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Self-Consciousness And The Need To Feel Loved

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This is probably going to be my most vulnerable article so far, simply because i’m in the process of integrating this myself. I figured i’d lay it all out for me in an article to keep my eye on the bigger picture, and hopefully assist others experiencing something similar. 

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Feeling loved. It seems to be a common desire after all; feeling loved, feeling like you matter to someone, feeling like someone cares. Who doesn’t love to know that you at least have someone that will always stay by your side, that will love and accept you? For others it’s a need for approval more than affection, for some it’s both. I can understand the wonderful feeling it can create. But as I travel down the rabbit hole of the need to feel loved, I discover a whole other reality resembling nothing but love. In my case, my need for love has been hiding an insecurity that has translated itself into a common issue i’m sure many can relate with: self-consciousness.

My Story

As a child, I was always the weird, “uncool” kid. I was teased and bullied, but I was fine knowing that I had my other “uncool” friends to keep me company. Let’s just say we weren’t the “popular kids,” and that was fine by me – I didn’t care to be. First year of high school though, something changed. My friends deserted me and I ended up alone. They joined the cooler, more “typical teenager” gang, and I simply didn’t fit in. This time, I didn’t have friends to fall back on.

Sure, I could’ve not taken it personally and remained authentic to myself… but I can see now that I was meant to walk down this path to eventually learn the lesson it offered. So I closed myself off, I became very introverted and awkward. Comments were being made about my looks, how pale and too skinny I was, how small and tired my eyes looked… and I started to become aware of the perceptions of what is considered “good-looking” and “ugly”. My innocence has been replaced by the beginning of my conditioning.

I ended up changing from a private school to a public school to start fresh. That year, I decided to reinvent myself. I was tired of being stuck in a feeling of awkwardness in my body, I was tired of walking alone. I started wearing makeup, ‘took care’ of my appearance, got out of my shell, and that’s when the new friends and love interests came. Whether or not changing myself is what attracted others, my brain’s calculation was: Myself wasn’t good enough. I changed myself = I received “love.”

BeautyWhat a heavy burden to take on, but I took it on. To me it was proof that I had to fit in a certain ideal to be “loved.” As I grew older, I entered relationships that have helped me realize that love was an energy shared beyond form and appearance. But something in me still wasn’t appeased. Given how ingrained humanity’s perception about looks is, my partners still projected ideals – many of which I didn’t fulfill. I basically became a magnet for other’s perceptions, programming them into by brain for further reference of what is pretty and what isn’t. I also noticed how in every romantic hollywood movie, the main actress would always be pretty. In some cases, the main male character would be allowed to look quite average, but the “flawless” girl was always the one they’d “fall in love with.” So the media also strengthened my reference point: better looking = more love…

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As I became more and more conscious of how heavy, limiting and misleading this belief was, I wanted to break out of this prison of superficiality. I even resented it, but I felt protected by it at the same time. I knew I was more than my looks, but I thought “who would care to find out who I was if it wasn’t for first impressions?” After all, changing myself is what I thought facilitated others to love me, or so I believed.

Even my male friends and partners who had a higher awareness about the issue and spoke of the unimportance of appearance still had the typical male conversations about which girl is “hotter” and which girl is not, which one is their ideal and which one is “ugly.” It didn’t mean they did not love me, I was actually surrounded by people who appreciated me for who I was. But I was bothered by other’s ideals because I blamed it for the reason I was superficial towards myself. I felt that no matter where I went in the world, I would always be subject to the world’s expectation of what a girl needs to look like to be attractive and I wanted to fit in that category.

I could easily blame the media’s portrayal of what a beautiful woman should look like or blame the people around me for having their own ideals, but that would be like blaming a game that I AM also choosing to participate in. I have a choice to make: I can wait until the world drops their ideals and judgments before I can safely drop mine, or I can walk out of this perception myself, right now. I can let the world be as it is and let me be as I am.

I can BE the change that I want to see in the world.

This isn’t about convincing myself that I am good looking or rely on what I do like about my appearance. This is about recognizing that who I truly am isn’t my appearance, and instead know myself as the complete being underneath. This awareness is really what the world needs after all. Imagine a world in which the focus is less on how we appear and more on what gifts we have to share. Remember how we felt as children? Was our joy and playfulness really conditional upon whether or not we had a good or bad hair day? Did we choose our friends because of how “good” they looked?

“Whatever people say is about themselves. But you become very shaky, because you are still clinging to a false center. That false center depends on others, so you are always looking to what people are saying about you. And you are always following other people, you are always trying to satisfy them. You are always trying to be respectable, you are always trying to decorate your ego. This is suicidal. Rather than being disturbed by what others say, you should start looking inside yourself… Whenever you are self-conscious you are simply showing that you are not conscious of the self at all. You don’t know who you are. If you had known, then there would have been no problem – then you are not seeking opinions. Then you are not worried what others say about you – it is irrelevant!” – Osho

Need For Love

FreedomIn the end, it is clear that my self-consciousness was a symptom of the need to feel loved. But I have mistaken what love is. I have mistaken love to be the approval and confirmation – through another – that my insecurities weren’t true. But that never was their responsibility. It is my own learning. So what more loving role could a soul or situation play than to trigger our insecurities so that we can finally face our fears and take full responsibility for our own freedom? What better lesson than to deprive us of the version of the “love” we think we need, to allow us the discovery of the true love that already is?

Nobody “abandoned” me or left me alone, they taught me to look within instead of seeking without. They facilitated my discovery of who I am and pointed me to my own freedom.

When we give something or someone else the responsibility to make us happy, we can no longer see ourselves and others as the true expressions of love that we are. Our relationships become more shallow and controlling. We see them as a bandaid for our own wounds – a mere role that we attach to just as we attach to the thought that we are small and separate beings.

I haven’t always experienced love through this insecure perception. Most of us all have had glimpses of what true love feels like – moments of heartfelt connection with no personal agenda in mind, but at some point, we need to let go of the lingering fears trying to contain love. We need to ask ourselves; why do we believe love and completeness could escape us? True love is never to be contained, it is to be shared through our own completeness –  through the recognition of who we truly are. That is when need is replaced by unconditional love. That is when we are able to see that we cannot be separate from anything and anyone.

“When you look upon another human being and feel great love toward them, or when you contemplate beauty in nature and something within you responds deeply to it, close your eyes for a moment and feel the essence of that love or that beauty within you, inseparable from who you are, your true nature. The outer form is a temporary reflection of what you are within, in your essence. That is why love and beauty can never leave you, although all outer forms will.” – Eckhart Tolle

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Extraterrestrial Contactee Explains The ‘Testing’ She Experienced & What The Beings Looked Like

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Susan Manewech describes her experience with extraterrestrial or extradimensional beings as a child and how they tested her to find out what her empathy levels were.

  • Reflect On:

    How does the reality of ET life or life beyond human beings change your understanding of our reality? How much have you looked into the credible studies and accounts surrounding this field of research?

Whether it’s a Princeton physics professor like Dr. Brian O’Leary telling the world that “there is abundant evidence that we are being contacted,” or Victor Marchetti, former special assistant to the Deputy Director of the Central Intelligence Agency, stating that “we have, indeed, been contacted — perhaps even visited — by extraterrestrial beings,” (Second Look, Volume 1, No 7, Washington, DC , May, 1979) the fact that we are being and have been visited by intelligent beings from other worlds and dimensions is no longer taboo.  This comes as a result of the collective, innate yearning to search for information on the topic as well as the thousands of credible testimonies from high-ranking military figures, astronauts, scientists, and others who have been in the position to ‘know.’

The existence of UFOs has been verified thanks to video footage, photos, electrooptical data (like radar trackings), government documents, and the testimonies from a number of government officials and people around the world, all of which compliment the following testimony. Personally, my three favourite pictures come from the L.A. Times in 1942, the Canadian Air Force in 1956, and from longtime NASA scientist, Norman Bergrun, who disclosed a picture taken by Voyager in 1980. There are many to choose from.

Although the UFO phenomenon is no longer taboo, the topic of ET contact and the idea that many people on Earth have experienced it still is, and there is little effort being done regarding mainstream UFO disclosure. Louis Elizondo, the former Pentagon official who exposed one of the Pentagon’s UFO tracking programs (AATIP), along with other members of the intelligence community and Tom Delonge, have stated that they’ve purposely stayed away from the ‘extraterrestrial question’ and who is behind the wheel of these crafts because it’s such a controversial subject.

It’s time to start talking about that. For years, governments have been desperate to find out more information, and there is a good chance that the citizenry might have more knowledge than our governments. After all, when have governments ever been fully trusted by the people? Paul Hellyer, former Canadian defence minister, once said that their protocol is to shoot first and ask questions later. There are also documents that clearly show how desperate they are to get their hands on these technologies and figure out how they work. You can access those and read more about it here.

As far as abductees go, many people are forcefully taken, and others are not. The ones who are not forcefully removed from their surroundings are commonly referred to as ‘contactees’ within the UFO community. Many abductees have been hypnotically regressed because they cannot remember their experiences. Not long ago, I wrote an article about David Jacobs, a retired university professor, and Young-Hae Chi, a professor from the University of Oxford, who have both hypnotically regressed people claiming to have had ET abduction experiences. You can read that article here. Thousands of people all share similar stories, and the consistencies of these experiences, according to them and many others, is “mind-boggling,” as Jacobs said.

The gist from these encounters, overall, is the idea that our planet needs change. That we have to start taking care of our environment, and that some extraterrestrial groups might be concerned with the overall wellbeing of the human race and planet Earth. It’s a comforting thought, but not all researchers in the field share the same sentiment, although most do based on my research. Delores Cannon is another individual who has been hypnotically regressing people for years, and she’s shared that many souls have come here to help change the world.

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Susan Manewech, President of the New Energy Movement, a group that is trying to facilitate positive and necessary change on Earth, is one of thousands of contactees. She is, I would say, an ‘abductee.’ She was taken from her environment and placed on board what seemed to be an extraterrestrial or extradimensional craft.

In an interview we conducted with her on CETV, she described one experience at the age of five years old, something her sister vaguely remembers even though she was in the room with her. It was approximately 2:30 in the morning, and there was a ‘ship’ outside their house. They were awe struck, and it’s something Susan felt that she intuitively already knew would happen, as if she was waiting for them.

In a previous article, I share how she remembers what happened prior to birth and incarnating into the womb, explaining that each human has a soul and our souls came here for different reasons. This is an interesting belief, which has been expressed for thousands of years. Why don’t we all remember? Well, Socrates preached that, although our soul has knowledge prior to birth, once it incarnates into the body it forgets (Meno). Susan remembers, and so do many other children who can actually remember their past lives.

She goes on to explain how she remembers moving through the wall, levitating, and being taken onto the ship. She was excited to reconnect to those she knew before she was born. She explains how “it’s part of the process, it’s part of the to-do being here,” and she says there was testing that was done. She remembers some sort of testing on her central nervous system to measure her empathy. They were examining her and the being next to her, but the other being was distraught and they wanted to see if they could feel what that other being was feeling.

Below is a brief clip from the interview of her describing what they looked like. As mentioned this is just a piece of a 71 minute interview where Susan goes into her entire experience as well as exploring the extensive research published on the topic. You can watch the full interview here.


The Takeaway

With UFOs, it took some time for the topic to exit the taboo area and receive more attention. Sure, there are powerful people with interests that are threatened by the UFO subject. Secrecy is kept for multiple reasons, and one of them is the fact that open disclosure of UFOs means open disclosure of its technology and how that would negatively affect our oil-based economy. The idea that extraterrestrials are behind the wheel also threatens a lot of control structures and human belief systems that hold us back from moving forward together as a human race. We still have a long way to go, but it’s time to start asking the deeper questions now as we once did with UFOs. But this time, we need to figure out who is behind the wheel, why they’re here, and what their intentions are. There is no better way to do that than to give an ear to people who are coming out and sharing their stories.

This particular encounter is very interesting, because empathy, thinking about others, caring for others is a vital and key component of love, which will transform our world.

You can watch our full interview with Susan Manewich for free by clicking here.

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4 Children & 2 Teachers Diagnosed With Cancer: Parents Blame The Cell Tower On Campus

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    After four students and two teachers of Weston Elementary School in Ripon, California were diagnosed with cancer within years, parents and students alike are protesting to force the school to remove a Sprint cell phone tower.

  • Reflect On:

    With all of the science clearly showing cause for concern, and multiple countries banning these towers within close proximity to schools, why doesn't North America follow suit? Why don't these technologies go through appropriate safety testing?

Parents in California are requesting that a cell tower located on the campus of their children’s elementary school be removed. This comes after four students and two teachers were diagnosed with brain cancer in just three years, although the tower has been there longer than that. Some students at the school have already left as a result of the spike in cancer cases and recently, 200 parents attended a school board meeting demanding action. It’s a kindergarten through eighth-grade school that has approximately 400 students.

The School Board has said that tests on the cell tower showed that it’s well within safety standards, begging the questions: What are our safety standards, and are they good enough? Has this technology even been through proper safety testing? It’s important to keep in mind that there is no direct way to prove that this cell tower on campus actually caused these cancer cases, but we can prove that there is sufficient evidence showing that they are and can be very harmful.

The truth is that cell towers and cell antennae mounted on buildings have radio frequency emissions. The closer you are to the antennae, the more radio frequency radiation you are exposed to. Cell tower radiation exposure is different than cell phone exposure in that a cell phone to the head focuses an extremely high amount of radiation to a specific brain region. Cell tower emissions are at lower levels than cell phones. However, with cell tower exposure, the exposure is non- stop day and night and full body exposure.

A significant body of peer-reviewed research has found harmful effects from cell tower radiation. Read the peer-reviewed research here. 

RT points out:

“We had a doctor tell us that it’s 100 percent environmental, the kind of tumor that he has,” said Ferrulli to CBS Sacramento, and added that an inspection of the tower arranged by parents showed much higher readings than the RUSD-hired engineers found in 2018.

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The school district, who reportedly receives $2,000 per month for the tower, has said while they empathize with families, they have no out clause in their 25-year lease contract with Spirit – the company that owns the tower – meaning both the school district and Spirit will have to mutually agree on a relocation. (source)

This isn’t the only case like this. We recently published an article regarding a cell tower installation on a fire station, whereby the firefighters were all found to have abnormal brain chemistry.

Fire Captain / Union President at Los Angeles County Fire Fighters Dave Gilotte, who is also a 25-year veteran fire fighter, gave his testimony at the Los Angeles California Board of Supervisors meeting in 2016.  In fact, it’s important to note that firefighter groups in the United States have long opposed cell towers on their stations. Not only that, but in California, they have been able to be exempt from the forced placement of towers on their stations because of the strong opposition they have due to health concerns from the radiation. (You can read more about this story here).

This wasn’t even a 5G tower, which is what we are heading toward next.

Dr. Gunnar Heuser lead brain studies on firefighters following a cell tower installation on their fire station and found that their brains were all abnormal. His SPECT brain study in 2004 focused on firefighters who complained of neurological problems following a cell tower installation at their fire station beforehand. The symptoms they experienced were: headaches, memory problems, sleeping problems, depression, and anxiety.  Dr. Heuser published a study recently on fMRI showing abnormalities in EHS similar to brain injury. Original study published in July 2017, without the controls, full textCorrigendum to the study, which includes fMRI scans of the controls (non- EHS)

Letters From Doctors Regarding Cell Tower Installations Near Schools

There are countless letters from doctors regarding concerns about this type of technology near youngsters. These letters in combination with all of the published peer-reviewed research, some of which is linked above (another great place to access this information is the Environmental Health Trust), make it clear that we need to talk about this more and question our federal health regulatory agencies and ask them why appropriate safety testing of this technology has not been done.

You can view some of these letters HERE.

Furthermore, it’s important to mention that multiple countries have now completely banned Wifi and cell phones around schools, young children and fetuses.  Take France for example, they passed a law in 2015 banning WiFi from all nursery schools. In addition to that, the law states that Wifi must be turned off in all elementary schools when it’s not in use. A wired connection, if possible, is preferred. When it comes to cell phones in France, all advertisements must recommend headsets to reduce the phone’s radiation exposure to the brain. Furthermore, advertisements directing cell phone use towards young children are banned. It’s not just a concern for children, as the French National Library along with several other universities and establishments have completely removed all Wifi networks. It’s also banned in many municipal buildings. You can read more about that here.

The issue is that the levels of electromagnetic radiation in our environment far exceed what the natural levels were when we weren’t as technologically developed. It comes in various forms from multiple sources, and this is the main issue. We’ve covered this topic in depth in multiple articles, and you can access those and more information in the articles listed below:

5G Is The “Stupidest Idea In The History of the World.” – Washington State Biochemistry/Medical Science Prof

Veteran MD Sharon Goldberg Drops Bombshell At Michigan’s 5G Small Cell Tower Legislation Hearing

“5G: The Most Censored Story Of 2018” – Journalist Masterfully Educates Houston City Council

EMF Frequencies Used For Crowd Control Weapons Form The Foundation of 5G Network

UK Primary School Walks Out Over Dangers Associated With WiFi & Cell Tower Radiation

Multiple Countries Ban Wifi & Cell Phones Around Schools, Young Children & Fetuses

World’s Largest Study On Cell Tower Radiation Confirms Cancer Link

The Takeaway

The takeaway here is that you can do something about this. You can have a wired connection at home, you can unplug and shut off your EMF emitting devices (like your cell phone, computer, TV, etc). You can buy EMF protective clothing and paint, you can use the mind-body connection to help mitigate any effects, and you can live a healthy life style with good food and exercise.

It’s actually quite remarkable to see just how much awareness on this topic has hit people. Much of the global citizenry are clearly awake, and soon enough North America will follow measures taken by other countries mentioned above.

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In order to stay truly independent, we need your help. We are not going to put up paywalls on this website, as we want to get our info out far and wide. For as little as $3 a month, you can help keep CE alive!

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Consciousness

Supermoon In Libra: Relationship Adjustments

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We are having a Full Moon in Libra on March 20th-21st depending on where you are located in the world. This is the peak of the Lunar cycle that began on March 6 with a New Moon in Pisces. It will also be the last of three back to back Supermoons happening in 2019, which is when the Moon appears larger and brighter due to its closer proximity to the Earth. The previous one in February was the brightest of the three.

This Full Moon coincides with the Equinox, which is the beginning of Aries season (via the Tropical Zodiac) and is the first of 12 signs. Traditionally, some cultures observe this period as the beginning of a New Year, which makes much more cosmological sense than the calendar New Year. Even this transition from dreamy and floaty Pisces to active and direct Aries tends to be the most obvious and noticeable transition between signs.

During this Full Moon, we can experience either a push-pull or collaboration between the Sun in Aries and Moon in Libra. The energies of it gradually build up and become more noticeable on the day of and days surrounding it. It is also part of the backdrop of the other astrological influences/reflections over the following two weeks.

Aries and Libra are two out of the four Cardinal signs which are the first signs of each quarter of the zodiac. They all have an initiating quality in their own way. Aries is a fire sign ruled by Mars. It is about action, moving forward, pioneering, independence, self-identity, self-orientation, and leadership. It is bold, courageous, and instinctual, yet it can also be aggressive, impulsive, impatient, selfish, and hot tempered.

Libra is an Air sign ruled by Venus. It is about relating, relationships, partnerships, codependency, consideration, harmony, balance, fairness, art, creativity, and beauty. It is sociable, diplomatic, and intellectual, yet it can also be indecisive, passive aggressive, vain, and even judgemental. Although Aries is much more of an initiating sign in comparison to Libra due to the qualities mentioned above, Libra still expresses its Cardinal energy socially and towards consideration.

An interesting thing to mention is that this Full Moon happens right at the beginning of Libra at 0 degrees due to it occurring  on the Equinox. This degree tends to be more potent and sometimes can reflect exploring new experiences or actions connected to that sign.

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Full Moon Opposite Sun/Chiron Conjunction, Quincunx Uranus

The Sun is aligned with Chiron, which brings its themes into the opposition of this Full Moon. This could trigger wounds, blockages, and patterns connected to self-identity, independence, willpower, ego, or other Aries themes mentioned in the section above. It can also reflect potential healing, bridging or uniting two parts of something, holistic awareness, and combined with the current Mercury Retrograde in Pisces it could also have a spiritual tone. This can be a source of either potential challenges and/or growth around relationships at this time.

The Full Moon is in a quincunx with Uranus in Taurus, which could reflect changes, surprises, disruptions, new experiences, rebellion, or other curve balls being thrown at us that may require some adjustments. In many cases it will be connected to the themes of the Aries-Libra opposition mentioned and can play out in our relationship dynamics, but it can also manifest in other ways. In Taurus it could have something to do with money, possessions, or values.

Venus Square Mars and Sextile Jupiter, Mars Trine Pluto

Venus, the ruler of Libra, is in Aquarius while in a tight square with Mars in Taurus, which is the ruler of Aries. This aspect emphasizes the potential challenges of this Full Moon. The way we or others assert our personal wants, values, or resources can be at odds with social or romantic aspects of our lives. However, this aspect can also be supportive creatively or sexually, especially considering that Venus is also in a harmonious aspect with Jupiter.

Venus in a sextile with Jupiter in Sagittarius can reflect growth, learning, and overall expansiveness in different types of relationships. In some cases it can be connected to travel/foreign countries, social media, education, and beliefs. However, the developments that could occur might require adjustments in how we assert ourselves.

Mars is in a trine with Pluto, which can be good for actions that are focused, deep, and powerful. It can also be good for applying ourselves in a confident or empowering way and towards making positive changes.

Mercury Retrograde Moving Towards Neptune Before Going Direct

Mercury has been retrograde in Pisces since March 5th, a day before this Lunar cycle started. This retrograde extends the strong Piscean energy into most of Aries season. The actual retrograde ends on March 28th; however, the following days can still feel retrograde-ish. The few weeks following are known as the ‘post shadow,’ which is when its themes conclude and things start to fall into place more smoothly and productively.

While Mercury is transitioning from retrograde to direct, it will be aligned with Neptune. Our intuition can be heightened and we can be divinely inspired. Our thoughts and communications can be revolved around spirituality, compassion, empathy, and sacrifice. This can be a period of magical experiences or interactions with others. However, this can be challenging for rational and linear thinking. We can overlook mundane details easily and can also be confused. You can read more about this retrograde here.

Things To Consider During This Period

What recurring themes have been coming up for you in recent weeks, and what directions are your circumstances pushing you towards? How can you balance your individual needs with your relationship’s needs? Do you or others in your life have any wounds or blockages getting in the way? If so, what can you do to resolve or address the situation?

These are just some examples of themes that could come up during this period; however, there may be other variations of this energy playing out as well.  If you wish to do any sort of intentional release connected to what has come up at this Full Moon, it is best to do so anytime over the two weeks following, when it is waning. The exact moment of this Full Moon is on the night of March 20th/21st at 1:43am Universal Time. You can click here to see what that is in your time zone.

I am extending my Sale on Astrology Readings until the end of March. 20% – 30% off! More information here.

Follow me on INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK, and YOUTUBE for more astrology related content.

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