The other day I was teaching a business course to holistic professionals when we started to talk about partnership.
It’s typical for people new to business to think, “Well – partnering’s a great idea. I mean two people are better than one… And then you’re not alone.”
What they don’t realize is that the wrong partnership can drag you down and give you double the work and trouble than going about your entrepreneurial dreams alone.
The same is true in your romantic relationships.
At the beginning the pure fuel of excitement sustains the relationship, and it’s the same with a new business partnership: The initial excitement can delude reality.
The beginning of any attraction can do that.
But within a few days, weeks, or sometimes it takes months — reality sets in. This is when the strength of a relationship is truly built and tested.
Sometimes the friction has people breaking up immediately. Sometimes this is the smartest decision.
But breaking up too soon can end up creating a pattern where you give up on something good before you’ve learned what you needed to learn.
Sometimes what you need to learn is how to work through challenges and rise up stronger than had you forfeited the relationship.
On the flipside, many people stay in a relationship for too long out of fear. The fears can range from not wanting to be alone, to not wanting to start over, to a sense of misplaced loyalty… Because let’s face it — if you’re trying to be loyal to somebody else when in your gut you know you should end the relationship, you’ve lost loyalty to yourself.
The longer you stay in a relationship that you keep questioning, the greater the confusion can grow. Especially if you’ve had several hunches that it’s time to end it but you keep questioning your gut, it will become increasingly more difficult to hear your intuition and to make a decision from your deep inner knowing of what’s right.
Confusion can paralyze you from making a decision. Conflicting desires about what you want, deserve, and believe you can receive from a relationship can keep you stuck in a relationship that’s mediocre, or strong in only one area but isn’t lifting you up to be all that you can be.
In business, your business partner should have the same vision and mission as you. You both need to have the same work ethic, and complementary strengths will help balance you both out, creating a more harmonious unfolding and growth of your business. When you and your partner are both grooving toward the same desire with equal and congruent strength, you’ll move further and help each other grow more than you would alone.
Au contraire — your partner can become a burden to you if they’re not carrying their load of the partnership. Worse case scenario, they siphon out your life force if their inability to carry their weight ends up weighing heavy on you.
Not only are you left doing double the work, now you have someone else to take care of, along with the anxiety of figuring out how to work this out. The tremendous amount of energy it takes to maintain a partnership with the wrong partner can kill your business.
Likewise, staying in the wrong romantic relationship can drain all your energy, leaving you in a weaker state than if you were alone. And that can impact every other area of your life.
So when is it better to be alone?
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Here Are Four Questions To Ask Yourself About Your Partner:
- Do you share the same values? Have you ever discussed your values or what you want for yourselves in 6 months, a year, or five years? If only one of you can answer this question, this may be an indication that you’re not on congruent wavelengths.
- Are you both willing and desiring to put the same amount of energy into the relationship? If only one of you is planning dates or trying to figure out when you’ll hang out together, that’s the equivalent of a business partnership where only one party is planning the direction of the business while the other goes out and plays golf.
It’s not fair and it does not help the growth of the relationship. So if you find that you’re the only one putting in the effort of planning things together, it’s time to step back, and even possibly step out of the relationship. If only one of you are fueling the fire and that fuel decides to shut off, the relationship will burn out – almost naturally.
- Does the relationship give you a sense of comfort and peace that helps you recover after a hard day? Or does it fill you with anxiety and heaviness over your already full plate? In business, your business partner should be a sense of comfort. From time to time you’ll simply need to mastermind together or vent about the awful customer you had to deal with. But when your business partner becomes the object of anxiety and the person you need to vent about, this person who’s supposed to be helping you move forward is actually dragging you down. This person who was supposed to help you carry the weight has become the weight.
The same is true in intimate relationships.
I’m certainly not talking about if somebody gets sick or is going through a difficult time and needs support. In those times our natural tendency is a desire to support the other person and usually we feel energized by helping the other person we care dearly for.
What I am talking about is when the other person is siphoning out your life force. Instead of being able to come home after a hectic day and be able to relax, night after night and week after week this person continues to drain your energy and fill you with anxiety even after several attempts to clearly communicate what you need in order to feel relaxed. At this point, your partner is draining you and not lifting you up to be all that you can be.
- And finally, do you inspire each other? Do you have fun together? Are you excited to be in partnership with this person?
Sure, we all need our space, and time alone. That’s a healthy component to any relationship. However if you find that you’re happier, more energized, and able to push further in your life’s vision, mission, and purpose alone – then it’s time to rethink your relationship.
Sometimes you might choose counselling, and other times, deep in your heart, your intuition will clearly let you know, that right now, the right path forward to become who you’re meant to be is to leave the relationship, no matter how painful or in love you are with this person.
Often in business, we may jump into partnership with a best friend, someone we dearly love who simply does not make the right business partner. The same is true in intimate relationships. We can love and care about somebody, and even feel like they’re our soul mate, and yet they are not the right life-partner for our journey forward.
If you’re reading these words and feel a sense of “Oh gosh – that’s how I feel,” it’s a sign to lovingly part ways and move forward on your path.
For extra inspiration get a copy of Soulful Entrepreneurship which explores 7 soulful principles to manifesting your creative work. Plus, get a copy of a free meditation audio and workbook to achieving your dreams at www.tovapayne.com – simply sign up to get your copy delivered to your inbox.
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