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10 Reasons To Love Being Single

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fortuneI think I have spent most of my life as a single person. Sure, I’ve had a couple of long term relationships, and a couple of short term ones, and yeah, there were some really awesome parts to it, but there were also some not so awesome parts as well. What I have come to learn through all of this is that it’s really important to know yourself, accept yourself and love yourself first, especially before learning to know, accept and love someone else.

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Also, what I have noticed is that people (present party at times included) tend to think that being in a relationship will surely bring rainbows and butterflies and buckets filled with the purest happiness of all; not being in a relationship then clearly equals sadness, loneliness, tears, etc., which when you think about it, couldn’t be further from the truth. As lovely as it may be to have a boyfriend as romantic as Noah from the Notebook or a girlfriend who is willing to play Warcraft with you, relationships require a lot of hard work, time invested, compromise, sweat, tears, money and God knows what else. And when you think that a relationship could turn into marriage and into the possibility of spending the rest of your remaining days with that same person, then the thought of having some alone time first becomes quite appealing, wouldn’t you agree?

But mind you, being alone does not mean you have to be lonely. It simply means that you have enough time to think clearly and chemical-free about yourself and to put yourself first (no dopamine or oxytocin or endorphins there to screw you up and make you a blind, lovey-dovey, goofy, romantic person), before putting a husband or wife, a job and three kids ahead.

So I thought about all of the reasons why you should love being single, and I wanted to share a couple of them with you lovely people:

1. You get to invest your precious time in developing yourself

Think about all the things you always wanted to do and never really had time for. Learning a new language, taking dancing classes, taking up a new sport, conferences or classes about some of the subjects you’re really interested in, reading, writing, painting, you name it.

Sometimes when you’re in a relationship, you tend to lose yourself and start thinking for two instead of one, with an emphasis on the other person. You worry more about them, and you lose sight of what you want or who you want to be. Being single is the perfect opportunity to figure that out and build a hard-to-break foundation of yourself that will be difficult to knock down when it gets together with someone else’s.

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2. No one to answer to when it comes to who you were out with

I don’t know about you, but one of the things I used to hate when being in a relationship was the guilt I felt when I was put on the spot for going out with male friends. It was worse than being parented.

I learned that sometimes people can get very jealous, especially when they are not comfortable in their own skin or when they have trust issues.

Being unattached gives you a unique sense of freedom and it also means less worrying about who you spend time with. Again, I think it’s important to get to know yourself and trust yourself before finding someone who would be as perfectly imperfect as you are to start something beautiful with.

3. That feeling of independence and freedom

Just think about it. You could practically jump into a car right now and just drive to wherever your heart desires. You could move to another country, visit Indonesia, or take a tour of Europe if you want. You could spend every night out partying, crash at friends, try new sports, do things you wouldn’t normally do, take risks, make changes.

You are pretty much free to do whatever it is that you want to do.

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4. You can do whatever you want and no one will nag you for it

Girls, no one is going to roll their eyes if you want to watch PS I Love You again tonight. Just go for it! Take that decadent chocolate chip ice-cream and enjoy a night in your comfy jammies while watching a 6 pack match between Gerard Butler and Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

And guys, there’s no one there to nag you for wanting to start another round of Starcraft with your buddies. Take out your 6-pack of beer, bags of chips and enjoy a couple of hours of gameplaying with Kerrigan and a herd of Zergs at your command.

5. Pre-falling in love process is awesome

Falling in love is such a wonderful feeling, but the whole process before you get to the point where you actually admit that to each other before riding into the sunset together is even better.

Making that first eye contact with someone and feeling your stomach twinge and twist, the first conversation, the first date, the first kiss. For some people, dating is even better than being in an actual relationship. What do you think about this?

6. Opportunities that you might not have taken if you were in a relationship

Sometimes we get to face some tough choices that could change our entire future. Sometimes those choices turn out to be blessings in disguise, other times they turn out to be misfortunes. When you get an opportunity that could redirect the course of your life, you have to think about what’s in it for you, how does that impact you, how does it change you, where does it take you? Often times we say no to such opportunities because we choose love, and for good reason too. But one of the perks of being single is not having to think twice when it comes to such opportunities.

7. The only thing you’ll be crying for are the Grey’s Anatomy episodes

This may just be for the girls out there, but honestly, the only thing you should be crying and feel sad about are the sappy movies you’re watching. I spent a lot of nights crying myself to sleep over the guys in my life, and it was no fun. Sure, I was foolish too and I had my own share of blame, but sometimes, I simply feel like it’s so much better not having to deal with the drama of relationships; I like my drama to stay in TV shows, thank you very much.

8. No compromises

One of the hardest things to do is compromise who you are for the sake of a relationship. Sometimes it’s worth it, other times you just end up giving up a piece of yourself to fix something that can’t be fixed. At the end of the day you got to realize that some people, even if they are meant to fall in love, are not meant to stay together, so you need to choose carefully, what you’re willing to give and what to gain.

9. Other perks include:

Staying in your underwear or XXL t-shirt whenever you feel like it, having an entire bed to just yourself, not worrying about leaving the toothpaste cap off, or having to move the toilet seat according to your preferences, and while speaking of preferences, sticking to your own regarding shaving; no annoyances, no fights, no Valentine’s Day obligations, no pressure to find the perfect birthday gift, no unrealistic expectations, no worries about being scolded for leaving the milk carton open in the fridge.

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10. The chance to be YOU

This post may come off as being an anti-relationship rant, which partly is, but what I really want you to focus on is the importance of finding yourself in all of this, and being completely prepared for when the time comes to fully accept another person into your heart and into your life. It’s not easy to be with someone when you can’t even see who you really are.

So take this time to find out everything there is to know about you: what you like, what you hate, what you want to become, where you want to go, how you like to be loved, what you want to give to someone else, what you don’t want to compromise, and what type of person you would like to wake up next to. Give yourself enough time to learn and make mistakes and evolve into the best you that you can possible be, and let the magic happen all by itself: your perfect someone will find you when you’re both at your best.

Stay posted to CE over the next week or two for a follow-up post on ’10 Reasons Why You Should Love Being In A Relationship.’

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Consciousness

Parables For The New Conversation (Chapter 9: The Beach)

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The following is a chapter from my book ‘Parables For The New Conversation.’ One chapter will be published every Sunday for 36 weeks here on Collective Evolution. (I would recommend you start with Chapter 1 if you haven’t already read it.) I hope my words are a source of enjoyment and inspiration for you, the reader. If perchance you would like to purchase a signed paperback copy of the book, you can do so on my production company website Pandora’s Box Office.

From the back cover: “Imagine a conversation that centers around possibility—the possibility that we can be more accepting of our own judgments, that we can find unity through our diversity, that we can shed the light of our love on the things we fear most. Imagine a conversation where our greatest polarities are coming together, a meeting place of East and West, of spirituality and materialism, of religion and science, where the stage is being set for a collective leap in consciousness more magnificent than any we have known in our history.

Now imagine that this conversation honors your uniqueness and frees you to speak from your heart, helping you to navigate your way more deliberately along your distinct path. Imagine that this conversation puts you squarely into the seat of creator—of your fortunes, your relationships, your life—thereby putting the fulfillment of your deepest personal desires well within your grasp.

‘Parables for the New Conversation’ is a spellbinding odyssey through metaphor and prose, personal sagas and historic events, where together author and reader explore the proposal that at its most profound level, life is about learning to consciously manifest the experiences we desire–and thus having fun. The conversation touches on many diverse themes but always circles back to who we are and how our purposes are intertwined, for it is only when we see that our personal desires are perfectly aligned with the destiny of humanity as a whole that we will give ourselves full permission to enjoy the most exquisite experiences life has to offer.”

9. The Beach

One day the jeweler was relaxing under the sun on the sands of the East Beach on the island of Allandon when the banker walked slowly by, joints creaking and breathing heavily. He stopped right in front of the jeweler and looked out onto the ocean. Then he unrolled his large towel and placed it beside the jeweler, who was surprised since there was so much room elsewhere on the beach, and the banker was a man who usually kept to himself.

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“Don’t mind me,” said the banker as he bent down gingerly to sit on his large towel. “It’s just that this was my favorite spot when I was a boy.”

“Really? I came here when I was a boy as well,” said the jeweler.

The banker stretched contentedly on his towel and said, “Oh, it’s been so long, I’d forgotten the feeling. Is there anything better than sitting by the ocean on a sunny day?”

“Nothing better,” agreed the jeweler emphatically.

“It must be almost fifty years since I laid on this spot,” said the banker. “But we all have to go out and make our fortunes, don’t we?”

“I suppose we do,” replied the jeweler.

“And then one day we can do whatever we want,” the banker said proudly as he stretched out on his towel.

The jeweler did not respond, and for a while only the sounds of the seagulls and the rolling waves could be heard as the two men blissfully soaked in the sun’s rays. Later, when the ocean breeze got cooler, the jeweler got up and prepared to leave. While he was brushing off sand and folding his towel the banker looked over and asked, “So, when did you start coming again to the beach, anyway?”

“I never stopped,” replied the jeweler as he walked away.

My parents both believed that money was scarce, and our family’s frugal lifestyle was built on the idea of saving for the future to gain a feeling of security. Yet the most poignant lessons I learned about money from my parents ran smack in the face of this idea, as a result of unfortunate events.

My father was the breadwinner, and my mother handled the household budget. By the time my brother, sister and I were in University, my parents had almost paid off their mortgage and had accumulated a nice nest egg. However my father’s stress and dissatisfaction at work caused him to quit his job. Both he and my mother soon began to feel a new stress – that of no money coming in. After a short time my father started seeking the same kind of job he had just left, including trying to go back to his old job, but he didn’t have any success.

Over the next year, my father’s stress about money surfaced daily and was growing into desperation. His nest egg had been reduced by about ten percent, and he was in a panic about the thought of it all slipping away. He felt he had to do something, and so he made the decision to invest all his money in a business. He became the owner of a stereo shop, and I agreed to be the salesperson.

Business did not go well. I made a big sale the first day, but gave the customer too much of a bargain. My father lambasted me for it because the profit margin was too low. I became scared to offer any kind of deal to customers. My father, on the other hand, was just scared of customers, period. As the days went by, the business only amplified his fear of losing money. We didn’t take any of the risks that might have helped us to become profitable. As we attracted fewer and fewer customers, our stock quickly became outdated. After ten months of pure struggle, we had to give up and close the business. Besides losing his nest egg, my father incurred a huge debt. He had to take out a sizeable second mortgage on his home to pay off all his creditors.

It would be logical to suppose that after the dust had settled, my father would be even more anxious and desperate, or worse, that he would fall into a deep depression. But what actually happened was quite amazing. My father experienced a calm about money that I had never seen before. Perhaps it is because he had gone through his worst-case scenario and had come out the other end alive. He had survived. He had been forced to surrender, to give up his fear-based plans for security, and just confront the fears themselves. The ease of his newly-relaxed disposition was remarkable. He could now stand tall in the face of these fears, and experience, possibly for the first time since he was young, what it felt like to live day by day.

I will never forget the change—the look on his face and the calm in his voice whenever we reflected back on and actually shared some laughs about the ordeal. It struck me in those moments how people who had a lot of money were so much more likely to be paralyzed by the fear of poverty than those who had none.

My mother was born into a poor family. Her mother died when she was young, and they lived on her father’s meager barber’s income. There were times, she would tell me, that they weren’t sure if they would have any food to eat the next day. In her marriage my mother’s fear of not having money was even deeper than my father’s. She lived her adult life as though saving money for the future was unquestionably the most important thing, more important than learning, fulfillment, perhaps even love. As a consequence she focused on developing certain skills: she was expert at putting great inexpensive meals together, she became very good with budgets, and knew how to shop and negotiate for bargains. This all seemed prudent and reasonable, but later in her life, when her material conditions improved, her fear—and consequently her habits—remained. As she neared retirement, much of her daily conversation still related to worries about money and thoughts about saving.

Then one day my mother was diagnosed with cancer. During her long and difficult ordeal, the importance of money, and the fear of not having enough, slowly melted away. My mother was put in a situation where she could not help but see the stark truth that she had always been running away from something she was afraid of rather than towards something she wanted. I had the privilege of many intimate conversations with my mother during her last six months, and besides witnessing the tremendous courage she exhibited in many ways, I felt that I got to know her true self, unfettered by worldly concerns. We found ourselves roaring with laughter when we poked fun together at her penny-pinching ways: the folly of clipping coupons that saved her nickels and the trips to far-away stores to save dimes, the different savings accounts and credit card promotions that she took for the free gifts or reduced fees. All these things seemed to come with the promise that they would help her get to the day when she would have enough abundance to relax. That day never came, at least not the way she had envisioned it. For it was only faced with her own mortality that she realized where true security lies: in living life in the present.

What I learned from my parents is that while the fear of not having enough money might motivate us to work hard or to save, working hard and saving does nothing to alleviate the fear. In the end, this fear denies us the possibility of having a real feeling of abundance in our lives. What we are all seeking in life is the experience of the moment—the moment where we feel joy, we feel we have all we need, that everything is all right in our world. Experiences that point us back to the moment, to the now, help us see how to reconnect with that feeling of joy and the freedom it brings.

I don’t think money itself helps us to be free. The more that accumulating money is used as a cure for our insecurity, the more we become dependent on it. And true freedom cannot be dependent on any thing or circumstance. It is really an internal state of mind. My mother realized this from her hospital bed, during those times of clarity when the contradictions of her lifestyle presented themselves to her. She never got the chance to see what it would feel like to live within her sought-after level of security, but I believe her conclusion would nonetheless have been the same: if one waits for security before one is willing and able to truly live, the window of opportunity closes quickly on an already short and fleeting life. Helen Keller may have explained it best:

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.

It is only fear that stops us from taking risks that are sometimes necessary to truly live out our dream in the present. When we have a dream and we know what it is we want to do or become, the question is: why are we not actively chasing that dream in the present? When I get out of school, we will say. After I’m married. When we get a house, or when the renovations are done. When the kids are out of diapers. When the kids are out of high school. When the kids are out of the house. When I get my promotion. When I retire. These are the echoes of our fear, which keeps pushing the experience of the moment mercilessly out of our grasp.

For many of us the real desire, the Dream with a capital ‘D’, gets pushed so far back as we get on in life that we may even get cynical about dreaming altogether. And then we get turned off when someone tries to suggest that we are all capable of experiencing our greatest desires in life. My mother would have liked to travel more in her life. But this or any other dream she had tended to take a back seat to paying off the mortgage or increasing her retirement savings. Her fear would not allow her to imagine what life would be like beyond the most practical considerations.

Our society as a whole is in no rush to help alleviate our insecurity. Rather it thrives on it, because it insures that we maintain a constant need to work hard and keep our consumer economy going. It’s why we play dog-eat-dog to get the promotion. It’s why we need to surround ourselves with proof of our abundance, the latest gadgets, the better car, the bigger house. It’s a simple plan, but it keeps our society going. And for the most part it keeps us going too, striving for some fabled glory when we can say we have finally made it. But if and when we do actually ‘arrive’ at the fulfillment of our material goals, do we then live out our lives in perpetual ecstasy? Not likely, not if we are honest with ourselves. We would be more prone to simply sit in the comfort of our luxury recliners nagged by questions like, “Is this it? Is this all there is to life?”

I am not saying that I am against abundance. There is nothing wrong with having money and owning comfortable chairs, big-screen TVs, a country cottage or even a personal jet. Not at all. These objects are neither good nor bad in themselves. The trouble begins when we try to bank on our material abundance to make us happy to be alive. I have many friends around me who have tremendous abundance. Some of them are generally happy, others are constantly plagued by money worries. The happy ones tend to be the same people who, if they were suddenly to lose everything, would be confident that they could carry on and set about rebuilding without much fuss. They have already been able to make the choice to look beyond their abundance when it comes to what is truly important in their lives.

I am grateful for the lessons I learned from my parents, because they helped me see that we often use money to insulate ourselves from our fears, and in the process we get insulated from a real sense of well-being. Had I not come to confront my insecurities, I would probably still be doing something that I didn’t really like just for the money. Today I am clear that real security is not something that can be bought, and we can only feel free when we learn to live in the moment. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. If I would have delayed trying to write a book until it was prudent and safe, I honestly believe that time would never have come. In the eyes of many people around me it certainly hasn’t been the most practical thing to do, and some probably even consider it wildly irresponsible, given that the savings I had carefully built up over the years have quickly evaporated. But I wouldn’t change where I’ve gotten today for a truckload of money. I’m having an experience beyond what money could buy. Every day I get a little closer to fulfilling my long-time dream of getting a book published. This is my marathon, my Mount Everest, my sacred quest, the fulfillment of the highest desire inside me that I know of.

While it might be nice to reach the loftiest financial quotas of our retirement plan, are we compromising a major chunk of our vital lives for it? If indeed money is a means to an end, and that end is happiness and fulfillment in what we are doing in our lives, would it not make more sense just to go straight to the source? Our Ego Self will be quick to dissuade this kind of thinking, and urge us to continue along with prudence and caution. It lives only in the past and in the future, and it would have us believe that our fulfillment will arrive at a later time. But it cannot. When it comes to fulfillment, we can experience it nowhere but in the present.

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Alternative News

Al Sharpton Cancels NYC ‘Vaccine Forum’ Amid Pressure From Physicians – But It’s Happening Anyway

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Amid pressure from scientists and physicians, Al Sharpton cancels vaccine forum event aimed at educating the public about potential vaccine dangers. But the event is still on in a new location!

  • Reflect On:

    Why such a concerted effort from the establishment to shut down public events aimed at educating people about safety concerns regarding vaccines? If there was nothing to hide, why shut them down so aggressively?

The Rev. Al Sharpton and the National Action Network were set to host a “vaccine forum” on Oct 19th, 2019 in Harlem that would feature speakers focused on raising awareness about vaccine injuries and lack of vaccine safety.

The event was going to take place at National Action Network’s headquarters on 145th Street, and Sharpton was slated to welcome guests, alongside Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who is currently suing New York State for removing the option for parents to exercise religious exemptions to vaccines.

After the event was shut down at NAN due to pressure from prominent vaccine supporters, the location was moved to an Assembly Hall at Riverside Church. (More details below.)

Dr. Peter Hotez, who has refused to publicly debate Robert F Kennedy Jr on the matters of vaccine safety, was one of the individuals trying to shut down the event. When speaking of Sharpton he stated:

“His organization should not be hosting this event,” he said. “He should not be appearing at this event. This is an event which is intended to deliberately work towards depriving kids in Harlem of their life-saving vaccines and to make parents question the safety of those vaccines.”

Not all share Hotez’s opinion that vaccines are a safe, one size fits all pharmaceutical. And there is much evidence to support those doubts. Hence why the vaccine awareness movement is rapidly growing, it’s evidence based and that’s becoming more obvious as each day goes by.

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If there was no evidence vaccines come with serious dangers, this argument would have died out years ago. Take for example the resurgence of topics like flat earth, it had celebrity backing and was an internet phenomenon, but it died off quickly as there simply is no evidence to support the idea. With vaccines, it’s much different. More and more prominent, credible and credentialed individuals are joining the movement because the evidence continues to mount. Their goal is to assess vaccine safety and stop government from trying to force vaccines on everyone due to pharmaceutical pressures.

Dr. Sean O’Leary with the American Academy of Pediatrics also outspoken about the event:

“Just when we get done with the measles outbreak, actions like this threaten the public’s health by starting another measles outbreak, […] Here, in another part of New York City, we have folks ready to go into a community and spread more misinformation and pseudoscience.”

Again, more misinformed and opinionated statements from individuals that perhaps are simply not attempting to see the truth or who are pressured not to speak the truth. The body of evidence that expresses the lack of vaccine safety is vast. For example, a pilot study by the Federal Agency for Health Care Research found that 1 in 39 kids are injured by vaccines in some way, contrary to the estimate put forth by the CDC that suggests 1 in a million are injured –  that’s quite the gap.

It brings up the question, if there is nothing to hide in the actions of pharmaceutical companies, why are they protected by laws from ever being sued for vaccine injuries and harm? Why are public debates on the issue always cancelled? Why does the media work so hard to turn people to question things into ‘antivaxxers?’ Why do we (CE) had our reach limited on Facebook and receive ‘fake news’ strikes every time we report on vaccines? – even when the information is completely fact based…

Because there is something to hide here. If there was nothing to hide, big pharma and their control over congress, government, media, some scientists and doctors would not be working so hard to shut down people who have figured out the truth.

“It is a grave warning sign for American democracy that the pharmaceutical industry is now so powerful that it can silence debate, even in the traditional heart of civil rights activism” – Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

If you are in the New York area, you can attend this free public event to understand more about vaccines safety on October 19th,  2019.

Speakers include: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.; Sheila Ealey; John Gilmore; Dr. Phil Valentine; Curtis Cost; Dr. Lawrence Palevsky; Reverend Walter Sotelo; Mary Holland; Gary Null; Mitchel Cohen; and many more.

The event time and location is as follows:

Saturday, October 19th, 1:00-4:0 p.m.
Assembly Hall at Riverside Church
91 Claremont Avenue, New York, NY

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Alternative News

Tulsi Gabbard Just Called Hillary Clinton The “Embodiment Of Corruption” And Much More

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Hillary Clinton just referred to Tulsi Gabbard as a Russian asset in an interview. Tulsi comes back at her on Twitter, exposing the true face of Clinton.

  • Reflect On:

    Is it not important we have more public conversations about the true nature of the politicians we vote for?

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has recently suggested that she thinks Rep. Tulsi Gabbard, D-Hawaii, is being “groomed” by Russia to run as a third-party candidate in 2020. Of course, she supplied no evidence of this, but using “Russia” in any sentence in the US is a sure-fire way of striking fear in people about someone.

In an interview with David Plouff, Obama’s former campaign manager, Clinton said:

“They’re also going to do third-party again, “I’m not making any predictions, but I think they’ve got their eye on someone who’s currently in the Democratic primary and are grooming her to be the third-party candidate. She’s the favorite of the Russians. They have a bunch of sites and bots and other ways of supporting her so far.”

Again, step out of part politics for a second, are we really going to pretend this is about parties and not the global elite being upset at someone who’s ruining their show? Think about it, Clinton used Facebook, Google, YouTube and almost every media outlet in the US to manipulate the public into thinking she was a viable candidate. Trump was keen to use social media, and played the role of causing drama, but at least he was transparent about it. Clinton on the other hand, is precisely what Gabbard stated about her in a follow-up Tweet to Clinton’s remarks.

When it comes to the US’ involvement in war, which Gabbard has been rightly critical about, she has also said that Trump “has the blood of the Kurds on his hands” but explained that she holds both parties responsible for supporting what she described as a “regime-change war.” Accurately seeing that this is not about parties but about deep state agendas.

The Takeaway

As we often say in step 1 of The CE Protocol, we have to break the illusion of the world around us. Events like this indicate that there is a greater desire for people to speak up and expose what many people have known for a long time but has never received the attention it deserves. Gabbard in this case is helping the American public see more clearly the true nature of some of the politicians at play and the actions they take.

When we learn to see these actions more clearly we can call into question whether or not our voting processes or systems are truly representative of what people want or whether they are just there to tell a story to the people – one that isn’t true – so money and power can be made and maintained at the elite level.

Needing to have open and public conversations about this type of stuff, moving beyond the mainstream media created celebrity status of various candidates, is important so that people can begin to see the truth – see the person behind the mask. This is partly what people see with Trump, the truth of what politicians look like, act like and where their agendas lie. It’s all laid bare. Whether or not you agree or disagree with it is up to you to decide, because at least now it can be seen clearly. Especially if you avoid mainstream media’s coverage of it.

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