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Consciousness

Getting Back Together After A Breakup

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A relationship life coaching strategy for when you and your ex want to get back together and rekindle your romantic flame.

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If you ever coach with me, one of the things you’ll quickly notice is that I drive home the fact that everything is about small, in the moment, day-to-day actions. The problem may be big picture, but the solution always lies in small second-to-second actions.

In relationships I find that the following is true: the small minute-to-minute actions are actually what land up being the most damaging. So often, it’s not so much the fact that your husband cheated, it’s what he said to you afterwards: it’s your fault for not wanting to have sex with me, you’re too ugly, you don’t look after yourself.

When you get back together, it’s going to be your small day-to-day habits that set the tone for how successful your relationship is, but unfortunately it’s all too easy to slip back into old habits. And what habits are more comfortable than those in your romantic relationship and home?

Each of the tools listed below can be used as a standalone, or you can use any combination of the elements. Altogether they make a very powerful set of habits that will not only reestablish your relationship on solid ground, but will also keep it going and growing if you continue to apply them. I know this because these are exactly the tools I use in my own relationship.

Enjoy Each Other ONLY

Whether you’ve had a breakup or are going through a rough spot, call a time out where you enjoy each other only.

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For a specified time period, say a month, you’re not allowed to talk about the issues, you’re only allowed to say and do fun and loving things together. If you are feeling unsettled, you can say for example, “I am nervous about our future,” but your partner is only allowed to love and reassure you.

You cannot enter into conversation about the future or issues until the agreed upon time period has elapsed. The more rocky and tempestuous your relationship, the longer I’d make the time period.

Gratitude Rampages

This is so much fun to do together and it builds love, affection, and personal energy like few other tools I know.

Simply put, every time you speak to each other, you are both responsible for giving gratitude for everything you can think of to be grateful for with and about each other.

I’m grateful you make me laugh. I’m grateful we’re back together. Thank you for being there to support me. I really appreciate that you took the trash out.

It doesn’t matter what you give thanks for, the point is to give as much thanks as possible, as often as possible, for as many days as you can manage.

The 48-Hour Rule

If your relationship is in a habit where one or both of you storms out or ends things during heated arguments, then the 48-hour rule will help you circumvent that.

In a nutshell, the 48-hour rule says that any break-up is not official until you’ve come back and discussed it face-to-face or in person 48 hours later.

The rule achieves two ends: first, because these words are often said in the heat of the moment and you change your mind once the emotions have settled, this is a way for you to easily reestablish contact and keep the relationship going. Obviously the rules of fidelity in your relationship still apply during the 48-hour period.

Often, not approaching each other because we have shame about the incident prevents reconciliation. This rule circumvents that by giving you time to cool down, affording you the safety of knowing you will have a chance to speak to your partner again. Secondly, once you’ve done this a few times, one of you will invariably say: what’s the point of waiting 48 hours? We might as well sort it out now!

Forgiveness

If you are going to use one tool from this strategy, use this one. I speak and write about this a lot because it is the single simplest change you can make in your life that will have the biggest impact.

The tool is simple: make the forgiveness mantra as much a part of your daily conversation as you can.

I’m sorry, I love you, I forgive you, please forgive me.

Say it when you don’t know what to say, say it during fights, randomly say it, it doesn’t matter what the reason is: the point is to say it to each other as much as possible. The positive words will fill your relationship and selves with positive energy and you will develop the habit of speaking to each other gently and with love.

It’s basically a form of brainwashing yourself, but it makes such a huge and fast difference in your communication that you will not be able to believe it at times.

Rip The Sexual Band-Aid

Remember how problems melted away and were easy to solve when you were close and lovey-dovey and had a lot of sex?

When you haven’t had sex or felt intimate for a long time, it’s easy to forget how nice sex and intimacy actually feels, and there’s often no solution for that than to rip the Band-Aid and just do it again.

Sex also bonds you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and the natural physical and chemical processes that take place in your body will help both of you feel more connected and bonded.

Ripping the Band-Aid may require you to force yourself to have sex three or four or five times, but for most people once is enough to kickstart the desire again.

Trust Exercises

Trust is not easy to rebuild, and in every healing relationship there are usually trust issues to deal with.

The Imago Gratitude Technique, Synchronized Breathing, Extended Cuddling, and Trust Falls are all great ways to build trust, and there are a number of trust exercises available on my website for couples to use.

In addition, jointly using the Quick Coherence Technique in daily combined meditations or quick connection sessions can dramatically shortcut your energetic healing process. The Quick Coherence Technique from Heartmath is available as a free coaching tool download from my website.

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The Marriage Contract – Interactive Online Life Coaching Course for Couples

The Marriage Contract is an online personal and relationship life coaching course that couples can do together before they get married or start living together to assess their compatibility and circumvent issues before they become a problem. Packed with 25 comprehensive interactive online tools, the Marriage Contract does not contain any downloadable worksheets. The entire course is mobile compatible and is completed in the system online, with your results emailed to you after each section.

For more information visit http://bit.ly/lctmarriage

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
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Consciousness

Is Synchronicity A Glimpse Into The 4th Dimension?

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    The idea of dimensions was first spoken about in the mid 1700s by Joseph-Louis Lagrange, it was later a part of Einstein's various theories.

  • Reflect On:

    Are we limited to what we experience dimensionally based on where we are dimensionally? Are we not able to easily see or interact with 4th dimensional beings due to our existence in the third?

Currently, the world is going through a transition. This could either be the effect of the current communication revolution or be the cause of the current communication revolution, depending on how you view things. To define the communication revolution, I am speaking about the way we have rapidly changed our means of communication through smart devices and social media.

This phenomena seems old, but has actually only been around for less than a decade, with it really becoming the norm in the last 5 or so years. This has allowed people to communicate in a way that was not previously possible and despite the obvious flaws of smart devices and social media, it has allowed ideas to circulate like never before, and has lowered the degrees of separation between people.

The six degrees of separation is a 1929 concept from Frigyes Karinthy that says we have just 6 steps between ourselves and any other living being on the planet. Well, due to the communication revolution, those 6 degrees are probably closer to 2 or 3. If I look to my own social media and network, I have Peruvian Shaman on my friends list and a Tribesman from Gabon in Africa.

Many of the people I have collaborated with are in the United States and Canada (I am from the UK) and I have managed with relative ease to communicate with people who would be considered a “celebrity” through a simple Facebook introduction. This is all new and something that did not exist just a few short years ago.

I see this as a more scientific and rational reason for what many would describe as a mass spiritual awakening. Many people are being exposed to ideas that were not available before or hidden in small pockets of the world for only a few to see.

One of the buzzwords that have been circulating relating to spiritual awakening is “stepping into the 4th dimension” or “4th dimensional beings” and this is something I would like to discuss in this article.

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What Is The 4th Dimension

The easiest way to visualize the 4th dimension is to start with the lower dimensions and work our way up. The start is a singular point which cannot be seen with no up, no down, no left and no right. The first dimension from this singular point is when it stretches out and has 2 ends. What we would call a line. This is the dimension of width. The second dimension is when you add 4 of these lines together (making a square) so you would have width and height.

Then the third dimension is when we give the square depth. This is what we would call a cube. This principle works for any shape, but the square was given as a simple visual representation to imagine. So far all of the dimensions have been describing space, however the fourth steps into the realms of time and an object moving in time.

This idea was spoken about in the mid 1700s by Joseph-Louis Lagrange and later worked upon in 1854 by Bernhard Riemann and in 1880 by Charles Howard Hinton. In 1908, Hermann Minkowski presented a paper called Space and Time which became the basis for Einstein’s theories of special and general relativity.

I would just like to say that what I am speaking about is not fully comprehensible as it deals with matter outside of our ability to visualize, so you have to work with this knowing that you cannot imagine the concept, but to just try to imagine what it could be like.

To give another visual representation- we are 3-dimensional beings, yet we see in 2 dimensions. What I mean by this is things appear to be flat through our eyes as if we move them closer or further away the shape and size changes. If you look at a soccer ball for example it resembles a 2-dimensional shape that changes in size depending upon how close it is to us and the depth of this is seen only due to light. However, if we saw it from a 3-dimensional perspective the size would stay the same and we would be able to see the entire ball simultaneously. So when we start to move into the 4th dimension we are talking about movement of time and time in a spatial sense. This is something we are bound too, however, the 4th dimension is not.

To give another visual, imagine a 1st-dimensional being- it would only be able to move left and right. A 2nd dimensional being up, down, left and right. A 3rd dimensional being up, down, left and right, forwards and backwards. This means a 4th-dimensional being would be able to see up, down, left and right, forwards, backwards and every angle simultaneously. In this dimension everything would represent the actual size and as I mentioned earlier this is not necessarily something we can fully visualise. But below is as close as we can get:

A 4th-dimensional being is theoretically something living outside of our known laws of time and space. They would also not be bound to time in the same way we are, meaning time would not be a line with a start and end point, but more like a spiral in which they would be at the center. As an example; a 4th-dimensional being would be able to see both sides of a wall simultaneously, and would be able to move through time. Using the logic of us (as 3-dimensional beings) seeing in 2 dimensions, it would make sense that only a 5th-dimensional being would be able to see time as a whole.

This could very well explain why a 4th-dimensional being would not be detectable using 3-dimensional means of tracking. For example, if a 3-dimensional being was to step into the first dimension where only width is visible, the 3rd-dimensional being would only be visible in width. Meaning only a slice of that being would appear to the 1st-dimensional being and at certain angles nothing would appear in the 1st dimension.

Higher Dimensions Could Struggle To Communicate With Lower

People often say if there were such beings and they were trying to make contact, why would they not have done it. One answer to this is quite simple, maybe they are and we just don’t have the means to understand it. A good example is if a human being tried to communicate with an ant, we could easily make ourselves visible from our understanding of the world, we could even guide the ant or pick it up and force it to go in a specific direction, however that ant may not know that it is some form of life manipulating its movement.

Maybe a higher being communicates in a way that we cannot comprehend. An example of this would be changing weather to try to change the way we act. This could be conceived as a clear form of communication that we are not fully understanding.  

What Is Synchronicity and How The 2 Relate  

Synchronicity is when a series of 2 or more events have a meaningful relationship with each other, what many would call a coincidence, but a coincidence with meaning. These events are often recurring, such as seeing the clock at 11:11 every day or seeing the same animal repeatedly. How could this relate? We could argue that we are all actually part of the same organism. Meaning a human body contains cells, these cells could be looked at as separate, however, they are actually part of the human body.

If you take this logic and apply it to the planet and the beyond you could view us as just singular cells in a larger organism. Given this logic you could argue that we are the cells of a higher dimensional being, and in the same way we would generally want the best for our bodies and minds, these higher dimensional beings would likely want the same for us. Not being bound to time a synchronicity could simply be a communication from (a version of) ourselves, to ourselves trying to explain what we need to do to move forward.   


Some of this article is factual, some examples are theoretical explanations that can help visualize the ideas. Much love, Luke. If you would like to download my free eBook- Psychology Meets Spirituality- Secrets To A Supercharged Life You Control YOU CAN DO SO HERE

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
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Consciousness

How To Survive The Dark Night Of The Soul

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    The dark night of the soul can be viewed as a complete purge of a person and their false sense of self we call the external identity. This can be a tough time, but a necessary one to move to higher levels of consciousness and being.

  • Reflect On:

    If you are experiencing this, or know someone who is, remember this isn't about forcing a 'fix' of anything. Ask questions, reflect on what you are resisting and holding onto so dearly. We are looking to evolve, be open to the process.

The dark night of the soul is a phrase derived from 15th century poem “Noche Oscura” written by Spanish mystic, saint and priest John Of The Cross. It refers to a spiritual crisis, a seeker of truth is forced to face during their spiritual evolution. The dark night is when the man/woman of God (or your metaphorical equivalent) is given the feeling of abandoned by their maker and left to find their own way. It is the transition from being shown the way you should be, to actually being that way. The dark night gives the impression that the change is painful, but the suffering actually comes from the resistance to the change and not the change itself.

One could call it the integration of the dualistic mindset, to one of unity. The harmonising of the masculine and feminine. Or the merging of the soul with the body, and realising it to be one.

In the words of St John himself:

Into this dark night souls begin to enter when God draws them forth from the state of beginners – which is the state of those that meditate on the spiritual road – and begins to set them in the state of the progressives – which is that of those who are already contemplatives – to the end that, after passing through it, they may arrive at the state of the perfect, which is that of the Divine union of the soul with God.”

It Is A Purge Of The Self

The dark night is the complete purge of a person who seeks a higher path of truth. This leads to a breakdown of the egoic construct this person has created and leads to the death of the avatar they believe to be the self. This can result in hopelessness and an existential crisis. It is the true butterfly metamorphosis which seems really beautiful to the outside, but the reality is a lot more brutal.

For the caterpillar to become a butterfly, it has to completely dissolve. It does not change in the way we might think, with the caterpillar growing wings, but it completely falls to pieces and becomes a liquid pulp. It literally becomes nothing and has to die. It then forms in the complete darkness and unknown. This means to become the butterfly, it is forced to step into a completely unknown place outside of anything it would call comfort. But this is just the start, it then has to fight its way out of the cocoon which is not an easy process. However, the beauty is in this fight as it builds the strength of the wings. Without this, the newly formed butterfly would not be able to fly. So it is the caterpillars dark night of the soul leads it to be the fully evolved beautiful and free creature.

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This is the same for the holy men and women we see in the public light. We often see their compassion and unconditional care, but forget the process they needed to go through to get there.

The Difference Between The Dark Night And Depression

The dark night of the soul differs from depression, as depression is more self centred and apathetic in nature. Whereas the dark night is more a question of where one would fit into the bigger picture. The potential suffering is often due to a feeling that you cannot do anything about the suffering of others. Whereas depression is more often centred around the person who is suffering. There is often a fine line between the 2, and they can exist simultaneously, however, someone is far more likely to be misdiagnosed with depression, than the dark night of the soul.

Karma

If you believe in the cycles of karma, many of us have a karmic debt (past or present life) and this debt needs to be balanced to move forward. If you visualise a set of scales with all the past deeds- the giving and taking needs to have balance restored. Not too much either way. If you fill your cup too much it will overflow and make a mess, if you empty your cup to much you will find there is nothing left to give. If you ask for progression, you can often be forced to face the karma you carry in this life far quicker than you normally would.

The Dark Night Of The Soul Is An Answer To Your Prayers

The dark night of the soul could be thought of as an answer. It is common to search high and low for meaning, but the answers we receive are often not inline with the expectations held. Sometimes it feels as if there is a magic formula, discipline or teacher who is going to arrive and liberate us. But anyone that ever does only ever gives a false sense of liberation.

True liberation comes from within and the dark night allows us to humble ourselves, strengthen our wings and build character for the journey ahead. It is a chapter (or series of chapters) of our own personal heroes adventure to find and liberate yourself from suffering.

What To Do If You Are Experiencing It?

If you are experiencing the dark night of the soul, reach out to those who understand and have been through a similar process. There are many events, workshops classes and online groups that have a higher likelihood of meeting people who would understand your process. You can also attend retreats that specialise in Shadow Work or Spiritual Crisis. Just be intuitive about who you work with as they need to be the right person for you. There are also charities that can help, in the US they have Spiritual Emergence and the UK has Spiritual Crisis Network. If you are somewhere else in the world there is a good chance you will be able to find something similar, if not you can always reach out to the US or UK charities.

The Dark Night Of The Soul does pass and while it can be difficult while you are in this vortex, you will never be given a load you cannot carry. On the other side of this process is something beautiful and if you persevere, you will get there. Take care and if you would like to download my free eBook- Psychology Meets Spirituality- Secrets To A Supercharged Life You Control You Can Do So Here

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
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Alternative News

People Are Taking Placebo Pills To Deal With Health Problems & It’s Working

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    People are now involved in studies where they are told they are taking a placebo medication, and it in fact is one, and they are being healed. The mainstream is finally picking up on mind-body connection.

  • Reflect On:

    Is this the true power of our mind? Our consciousness? When we want to get better deep down, do we not make that decision in our mind and thus heal? What does this say about harmful and side effect-ridden medications?

An article published in Scientific American is a clear marker for showing just how much the mainstream has caught on to the fact that the mind-body connection is much more powerful than we previously thoughtand could explain why more and more people are gravitating towards alternative forms of medicine.

A growing body of scientific research suggests that our mind can play an important role in healing our body – or in staying healthy in the first place…There are now several lines of research suggesting that our mental perception of the world constantly informs and guides our immune system in a way that makes us better able to respond to future threats. – Dr. Bruce Lipton, from The Biology of Belief

Health is one area where we can clearly see how our mind is connected to physical material reality, and how non-material science is going to play an even more important role as we move through 2018 and beyond. It’s not just health though, research in the areas of neuroscience and quantum physics is also showing how vital our thoughts, perceptions, emotions and feelings (factors associated with consciousness) are with regards to understanding the true nature of our reality.

Mind influencing matter is no longer something that’s being trivialized. There are even declassified intelligence agency documents and peer-reviewed studies that have been published that clearly show an effect at both the quantum level, and the classical mechanical level as well. If you want to learn more about this, a great place to start is with the Institute of Noetic Sciences, founded by Apollo 14 Astronaut Dr. Edgar Mitchell.

It’s really no surprise to see this topic pop up all over mainstream media outlets, it’s a common occurrence these days. When something so spectacular gains attention and becomes so obvious, it’s almost impossible to ignore, despite the fact that its discovery has been around for decades.

Open-Label Placebo Experiment

Time magazine recently published an article about a woman (now a 71-year old medical assistant) and her struggle with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). She tried everything, from drugs to changing her diet. It was a horrible way to live, she told the Times, as she was often huddled in a corner and keeled over in pain. It’s something that can really debilitate your life. Approximately ten years ago today, she decided to enroll herself into a study, a first of its kind clinical trial, one where the patient would be receiving a placebo pill. The pill had no active ingredients, and she felt “deflated,” that she got her hopes up for nothing.

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Three weeks later, after taking the pill twice daily, Buonanno (the 71-year old medical assistant) was symptom free. She had never gone so long without an attack. “I didn’t have a clue what was going on,” she says. “I still don’t.”

The placebo effect is a non-therapeutic treatment (like a sham pill), and it improves a patient’s physical condition. This has been documented for centuries. The interesting thing about the study the woman decided to participate in, is the fact that patients taking the placebo pill were well aware that they were taking a placebo. With traditional placebo studies, patients are made to believe that they are taking something that will benefit them and improve their condition.  In 2009, Harvard Medical School launched the first open-label placebo, where patients knew what they were taking, and they started with people who had IBS, including the 71- year old woman. As Time points out,

The findings were surprising. Nearly twice as many people in the trial who knowingly received placebo pills reported experiencing adequate symptom relief, compared with the people who received no treatment. Not only that but the men and women taking the placebo also doubled their rates of improvement to a point that was about equal to the effects of two IBS medications that were commonly used at the time.

The team of researchers, alongside a team at the Program in Placebo Studies and Therapeutic Encounter at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, have secured a $2.5 million grant from the National Institutes of Health to replicate the study mentioned above. So far, researchers have treated 270 patients and intend to treat approximately 100 more with IBV via their ongoing clinical trial.

How Is This Working?

Despite the fact that the Placebo effect has been documented for well over one-hundred years, experts still can’t pinpoint what underlies this mechanism. It seems quite simple to me: it’s consciousness and the basic biology of belief. Some people argue that that the human body does not respond to treatment, but instead, the ritual of treatment. The actual pill has no effect, so what else could it be? What’s interesting is that the effect is now demonstrated even when the person knows it’s just a placebo!

There is no money in the placebo, which is why we probably haven’t heard about it much, or not enough attention is paid to it. Today, it’s well recognized in modern medicine, doctors at the Houston Veterans Affairs Medical Center, for example, have shown that fake surgeries – slicing people’s knees open and sewing them back together without any treatment at all – provide the same improvements for people with osteoarthritis of the knee as real knee surgery.

Isn’t that remarkable?

Other Examples Of The Placebo Effect

Another example comes from a study published in 2002 by the New England Journal of Medicine which looked at surgery for patients with severe debilitating knee pain. It’s long been thought that there is no placebo effect observed in surgery, but this just isn’t true. This study divided people into three groups, for one group the surgeons saved the damaged cartilage in the knee. For another, they flushed out the knee joint by removing all of the material believed to be causing inflammation. The third group received a fake surgery, the patients were simply sedated and tricked into thinking that they actually had the surgery. All three groups went through the same rehab process, and the results were astonishing. The placebo group improved just as much as the other two groups who had the surgery.

The placebo effect should be the subject of major, funded research efforts. If medical researchers could figure out how to leverage the placebo effect, they would hand doctors an efficient, energy-based, side effect-free tool to treat disease. Energy healers say they already have such tools, but I am a scientist, and I believe the more we know about the science of the placebo, the better we’ll be able to use it in clinical settings. – Bruce Lipton, Ph.D (Taken from his book Biology of Belief – Highly recommended to learn more about this phenomenon)

A 2002 article published in the American Psychological Association’s Prevention & Treatment, conducted by University of Connecticut Psychology Professor Irving Kirsch and titled “The Emperor’s New Drugs,” made some more shocking discoveries (source)(source). Kirsch found that 80% of the effectiveness of antidepressants, as measured in clinical trials, could be attributed to the placebo effect. Kirsch even filed a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request to get information on the clinical trials of the top antidepressants.

“The difference between the response of the drugs and the response of the placebo was less than two points on average on this clinical scale that goes from fifty to sixty points. That’s a very small difference, that difference is clinically meaningless,” Professor Kirsch explains. (source)

Studies examining non-physical healing go beyond the placebo. There are hundreds of studies examining the effect of human intention (the human mind) and how it can also alter physical material reality as well as our health. I go into more detail on these topics in the article linked below, so please feel free to check it out if interested!

This Is How Powerful The Mind-Body Connection Really Is

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
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