner’s world?


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