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Pornography: How Much Is Too Much?

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In today’s increasingly digital world, pornography is ubiquitous. And every time the affordability, accessibility, and variety of online porn increases, therapists who specialize in sexual disorders, such as myself, see a corresponding increase in the number of people seeking help with out-of-control usage. That said, there are several categories of people who struggle with porn. Many of these individuals are porn-addicted, though certainly not all, and even those who qualify as addicted may fall into different groups.

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Are You Addicted to Porn?

To qualify as an addiction, porn use must meet the following three criteria:

  • Preoccupation to the point of obsession with pornography
  • Loss of control over usage, most often evidenced by failed attempts to quit or cut back
  • Negative consequences related to porn use — ruined relationships, trouble at work or in school, depression, anxiety, isolation, loss of interest in non-sexual activities, financial issues, legal issues, loss of social standing, sexual dysfunction, etc.

Individuals who do not meet the above criteria are not porn addicted. They might still be troubled by their use of pornography, but usually this is based more on social shame than anything else.

Sometimes socially shamed porn users will self-identify as porn addicted even though they’re not, using addiction as a way to explain their unwanted sexual attractions and/or activities. For instance, a 19-year-old male may feel shame about his use of gay porn, which he looks at several times per week for 15 or 20 minutes (long enough to masturbate). Although his day-to-day functioning is unaffected by his porn use, he might be depressed and anxious. In therapy, this client should not be treated for porn addiction. Instead, he should be treated for the ego-dystonia he feels surrounding his sexual orientation. In short, a good therapist would focus on helping this young man overcome the shame he feels about being gay (or possibly bisexual) rather than on stopping his (relatively minimal) porn usage.

Other individuals who are not addicted to porn might be told they are by angry family members, moralistic therapists, and/or misinformed religious counsellors. For instance, a married 35-year-old man with a strict religious belief system may look at porn once or twice per week for half an hour with no ill effects other than his wife knows about it and doesn’t like it. However, when he goes to his pastor for advice, he might be labelled as porn addicted because why else would he engage in such sinful behavior. In reality, this man is not a porn addict, and an informed therapist would not treat him as such. Instead, a good therapist would help him reconcile his sexual life with his personal values, family circumstances, and religious beliefs.

Whether a porn user’s shame is internally or externally motivated, these individuals come to therapy worried about pornography, often to the point where they are clinically depressed and/or anxious. Generally, they are unhappy about their sexual fantasies and the ways in which they’re living them out. Plus, they’re keeping secrets, telling lies, and living a double life. But, once again, this does not automatically mean these people are porn addicted. Certainly they could be porn addicted, but only if their behaviour meets the criteria listed above.

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Of course, the majority of people who enter treatment for porn-related issues do qualify as addicted. Typically they’re looking at porn compulsively for multiple hours per day, they’ve tried and failed to quit or cut back (usually many times), and their lives are falling apart as a result. In short, they look a lot like alcoholics, drug addicts, compulsive gamblers, and other addicts. The only real difference is their “drug of choice.”

Classic vs. Contemporary Porn Addicts

Until the last few years, that was the entirety of the porn addicted population. People were going online and getting hooked on an ever increasing and constantly changing supply of intensely stimulating sexual imagery, using it to numb out and to escape emotional discomfort. (This ongoing desire for numbness and emotional escape is also why alcoholics drink, drug addicts use, compulsive gamblers place bets, etc. In other words, addictions are not about feeling good, they’re about feeling less.) Lately, however, therapists have identified a secondary population of porn addicts, mostly young males, who are using porn compulsively not to escape stress, anxiety, depression, and other forms of emotional discomfort but because they’ve become “conditioned” to the sexual intensity and variety that only pornography can provide. Thus, sex addiction treatment specialists are now seeing “classic” porn addicts and “contemporary” porn addicts.

Classic porn addicts, like most other addicts, generally present in treatment with extensive early-life trauma histories (abuse, neglect, addiction in the home, inconsistent parenting, and numerous other forms of family dysfunction). When these men and women are motivated to heal, standard sexual addiction treatment is generally effective, though establishing and maintaining sexual sobriety tends to be a significant struggle with two steps forward, one and a half steps back, just as we see with other forms of addiction.

A typical classic porn addict is a 28-year-old male who has been looking at porn 10, 20, or maybe even 30 hours per week, ongoing for many months or even years. Thanks to porn, his life is falling apart. He’s been reprimanded for using company equipment to look at porn, he can’t manage a relationship, he’s socially isolated from his family and friends, and he’s very depressed. And whatever he tries, he can’t seem to stop using porn. He quits for a day or two, but then he feels stressed out, and suddenly he’s right back at it. He tells himself he’ll only go online for a few minutes, but four hours later he’s still glued to his screen.

Contemporary porn addicts tend to be less stress and trauma driven. These individuals generally start using porn early on, sometimes even pre-adolescence, simply because it’s available and it seems like a fun thing to do. As adolescence progresses and they become more sexually interested, they continue with porn, using it more often over time. Because “getting their needs met” online is easier (less stressful and less emotionally demanding) than engaging in real world forms of adolescent romantic and sexual development, they continually turn to porn, sexting, and the like rather than more traditional forms of exploration. Then they wake up in their late teens or their twenties, hooked on pornography, with no clue how to have an actual relationship because they never learned the basics.

A typical contemporary porn addict is a 20-year-old male who started looking at porn when he was 12, just as puberty was kicking in. By age 14 he is using porn nightly. By age 15 he’s quit sports and clubs, preferring to spend his time alone, looking at and masturbating to pornography. His once-good grades are terrible, he’s lost contact with his friends, and he’s never dated. Now, at 20, he’s depressed, anxious, and ashamed about his life. He wants to do better in school and he wants to have friends and a normal romantic relationship, but he doesn’t know how to make any of that happen. So he sticks with what he knows: the endless intensity of online pornography.

Interestingly, both types of porn addiction require the basics of sex addiction treatment — most often a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy, ongoing accountability, social learning, and external support groups (especially 12-step groups like Sex Addicts Anonymous). The primary difference between the two cohorts is that contemporary porn addicts, because they typically lack the early-life trauma history of classic addicts, seem to find it easier to walk away from porn. (This is because they’re not constantly trying to escape the unresolved trauma of their childhood.) Moreover, when contemporary porn addicts do walk away, many of their porn-related problems dissipate rather quickly, particularly if/when they replace their porn use with healthy socialization and recreation. So once a contemporary porn addict has put the porn away, therapists will work to rectify aspects of delayed social development rather than on resolving early-life trauma issues.

If you need help for sexual addiction, treatment referrals can be found here. I also conduct a free, open-ended discussion about sex addiction at InTheRooms.com, Friday nights at 6 p.m. PST.

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WHAT?! Marineland Is Officially Exempt From Canada’s Ban On Whale & Dolphin Captivity

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Image: 123RF

In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Canada recently passed a bill that bans the capture and captivity of whales and dolphins. Marineland, a huge whale/dolphin entertainment park, has been exempted from the law that makes it illegal to do so.

  • Reflect On:

    What gives human beings the right to hold such majestic, innocent, benevolent and intelligent animals captive? What gives them the right to separate them from their families? Why do we treat other beings on Earth the way we do?

Animal captivity is extremely cruel and heartbreaking. Imagine what another intelligent, benevolent race would think if they came across our planet and observed what we do. My guess is that they’d be terrified to attempt to interact with us simply based on how we treat other sentient, benevolent beings on this planet.

Canada recently passed a legislation that completely bans keeping whales, dolphins and porpoises in captivity for entertainment, trade, possession, capture and breeding. The bill (S-203) is also known as the “Ending the Captivity of Whales and Dolphins Act,” and it was approved by the House of Commons after they voted in favour of the bill, which was first introduced in 2015.

The only time capture is permitted in Canada is for rescue purposes or, unfortunately, for scientific purposes.

According to Green Party Leader MP Elizabeth May, “Canadians have been clear, they want the cruel practice of keeping whales and dolphins in captivity to end… With the passage of Bill S-203, we have ensured that this will happen.”

More than 20 marine scientists and stakeholder organizations endorsed the bill, which quite frankly should have happened long ago. These beings, or any beings for that matter, do not belong in tanks where they are constantly suffering. These are extremely emotional, social, empathetic and brilliant beings. What we’ve done to them and continue to do to them is beyond horrid, to be blunt.

This bill was supposed to phase out this type of captivity in Canada, but that doesn’t seem to be the case, as Marineland Canada’s whales will remain at the park following the page of S-203. Already captive whales will remain in captivity, which means approximately 60 animals will live out their entire lives at Marineland and at the Vancouver Aquarium.

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Canadian law now states that it’s a criminal offence, as it should be, to keep a cetacean in captivity, but it looks like Marineland Canada has been exempted from this. It does not seem, however, that they can bring more animals into the park, but they’ll more than likely begin breeding programs to keep their business going for as long as they can.

According to Marie Holer, a representative from Marineland Canada:

We’ve been working to evolve Marineland for over a year and have made many positive changes to the park, including the new educational presentation on marine mammals, the introduction of the Marineland Express and our Polar Splash pad that will open in July. Since opening day, we’ve seen our largest crowds in years and are thrilled that so many people support us in our work. We’re looking forward to enhancing our education, conservation and research focus in the short term to highlight our commitment to marine mammals.”

Is this truly a good step? As long as these animals are in captivity, there can be no care given to these animals. Why do we as human beings feel we can imprison animals like this is simply for entertainment? It feels heartbreaking, confusing, and makes deeply question the state of our connection to wildlife.

Have we really become that disconnected from life?

It’s not all bleak though! Things are obviously improving, and that’s become quite evident thanks to the vast amount of activism over the years that has finally resulted in the passing of the legislation mentioned in this article, but we still have a long way to go.

Remember, these animals have never really shown any type of aggression towards humans, except in captivity.

The Takeaway

Why do human beings go to the circus? Why do they go to places like Marineland? Is it because human beings are terrible? No. It’s simply because many of us have been desensitized and have not quite questioned this in many ways. Which is OK! That’s part of the process. When it comes to animal captivity, mass marketing and scientific justifications have allowed our minds to be manipulated. They’ve made us think that animal captivity is okay, when clearly we would not like to be confined against our will, so why do it to others?

I believe that we’re all born as extremely understanding beings, and that humans are a very empathetic race. I believe that our feelings and our ability to experience empathy are what makes us special. I also believe that these traits and characteristics left us for a while, but they are now returning and we are beginning to “think” from our hearts again.

This is why awareness regarding animal captivity has increased and will continue to increase around the globe until it is completely banned everywhere, or until people simply stop showing up to these places and providing them with profits.

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The demand for Collective Evolution's content is bigger than ever, except ad agencies and social media keep cutting our revenues. This is making it hard for us to continue.

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Video: The Most Significant Leak About Extraterrestrial Craft Just Went Public

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    A recently leaked document has exposed notes taken by legendary scientist Dr. Eric Davis during a meeting he had Admiral Thomas Ray Wilson, who was the Director of the Defense Intelligence Agency, regarding extraterrestrial space craft.

  • Reflect On:

    UFOs used to be a conspiracy, now they are quite mainstream and their existence is backed by tremendous amounts of evidence. The next question is, where are they from, and who made them? Will this information be suppressed too?

A quote I love to use in many of my articles comes from Apollo 14 astronaut Dr. Edgar Mitchell. He said, “yes there have been crashed craft, and bodies recovered.” (source)

The thought that governments and/or rogue agencies around the world have been involved in taking down and even possibly revere engineering possible extraterrestrial craft is nothing new. Available to the public are statements from the highest ranking positions within government and the military, and there are also declassified documents that hint toward the same idea.

For example, former Canadian Defence Minister Paul Hellyer once told the public that the protocol with regards to UFOs was to “shoot first and ask questions after.” Dr. David Clarke, an investigative journalist, reader and lecturer at Sheffield Hallam University in England who was also the curator for The National Archives UFO project from 2008–13 uncovered documents showing that the Royal Air Force was desperate to capture one of these UFOs and reverse engineer it. You can see those and read more about it here.

Most Significant Leak?

Check out our video segment on this new leak, or read more below.

More recently, what some are calling the most significant leak in UFO history has been made public – and it may be one of the strongest documents linking UFOs to extraterrestrials.

The document goes into detail about a meeting that was had between Dr. Eric Davis, and Vice Admiral Thomas Ray Wilson. Who is Eric Davis? He is a very well known scientist, and quite the legend. For many years he was a member of the National Institute for Discovery Sciences (NIDS)(Owned by Robert Bigelow), the Chief Science Officer of EarthTech Int’l, Inc. and the Institute for Advanced Studies at Austin in Austin, Texas; and he is the Owner/Chief Executive/Chief Scientist of Warp Drive Metrics who consults and contracts for the Department of Defense. He is also an Adjunct Professor in the Early Universe, Cosmology and Strings Group at the Center for Astrophysics, Space Physics & Engineering Research at Baylor University in Waco, TX.

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Admiral Thomas Ray Wilson was the Director of the Defense Intelligence Agency from July 1999 to July 2002, prior to that he was the Director of Intelligence for the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

The document is in the form of notes that were written by Davis after their meeting that took place in 2002, regarding a series of events that took place during the spring of 1997, when Wilson was Deputy Director of Intelligence for the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Since the leak of this document, there has been no denial publicly by Davis regarding the authenticity of these documents, and the focal point of the document is about a meeting (and what happened after that meeting) that took place in 1997 between UFO researcher Dr. Steven Greer, Admiral Wilson, Dr. Edgar Mitchell (Apollo 14 astronaut) and other high ranking individuals within the military. This meeting was spoken about by Dr. Greer and Dr. Mitchell nearly four years prior to the leak of these documents, so it’s all very interesting. In the episode, we actually play footage of Mitchell confirming and talking about this meeting as well as Greer.

The documents point towards a program that involves the crash retrieval of extraterrestrial craft, that are “not made of this earth, not made by man.”

You can view the entire document here.

if you missed the video embed above of myself and Joe Martino having a discussion about these documents in detail, you can watch it here.

The Takeaway

“There is a serious possibility that we are being visited and have been visited for many years by people from outer space, from other civilizations.” – Lord Admiral Hill-Norton, Former Chief of Defence Staff, 5 Star Admiral of the Royal Navy, Chairman of the NATO Military Committee

The fact that we are not alone has huge implications from science to technology, to history and possible metaphysical/spiritual implications as well. It really opens up Pandora’s Box, and it is one out of many examples that are allowing us to see how humanity has been conditioned to think a certain way, limit our reality, despite all of the evidence, that conflicts with long held belief systems.

At the end of the day, the idea that there are other highly advanced, intelligent lifeforms in the universe, or multiverse, and possibly other dimensions that are and have been visiting our planet, and others, for a very long time is most likely just the very tip of the ice-berg.

This is not a new discovery. We have had this type of knowledge of UFOs and ETs for a very long time, culture and elites have simply suppressed this knowing.

Help Support Collective Evolution

The demand for Collective Evolution's content is bigger than ever, except ad agencies and social media keep cutting our revenues. This is making it hard for us to continue.

In order to stay truly independent, we need your help. We are not going to put up paywalls on this website, as we want to get our info out far and wide. For as little as $3 a month, you can help keep CE alive!

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British Home Secretary Has Signed Extradition Order To Send Julian Assange To US

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    British home secretary Sajid Javid has signed the extradition order to send Julian Assange to the US. This now leaves the final decision to the courts. It's likely that the extradition decision process will take many months to decide in court.

  • Reflect On:

    Is this another step in harming the freedom of press? The freedom of revealing truth to citizens? Is this government overreach whereby they feel it's OK to pretend to the public that their knowledge of truth is not important?

The British home secretary, Sajid Javid, has just signed a request for Julian Assange to be extradited to the US where he faces an 18-count indictment, issued by the US Department of Justice, for charges linked to computer hacking and revealing government secrets in collaboration with Chelsea Manning, formerly Bradley Manning. The charges all fall under the Espionage Act.

“He’s rightly behind bars. There’s an extradition request from the US that is before the courts tomorrow but yesterday I signed the extradition order and certified it and that will be going in front of the courts tomorrow.” – Sayid Javid

Officially, Assange is accused of soliciting and publishing classified information and conspiring to hack into a government computer. “It is a decision ultimately for the courts, but there is a very important part of it for the home secretary and I want to see justice done at all times and we’ve got a legitimate extradition request, so I’ve signed it, but the final decision is now with the courts,” said Javid.

If you were to look entirely at the law, you might say “yes, technically if he did these things, there is a case to be made.” However, was Assange involved enough in this process to prosecute him? Did he do something that was a disservice to the people? Or did he do something that was a disservice to the powerful elite?

That is something for you to decide, ideally without the manipulative rhetoric from the powerful elite and the mainstream media they own. Attempts to suggest he threatens the patriotism of the US and the national security of the US might be something to observe as a clear sign of bait and switch: get upset at this, instead of looking at what he revealed about the powerful elite in the totality of the leaks he has put out.

Swedish courts had just recently rejected an extradition request for Assange to be sent back to Sweden for an alleged rape case dating back to 2010. Assange denies the accusation and has since the beginning. The decision out of Upsalla to deny his request was fueled by the claim that Assange did not need to be detained.

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Assange is currently in jail for 50 weeks for skipping bail after he spent seven years in the Ecuadorian embassy in London. He was recently too ill to appear at a hearing at Westminster magistrates court in relation to the US request. The hearing has been rescheduled for Friday, June 14th, 2019.

Thomas Garner, an extradition lawyer at Gherson Solicitors, said Javid’s certification of the request was “an important though merely procedural step” to start the extradition process.

“I would expect the court to set a preliminary timetable for the extradition process tomorrow,” he said. “It is likely to be many months before any hearing at the magistrates court and of course either side may then seek to appeal that decision in due course. Despite this, the Swedish authorities will be monitoring the process carefully as the further down the line the US proceedings get the harder it might become for the home secretary to give precedence to any competing request.”

The Takeaway

From a systematic standpoint, this is a necessary procedural step in extraditing Assange to the US and it has been granted. It could have been blocked but Javid felt it was necessary for ‘justice to be served.’

As we can see, this is an example of a spot where someone could have stood up and said “no I don’t support this given what it does to protect the powerful elite and given what it does to journalism and the maintenance of secrecy.” Obviously, Javid would have faced much criticism if he had stood up, perhaps legal problems too, we were not able to confirm that, but we are seeing a system play entirely along with the power elite in this case.

In the video below, there is an important discussion on some of the ‘Qanon’ ideas in relation to Assange. My analysis on that is that it appears to be heavily misguided, but you decide for yourself.

Help Support Collective Evolution

The demand for Collective Evolution's content is bigger than ever, except ad agencies and social media keep cutting our revenues. This is making it hard for us to continue.

In order to stay truly independent, we need your help. We are not going to put up paywalls on this website, as we want to get our info out far and wide. For as little as $3 a month, you can help keep CE alive!

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