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7 Habits For Healthy Relationships

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1. Understanding Self 

 “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle

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Like most things we do in life the first step always begins with how we relate to ourselves as humans and how comfortable we are with ourselves. We have a far better chance to share more meaningful relationships with others if we are at peace with ourselves.  As humans we spend much of our time engaging in trivial or superficial dialogue and not in deeper more meaningful conversation, we exist at this artificial level of  consciousness. At such a superficial level we find it difficult to experience our ultimate feeling of connection and communion with others. Only upon silent reflection and understanding of ourselves can we begin to let go and let others enter our lives without  fear, prejudice and preconceived ideas. We continually evolve during the course of our lives. We develop and grow at a physical, emotional and spiritual level. We are  products of our past experiences, unfortunately too often we let these control how we react to situations and relationships. We must come to the realisation that we are able to consciously control how we engage with others. Often we see people coming out of poor relationships only to fall back into the trap of having the same experiences again.  This cycle of dependency and patterning can see people in destructive and unhappy relationships for many years, decades and often lifetimes.

To love someone and find happiness we must achieve inner contentment with who we are and what we believe. It is only when we are content within ourselves that we are able to release the expectations we would otherwise place on others. We are free to love unconditionally when we are free from our ‘ego’ centred self. So how do we truly get to know and love ourselves?

2. Letting Go of Fear & Insecurity

“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” – William James

Have you ever entered into a relationship because at the time you thought it would make you happy? Be honest. You were a little unsatisfied with life and in need of something to bring some variety or distraction into your life. We look for relationships that will enhance our lives in the hope that they will bring us a multitude of different feelings and experiences. Our thoughts can sabotage any hope of a truly meaningful connection if we see relationships as something that seek to bring us happiness. Until we realise that happiness comes from within and that relationships are but a common and enriching sharing of experiences, then we will always struggle to have meaningful long-term relationships. Needing someone to add value to our lives is a sure way of dooming any relationship. By understanding our ego needs we can let go of any need to seek satisfaction by grasping to others to fulfil these needs. Until we understand no one can complete us and make us truly happy we will always be living a life of turbulence. Others can enrich our world, yet it is ultimately up to us to find inner happiness and contentment. A sure way to destroy any relationship is to harbour fear and insecurity in a relationship. Inner happiness can only be found within. Any reliance on others to bring us happiness will be short term at best or will eventually lead to disappointment.

3. Living Without Expectations

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust

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What do you expect from any relationship? Love? Security? The feeling of being needed?  An underlying cause of relationship failures, whether people are aware of it or not, is that they enter into relationships based on expectation. That is, they enter into the relationship hoping to receive something in return. Relationship breakdowns often occur because people rarely discuss their expectations prior to entering into a relationship. Too often we enter relationships and want to change something about the other person to suit our ego model of how things ‘should be.’ Many couples have ‘requirements’ for potential partners. These may include such things as appearance,  social standing, employment criteria, so on and so forth. I am not advocating that we find a partner we have nothing in common with. It does make sense to look deeper than the ‘ego related’ requirements we look for in our relationships. We must ask ourselves, are we using our relationships purely to satisfy the ego? Expectation can be the killer of relationships, with undue influence, pressure and demands creating relationship tensions. We must learn to let the other person be who they are and free from our expectations.

4. Communicating Effectively

“Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.” – Richard Bach

According to Doctors Lonnie Barbach & Linda Levine in their book, ‘Shared Intimacy,’ “Good communication in a relationship is similar to a solid foundation for a house. If a house is built with a strong foundation, it will be able to withstand the stress caused by such natural disasters such as hurricanes or tornadoes. Even if the rest of the house is damaged or destroyed, if the foundation is solid the house can be rebuilt.” Direct and honest communication leaves no doubt to the meaning of communicative interactions. Being able to share problems and issues within a relationship helps build a stronger bond between partners and stimulate a deeper more meaningful relationship. Participating equally in the communication process by listening and interacting, creates an atmosphere of two way communication.

While poor communication underlies many of the destructive forces that harm and ruin relationships, positive communication plays an important part in helping build and sustain meaningful relationships. Over time, the day-to-day reality of living, responsibilities and family commitments, allows familiarity and complacency to creep into our relationships. When this happens it is easy to start taking our partner for granted. A combination of familiarity and stress may create unnecessary conflict within a relationship. These conflicts may be short lived or ongoing and can be the foundation for relationship decline. It is imperative to have a firm understanding of our partner’s communication style so we can consciously appreciate each other fully as human beings. How do you communicate with others and what are the communication styles of your loved ones? While everyone has slightly different communication styles a simple way to ensure you maintain and foster healthy communication is to put yourself in the other persons shoes. Think about how you would like to be treated.

5. Unconditional Love

“The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

The foundation of all great relationships is based on unconditional love. Unconditional love is when we give love and in return want nothing back. It is caring about the happiness of another person without any need for reciprocation. It is something sages, mystics, artists and great leaders have talked about throughout the millennia. It is the greatest power on earth, yet in this modern world of excess we struggle to understand how to give unconditionally. It is a powerful force that can change everything. Unconditional love is free of restrictions or expectations as nothing is expected in return. A classic example can be seen in parenting. A parent may love their child unconditionally and while the feeling may be reciprocated by the child, the parent’s love will endure regardless of how the child feels, behaves or acts. It is seeking the best for others and understanding that they need to be free and make their own choices. It is not judging others regardless of their decisions and actions.

6. Honesty the Best Policy

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most effective ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” – Stephen R. Covey

It goes without saying that one of the keys to a successful relationship is honesty, openness and mutual trust. Honesty builds trust which is essential for enduring relationships of any kind. The trust of another is the most important thing we can ever receive from another. Not only does it help develop confidence and respect for the other person, it establishes life long bonds. A strong relationship through sincere honesty can endure almost anything. If strong communication is the foundation of a good relationship, then honesty is the cement that holds it together. In honest relationships we are open and frank with each other and hold nothing back. Our honesty sets us free from guilt, worry and any other form of potential sabotage we can bring forth to destroy our relationships. Any relationship that does not harbour honesty will eventually cause stress, grief and suffering to one or both parties. Intimacy is lost when people are not completely open and honest with each other. Once trust has been broken it is extremely difficult, if not impossible to restore. When everything is shared, people can experience relaxed, comfortable and more complete interactions with others. With intimacy comes a deep connection, understanding and knowledge of each other. This sharing of feelings, experiences and communication is the ultimate expression of love and makes for happy and fulfilling relationships

7. Freedom to be Yourself and Let Others be Themselves

“Love is the only freedom in the world because it so elevates the spirit that the laws of humanity and the phenomena of nature do not alter its course.” – Kahlil Gibran

As we have mentioned previously, expectation is often a heavy burden that weighs down and places undue pressure on relationships. The opposite of expectation is unconditional love, as this allows complete freedom from any rules, regulation, mandates or conditional behaviours. We place conditional expectations on people often without realising. We may want to spend more time with a partner, we may prefer they didn’t do certain activities, we may want certain feelings returned from a relationship and we often send messages of disapproval in many non-verbal ways. By remembering that a relationship is a two way street and we must take into account what others feel and wish for in a relationship. By requesting or pushing for certain things from a relationship, we are effectively trying to change the behaviour of others. Freedom in a relationship, be it an intimate interpersonal relationship, a friendship, or a working relationship, promotes trust, respect and provides an environment for happy and enduring relationships to blossom.

Article by Andrew Martin editor of onenesspublishing  and author of  One ~ A Survival Guide for the Future…

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Excerpts from One ~ A Survival Guide for the Future…

 

 

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Consciousness

Loneliness: A Health Problem That Could Be Deadlier Than Obesity, Study Says

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Loneliness can reliably be linked to a significant increase in the risk of early mortality, according to a study at Brigham Young University. Head author, Julianne Holt-Lunstad, notes that “substantial evidence now indicates that individuals lacking social connections (both objective and subjective social isolation) are at risk for premature mortality.”

Holt-Lunstad believes the risks associated with loneliness are already greater than such established dangers as obesity:

Several decades ago scientists who observed widespread dietary and behavior changes raised warnings about obesity and related health problems. The present obesity epidemic had been predicted. Obesity now receives constant coverage in the media and in public health policy. The current status of research on the risks of loneliness and social isolation is similar to that of research on obesity 3 decades ago… Current evidence indicates that heightened risk for mortality from a lack of social relationships is greater than that from obesity.

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Furthermore, she warns that “researchers have predicted that loneliness will reach epidemic proportions by 2030 unless action is taken.”

Why Are We So Isolated From Each Other?

From the long view, it can be said that Western civilization as a whole has fostered a gradual disintegration of our physical and social ties. With an emphasis on individual goals and an almost fanatical regard for personal achievement, the traditional institutions of family and community and their capacity to provide their members with a sense of belonging and shared purpose have become significantly fragmented.

The family unit has gone from large generations-linked mutual support systems to small and immediate units, sometimes involving single parents whose necessities make it very difficult to create a stable home environment for their children. Add to that the fact that more and more people are not even building families, and our society has more people living alone than at any other time in history. This includes the elderly, who are less likely to find a ‘fit’ living within their children’s families than ever before.

The decline of the ‘community’ is perhaps as significant as the disintegration of the family unit. In Western-style communities, people work as a collection of individual units interacting by specific functions rather than as an interrelated whole with a significant shared identity. Naturally, attempts are made today to join or build ‘communities’ all the time, but like the Meetup model, they are founded on the gathering of select people with similar interests and purposes, rather than a shared embrace of all people within a certain geographical area.

The Rise of Social Media

I believe the rise in prominence of social media has in part been fuelled by the sense of alienation we have long felt within our modern society. I don’t believe social media is the root cause of our loneliness, as some speculate, but rather a symptom of this much longer-standing social problem. Connecting via chats and web pages is just something that we have gotten into the habit of reaching for since it is so immediately accessible. But like any quick fix, it does not end up fulfilling our deeper needs, either individually or as a society.

If we see that our society has been slowly disintegrating over hundreds of years, then it becomes incumbent upon us as a society (if we can still even identify ourselves with our ‘society’) to take measures to remedy this situation. What those measures might be, though, given how things seem to be trending, is a matter of great conjecture.

On Being Alone  

One approach is to first acknowledge that Western society’s emphasis on the individual is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I believe that the development of personal integrity, creativity, and autonomy is a critical step in the evolution of human consciousness. Learning how to be alone with oneself is a part of that process. In his work entitled Pensées, French philosopher Blaise Pascal observed that “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”

As evidenced by Eastern gurus and mystics, one can be perfectly content in isolation. This can be greatly facilitated by the practice of meditation and other such methods that give us a direct perception of our energetic connectedness not only with other people, but with all things. In this higher state, the damaging emotional impact of loneliness and social isolation are not experienced.

Our Next Step

Still, the life of the yogi remains for the few. The rest of us, it seems, have come to this planet to interact, share, and love. And we have not incarnated into this dense physical world to get better at virtual relationships. At this stage, we have perhaps gotten a bit too accustomed to social isolation for our own good.

Holt-Lunstad notes that “although living alone can offer conveniences and advantages for an individual, this meta-analysis indicates that physical health is not among them.” She also cites another study that “has demonstrated higher survival rates for those who are more socially connected.” And then there is the seminal 75-Year Harvard University study, where “it was universally clear that without loving and supportive relationships, men in the study were not happy.” The message is becoming clear: we need to come together.

We are perhaps at a larger turning point in our development than most of us realize. It seems that we have reached the extreme edge of the exploration of individualism, and we are readying to move into greater balance with a collective identity. This is not a return to traditional ways, but rather a synthesis of our growth as individuals with the shared experience we are now hungering for. This synthesis signifies the next stage of our evolution.

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Consciousness

How I Induced An Out Of Body Experience Without Substances

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Can you really have an out of body experience on command? Absolutely. While this is something that will take some time to practice and get good at, there are many methods to having out of body experiences or spiritual experiences on command using only your consciousness and physical body.

There is also a purpose to these experiences; they aren’t simply to trip out (although if you wish to do that it’s up to you). These experiences can help you dissolve fears, move past trauma, expand your consciousness and much more. I personally don’t feel inspired to do anything other than explore and expand myself when I engage in experiences like this.

Many of the stories you hear of out of body experiences happen through dreams, near death experiences, from the state between sleep and awake, and when people experiment with psychedelics like magic mushrooms, DMT or ayahuasca. But we are capable of having out-of-body experiences with just our thoughts, breath and consciousness.

Why These Experiences Can Be Helpful

I say “CAN BE” helpful because they have that ability, but it doesn’t mean we always use it. We may want to explore a past trauma, and meditation or OBE’s could help us do that, but if we don’t use them for this purpose or do the work afterwards they won’t be helpful. Likewise with any substance like ayahuasca, mushrooms or DMT. They don’t do the work for you and don’t save you. You still have to do the work afterwards and it’s for this exact reason that most people who experiment with these substances or experiences still don’t make shifts in their lives because it’s still work. And it’s the work that we often aren’t willing to do that stops us from moving forward.

Your intention for wanting to have these experiences is important. Sometimes when we think about psychedelics or having out of body experiences we are seeking a trippy-like experience out of curiosity. And that’s totally fine. Curiosity can be how we explore and learn things. But while it may be fun to play a couple times, I generally say it isn’t the best motivation for wanting to have these experiences. I typically tend to encourage people to reflect on a deeper sense of exploration and growth within ourselves when it comes to exploring our consciousness, which is a big part of what we do in CE’s Explorer Lounge you can check out here.

The reason why I believe focusing on having a trippy experience is not ideal is because I have seen many people get lost in the need to just experiencing something trippy. Not only that, but it can often become an escape from the challenges we face. Which is why I feel society utilizes cannabis, alcohol, TV and food addictively.

DMT, mushrooms, Ayahuasca and so forth were initially put on this planet when we had difficult times exploring our consciousness and external tools assisted us in doing that. Today, a resurgence of these substances is taking place as people’s curiosity to explore is once again popular. After all, there is a shift in consciousness taking place.

However, I do not believe we still need these substances today in order to have these types of consciousness based experiences. While I think they can be helpful for some of us who are in difficult situations like drug addiction or have serious trauma from war or violent experiences, I feel we are all very equipped within ourselves to explore without them, and I’m personally inspired to encourage that.

Ultimately it’s not as much about any substance or experience as it is about what the end goal helps us to see – more about ourselves. They tell us to look within to find answers and move past our challenges. So many experiences in life are all pushing us to do that exact same thing, look within. Our core teaching here at Collective Evolution is change starts within. All for the reason that it’s at the core of how we will create a profound shift in our lives and on this planet. So what can we take from this?

If we know the core truth is about us looking within, why not just begin looking there right now?

How I Created my Own Out Of Body Experience

I was in California, attending Wim Hof’s retreat in Beverly Hills. It was day two and we were doing a breathing exercise that was about focusing on energy in our body and learning how to control and use it.

At the Wim Hof retreat in California.

There was a focus on utilizing it to activate our pineal gland in such a way that may or may not release a little bit of DMT in your brain, allowing us to have some form of experience that would be beyond the physical. I would like to say at this point that this is certainly not the core message of Wim’s work, nor is it something that I think the method is truly for. It’s simply something that you can use in order to obtain this result. These forms of breathing exercises are not new either, they have been used by yogi’s and “guru’s” for many years to attain different states of consciousness.

There were about 60 of us, we were in a beautiful room with 15 foot ceilings and the sun was shining in through the side windows. I was laying flat on my back on a yoga mat patiently waiting for the exercise to start. This would not be the first time I was going to have an out of body experience, but it would be the first I would attempt on command. My previous experiences came from dream-states, meditation or simply.. happening.

We began with Wim’s standard method of breathing. Heavy breaths in and out of the mouth. Stomach, chest, head, out. After about 8 minutes of this, I went into my breath holds (as part of his method) and I began to focus energy from around the base of my spine and brought it up my back, into my brain and ‘pinged’ my pineal gland with it.

As I brought the energy up into my pineal gland I felt what I had felt in the past with these types of experiences. Ringing and vibrations in my body and mind starting to increase. With my eyes closed, I began to see the room. I could feel my essence slowly leaving my body up straight into the air. It moved slowly and peacefully. It wasn’t a fast jolt or ‘uncontrollable’ in a sense, it was very light.

The pineal gland.

As I drifted upwards more and more I eventually made it to the ceiling and rested there. What happened next was what you might experience in deep meditation which is having all of your thoughts emotions set aside and you begin to feel like a massive, massive, massive presence that is so far beyond your physical body that you no longer identify with being a physical body. You begin to realize you are a vast consciousness that is pure unconditional love and pure potential.

From this state of being you have the ability to utilize your awareness to look at your life, situations, the planet or whatever it may be from a completely non-judgmental and unconditionally loving way so as to deeply understand why things happen. You gain clarity and awareness as to how you may move forward with something from this space. These experiences help us to get a glimpse at what is beyond the stories and the drama of our minds. This is VERY powerful in clearing our fears, worries, and traumas.

Back to my experience here. As I continued to feel immense at the top of the ceiling, I could see all of the bodies in the room having their own experience. I felt connected to them, the building, and everything around us. The difference between myself and everything else drifted away, and I was simply an essence or consciousness observing. This, is precisely how I know experientially that consciousness does not originate in the mind but is our existence. Mainstream science has not caught up to this understanding yet but it’s getting close, and that is very inspiring.

After what could have been 10 or so minutes, I slowly came back down into my physical body and began to integrate back into it. I opened my eyes and began to feel the desire to go outside and enjoy the sunlight. I felt slightly emotional at this point as I had gotten a glimpse of the difference between feeling fully clear outside of my body vs feeling certain emotional pains and mind stories that were in my physical body. This right here, is where the magic is. This is how we see more clearly what it is that we are being challenged by and have a reference point to compare what letting it go feels like.

Concluding Thoughts

When you are in meditation, you are able to re-tune into these types of higher states of consciousness and be an observer looking back at the challenges you face at any moment in your life. With detachment from them you can ask yourself how you created or co-created the experience you are having and what lesson is in it for you. How does it serve you? How can you move forward with action and so forth? You can see the greater workings and perfection that comes with these experiences to help you move beyond them.

So that’s pretty well it! Utilize and explore these experiences with clear intentions of evolving yourself and you will have the best results in not only creating these experiences but attaining more peace in your life. Have fun and keep exploring!

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Consciousness

New Moon In Gemini: Adaptability & Confusion

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We are having a New Moon in Gemini on May 22nd or 23rd, depending on where you are located in the world. This is initiating a 29.5-day Lunar cycle and a new wave of energy for the coming month, however, its themes will be strongest over the following 2 weeks. This cycle will peak with a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Sagittarius on June 5th/6th.

Gemini season has just begun on May 20th/21st with it’s ruler Mercury also there. As an Air sign it is socially and mentally oriented, while as a Mutable sign it is versatile, adaptable, and multi-faceted. Mutable signs are the last of each season which is a reflection of its changeable nature to help facilitate a transition from one thing to the next.

Gemini’s energy is curious, communicative, articulate, informative, agile, busy, clever, and dualistic. It has chameleon-like properties and is the sign of multiple expressions or personalities. Gemini is associated with information, learning, writing, commuting, immediate environment, neighbours/neighbourhood, siblings, close friends, and extended family. Negatively, it can be gossipy, superficial, inconsistent, scattered, two faced, unfocused, and lack emotion.

Venus is currently retrograde in Gemini and the Lunar North Node also recently entered this sign. All of this puts an exclamation mark on Gemini themes at this time. The North Node will be there until early 2022 which reflects a push towards working with Gemini energies in a positively constructive way. Much of this process is getting emphasized over this next month. You can read more about Venus retrograde here.

New Moon Trine Saturn, Sextile Chiron, & Square Mars With Uranus In The Mix

This New Moon is in a tight trine with Saturn in Aquarius and sextile with Chiron. In comparison to previous months, these upcoming weeks can have more of a stabilizing energy. This can be good for applying ourselves in a disciplined, realistic, and committed way.

The sextile to Chiron gives us a small dose of its themes. Chiron is associated with healing, wholeness, cleansing, spiritual growth, innovative ideas, and discovery. It is holistic, bridging, creative, and unorthodox. This energy will also come up May 27th-28th/29th.

The New Moon is also in a square with Mars in Pisces which is moving towards a sextile with Uranus. This in combination with all the Gemini can bring restlessness and scatteredness. It can also be competitive, impulsive, and combative. Following the New Moon period, this energy will build up in the coming weeks and peak at the upcoming Lunar Eclipse in Sagittarius.

Mars is moving towards a sextile with Uranus which is strongest from May 24th-25th/26th. This is good for making changes or trying new things. We may want to apply ourselves in unique, experimental, or revolutionary ways. Pursuing some sort of independence or freedom is another way this energy can be expressed.

Mercury Conjunct Venus Retrograde, Both Square Neptune & Out Of Bounds

The ruler of Gemini, Mercury, is in a conjunction with Venus retrograde which are both in Gemini as well. This is one of the more significant periods of the Venus retrograde and can facilitate some realizations or issues that are part of the retrograde process.  Thoughts or issues pertaining to relationships, values, money, art, or something aesthetic related can be prominent.

However, with both of them in a square to Neptune there can be some confusion, idealism, misunderstandings, flakiness, delusion, disappointments, or problems around boundaries. Issues pertaining to escapism or intoxication can come up and this can be a time of feeling tired and lethargic. In some cases this energy can be creatively or spiritually stimulating. This is strongest on the day of and days surrounding the New Moon.

Both Mercury and Venus are ‘Out of Bounds’. This is when planets move outside of the boundaries in which the Sun travels in, from our perspective on Earth. It is about exploring new territory as well as going outside of our usual limitations and conventional ways of doing things. This can also reflect seeing things from a different perspective and objective thinking.

Mercury, the planet of the mind, perceptions, reason, communication, commuting, and commerce has been out of bounds since May 16th until June 9th/10th. Venus, the planet of love, relationships, social life, values, money, beauty, art, and aesthetics, has been out of bounds since April 1st until June 1st.

Approaching Eclipse Season 

In the two weeks after this New Moon we will have a Lunar Eclipse in Sagittarius on June 5th/6th followed by a Solar Eclipse in Cancer on June 21st and another Lunar Eclipse in July. They are happening during Venus’ retrograde and post shadow, and will also overlap with an upcoming Mercury retrograde.

All of this combined shows that these coming months are a time of transitions, changes, and reorientations. Eclipses can reflect beginnings, endings, and even evolutionary developments pertaining to the sign it is in and in specific areas in each of our lives. However, their effects don’t always play out when they are occurring. They can also manifest sometime in the 6 months following and in some cases up to 6 weeks prior.

I will be writing separate articles on these eclipses, join my mailing list here to ensure that you are notified when they are published.

Making Intentions & Things To Consider

What has been coming up for you around love or regarding friendships? What are relationship dynamics showing you and in what ways do you lack clarity? How can you better communicate and harmonize how you interact with others? What are you learning about/through the information you are consuming and does it truly make sense for you? How can you better adapt to the circumstances in your life? What are your options for handling financial matters?

These are just some examples of what to consider or focus your intentions on at this time. However, it is good to reflect on anything else that is coming up for you. It is generally best to make any intentions within the first 24 hours following a New Moon. The exact moment it will occur is 5:39pm Universal Time on May 22nd, or the 23rd for those in the Eastern part of the world. You can click here to see what that is in your time zone.

Follow me on INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK, and YOUTUBE for more astrology-related content.

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