“…And if I asked you to name all of the things that you love, how long would it take you to name yourself?”advertisement - learn more
I believe that finding self-love and self-worth can be a lifelong task. Some people will spend their whole lives searching, while others will find it, but sometimes forget that it is something that has to be maintained. I am someone who completely understands the struggle of learning to love yourself and how that very struggle can directly affect your day-to-day life. If you are lacking in self-love, chances are you are going to feel very depressed, drained, and perhaps the best word of all to describe how you might be feeling: worthless. If you are unable to see your own worth then you may have very low self-esteem.
Self-esteem is defined as confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. If you have low self-esteem, you are likely second-guessing yourself often, feeling like what you have to say is simply not important, thinking that you will never amount to anything, you don’t bother taking care of your health— mental and physical—because, what’s the point really? You don’t matter anyway. I know this feeling all too well, and although it can feel like an impossible task to be able to step out of this feeling and recognize the incredible value and beauty of your own being, I want to assure you that it is possible. You are not broken and most importantly, you absolutely do matter.
1. Accept Your Thoughts & Feelings as They Are
Do not judge the way you’re feeling or any thoughts that come up. Simply observe your thoughts and try to see what they are saying and where they are coming from. A really great way to keep track of this is to start keeping a journal and to express yourself fully in that journal every day. Write down exactly how you are feeling: let it all out. It can feel really good to just completely vent to yourself instead of someone else who you may not feel comfortable fully sharing your thoughts with out of fear of being judged.
2. Do Not Rely on Others to Provide You With a Sense of Worth
This is a tough one that many of us so easily fall into. Seeking approval is something we all do at times, but some more than others. Are you constantly looking for appreciation, validation, or praise from your friends, family or partner? Are you giving up everything about yourself just to try and gain approval from others? When it comes down to it, no position, label, or relationship can give us worth. Even if we feel worthy at the time, remember, these are external factors, which means they are fleeting and can be taken away from us—and then what? We are left with the same feeling of unworthiness. Make sure that you aren’t neglecting yourself within a relationship and take time to do the things you care about and make you happy.
3. Let Go Of The Past & Forgive Yourself
“Don’t judge yourself by your past, you do not live there anymore.”
You have to learn to forgive yourself for any past wrongdoings, guilt, shame, regret, sabotage etc. The past is the past, it cannot be changed, but your perspective about it can. Your past is what led you to where you are now: ready to make a huge change in your life for the better and be the best possible version of yourself instead of dwelling on how things could have been, or what you could have done differently. Accept what is and be grateful for the amazing learning opportunity you were given.
4. Stop Negative Self-Talk And Switch Your Perspective
“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are you would never think another negative thought.”
Most people are guilty of this to some degree, but definitely some more than others. Do you think you spend more time criticizing yourself or complimenting yourself? The more negative things we say about ourselves, the more we will start to believe and even manifest these things. If you are always calling yourself stupid, worthless, ugly, weak, then that is exactly how you are going to feel. It may even be something that happens so regularly and inconspicuously that you may not even notice how much you do this. “Why bother you will never be able to do that,” “why did I say that, I look like an idiot,” “these people probably think I’m so weird”—all of these are examples of thoughts that can slip into your head so often you may not even notice how much you are thinking them.
When you catch yourself mumbling something negative to yourself, stop the thought in its tracks and laugh off whatever the situation was that made you think that thought in the first place. Chances are, a little shift in perspective will make the situation seem far less dire. Notice the thoughts you are having and try to see them from an observer’s perspective. Ask yourself why you are thinking it and if you can see it in a different, more positive light. When you wake up in the morning and find yourself in front of a mirror, take a moment to smile at yourself and say something positive. You may feel like this is difficult to do at the beginning, even silly, but the more you do it, the more natural it will start to become, because you will actually start to believe it.
5. Find Out What Makes You Come Alive And Do That
What is something that you are either really good at or just straight up really enjoy doing? Something that makes you feel alive and brings joy and purpose to your life? Do more of that. This is a surefire way to recognize your self-worth, and a great way to spend your time doing something that you absolutely love.
Remember, you are not your problems, your stories, or any other thing you’ve taken on to identify yourself with. You are not broken. You are the person that is there underneath all of this. You are a beautiful, divine, and worthy being entirely deserving of everything this life has to offer.
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