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Self-Consciousness And The Need To Feel Loved

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This is probably going to be my most vulnerable article so far, simply because i’m in the process of integrating this myself. I figured i’d lay it all out for me in an article to keep my eye on the bigger picture, and hopefully assist others experiencing something similar. 

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Feeling loved. It seems to be a common desire after all; feeling loved, feeling like you matter to someone, feeling like someone cares. Who doesn’t love to know that you at least have someone that will always stay by your side, that will love and accept you? For others it’s a need for approval more than affection, for some it’s both. I can understand the wonderful feeling it can create. But as I travel down the rabbit hole of the need to feel loved, I discover a whole other reality resembling nothing but love. In my case, my need for love has been hiding an insecurity that has translated itself into a common issue i’m sure many can relate with: self-consciousness.

My Story

As a child, I was always the weird, “uncool” kid. I was teased and bullied, but I was fine knowing that I had my other “uncool” friends to keep me company. Let’s just say we weren’t the “popular kids,” and that was fine by me – I didn’t care to be. First year of high school though, something changed. My friends deserted me and I ended up alone. They joined the cooler, more “typical teenager” gang, and I simply didn’t fit in. This time, I didn’t have friends to fall back on.

Sure, I could’ve not taken it personally and remained authentic to myself… but I can see now that I was meant to walk down this path to eventually learn the lesson it offered. So I closed myself off, I became very introverted and awkward. Comments were being made about my looks, how pale and too skinny I was, how small and tired my eyes looked… and I started to become aware of the perceptions of what is considered “good-looking” and “ugly”. My innocence has been replaced by the beginning of my conditioning.

I ended up changing from a private school to a public school to start fresh. That year, I decided to reinvent myself. I was tired of being stuck in a feeling of awkwardness in my body, I was tired of walking alone. I started wearing makeup, ‘took care’ of my appearance, got out of my shell, and that’s when the new friends and love interests came. Whether or not changing myself is what attracted others, my brain’s calculation was: Myself wasn’t good enough. I changed myself = I received “love.”

BeautyWhat a heavy burden to take on, but I took it on. To me it was proof that I had to fit in a certain ideal to be “loved.” As I grew older, I entered relationships that have helped me realize that love was an energy shared beyond form and appearance. But something in me still wasn’t appeased. Given how ingrained humanity’s perception about looks is, my partners still projected ideals – many of which I didn’t fulfill. I basically became a magnet for other’s perceptions, programming them into by brain for further reference of what is pretty and what isn’t. I also noticed how in every romantic hollywood movie, the main actress would always be pretty. In some cases, the main male character would be allowed to look quite average, but the “flawless” girl was always the one they’d “fall in love with.” So the media also strengthened my reference point: better looking = more love…

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As I became more and more conscious of how heavy, limiting and misleading this belief was, I wanted to break out of this prison of superficiality. I even resented it, but I felt protected by it at the same time. I knew I was more than my looks, but I thought “who would care to find out who I was if it wasn’t for first impressions?” After all, changing myself is what I thought facilitated others to love me, or so I believed.

Even my male friends and partners who had a higher awareness about the issue and spoke of the unimportance of appearance still had the typical male conversations about which girl is “hotter” and which girl is not, which one is their ideal and which one is “ugly.” It didn’t mean they did not love me, I was actually surrounded by people who appreciated me for who I was. But I was bothered by other’s ideals because I blamed it for the reason I was superficial towards myself. I felt that no matter where I went in the world, I would always be subject to the world’s expectation of what a girl needs to look like to be attractive and I wanted to fit in that category.

I could easily blame the media’s portrayal of what a beautiful woman should look like or blame the people around me for having their own ideals, but that would be like blaming a game that I AM also choosing to participate in. I have a choice to make: I can wait until the world drops their ideals and judgments before I can safely drop mine, or I can walk out of this perception myself, right now. I can let the world be as it is and let me be as I am.

I can BE the change that I want to see in the world.

This isn’t about convincing myself that I am good looking or rely on what I do like about my appearance. This is about recognizing that who I truly am isn’t my appearance, and instead know myself as the complete being underneath. This awareness is really what the world needs after all. Imagine a world in which the focus is less on how we appear and more on what gifts we have to share. Remember how we felt as children? Was our joy and playfulness really conditional upon whether or not we had a good or bad hair day? Did we choose our friends because of how “good” they looked?

“Whatever people say is about themselves. But you become very shaky, because you are still clinging to a false center. That false center depends on others, so you are always looking to what people are saying about you. And you are always following other people, you are always trying to satisfy them. You are always trying to be respectable, you are always trying to decorate your ego. This is suicidal. Rather than being disturbed by what others say, you should start looking inside yourself… Whenever you are self-conscious you are simply showing that you are not conscious of the self at all. You don’t know who you are. If you had known, then there would have been no problem – then you are not seeking opinions. Then you are not worried what others say about you – it is irrelevant!” – Osho

Need For Love

FreedomIn the end, it is clear that my self-consciousness was a symptom of the need to feel loved. But I have mistaken what love is. I have mistaken love to be the approval and confirmation – through another – that my insecurities weren’t true. But that never was their responsibility. It is my own learning. So what more loving role could a soul or situation play than to trigger our insecurities so that we can finally face our fears and take full responsibility for our own freedom? What better lesson than to deprive us of the version of the “love” we think we need, to allow us the discovery of the true love that already is?

Nobody “abandoned” me or left me alone, they taught me to look within instead of seeking without. They facilitated my discovery of who I am and pointed me to my own freedom.

When we give something or someone else the responsibility to make us happy, we can no longer see ourselves and others as the true expressions of love that we are. Our relationships become more shallow and controlling. We see them as a bandaid for our own wounds – a mere role that we attach to just as we attach to the thought that we are small and separate beings.

I haven’t always experienced love through this insecure perception. Most of us all have had glimpses of what true love feels like – moments of heartfelt connection with no personal agenda in mind, but at some point, we need to let go of the lingering fears trying to contain love. We need to ask ourselves; why do we believe love and completeness could escape us? True love is never to be contained, it is to be shared through our own completeness –  through the recognition of who we truly are. That is when need is replaced by unconditional love. That is when we are able to see that we cannot be separate from anything and anyone.

“When you look upon another human being and feel great love toward them, or when you contemplate beauty in nature and something within you responds deeply to it, close your eyes for a moment and feel the essence of that love or that beauty within you, inseparable from who you are, your true nature. The outer form is a temporary reflection of what you are within, in your essence. That is why love and beauty can never leave you, although all outer forms will.” – Eckhart Tolle

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Media Misses Key Detail On Recent Trump GMO/Pesticide Ban ‘Lifting’, Here’s Why

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Trump's administration recently released a memo cancelling a 2014 Obama-era memo about GMOs and neonicotinoid pesticide use. The media covered this story as a 'lifting of a ban' on GMOs, yet that's not what either memo says.

  • Reflect On:

    Why are we still leaving the door open for GMO and pesticide use in both administrations? Why is the media, across the whole board here, using any story possible to put people against the current administration? Has the deep state lost control?

In early August, Trump’s administration released a new memo from the Fish and Wildlife Service stating that the 2014 version of the memo, out of Obama’s administration would be cancelled and the terms of the new memo would now be in place.

The memo was in reference to a GMO and neonicotinoid bans that put in place to help protect the bee population and wildlife refuges. The 2014 memo was a positive step forward as it was publicly stating, even at higher governmental levels, that GMOs were harmful to agriculture and wildlife, as were neonics. This initial memo was coined a GMO and neonics ban, even though the language in the memo doesn’t actually say that.

Before we continue, we recognize and have painstakingly covered, the dangers of neonicotinoid pesticides and GMOs on our environment and wildlife. We have called for an all-out ban, based on our research, numerous times over the last 6 years and still hold completely strong to that truth.

What is discussed in both of these memos in regards to how to go about using pesticides and GMOs are NOT safe for our environment and wildlife. The fact that both administrations are leaving the door open for use is not in humanities best interest.

The 2014 Memo

Specifically, the 2014 Obama-era memo states that when it comes to both GMOs and neonicotinoid pesticides, they can be used on a case by case basis when refuge managers request such and the case is brought through the proper channels of approval.

Below is a piece of that memo, which can also be viewed here, referring to the requested use of neonics.

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2014 memo referring to neonic pesticides.

When it came to the subject of GMOs in the 2014 memo, Obama’s administration made their stance very clear as well:

2014 memo referring to GMO use.

In both cases, we see that it was never an all-out ban, but simply an open door where neonicotinoid pesticide use and GMO use to be requested and reviewed on a case by case basis.

Now let’s have a look at the 2018 memos that resulted in media coverage alluding to a ‘lifting of the GMO and neonic ban’ put in place by the Obama administration.

“The Trump administration has rescinded an Obama-era ban on the use of pesticides linked to declining bee populations and the cultivation of genetically modified crops in dozens of national wildlife refuges where farming is permitted.” Reuters

The 2018 Memo

When referring to GMOs, the 2018 memo states:

And when speaking about neonicotinoid pesticides the 2018 memo states:

As you can see once again in both cases, the language is the same. There was never an all-out ban in place, and all uses will be based on approval on a case by case basis.

What Media Coverage In This Way?

When we initially printed this story, we only had access to the 2018 memo that was recently released. Based on widespread media coverage and the memo itself, it appeared as though this was, in fact, a lifting of the ban. But once we got our hands on the 2014 memo from the Obama admin, it became clear this was the same language, and that the media was now weaponizing this story against Trump’s administration.

You may follow CE’s work a lot, or you may be new to it, we are politically neutral and do not side with political parties in any way. We report on what ACTUALLY happens, not a slanted angle based on a political agenda. In that perspective, we are not attached to events but can instead see how they play into a big picture.

With that said, why did the media cover this story in a manner that was so damning to the Trump administration?

We have been reporting on the fact that from our observation, experience, and analysis, as well as our conversations with contacts we have connected to the intelligence communities, we feel that Trump has come into this space as an outsider to the specific cabal/deep state group that has been in control for many many decades. This was the cabal group that would have put Hillary in place if there wasn’t a divide taking place in the intelligence community that had the plan flipped. You can learn about that in detail here.

Leading up to the election, and since he has been POTUS, Trump has been all out attacked by every single news station, with the exception of FOX, in a big way – an unprecedented happenstance. Since we know that only 5 corporations own all of the US media, and these 5 corporations are tied to powerful elite within the deep state, it would begin to seem like a war on an outsider more than anything else. Again, a detail we have covered in depth over the last 2 years as many examples of this have surfaced.

Below is a video that dives into this story and the deep state involvement in more detail, but the thing to note here is, we must step beyond identity politics and siding with a political party in general if we want to see the truth of our world and begin to change it. This is the illusion being set forth to divide us and keep us from unifying under a deep understanding. Before we react to and believe much of what is coming out of the mainstream media today, we must recognize this deeper war taking place here and dig deeper to find the truth.

Free David Wilcock Screening: Disclosure & The Fall of the Cabal

We interviewed David about what is happening within the cabal and disclosure. He shared some incredible insight that is insanely relevant to today.

So far, the response to this interview has been off the charts as people are calling it the most concise update of what's happening in our world today.

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Health

Natural Law (Part 3): Moving Beyond Enslavement

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Our capacity to escape the enslavement and control we experience at the hands of our authority today is predicated on work on a personal level to become truly sovereign individuals.

  • Reflect On:

    How would our lives be different if we all knew and acted like we were sovereign individuals, answerable to no one? What kind of world would we create?

(note: if you haven’t read them already, I highly recommend reading the previous articles Natural Law (Part 1): A Reformed Satanist Illuminates Our Natural Power To Create and Natural Law (Part 2): Spending Our Spiritual Currency Wisely as an essential context for this discussion, as well as the video on Natural Law by Mark Passio referred to in this article.) 

So far, our discussion has revolved around the capacity of human beings to create, in adherence with the principles that govern Natural Law. This capacity, when taken in the aggregate, makes us collectively responsible for the world that has been made manifest today. And looking at the world today, it is pretty safe to say that we have been party to our own enslavement, and on a collective level we still continue to sit idly by while our rights and freedoms are increasingly taken away.

This, perhaps above anything, is the reason that Mark Passio did his Natural Law seminar, to alert us to the fact that we have the power to create the world of freedom and harmony that we all say we want, but we still seem to lack the knowledge and the will to do it. By offering the knowledge behind it, Mark hopes that a proper understanding begins to proliferate among us and our will to change our world is sufficiently stoked.

The capacity to change things in our world requires adequate knowledge. We must learn how this process works, and then incorporate this knowledge in how we function internally (i.e. ‘Change starts within’). It is only when we first come to grips with the nature of our personal sovereignty that we are then capable of creating a world in which we are free.

We Are All Sovereign

Passio notes that Natural Law is expressed in human beings in either positive or negative ways. To express it positively, in other words, to create the experience for ourselves that we want, we need to be motivated by Love, grounded in Knowledge, and feel that we have Sovereignty. However, Natural Law is expressed negatively, and hence creates what we don’t want, when the generative emotion is Fear, our foundation is Ignorance, and our internal sense of self is Confusion.

Most people in our current world don’t consider themselves to be sovereign. In fact, in a survey Passio quotes, he said that only 11% of people questioned thought they were sovereign. Hence Passio makes his next point as emphatically as he can:

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Why I say every single person here is a sovereign is because there is no such thing, never has been any such thing, and never will be any such thing as legitimacy to slavery. That has never existed, does not exist now, and never will exist. Slavery is an illegitimate concept. None of us are slaves.

The condition of slavery has been imposed upon people, but it has never in history been legitimate. And it never will in history be legitimate. So there is no legitimacy to the concept of slavery, of the rightful rulership of another being, through directly imposing your control through coercion. Doesn’t exist. That’s a big part of what Natural Law is about.

Anarchy

The reason this point is so important is that most of us have been brainwashed since we were young to believe that we need authority in our lives. Most of us still believe that we need a government to rule us by coercion. Many of us fear that otherwise we would be living in a state of–peril of all perils–anarchy!

But a state of ‘anarchy’, according to Passio, is exactly what sovereign beings should be striving for, because anarchy simply means, no ruler to which we have to bow down to, no master for whom we are the slaves. From its etymology, a state of anarchy does not mean chaos, confusion, or disorder. It simply means there’s nobody around to tell us what to do, that we are all able to act freely and without coercion–that we are individually sovereign.

However, this condition does not come about just by knowing we are sovereign by nature. Individuals of a given group or society have to fully embody the qualities of a sovereign individual in order for a society to be able to function in a state of anarchy, or even bring about the removal of all rulership in the first place. For Passio, our work is the development of personal integrity, in which all aspects of our being are in harmony with one another.

The Alignment of Thoughts, Emotions, And Actions

The way Passio terms it, our path to true sovereignty is by becoming our own ‘monarchs.’

A Sovereign is a Monarch (mon-: “one”; archon: “ruler”), a single ruler who only rules ‘the Kingdom of Self’; Sovereignty is a state in which one controls one’s own thoughts, emotions, and actions, and by bringing them into Unity/Non-Contradiction/Non-Duality, attains Mastery of one’s own Consciousness.

Bringing one’s thoughts, emotions, and actions into a state of unity–where have we heard this before? Of course, this corresponds to the Law of Attraction, our capacity to bring into being our desired manifestations based on our intentions–the power to create the world we want, essentially.

Emancipation

And so, it turns out, the way we get freed from slavery is not through violent revolution, as some would say our history books have taught us. Remember, our history book are written by our masters, and they are more than happy that we feel that we are free while they implement ever more insidious and subtle forms of slavery. It is well-known by our authority, and something we will discuss in subsequent articles, that slaves who do not know they are slaves are much more productive, and much less force and coercion is required for their obedience.

And that is why our personal internal work is paramount. The more we have self-rule as individuals, the more we can overcome the dictates of illegitimate authority as a collective. We can literally walk away from it, remove any power it has over us. As Passio notes, ‘If you have internal monarchy, you can have external anarchy.’

Our emancipation from slavery thus awaits the process by which individuals in our society develop self-responsibility, self-control, self-mastery. We will continue this series by discussing some of the people whose current lives are harbingers of personal sovereignty in adherence to Natural Law.

Free David Wilcock Screening: Disclosure & The Fall of the Cabal

We interviewed David about what is happening within the cabal and disclosure. He shared some incredible insight that is insanely relevant to today.

So far, the response to this interview has been off the charts as people are calling it the most concise update of what's happening in our world today.

Watch the interview here.
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Consciousness

Love May Be Hiding In Plain Sight

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People are falling in love all around me.

Yesterday, I met a new friend who said that she had fallen in love. Two days before that, a good friend came for lunch and said the same thing. “You wouldn’t believe it. She lived right down the street from me.”

A week before that, another friend fell in love with a man she met on Tinder. Today, I found out that another friend is dating a man who she finds incredible and she did not expect it!

But what’s really amazing about these stories?  THEY WOULD NEVER HAVE RECOGNIZED THIS PERSON.

In every story, their new love doesn’t fit what they thought they were looking for. For some, the person wasn’t physically, or intellectually what they thought they were attracted to. For others, they lived too far away, had animals, children, the “wrong” job, or just a totally different outlook on life.

It’s the bodybuilder falling for a super curvy woman, the dark, goth friend falling for a wedding planner, or the vegetarian who can’t get enough of a hunter.

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Every day, I hear:

  • “I don’t get it. He/she is nothing like I thought I was looking for.”
  • “You probably won’t understand it when you meet them… but I’m head over heels for them.”
  • “There is such a crazy connection between us.”
  • “They kiss me and I totally melt.”
  • “They could have walked right by me on the street and I wouldn’t have given them a second glance.”
  • “They are nothing like I was looking for. Yet, they are perfect for me!”
  • “And the lovemaking… We make love for hours… Effortlessly… OMG!!”

What’s going on? Why are we falling in love with people whom we couldn’t have imagined before?

It’s a great question. As a tantra teacher listening to students and participants in my workshops, I have some ideas.

1) We are now looking for True Connection

Historically, we were looking for someone to marry, have children with and to fulfill a certain societal status. It’s like a picture was placed in our minds of what we are looking for. That picture could include a white picket fence, perfect family portraits, and Sunday dinners or it might be finding your ultimate rebellious partner with tattoos, a motorbike and concerts every weekend.

Regardless, we had a picture of what this canned life was going to look like. But of course, the picture in our mind didn’t include the feelings between you and your partner. Sure, we assumed that we would be happy and fulfilled. But what about the actual connection between you? This wasn’t necessarily part of the picture.

But today, it’s the passionate connection we seek. We want to feel alive when we are with this person. We want to want to be able to love them completely and we want to feel that love for us as well.

The old days of “looking good for the neighbours and family” (or looking “bad”) are gone. We care more about what is going on behind closed doors, than what it looks like from the outside.

2) The brainwashing about what is “attractive” is losing its power over us

We are becoming aware that we have been fed ideas about what is good-looking and that this is getting in the way of finding true love.

I used to be a belly-dancer. Historically, belly dancers were voluptuous women of at least middle age. Their bodies carried the stories of their lives and these stories were shared in the form of sensual dance. But over time, belly dance has become more mainstream. The dancers began having a Hollywood-like look to them – all thin, young with long dark hair. Soon, the middle-aged women with full bodies didn’t look attractive any longer. The audience’s eyes had changed (not everyone.. but enough).

Our eyes have been changed too. We watch movies where the leading men look like Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington and the women look like Angelina Jolie or Scarlett Johansson. The men are tall and muscular and the women are pencil thin with firm breasts. And everyone looks approximately 25 years old.

Then magazines and advertisers continue this conditioning in order to sell us gym memberships, face creams, protein drinks, and plastic surgery. Our brains have been gradually brainwashed so that we believe exactly what “they” want us to believe is beautiful.

And so, when it comes to finding love, this basically leaves the vast majority of the population out in the cold because we simply don’t look like these images.

But as more and more people strive to look like these photoshopped images, being falsely beautiful, fit or youthful starts to lose its appeal. You don’t have to go on too many dates from online apps with “beautiful, fit” people to find out that what they look like has absolutely nothing to do with connection, depth of the person, or what kind of lover they are.

In fact, many of the greatest tantric lovers I’ve known did not fit our stereotyped image. They would have been considered too fat, too thin, small penis, quirky, too short, too old, etc. Yet they had such an amazing focus on the connection, they were naturally tantric, and all the magic that we seek in lovemaking was effortlessly there.

3) We are truly awakening

The world has changed. Maybe it was the 2013 shift from the Age of Pisces to the Age of Aquarius. Maybe it’s just that we are evolving. But we can see more in each other than we could a decade ago.

We are more intuitive. We read people faster. We can feel their kindness or their indifference. We can feel their ability to connect or how shut down they are. We can feel their joy or their sadness almost immediately.

We aren’t as attached to being attached. We are more content to be alone – so we are more discerning in whom we choose to connect with. We are in full choice all of the time. We are seeking someone who truly adds to our lives, not just someone to fill in a strange picture in our minds.

We naturally see more than just someone’s physical appearance. Other aspects are shining through brighter than their physicality. They could be tall, short, fat, fit, old, young, disabled, or whatever, yet we see their spirit. We see their happiness. We see their soul. They may even shape-shift before our eyes – shifting from what society sees to the titan that appears to us in intimacy.

So what does this mean going forward?

“If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies, how different our ideals of beauty would be.”

If you are seeking love and true connection, here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Do you have an idea in your head that is blinding you to who is right in front of you?
  • Who put the ideas in your head of what your love must look, sound, or act like?
  • Is there a need for a partner to look, act or sound a certain way for your self-worth? Is pride holding you back?
  • Are you open to exploring relationships with people who don’t fit the image that you are holding in your mind?
  • Who is right in front of you but you can’t see them?

The times are changing. We are evolving. We want more than what a relationship that looks good on the surface can bring us. We are seeking a deeper experience. We want to go to the next level.

So, if you are seeking love, have hope. None of these friends of mine had any idea that this was going to happen. Many were well on their way of giving up hope that there was anyone out there for them.

When suddenly “he/she” appeared.

And they appeared in the most unlikely places.

Free David Wilcock Screening: Disclosure & The Fall of the Cabal

We interviewed David about what is happening within the cabal and disclosure. He shared some incredible insight that is insanely relevant to today.

So far, the response to this interview has been off the charts as people are calling it the most concise update of what's happening in our world today.

Watch the interview here.
Continue Reading
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