Throughout the course of our lives we have many relationships: from our parents and siblings as infants, to friends, romantic partners, and even our own children as we get older.
Relationships are an integral part of our lives and they are very important to help us learn and grow as human beings; to learn how to love, accept, forgive, and have compassion are extremely important lessons in life. The most important relationship that you can have, however, is the one you have with yourself.
The relationship to one’s self is often overlooked as there is much more pressure to find the perfect relationship with another. Being single is often looked at as sad and unfortunate. I know for myself, some of my older family members tend to feel sorry for me because I was in a 5-year relationship that came to an end and have been single for quite a while now.
They think it’s too bad it didn’t work out and that I must feel lonely. Well, to some extent it can be lonely being single, but there are many other relationships in my life that are important to me, including friends and family. If I hadn’t taken the chance to be single, I wouldn’t have gotten the opportunity to develop the relationship that I now have with myself.
Instead of relying on approval from a significant other to make me feel whole or complete, I have instead had to find that on my own, which is a much more fulfilling feeling. Being someone that used to jump from one relationship to the next, I was not thinking about myself, but rather, distracting myself from myself and putting my happiness into the hands of another, which inevitably will not work.
Looking For Someone Else To Complete You
This is a dangerous thing to say. We see it all the time in movies and love stories of many kinds: someone meets the one person that makes them feel whole. Well, that implies that you are then lacking or incomplete without having a significant other. The truth is, you have and are everything you need and a relationship should enhance that feeling rather than be a necessary component to feeling complete.
We cannot really have a healthy relationship with another if the one we have with ourselves remains toxic. Think about it — if you are lacking in confidence and trust, these issues will certainly come up in a relationship. We may feel unworthy, not good enough, or become jealous easily because we are not confident in who we are.
If we are not kind to ourselves and tend to take the blame for everything because the feeling of not being good enough is so deeply engrained in who we are (perhaps from childhood) then this will affect all of our relationships. If you get in an argument with your partner, you may immediately feel it’s because you are not good enough, everything is your fault, that you must change in order for that person to truly love you, etc. This all comes from a place of lack, and doubt within ourselves.
Take The Time To Be Single
If you find yourself repeating the same patterns over and over again in relationships, and you keep jumping into them, maybe you should ask yourself why? Do you have a hard time being alone and prefer not to be? This is a surefire sign that your relationship with yourself needs work, first and foremost. When you jump right into a new relationship, you haven’t given yourself a chance to address the underlying issues and it’s likely you will repeat the same experiences over and over again until you do.
Developing a healthy relationship with yourself is something that is just as important even if you are currently in a relationship. A relationship can offer a period of accelerated growth and bring forth some issues that you may not have even realized you had.
It’s essential to take a look at what comes up and work through it, and you don’t necessarily need to be single to do that, you just have to make sure it gets done instead of seeking the love and approval from your partner right away, without even addressing what has come up.
If you are single, this is a GREAT opportunity to use the time to focus on self-work and personal development. Become the best possible version of yourself and work through the issues that you have. This is an ongoing and lifelong process, but if you take the time to do this when you’re single, it might just make your next relationship that much better, because you won’t be bringing the same issues and insecurities back into the equation!
How To Develop A Strong Relationship With Yourself
There are a lot of things that you can do to develop self-love and self-worth. First and foremost is to recognize exactly where you stand in your relationship with yourself. What are some of your greatest insecurities? Get clear on what you perceive to be lacking within yourself. An excellent way to do this is to journal regularly, about anything and everything that comes to mind. You may start to notice a pattern of recurring thoughts and feelings that may be holding you back.
1. Talk to the people who are closest to you in life and ask for their perspective on what you feel you struggle with. Be open and vulnerable and ask for them to be the same. Chances are, these people want to help you and see you succeed.
2. Take the time to do what makes you happy and what makes you come alive. Through following your passions, you will feel a stronger sense of purpose and that will greatly affect how you feel about yourself and help you to develop your confidence in who you are.
3. Find out exactly what it is you want, and stick to that. Do not settle for something out of loneliness. If you are able to develop a strong relationship with yourself, you won’t even feel lonely. You might miss companionship from time to time, but that’s what cats are for! Stay true to yourself, this is important.
Are you comfortable and secure with who you are and have an amazing relationship with yourself? Has it always been that way for you? Share your story and advice over on the CE Community forum!
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