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Consciousness

Here’s Why Grief & Loss ‘Hurts’ So Much – Breakups & Deaths

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After a death or breakup, what causes that grief, why does it hurt so much, and what can you do to alleviate it?

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If you’ve experienced the loss of a person, either through death or the breakup of a relationship, you’ll know that you’re often left with a whole bunch of unanswered questions, and this horrible, heavy feeling that you can’t quite pinpoint and don’t know how to begin releasing.

So what exactly does that feeling consist of and how do you create mental, emotional, and spiritual relief so that you can be at peace internally?

The Mirrors Of Relationship

At the first level of emotional turmoil you have the mirrors of relationship, which in a nutshell is the energetic reason that you and this person were attracted into each other’s lives.

A vast majority of the people and relationships that come into our lives only come to show us an aspect of ourselves that is ready to be cleared or fixed. If the relationship energy is made up of purely mirrors, then by the time you’ve cleared the mirrors the attachment and attraction to the person will have disappeared.

I know it sounds farfetched, but it really does happen: you get the awareness of the mirror and all of a sudden you just aren’t attached and miserable anymore; it just melts away in a second. The even more amazing thing is that if the attachment disappears in you, it will disappear in the other party as well, so it’s also a great way to finally end a relationship that seems to be going back and forth endlessly.

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On the flipside, if you clear all the mirrors and reach a level of peace with each other, you may naturally gravitate back towards each other – without the problems that originally pulled you apart. In this case you are most likely dealing with a soulmate or twin flame relationship.

Learn more about the mirrors of relationship:

What Causes The Grief?

If you’ve cleared mirrors and you still have pain and there’s been no movement towards reconciliation occurring, then your pain most likely stems from a sacrifice, compromise, or loss.

Common Sacrifices & Losses That Cause Grief

Not having a home or belonging with that person:

When you form a close emotional bond with someone, there’s a sense of belonging that happens and they become part of your family: the people you call home.

Once of the senses of loss you’re feeling is that you have lost a home – you feel abandoned and homeless, lost and looking for a direction and safe space.

Coaching solution: List all the other places and people in your life that you feel at home and belong with. Make a point of engaging in social activities with these people.

Not Having An Anchor

An anchor is more than a home – it’s a person you take with you everywhere, regardless of how your environment or life changes. For some of us this is a friend, for some a family member, and for others their romantic partner.

Anchor relationships are the really crucial relationships we have, and so when you lose your anchor you lose a lot of key elements in your life, including:

  • Someone to talk to and share with
  • Someone to vent to
  • Someone to plan with
  • Someone who wants and needs you
  • Someone who wants to hear from you
  • A partner in crime and all-round accomplice
  • A place where your needs and what’s going on with you matters
  • A place to express your love

For many people this last point – a place to express your love – is something they’ll glance over, thinking it doesn’t apply to them, and then wonder why I didn’t include an option for someone who loves you.

The reasoning is simple: if you really wanted someone who loves you, you’d be all over your stalkers. When we love someone else, it is about the love we feel inside ourselves for and around them, and how we express that love – that’s why we call it being in love.

It’s not that you’re missing being loved by the person – you’re missing being able to express the love you feel for the person. If you get very honest, you’ll realise you probably haven’t thought about the other person’s feelings once: it’s always about your pain and your feelings because we live our lives from a subjective point of view.

Coaching Solutions:

  1. Identify friends and family that can fill these roles for you and make use of them, messaging and calling them whenever you feel the need to contact the person you’ve lost.
  2. To deal with unexpressed love, send love and light to the person every time the thought of them arises.
  • You can look at a photo of the person or imagine them in your mind, but just take a minute to stop and center and imagine your love leaving you and flowing to them. You can say something like: “I bless and release you in love and light.”
  • Like a forgiveness exercise, you don’t always feel aligned with this one in the beginning – the journey is to keep going until you can do it without feeling any pain or turmoil, or you no longer feel the need to do it. If you keep at it, you will eventually get that sudden energetic release – the struggle is reaching it.
  • This is also one of those exercises that gets harder to do at first, so expect your resistance to the exercise to increase over the first while you’re doing it. You may even reach a day or two where it feels impossible and like this is a waste of time. That increased resistance is your ego fighting back – the anger and frustration you feel at yourself is your ego fighting back too. This journey is about overcoming the ego, so don’t let the difficulty put you off. If you’re finding it difficult, you’re doing it right.

Unrealized Dreams

When you begin a relationship and bond with someone, you begin to plan and look forward together. It’s quite a natural response – we all expect our relationships to continue forever; it’s why we’re so surprised when a long-term romantic partnership comes to an end.

However the end of the relationship does not mean that the hopes and desires and dreams have gone away – it just means that you have to sacrifice those unrealized expectations and let go of those dreams. Letting go of a dream is difficult under any circumstances – when there’s grief and loss, it feels almost unbearable.

Coaching Solutions:

  1. List all the unrealized dreams and plans you can remember, and then use one or more of the following options:
  • See the other person going off to complete that dream alone and bless them with love and light.
  • Use acceptance by saying: “I accept that this dream will never realize for this person and me. I’m sorry, I love you, I forgive you, please forgive me.”
  • See yourself going to complete the dream alone and list at least three scenarios in which it works out better because that person is no longer around, e.g. you meet someone new with exactly the same interests and you go on to even greater success than you previously imagined. Get extreme here – imagine the wildest, most amazing and miraculous possibilities. Dream enormously big here.
  • List all the dreams and opportunities that are open to you because this person is no longer around – and take the first steps towards achieving one of those dreams. Set yourself a completely new goal that in no way reminds you of what you’ve lost.
    • This will also serve as a useful distraction while you’re lonely, so make it something complicated that will engross and absorb you.

A Chaotic & Uncertain Future

Aside from dreams being taken away, the loss of a relationship through death or separation also creates an uncertain future, because you’re directionless and you may no longer feel like you have a reason to go on.

Coaching Solutions:

  1. List all the other reasons you have to go on and stick around:
  • People who need you around
  • People who would miss you if you were gone
  • Ways you make a difference in the world
  • Ways the world would be worse off because you’re gone
    • Watch the movie It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0038650/ – for some inspiration in this regard. In the movie the main character is shown what the world would be like if he had never existed.
  1. Make a list of dreams and desires you’ve had since childhood, especially future possibilities you can pursue because this person is no longer in your life. Make an active move towards starting to follow one of those paths.

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
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Consciousness

On Taking Life Too Seriously

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Much of the time in life, we allow ourselves to take situations VERY seriously. This will sometimes turn pain into suffering, or prolong the challenges we face for growth. It also stops us from truly finding peace in life.

  • Reflect On:

    Do you feel a constant sense of anxiety in your life? Underlying everything? Where do you notice you take life or situations too seriously? What do you do to begin connecting back to self, and taking life less seriously?

Do you go through life with constant angst? A feeling deep down that there is always a little bit of stress or a little bit of worry? I’ve been through this. And in some ways, I thought it would never go away. But I focused on self awareness and living in the heart enough to kiss those days goodbye.

We can sure take life too seriously at times can’t we? I mean it’s fair. We have stresses in life that we get caught up in, we go, go, go, go, and often forget to take a moment to breathe. In Western culture, it’s all about obsessing over goals and getting there and telling ourselves sotries about what life will be like when we do finally get there… but what often happens to us when we live this way? We step into unconsciousness. We stop taking time to FEEL.

I want to help us remember to be STILL with this.

Various experiences and events have taken place in my life that have challenged some of my deepest ideals, belief systems and concepts that I felt were a part of me. This has gone on and occurred in my entire 11 year journey of truly changing myself. Whether it had to do with the work I do, friends, the world, relationships or big decisions in life, many things were challenged. It has truly been an incredible ride.

We sometimes might think “when will all the change and ‘chaos’ end?” A good question indeed, but isn’t this what we are here for at this time? To truly look at ourselves, look at all that we hold onto and all that we define our reality with. Literally everything! If you are feeling like you are the only one out there going through this stuff and feel like everything is backwards -that things are constantly being challenged, know that what you are experiencing is perfect, and we must remember to have fun with it!

Not Just A Human Experience

We are not here at this time to simply have ‘a human experience,’ we are here to evolve the human experience. It’s different! Stop looking at the past to tell us what to do, how we should move forward, and what ‘the greats’ did in our past to figure things out. We are not in that time, and the zeitgeist of our time now is not to simply exist but to be present as we deeply evolve the way of life on this planet.

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We hear a lot “but we’re human, just embrace that!” That’s all fine, but what does that mean? What is a human? How should we be? Does being human mean accepting the world as it is? Are we capable of more? Can we redefine what it means to be human and what life should look like? Why do we give up so easily on dreaming big about these things?

I used to accept MANY limitations about myself and what I could do. But eventually, I was faced with the chance to let all that go, and reimagine what was possible. Even when everyone told me I was crazy and I couldn’t do what I was trying to do, I used my connection to self and consciousness to create it. Because I believed I was capable of more, and so is everyone else. This is how Collective Evolution, the site your on, came to be.

Embracing Change

After experiencing the many deep questions and challenges I have thus far, overcoming them and moving forward, I have one very special thing that I have reminded myself about over and over and truly understand to a deep level. We are here to play and evolve! None of what we are experiencing is as serious as we think!!

The mind and ego can make things very real, very dramatic, very frightening. I know! But the highest aspect of who we are is always clear, always neutral, and always sharing with us exactly what we need to hear because IT IS US! We are not the mind or the stories it creates that makes things so serious. They are there because that is our challenge. To go beyond the mind and the stories it creates -so we can experience this sensorial world and remember who we truly are (click to listen to my podcast on this topic.)

So let’s remember, whether it’s life choices, relationships, friends, work, family, sports, or everyday events, know that it’s just an experience! We can spend our whole lives always caught up in the drama and the intensity, saying “oh my gosh things are so tough, the world is so crazy, my life is upside down, and I’m so busy!” but where does this lead us? This is a question we must ask ourselves.

If we remain caught up in these perceptions, repetitive patterns of mind, we will continue to miss out on the entire journey we are on because we are lost and caught up in the mind. We perpetuate our so called “suffering” when we make things serious and make them a big deal. When we can see it for what it is, we allow the emotions to subside, allow back in our full potential and know how to take action forward. This is called finding true peace.

I’m not talking about simply accepting things and saying “well get over it” or “that’s how it is, so deal with it.” No. I’m talking about truly seeing things for what they are. Seeing why we color something in a particular way. Seeing the belief system behind why something is good or bad or right or wrong or even why it’s serious!

I promise you, behind every strong emotion, every serious situation, there is a belief system that makes it that way. One that is held in the mind and made real by the mind. But the mind is not YOU! See the story! Let it go and just play! You will find much peace and joy in flowing through your experience in this way.

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
Continue Reading

Consciousness

Have You Realized The Profundity Of Our True Nature?

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    In life, we typically move about, seeing all material for what we define it as. This makes things convenient in a way, but there is a profoundness to not only seeing beyond these definitions, but also tapping back into full potential.

  • Reflect On:

    Have you ever tried practicing the awareness that you are not your mind nor your body? Why do we identify so strongly with just our physical body, and is it time to begin to remember we are much more than that?

Who we really are has been staring us in the face the whole time.

Take a look at your body, but look at it from a completely impersonal perspective; free of any thought about it at all. Without labels like arms and legs; without any sense of ownership, just as it is. Look in the mirror at your face, your eyes, but look without the thinking mind. This body that you get to use and throw around the joint, is a product of the universe. Conditions were apparently perfect here on Earth for Humans to exist. A magnificent sculpture, carved from stardust, gases, cells, minerals, heat – one of the most complex arrangements of cells and energy you have ever laid your eyes upon.

There is no boundary to the human body; there is no “in here” and “out there.” The body is a constant flow of energy, never a stationary or permanent thing we could pin down. There is a constant flow of air coming in and out, molecules by our skin, bacteria breaking down food in our stomach, there is no boundary between the body and the environment. It’s like a river, never the same body of water in any two moments.

Then, how about all the stuff the body perceives. All the sounds, tastes, smells, visual images and so on. The human body makes the whole world we’re privy to. The brain selects a very narrow band of frequencies and constructs reality according to the bandwidth of what our senses relay for us. The visual spectrum is only a very narrow band, while other sentient beings select out different bands for their viewing pleasure. So reality as we know it, never exists objectively, only subjectively through the being that is observing it. Without an observer what does it exist as? Just a soup of frequencies I suppose.

I find this phenomenal! There are little reality bubbles existing wherever a sentient being is alive. Energy has coalesced into the form of a human being, a giraffe, an ant, a butterfly, a chameleon, an amoeba, and through these configurations, the universe is observing itself. It is having experiences with itself.

1619136_420984308034739_245289130_nSo essentially, the whole world that you exist in – the reality bubble that you spend your entire life in – is entirely made by the human body. Your human body. Everything, all of it. Look at the image your eyes are creating. Look at how immaculate, perfect and impeccably high the resolution is! Check out how infinite the colour palette is. Take another look in the mirror at the wonder of your eyes. Those things stuck in that head, those things that we call eyes are absolutely wondrous biological organs, composed of trillions of living cells; living in harmony, being fed by the fuel you place in your mouth. Those things are taking frequencies of energy, sending it at light speed to your brain, where trillions more cells convert it into a picture. WOW!

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And while I’m on that subject: have you ever wondered how electrical signals in the brain – how realistically an infinite amount of neurons in our brain – can create the conscious experience of sound out of electrical impulses? How does something biological turn electricity into the conscious experience of smell? Into the emotion of love, of anger?

So look around you. Look what you’re part of. You’re on a planet zooming through space at hundreds of kilometres per second, circling around in a gigantic galaxy. You’re amongst animals, forests, bodies of water, lightning, rain, drought, plants and soil. You’re amongst life! You’re seeing it unfold right before your eyes, seeing life in all its animation. I don’t see why it should seem like there’s anything else to do, other than admire what we’re amongst, and create.

Just as the bus motors down the street, so too does the galaxy arms revolve around its core. A child eats breakfast, while an asteroid erupts as it passes through an atmosphere. We are as much an expression of this universe as the plants and galaxies. This universe has arranged itself in such complex ways, in such exquisite patterns, so that it may know itself through our eyes. We have become an aperture for energy to know what it inherently is.

When we look deeper into our own nature, we find that things are even more extraordinary than what exists in the physical realm of bodies, animals, plants and stars.

There is this notion of separation in our society, where we exist separately from the outside world of other stuff. We are separate from the table, our house, other people and the whole cosmos. We feel this too, because we feel that we are the human body, or the thinker somewhere in the head. But this notion is learnt, cultivated, but not all cultures prescribe to this way of being at all.

The whole world is consciousness; it all exists within, not out there somewhere. This is the worldview slowly being ushered in by quantum mechanics and eastern traditions. They’ve arrived now at the same point, but there is obvious resistance because the old system composed of survival-of-the-fittest, authority, institutions and competition rely on our illusory separateness for vitality.

Consciousness is the way in which biological functions of firing neurons in the brain are turned into a conscious experience. Consciousness is something transcendent of the physical world, and is therefore never affected by the  realm of form. It is so perfect and complete already, not needing fulfillment or healing in any way.

The thing is, most of us don’t feel this way though. We still feel separate, small, incomplete and not an integrated part of the whole. We still feel like we are locked up inside a head looking out at separate stuff. But there are ways in which consciousness can shift and identify with something much deeper. The first step is usually quieting the mind through meditation. Our thoughts have run rampant, and we’ve taken this incessant internal monologue to be who we are. But if you do one session of meditation, you’ll see that the mind comes in all by itself, starts up fantasies, conversations, judgments and memories all by itself, while you are trying to focus on your breath. While you’re trying to be silent, the mind has other ideas. Meditation shows us we aren’t the thinker at all; it shows us that we are the witnessing presence OF thought.

A thought is as much a sensation as the taste of ice cream is; we’ve just placed too much emphasis and belief in thought. So rather than identifying consciousness with something superimposed upon it (the mind, the “small self”, the ego) we can shine the light back in on itself via techniques like meditation, and identify as pure consciousness itself. We become not only the witnesser of all sensation, but we merge with it, just as we did with the mind. The feeling of self shifts from the mind with all its thoughts and ideas about the world, to sensation. And sensation is essentially the universe! You become the whole universe.

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
Continue Reading

Consciousness

When Is The Last Time You Were GENUINELY Yourself? If You’re Still Thinking About It, Read This.

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Some of us go our entire lives without truly being ourselves. There may be many reasons for it, but we often find ourselves living via others' expectations or approval.

  • Reflect On:

    When was the last time you noticed yourself hold back or be different than YOU because you were worried about what someone may think or do? Worried about challenging someone? Perhaps just appeasing people's egos?

Being 100% authentic to who you are, and at peace with it. Living from the Heart. Feeling comfortable within yourself. At all times. With everyone. No matter what “people dynamics” you are exposed to.

Now that’s a tough one for an ego who needs the approval, love and acceptance of others. Inner-peace sure is conditional when we are afraid to have our mind and its beliefs challenged in one way or another. But instead of basing our actions and state of being according to the fears, worries and desires of our ego, what we should ask our heart instead is:

Is it really worth it to compromise our natural state for the sake of appeasing the ego of others? Is it worth it to step away from our natural state and rather buy into our own egoic beliefs and fears?

The truth is, when others are truly comfortable and at peace with themselves, they won’t need you to change who you are. And when you are truly comfortable and at peace within yourself, you don’t need others to change who they are. Only the ego does.

When you have reached a state of utmost clarity and inner-peace, the only thing that can really make sense… is to BE who you truly are!

So the bottom line is, when you are authentic and at peace within yourself, YES, there will always be egos challenged by you, yet there will always be souls INSPIRED by you. In both cases, it is as perfect as it can get 😉

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This is a simple reminder, not long, just simple. You can read it today, pass it on. Deep wisdom doesn’t have to be super long. Enjoy your day! 🙂

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
Continue Reading
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