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The Top 5 Regrets of The Dying

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A palliative nurse named Bonnie Ware recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and put her findings into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. It’s not surprising to see what made the list, as they are all things that touch each of our lives as we often share the same struggles in paying attention to and making time for the things we truly love.

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Nonetheless, I’d like to address one thing before we get to this list. It’s important to remember that, regardless of what stage we are at in life, regret does not necessarily serve us to hold onto. It leads to nothing but suffering, and when we indulge too deeply, we allow the past to dictate how we feel about the present.

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Rather than giving in to regret, we can use the past as a reference point to understand what adjustments we would like to make moving forward. The adjustments do not have to come out of a place of pain, sorrow, or judgment, but rather a choice to do things differently. We are learning all the time, and we can very quickly slow that learning process down by getting stuck in feelings of remorse.

When it comes to making changes, be at peace with the past and remember that each moment is a new choice. Instead of saying “I wish I hadn’t done that” perhaps try, “Is there something I can do differently now?” “Are there amends to be made?” “Is it too late to still make a choice?”

Each situation is unique, but the general point is, in most cases there are many things we can still change, and either way, peace can be found where we are.

1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

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“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

 “This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

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Consciousness

New Moon In Leo: Meaningful Passion

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Take a moment and breathe. Place your hand over your chest area, near your heart. Breathe slowly into the area for about a minute, focusing on a sense of ease entering your mind and body. Click here to learn why we suggest this.

We are having a New Moon in Leo on August 8th throughout the world and in the early hours of August 9th in New Zealand. This is initiating a 29.5 day lunar cycle and new wave of energy for the coming month; however, the astrological configurations mentioned throughout this article will be more prominent over the following two weeks. This Lunar Cycle peaks with a second Full Moon in Aquarius on August 22nd.

We have been in Leo season since July 22nd/23rd,  however, this New Moon will activate its energies even more so for the remainder of it following the next Full Moon. As a Fire sign, Leo is associated with passion, instinct, inspiration, assertiveness, courage, confidence, and spirit.

Ruled by the Sun, Leo is about heart-centeredness, shining authentically, creativity, affection, generosity, and influence. It is the performer, the leader and the creator, as it seeks to find joy in expressing itself in those ways. Leo is a vital sign and also rules children, fun, and romance. Expressed negatively, this energy can also be egotistical, conceited, dramatic, overbearing, and demanding of attention or respect.

New Moon Applying Conjunction to Mercury and Opposition to Jupiter

This New Moon is separating from hard aspects with Uranus and Saturn which were configured into the previous Full Moon and triggered more so from late July until August 7th. We are coming into this Lunar cycle following a period of potential delays, disruptions, surprises, obstacles, separations, instability, limitations, restrictions, changes in plans, or breaking away from something.

As we enter this new Lunar cycle, the energy is generally more forward moving with less complications in comparison to these previous weeks. Since August 1st/2nd, Mercury has gradually begun to move ahead of the Sun which now puts us in a better place mentally and perceptively to see things more clearly to help us make better decisions.

The Moon’s first aspect following the exact New Moon will be a conjunction with Mercury (also in Leo) indicating an upcoming few weeks that are more lively, active, and communicative. For many people this can also reflect a lot of commuting or moving around. Our thoughts and feelings can also be more in sync with each other at this time.

Both the New Moon and Mercury are in an opposition with Jupiter in Aquarius. This can feel expansive and we may want to think big. This energy can be good for making plans, going on trips, or engaging in things that are educational, philosophical, or idealistic.

However, this Jupiterian energy in the mix can also play out as overextending ourselves and excessiveness. Although we are in a period of better clarity (as mentioned above), this aspect can reflect a period in which we can be scattered or overlook details and blindspots more easily. Conflicts around beliefs and opinions are more susceptible under these planetary configurations. This energy will come up strongest in the three days following this New Moon and then again around August 18th-20th when the Sun opposes Jupiter.

Venus Opposite Neptune and Trine Pluto

Venus has been in Virgo over the last few weeks. This is a time in which matters associated with this planet such as friendships, love, pleasure, aesthetics, beauty, art, values, or finances may be expressed or faced with the need to be more discerning, attentive to details, practical, health conscious, organized, clean, efficient, or productive.

During this New Moon, Venus is moving towards an opposition with Neptune in Pisces which has been building up over these recent weeks and will peak on August 9th/10th. We may have to contend with elusiveness, flaky behavior, deceit, unreliability, delusion, escapism, or lack of discrimination in the Venus ruled areas or expressions mentioned in the above paragraph.

Our relations with others at this time can also be more compassionate, spiritual, and selfless. However, we need to be cautious of self-deceit or unwarranted self-sacrifice. Following this aspect, Venus then moves towards a trine with Pluto in Capricorn on August 11th/12th. This energy is much better for Venus areas as developments at this time can be empowering, meaningful, deep, regenerating, or perhaps fortunate in some way.

Mars and Mercury Square Lunar Nodes

Mars has been moving towards a square with the Lunar Nodes since entering Virgo on July 29th/30th and peaks on August 10th-12th. When it comes to how we assert our will, drive, physical energy, anger, competitiveness, or in some cases sexuality, we may be at a crossroads or feel torn between the past and the future. .

At that time, Mercury will be entering Virgo and will be moving towards its own square with the Lunar Nodes which will peak days later on August 15th/16th. This will have similar themes but will pertain to more Mercury related expressions or areas of life such as communications, commuting/vehicles, communication technology, thought process, mental focus, siblings/cousins, close friends, or neighbours.

This can be a time of reflecting on what is holding us back from moving forward, asserting ourselves in new ways, or experiences that can be more fulfilling for our growth. Both of these planets are in Virgo, so therefore discernment, attentiveness, productivity, details, practicality, health, organization, or efficiency may be what is needed at this time.

Mars Quincunx Saturn, Mercury Conjunct Mars, Uranus Going Retrograde

Mars will be in a quincunx with Saturn from August 13th-14th, and may also be felt in the days prior. Although the first few weeks of this lunar cycle should flow better than the previous weeks, during this short window our actions may be faced with hindrances that require adjustments. Any limitations, restrictions, boundaries, or obstacles that we face will need extra effort to adapt to.

Mercury will catch up to Mars as they will be in a conjunction in Virgo on August 18th/19th. Our minds can be very active, productive, and quick at this time. We may feel like we need to move around or walk/drive fast, but we need to be careful to not be too aggressive in our commuting. Our communications with others can be very lively but there is also a higher chance of arguments, verbal attacks, or getting annoyed with others. The Sun’s opposition with Jupiter will also be getting close at that time (as mentioned earlier) which can reflect scatteredness or conflicts around beliefs/opinions in the mix with the energies of the Mercury-Mars conjunction.

Uranus is currently slowing down to go retrograde on August 19th/20th. During the weeks before and after a planet is transitioning from one direction to another, its energies become more noticeable. Uranus is associated with surprises, sudden changes, liberation, rebellion, science, technology, innovation, metaphysics, experimentation, accidents, upheaval, sudden disasters, or things breaking.

As it changes motion on the 19th/20th, it will be in a trine with Mercury. This can play out as stimulating or insightful conversations, information, or thoughts. We can be more inventive, original, or have innovative ideas. In some cases surprising developments can occur which can be beneficial. This can also be good for trying something new or actions that involve technology, science, or metaphysics.

Making Intentions and Things To Consider

What has come up for you over the previous week and what have you gotten more clarity on? What do you think the spiritual reason is for the recent hindrances, obstacles, or disruptions that have occurred? Is there anything that has become more obvious for you in recent days? What can you do to bring more joy and playfulness into your life? What practices, activities, or relations can help you to be more in your heart? Do you have any creative needs yearning to be expressed? What can you do to be more inspired?

These are just some examples of what to consider or focus your intentions on at this time. However, it is good to reflect on anything else that is coming up for you. It is generally best to make any intentions within the first 24 hours following a New Moon. The exact moment it will occur is 1:51pm Universal Time on August 8th. You can click here to see what that is in your time zone.

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Consciousness

How To Ground Yourself: A Simple Yet Powerful Technique

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Take a moment and breathe. Place your hand over your chest area, near your heart. Breathe slowly into the area for about a minute, focusing on a sense of ease entering your mind and body. Click here to learn why we suggest this.

Mental health challenges, depression and even physical illness, are all on the rise. All three are believed by emerging research to be linked to trauma.

Thankfully, nervous system health and trauma are becoming a big part of what people talk about as it seems people are looking to get to the root of these issues more now than ever before.

After coming to my own realization that I was traumatized from experiences I had, I began studying trauma to not only help myself but to see how I could further improve my own media work – which has been, in essence, trauma-informed, since 2009.

What I’ve come to feel is that trauma affects almost all of us in some way, while there is not much data to back that up, I truly believe this to be the case. Learning useful skills to work through that trauma is becoming important in order to take our health into our own hands.

In the video below, I talk a bit about how events going on in the world can make us feel anxious and worried, and how that affects our bodies, minds, and health. I also share a simple yet powerful technique for sensory grounding.

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Consciousness

Why Hugging Is Powerful: Especially When We’re So Isolated

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CE Staff Writer 6 minute read

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Take a moment and breathe. Place your hand over your chest area, near your heart. Breathe slowly into the area for about a minute, focusing on a sense of ease entering your mind and body. Click here to learn why we suggest this.

When’s the last time you had a good hug? Can you even recall a time when one lasted longer than 10 or 15 seconds? Hugging releases oxytocin, a bonding hormone, as well as serotonin and endorphins. These hormones are a big part of what makes us feel good and build a sense of community and connection with others.

When we hug our friends or family, or even spend a good few hours with them, we often don’t know what exactly the mechanism is that makes us feel good, but often times it’s touch, eye contact and reading facial expressions.

Throughout COVID, once we got a sense of what it feels like to not have as much touch, see smiles, see our friends or family, we might have gained a greater awareness of how important this really is. Intense isolation, like we’ve all experienced, leads to touch deprivation, and one could argue, has led to collective traumatization throughout the course of this pandemic.

Humans biologically need touch, it’s built right into our physiology. When we are babies, touch is a crucial part of our ability to regulate our nervous systems and feel safe. When we’re very young, our bodies have not yet built the ability to self-regulate (feel safety and comfort), and thus our caregivers play the important role of not only touching to bring regulation and safety, but also using facial expressions to send the message that ‘all is OK.’

Further, humans thrive in a sense of community and connection. When we are too isolated, without a deep and dedicated practice like monk’s might do in a cave in Tibet, we begin to lose the benefits of co-regulation, and in turn our psychology can begin to suffer over time. Humans have built incredible things – together – when in community, and touch plays an important role in that.

It most cultures around the world, hugging is part of daily life. Other cultures might decide to greet one another with cheek kissing instead, but touch is often a common denominator. But it’s true, there are places that may be ‘less touch-y’ and will certainly find other ways to connect.

One thing I can say though, especially during this unprecedented time of isolation, make it a point to hug those close to you when you can. Make it a good one, 15 or 20 seconds! Pay attention to how you feel after.

As mentioned, hugging is not the only way we get a sense of co-regulation and connection. Looking into one another’s eyes, sensing facial movements and reactions are also important. We have millions of mirror neurons in our brains that are constantly reading what is happening in another person, and sending information to areas of our brain, subconsciously, that tell us how a person might be feeling, for example. When we witness someone taking an action, neurons in our brains respond to that action in the same way as if we were taking that action ourselves – hence ‘mirror neurons.’

This might mean that when we watch a nervous moment in sports for example, although we are not playing, we might take actions like covering our mouths or holding our chest, feeling the nerves the players are likely feeling. As you can imagine, this is not a perfect science. Sometimes we are nervous but the player is cool as a cucumber, but generally, mirror neurons tend to help us connect to what others are feeling or doing, giving us a sense of empathy.

It goes even deeper. Research from Institute of HeartMath has shown that the human heart emits a measurable electromagnetic field that contains information other people can pick up on and decode in their brains. Regardless of how ‘new-agey’ this might sound to some minds, it’s a reality of our physical bodies.

Just think, have you ever walked into a room with multiple people in it and noticed the energy of it? Perhaps you noticed right away it was very tense or very jovial. This sense likely comes from having an awareness of how our electro magnetic field is interacting with the collective field of the room.

What you’re feeling is how someone’s general emotional state is affecting the field they emit. The more we feel tension, anxiety, or depression for example, the more we also put that signal out into our communities. Now, this isn’t a call to get stressed out about how we’re affecting others, this is simply a realization of what’s going on.

In our current chaotic world, it’s quite common to feel anxious or uncertain about what’s happening, and acknowledging that is OK is perfectly fine. The next question becomes: how can I manage my emotional state and create a a felt sense of calm? (Which of course will change the field you emit as well.)

Managing Our Emotions & Energy

One very simple option is written at the top of the article we post here on The Pulse. It’s a simple technique I adapted from my training at HeartMath, but I added in my own flair learned from my trauma specialist training as I felt a greater focus on interception, our awareness of sensations in our body, was important to be in the mix.

As go move through your day, stop, take a breath and release the tension in your body starting from your head all the way down to your feet. Take a few moments on each muscle group if you like. Place attention on your physical heart and breathe slowly into the area for 60 seconds, focusing on feeling a sense of ease.

I wrote a much more in-depth article here, where I share more detailed steps and how this helps improve our overall energy levels as well.

Our bodies are filled with tools that sense anything from obvious to ‘unseen’ signals coming from others and our environment. These tools suggest we are beings of connection, and we thrive when we get enough of it. They also suggest it’s important to pay attention to more than just the material aspect of our world, as there is much that needs to be ‘taken care of’ in the ‘unseen.’ By that, I mean, as we manage our emotions and regulate our nervous system’s, our felt electro magnetic field communicates a different message to others out there.

What message are you sending?

Dive Deeper

Click below to watch a sneak peek of our brand new course!

Our new course is called 'Overcoming Bias & Improving Critical Thinking.' This 5 week course is instructed by Dr. Madhava Setty & Joe Martino

If you have been wanting to build your self awareness, improve your.critical thinking, become more heart centered and be more aware of bias, this is the perfect course!

Click here to check out a sneak peek and learn more.

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