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Consciousness

7 Habits For Healthy Relationships

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1. Understanding Self 

 “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle

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Like most things we do in life the first step always begins with how we relate to ourselves as humans and how comfortable we are with ourselves. We have a far better chance to share more meaningful relationships with others if we are at peace with ourselves.  As humans we spend much of our time engaging in trivial or superficial dialogue and not in deeper more meaningful conversation, we exist at this artificial level of  consciousness. At such a superficial level we find it difficult to experience our ultimate feeling of connection and communion with others. Only upon silent reflection and understanding of ourselves can we begin to let go and let others enter our lives without  fear, prejudice and preconceived ideas. We continually evolve during the course of our lives. We develop and grow at a physical, emotional and spiritual level. We are  products of our past experiences, unfortunately too often we let these control how we react to situations and relationships. We must come to the realisation that we are able to consciously control how we engage with others. Often we see people coming out of poor relationships only to fall back into the trap of having the same experiences again.  This cycle of dependency and patterning can see people in destructive and unhappy relationships for many years, decades and often lifetimes.

To love someone and find happiness we must achieve inner contentment with who we are and what we believe. It is only when we are content within ourselves that we are able to release the expectations we would otherwise place on others. We are free to love unconditionally when we are free from our ‘ego’ centred self. So how do we truly get to know and love ourselves?

2. Letting Go of Fear & Insecurity

“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” – William James

Have you ever entered into a relationship because at the time you thought it would make you happy? Be honest. You were a little unsatisfied with life and in need of something to bring some variety or distraction into your life. We look for relationships that will enhance our lives in the hope that they will bring us a multitude of different feelings and experiences. Our thoughts can sabotage any hope of a truly meaningful connection if we see relationships as something that seek to bring us happiness. Until we realise that happiness comes from within and that relationships are but a common and enriching sharing of experiences, then we will always struggle to have meaningful long-term relationships. Needing someone to add value to our lives is a sure way of dooming any relationship. By understanding our ego needs we can let go of any need to seek satisfaction by grasping to others to fulfil these needs. Until we understand no one can complete us and make us truly happy we will always be living a life of turbulence. Others can enrich our world, yet it is ultimately up to us to find inner happiness and contentment. A sure way to destroy any relationship is to harbour fear and insecurity in a relationship. Inner happiness can only be found within. Any reliance on others to bring us happiness will be short term at best or will eventually lead to disappointment.

3. Living Without Expectations

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust

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What do you expect from any relationship? Love? Security? The feeling of being needed?  An underlying cause of relationship failures, whether people are aware of it or not, is that they enter into relationships based on expectation. That is, they enter into the relationship hoping to receive something in return. Relationship breakdowns often occur because people rarely discuss their expectations prior to entering into a relationship. Too often we enter relationships and want to change something about the other person to suit our ego model of how things ‘should be.’ Many couples have ‘requirements’ for potential partners. These may include such things as appearance,  social standing, employment criteria, so on and so forth. I am not advocating that we find a partner we have nothing in common with. It does make sense to look deeper than the ‘ego related’ requirements we look for in our relationships. We must ask ourselves, are we using our relationships purely to satisfy the ego? Expectation can be the killer of relationships, with undue influence, pressure and demands creating relationship tensions. We must learn to let the other person be who they are and free from our expectations.

4. Communicating Effectively

“Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.” – Richard Bach

According to Doctors Lonnie Barbach & Linda Levine in their book, ‘Shared Intimacy,’ “Good communication in a relationship is similar to a solid foundation for a house. If a house is built with a strong foundation, it will be able to withstand the stress caused by such natural disasters such as hurricanes or tornadoes. Even if the rest of the house is damaged or destroyed, if the foundation is solid the house can be rebuilt.” Direct and honest communication leaves no doubt to the meaning of communicative interactions. Being able to share problems and issues within a relationship helps build a stronger bond between partners and stimulate a deeper more meaningful relationship. Participating equally in the communication process by listening and interacting, creates an atmosphere of two way communication.

While poor communication underlies many of the destructive forces that harm and ruin relationships, positive communication plays an important part in helping build and sustain meaningful relationships. Over time, the day-to-day reality of living, responsibilities and family commitments, allows familiarity and complacency to creep into our relationships. When this happens it is easy to start taking our partner for granted. A combination of familiarity and stress may create unnecessary conflict within a relationship. These conflicts may be short lived or ongoing and can be the foundation for relationship decline. It is imperative to have a firm understanding of our partner’s communication style so we can consciously appreciate each other fully as human beings. How do you communicate with others and what are the communication styles of your loved ones? While everyone has slightly different communication styles a simple way to ensure you maintain and foster healthy communication is to put yourself in the other persons shoes. Think about how you would like to be treated.

5. Unconditional Love

“The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

The foundation of all great relationships is based on unconditional love. Unconditional love is when we give love and in return want nothing back. It is caring about the happiness of another person without any need for reciprocation. It is something sages, mystics, artists and great leaders have talked about throughout the millennia. It is the greatest power on earth, yet in this modern world of excess we struggle to understand how to give unconditionally. It is a powerful force that can change everything. Unconditional love is free of restrictions or expectations as nothing is expected in return. A classic example can be seen in parenting. A parent may love their child unconditionally and while the feeling may be reciprocated by the child, the parent’s love will endure regardless of how the child feels, behaves or acts. It is seeking the best for others and understanding that they need to be free and make their own choices. It is not judging others regardless of their decisions and actions.

6. Honesty the Best Policy

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most effective ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” – Stephen R. Covey

It goes without saying that one of the keys to a successful relationship is honesty, openness and mutual trust. Honesty builds trust which is essential for enduring relationships of any kind. The trust of another is the most important thing we can ever receive from another. Not only does it help develop confidence and respect for the other person, it establishes life long bonds. A strong relationship through sincere honesty can endure almost anything. If strong communication is the foundation of a good relationship, then honesty is the cement that holds it together. In honest relationships we are open and frank with each other and hold nothing back. Our honesty sets us free from guilt, worry and any other form of potential sabotage we can bring forth to destroy our relationships. Any relationship that does not harbour honesty will eventually cause stress, grief and suffering to one or both parties. Intimacy is lost when people are not completely open and honest with each other. Once trust has been broken it is extremely difficult, if not impossible to restore. When everything is shared, people can experience relaxed, comfortable and more complete interactions with others. With intimacy comes a deep connection, understanding and knowledge of each other. This sharing of feelings, experiences and communication is the ultimate expression of love and makes for happy and fulfilling relationships

7. Freedom to be Yourself and Let Others be Themselves

“Love is the only freedom in the world because it so elevates the spirit that the laws of humanity and the phenomena of nature do not alter its course.” – Kahlil Gibran

As we have mentioned previously, expectation is often a heavy burden that weighs down and places undue pressure on relationships. The opposite of expectation is unconditional love, as this allows complete freedom from any rules, regulation, mandates or conditional behaviours. We place conditional expectations on people often without realising. We may want to spend more time with a partner, we may prefer they didn’t do certain activities, we may want certain feelings returned from a relationship and we often send messages of disapproval in many non-verbal ways. By remembering that a relationship is a two way street and we must take into account what others feel and wish for in a relationship. By requesting or pushing for certain things from a relationship, we are effectively trying to change the behaviour of others. Freedom in a relationship, be it an intimate interpersonal relationship, a friendship, or a working relationship, promotes trust, respect and provides an environment for happy and enduring relationships to blossom.

Article by Andrew Martin editor of onenesspublishing  and author of  One ~ A Survival Guide for the Future…

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Excerpts from One ~ A Survival Guide for the Future…

 

 

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
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Consciousness

On Taking Life Too Seriously

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Much of the time in life, we allow ourselves to take situations VERY seriously. This will sometimes turn pain into suffering, or prolong the challenges we face for growth. It also stops us from truly finding peace in life.

  • Reflect On:

    Do you feel a constant sense of anxiety in your life? Underlying everything? Where do you notice you take life or situations too seriously? What do you do to begin connecting back to self, and taking life less seriously?

Do you go through life with constant angst? A feeling deep down that there is always a little bit of stress or a little bit of worry? I’ve been through this. And in some ways, I thought it would never go away. But I focused on self awareness and living in the heart enough to kiss those days goodbye.

We can sure take life too seriously at times can’t we? I mean it’s fair. We have stresses in life that we get caught up in, we go, go, go, go, and often forget to take a moment to breathe. In Western culture, it’s all about obsessing over goals and getting there and telling ourselves sotries about what life will be like when we do finally get there… but what often happens to us when we live this way? We step into unconsciousness. We stop taking time to FEEL.

I want to help us remember to be STILL with this.

Various experiences and events have taken place in my life that have challenged some of my deepest ideals, belief systems and concepts that I felt were a part of me. This has gone on and occurred in my entire 11 year journey of truly changing myself. Whether it had to do with the work I do, friends, the world, relationships or big decisions in life, many things were challenged. It has truly been an incredible ride.

We sometimes might think “when will all the change and ‘chaos’ end?” A good question indeed, but isn’t this what we are here for at this time? To truly look at ourselves, look at all that we hold onto and all that we define our reality with. Literally everything! If you are feeling like you are the only one out there going through this stuff and feel like everything is backwards -that things are constantly being challenged, know that what you are experiencing is perfect, and we must remember to have fun with it!

Not Just A Human Experience

We are not here at this time to simply have ‘a human experience,’ we are here to evolve the human experience. It’s different! Stop looking at the past to tell us what to do, how we should move forward, and what ‘the greats’ did in our past to figure things out. We are not in that time, and the zeitgeist of our time now is not to simply exist but to be present as we deeply evolve the way of life on this planet.

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We hear a lot “but we’re human, just embrace that!” That’s all fine, but what does that mean? What is a human? How should we be? Does being human mean accepting the world as it is? Are we capable of more? Can we redefine what it means to be human and what life should look like? Why do we give up so easily on dreaming big about these things?

I used to accept MANY limitations about myself and what I could do. But eventually, I was faced with the chance to let all that go, and reimagine what was possible. Even when everyone told me I was crazy and I couldn’t do what I was trying to do, I used my connection to self and consciousness to create it. Because I believed I was capable of more, and so is everyone else. This is how Collective Evolution, the site your on, came to be.

Embracing Change

After experiencing the many deep questions and challenges I have thus far, overcoming them and moving forward, I have one very special thing that I have reminded myself about over and over and truly understand to a deep level. We are here to play and evolve! None of what we are experiencing is as serious as we think!!

The mind and ego can make things very real, very dramatic, very frightening. I know! But the highest aspect of who we are is always clear, always neutral, and always sharing with us exactly what we need to hear because IT IS US! We are not the mind or the stories it creates that makes things so serious. They are there because that is our challenge. To go beyond the mind and the stories it creates -so we can experience this sensorial world and remember who we truly are (click to listen to my podcast on this topic.)

So let’s remember, whether it’s life choices, relationships, friends, work, family, sports, or everyday events, know that it’s just an experience! We can spend our whole lives always caught up in the drama and the intensity, saying “oh my gosh things are so tough, the world is so crazy, my life is upside down, and I’m so busy!” but where does this lead us? This is a question we must ask ourselves.

If we remain caught up in these perceptions, repetitive patterns of mind, we will continue to miss out on the entire journey we are on because we are lost and caught up in the mind. We perpetuate our so called “suffering” when we make things serious and make them a big deal. When we can see it for what it is, we allow the emotions to subside, allow back in our full potential and know how to take action forward. This is called finding true peace.

I’m not talking about simply accepting things and saying “well get over it” or “that’s how it is, so deal with it.” No. I’m talking about truly seeing things for what they are. Seeing why we color something in a particular way. Seeing the belief system behind why something is good or bad or right or wrong or even why it’s serious!

I promise you, behind every strong emotion, every serious situation, there is a belief system that makes it that way. One that is held in the mind and made real by the mind. But the mind is not YOU! See the story! Let it go and just play! You will find much peace and joy in flowing through your experience in this way.

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
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Consciousness

Have You Realized The Profundity Of Our True Nature?

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    In life, we typically move about, seeing all material for what we define it as. This makes things convenient in a way, but there is a profoundness to not only seeing beyond these definitions, but also tapping back into full potential.

  • Reflect On:

    Have you ever tried practicing the awareness that you are not your mind nor your body? Why do we identify so strongly with just our physical body, and is it time to begin to remember we are much more than that?

Who we really are has been staring us in the face the whole time.

Take a look at your body, but look at it from a completely impersonal perspective; free of any thought about it at all. Without labels like arms and legs; without any sense of ownership, just as it is. Look in the mirror at your face, your eyes, but look without the thinking mind. This body that you get to use and throw around the joint, is a product of the universe. Conditions were apparently perfect here on Earth for Humans to exist. A magnificent sculpture, carved from stardust, gases, cells, minerals, heat – one of the most complex arrangements of cells and energy you have ever laid your eyes upon.

There is no boundary to the human body; there is no “in here” and “out there.” The body is a constant flow of energy, never a stationary or permanent thing we could pin down. There is a constant flow of air coming in and out, molecules by our skin, bacteria breaking down food in our stomach, there is no boundary between the body and the environment. It’s like a river, never the same body of water in any two moments.

Then, how about all the stuff the body perceives. All the sounds, tastes, smells, visual images and so on. The human body makes the whole world we’re privy to. The brain selects a very narrow band of frequencies and constructs reality according to the bandwidth of what our senses relay for us. The visual spectrum is only a very narrow band, while other sentient beings select out different bands for their viewing pleasure. So reality as we know it, never exists objectively, only subjectively through the being that is observing it. Without an observer what does it exist as? Just a soup of frequencies I suppose.

I find this phenomenal! There are little reality bubbles existing wherever a sentient being is alive. Energy has coalesced into the form of a human being, a giraffe, an ant, a butterfly, a chameleon, an amoeba, and through these configurations, the universe is observing itself. It is having experiences with itself.

1619136_420984308034739_245289130_nSo essentially, the whole world that you exist in – the reality bubble that you spend your entire life in – is entirely made by the human body. Your human body. Everything, all of it. Look at the image your eyes are creating. Look at how immaculate, perfect and impeccably high the resolution is! Check out how infinite the colour palette is. Take another look in the mirror at the wonder of your eyes. Those things stuck in that head, those things that we call eyes are absolutely wondrous biological organs, composed of trillions of living cells; living in harmony, being fed by the fuel you place in your mouth. Those things are taking frequencies of energy, sending it at light speed to your brain, where trillions more cells convert it into a picture. WOW!

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And while I’m on that subject: have you ever wondered how electrical signals in the brain – how realistically an infinite amount of neurons in our brain – can create the conscious experience of sound out of electrical impulses? How does something biological turn electricity into the conscious experience of smell? Into the emotion of love, of anger?

So look around you. Look what you’re part of. You’re on a planet zooming through space at hundreds of kilometres per second, circling around in a gigantic galaxy. You’re amongst animals, forests, bodies of water, lightning, rain, drought, plants and soil. You’re amongst life! You’re seeing it unfold right before your eyes, seeing life in all its animation. I don’t see why it should seem like there’s anything else to do, other than admire what we’re amongst, and create.

Just as the bus motors down the street, so too does the galaxy arms revolve around its core. A child eats breakfast, while an asteroid erupts as it passes through an atmosphere. We are as much an expression of this universe as the plants and galaxies. This universe has arranged itself in such complex ways, in such exquisite patterns, so that it may know itself through our eyes. We have become an aperture for energy to know what it inherently is.

When we look deeper into our own nature, we find that things are even more extraordinary than what exists in the physical realm of bodies, animals, plants and stars.

There is this notion of separation in our society, where we exist separately from the outside world of other stuff. We are separate from the table, our house, other people and the whole cosmos. We feel this too, because we feel that we are the human body, or the thinker somewhere in the head. But this notion is learnt, cultivated, but not all cultures prescribe to this way of being at all.

The whole world is consciousness; it all exists within, not out there somewhere. This is the worldview slowly being ushered in by quantum mechanics and eastern traditions. They’ve arrived now at the same point, but there is obvious resistance because the old system composed of survival-of-the-fittest, authority, institutions and competition rely on our illusory separateness for vitality.

Consciousness is the way in which biological functions of firing neurons in the brain are turned into a conscious experience. Consciousness is something transcendent of the physical world, and is therefore never affected by the  realm of form. It is so perfect and complete already, not needing fulfillment or healing in any way.

The thing is, most of us don’t feel this way though. We still feel separate, small, incomplete and not an integrated part of the whole. We still feel like we are locked up inside a head looking out at separate stuff. But there are ways in which consciousness can shift and identify with something much deeper. The first step is usually quieting the mind through meditation. Our thoughts have run rampant, and we’ve taken this incessant internal monologue to be who we are. But if you do one session of meditation, you’ll see that the mind comes in all by itself, starts up fantasies, conversations, judgments and memories all by itself, while you are trying to focus on your breath. While you’re trying to be silent, the mind has other ideas. Meditation shows us we aren’t the thinker at all; it shows us that we are the witnessing presence OF thought.

A thought is as much a sensation as the taste of ice cream is; we’ve just placed too much emphasis and belief in thought. So rather than identifying consciousness with something superimposed upon it (the mind, the “small self”, the ego) we can shine the light back in on itself via techniques like meditation, and identify as pure consciousness itself. We become not only the witnesser of all sensation, but we merge with it, just as we did with the mind. The feeling of self shifts from the mind with all its thoughts and ideas about the world, to sensation. And sensation is essentially the universe! You become the whole universe.

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
Continue Reading

Consciousness

When Is The Last Time You Were GENUINELY Yourself? If You’re Still Thinking About It, Read This.

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Some of us go our entire lives without truly being ourselves. There may be many reasons for it, but we often find ourselves living via others' expectations or approval.

  • Reflect On:

    When was the last time you noticed yourself hold back or be different than YOU because you were worried about what someone may think or do? Worried about challenging someone? Perhaps just appeasing people's egos?

Being 100% authentic to who you are, and at peace with it. Living from the Heart. Feeling comfortable within yourself. At all times. With everyone. No matter what “people dynamics” you are exposed to.

Now that’s a tough one for an ego who needs the approval, love and acceptance of others. Inner-peace sure is conditional when we are afraid to have our mind and its beliefs challenged in one way or another. But instead of basing our actions and state of being according to the fears, worries and desires of our ego, what we should ask our heart instead is:

Is it really worth it to compromise our natural state for the sake of appeasing the ego of others? Is it worth it to step away from our natural state and rather buy into our own egoic beliefs and fears?

The truth is, when others are truly comfortable and at peace with themselves, they won’t need you to change who you are. And when you are truly comfortable and at peace within yourself, you don’t need others to change who they are. Only the ego does.

When you have reached a state of utmost clarity and inner-peace, the only thing that can really make sense… is to BE who you truly are!

So the bottom line is, when you are authentic and at peace within yourself, YES, there will always be egos challenged by you, yet there will always be souls INSPIRED by you. In both cases, it is as perfect as it can get 😉

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This is a simple reminder, not long, just simple. You can read it today, pass it on. Deep wisdom doesn’t have to be super long. Enjoy your day! 🙂

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
Continue Reading
advertisement - learn more
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