The story I am about to share is not new. You’ve heard it countless times.
The story I am about to share stems from many things. The media. Entertainment. Cultural norms. Historical lineage. Education. Our upbringing.
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The story I am about to share is one that for many people has created chronic physical and mental illnesses, lifelong shame, self-sabotage, and isolation.
I am a 30 year old woman and for at least 18 years of my life I have struggled with my body image.
My body has always been something that needed to be fixed, changed, or transformed. From around 12 years old, I remember being self-conscious when I looked in the mirror. I always thought that my body was soft and short, and I most certainly wasn’t thin enough.
High school and college were riddled with patterns of disordered, emotional eating and excessive exercise. I was either meticulously watching everything I ate, overeating on sweet, sugary foods to numb any feelings of discomfort or sadness I was feeling, or working out like a maniac at the gym for hours on end to make up for my previous behaviors. My tendencies were vicious and my cycles on repeat.
I know that you’ve heard this story an infinite number of times.
What’s different with what I am about to share with you is that I have somehow, miraculously made it to the other side. And I have been having such profound experiences lately in appreciating my body, exactly as it is, that for the first time in my life I feel comfortable enough to publicly share the journey I have been on to get to this place.
When I was young, I always looked healthy, even though for many years of my life I was dealing with some form of chronic, autoimmune-related condition. This is often true for individuals suffering from illnesses like multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, and Lyme disease.
You look fine but you feel like shit.
Being sick happened in tandem with me first defining my beliefs on attractiveness of the female body. Not only was I beginning to crystalize an unrealistic external image of perfection, I was also making note of what the ideal inner functioning of a body should be. The ways that illness affected these inner workings made living in my body incredibly uncomfortable. I had constant digestive discomfort, breakouts of psoriasis, ongoing bouts of fatigue, a long term loss of voice, and brain fog.
As all of this was going on, I was regularly comparing my internal experience and external appearance to other young women my age. Not only did so many of them seem to have ease with their health, but they were also my ideal image of the perfect body: long, strong legs, a flat, tight tummy, a small waist, and thin, lean arms.
This dynamic created between me and my body was deeply influenced by the interweaving of illness and image at such a crucial, formative time in any young woman’s life. The result was years of me talking to and treating my body like it was less than, broken, and disgusting; like something to be ashamed of.
During my early teens, I had already started on a spiritual path. To me, spirituality is an experience or road that one does not get to choose, but one that chooses us. Spirituality is often a journey brought on by such significant suffering that there is no way out but through. And when choosing to go through, we are actively committing ourselves to facing our fears, flaws, and shadows, because continuing to live the way that we had been living is an absolute impossibility. Once the door to spirituality becomes opened, there is no looking back to the room that was left behind.
So I dug in.
I practiced yoga. I saw a therapist all throughout high school. I practiced yoga. I taught yoga. I saw a new therapist my freshman year of college. I took a 10-week course in mindful eating during the summer after my freshman year. I practiced yoga. I taught yoga. I attended weeklong workshops in self-discovery and self-reflection. I practiced yoga. I taught yoga. I journaled. I meditated. I went to alternative doctors and healers and energy workers. I participated in shamanic journeys. I practiced yoga. I went back to therapy. I went back to school to receive my master’s degree in integrative health. I taught yoga. I read every self-help book I could get my hands on. I saw a Reiki healer. I found yet another therapist. I took an Enneagram class. I sat silently for 10 days of a vipassana meditation. I prayed. I screamed. I cried. I spent countless hours in nature.
Suddenly, probably somewhere in my mid-twenties, things started to shift, to move, to undo. I couldn’t hold it all in anymore and so I started to speak freely about my experiences. I spoke about my imperfections, my vulnerabilities, my illnesses, and the ways I had shamed and disapproved of myself for so many years.
I began to pay attention to my thoughts. I would catch them when I was subconsciously saying something about my body that was ridden with disgust, fear, or anguish and change them to be in alignment with the truth of who I was (strong and beautiful and so much more) and what I wanted in my life. I became compassionate and accepting of my body in ways that I would often express to others, but had never done so for myself. I began to look at myself in the mirror through the eyes of love and wisdom, paying attention to all of the things that I appreciated instead of what I wanted to change.
Today, I am still not a master at all of these actions, but I am consciously working at it moment-by-moment. I notice that I struggle when I look at pictures of myself, finding ease in my old patterns of picking myself apart instead of loving myself exactly as I am. In these moments when I can’t easily access grace, I go back to therapy. I return to yoga. I increase my meditation practice. I call in my troop of healers. I re-evaluate my tribe.
About six months ago, I woke up feeling metaphorically lighter than I had in a long time. Getting dressed, I remember buttoning my shirt and sliding on my jeans with just the right amount of wiggle to get the waist of my pants up and over the soft sides of my hips and belly. I looked at myself in the mirror and the only feelings I remember experiencing were those rooted in the reality and approval of exactly how my body looked.
I have curves. My stomach has many inches that can be pinched and the skin shakes when I laugh, run, or simply jiggle it for fun. My face is round and pictures often capture a slight double chin. I’m only 5’1. There isn’t much space for weight when I gain it. I take good care of myself and no matter what, at the end of the day, my body is what it is. The only choice I have in the matter is whether I accept it or not.
These days my self-talk is much easier to hang out with. This isn’t to say that I wake up and feel like a sexy rock star every day. I have, however, started to really appreciate my body and all of the flaws, cellulite, and squishy belly rolls that come with it.
My exercise routine has become much more organic, based on how I feel and what activity feels enjoyable versus the masochistic movement chores I used to put myself through. When there aren’t healthy options of food available (you know, travel, parties, etc.), I simply do the best I can do, knowing that the next time I have more control of my circumstances or location, I will make choices that are as life affirming as can be in that moment.
One of my all-time favorite articles on the science of our physiology, Your Body Is Younger Than You Think, vividly describes the constant regeneration of every system, organ, bone, and muscle in the human body. The actual age of our physical structure is really only seven- to ten-years-old at any given time because of the never-ending process of reconstruction, reproduction, and restoration of our cellular makeup.
In knowing these facts to be true, I can’t help but laugh. If my body is actually that of an eight-year-old, a small child that is most likely still innocent and unknowing of her own appearance and genetic imperfections, why have I been wasting so much time and energy over the past two decades fixating on something that isn’t real or true?
The truth is I will never have washboard abs or long lean legs. My arms will always be soft and undefined when pressed against the sides of my ribs. I will never fit into an XS at a clothing store because I have breasts that stretch the fabric.
And right now, in this moment, I am totally okay with that.
The Effect of Human Intentions On Water Crystal Formation
- The Facts:
Multiple experiments and studies hint to the idea that human thoughts and intentions can alter the structure of water. Science examining mind-matter interaction has shown statistically significant results, especially over the past decade.
- Reflect On:
Why is mind-matter interaction labelled as "fringe" science in academia when the results produced are just as strong as science that's not considered "fringe"? Is it because this type of phenomena challenges what we believe?
Is human thought directly intertwined with our physical material world? Countless publications in peer-reviewed scientific journals have attempted to answer this question, and over the past few decades some very interesting statistically significant results have been observed.
A paper published in Physics Essays, for example, explains how the quantum double slit experiment has been used multiple times to explore the role of consciousness and its relation to physical material reality. In this case, meditators were apparently able to collapse the quantum wave function. The study received a “5 sigma” result, a rating that was able to give CERN the Nobel Prize in 2013 for finding the Higgs particle (which turned out not to be Higgs after all). The study is one of multiple providing evidence suggesting that mental activity, the human mind and intention can compel physical matter to act in a certain way.
A document pertaining to a study found within the CIA’s electronic reading room explains how numerous experiments have shown that people are able to “alter significantly the activity of specific biological target systems, mentally and at a distance…The obtained bio-PK results have been relatively robust.”
These are just a few examples, there are thousands. Not only has mind-matter interaction been observed at the quantum level, and with our biology, but it’s also been observed in real world examples, where gifted people are able to use their mind to influence objects. These examples can be found within the CIA’s electronic reading room. I recently wrote about a gifted girl who was able to perform “parapsychological writing.” She was able to write on a piece of paper inside a closed container using her mind. I’ve also written about gifted people and children being able to transport small objects inside of sealed containers from one location to another, as well as break small objects and put them back together again using their mind. These experiment were conducted under very tight controlled conditions.
All available evidence, in my opinion, clearly points the the fact that mind plays a central role when it comes to influencing, altering, affecting and perhaps even creating what we perceive to be our physical material world.
Why is this subject matter studied, observed and validated at the highest levels of government and within the Department of Defense yet completely unacknowledged by mainstream academia?
What Happened: A study published in 2008 in the Journal of Scientific Exploration titled “Effects of Distant Intention on Water Crystal Formation: A Triple-Blind Replication” tested the hypothesis that water exposed to human intentions has an affect on the aesthetic rating of the ice crystals formed from that water.
The study used data gathered from a three day period, using 1,900 people in Austria and Germany who focused their intentions towards water samples located inside an electromagnetically shielded room in California.
Water samples located near the target water, but unknown to the people providing intentions, acted as ‘‘proximal’’ controls. Other samples located outside the shielded room acted as distant controls. Ice drops formed from samples of water in the different treatment conditions were photographed by a technician, each image was assessed for aesthetic beauty by over 2,500 independent judges, and the resulting data were analyzed, all by individuals blind with respect to the underlying treatment conditions. Results suggested that crystal images in the intentionally treated condition were rated as aesthetically more beautiful than proximal control crystals (p ¼ 0.03, one-tailed). This outcome replicates the results of an earlier pilot test.
For more details, specifics, methods and criticisms, you can refer to the full paper here for more information.
We have some evidence that we can influence the water by by various kinds of energy. We can influence the fourth phase of the water, when the fourth phase becomes ice it’s understandable to us how this kind of influence will impact the kind of ice crystals that you get. So there’s a very close then, between the spiritual aspect…and the scientific work that we’re doing, very nice parallel between the two. – Dr. Gerald Pollack, a professor from the University of Washington’s department of Bioengineering (source)
You can see different ice crystal formations based on specific emotions/intentions that were sent to it, here.
Below is one of many examples.
More Examples & Why This Is Important: Obviously, when it comes to these types of studies there is a lot of criticism, but it’s one out of many that have investigated mind-matter interaction. Sometimes what we believe to be true can get in the way of interpreting data. Non-material science is a subject matter that greatly challenges human belief systems and what we think we know about the nature of reality. The idea that mind can influence matter alone is a thought that is uncomfortable to fathom, for many.
Professor of Physics and Astronomy at Johns Hopkins University, Richard Conn Henry published a paper in the journal Nature titled “The Mental Universe” emphasizing how metaphysics plays a central role in understanding the nature of reality. It’s been a common theme for quite some time. You can read more about that here.
There’s a reason, I believe, why all of our pioneering scientists were spiritual mystics.
If thoughts and intentions can alter and affect physical material reality in numerous ways, from the quantum level to real world examples as linked within the introduction of this article, imagine what thoughts can do to our biology? If thoughts and intentions do indeed change water in some way, what type of implications does that have given the fact that the human body is predominantly made up of water?
A lot of research has been established showing “a significant, complex, and highly sophisticated connection between the human heart and brain, which is driven by our emotional health.” When we are feeling at peace, or feeling positive emotions like gratitude, for example, the heart, brain and other biological systems work together in harmony. This has been termed as “heart coherence” by scientists at the HeartMath Institute.
They’ve shown that when the heart and brain are well-coordinated, united by our positive emotional health; there is a global shift in psychophysiological functioning, resulting in increased synchronization, harmony, and efficiency in the interactions within and among the physiological, cognitive and emotional systems of the body.
According to the HeartMath Institute,
“One important way the heart can speak to and influence the brain is when the heart is coherent – experiencing stable, sine-wavelike pattern in its rhythms. When the heart is coherent, the body, including the brain, begins to experience all sorts of benefits, among them are greater mental clarity and ability, including better decision making.”
This synchronization also includes the craniofacial region, which produces saliva. A study published in the Journal of International and Clinical Dental research states that heart coherence “increases the ordering and complexity of crystal structure (in saliva).” (source)
The HeartMath Institute conducted a study using 20 volunteers in order to determine the effect of coherence practice on the order of crystallization patterns in dried saliva drips. The hypothesis tested was “that states of high heart coherence would result in increased order and complexity in crystallization patterns.”
In 18 out of 20 participants, heart coherence actually increased “the ordering and complexity of crystal structure.” As a result, the researchers believe that this is one out of several examples that show a solid method for displaying the effect of practicing coherence in one’s life, which is induced by positive emotions and feelings of gratitude and appreciation. They also believe that it demonstrates the effect heart coherence can have on the information that is embedded in our own bodily fluids. This is interesting, because, again the human body is primarily made up of water, and saliva consists of 99 percent water.
According to Rollin McCraty, Ph.D., professor at,
Emotional information is actually included and modulated into these fields. By learning to shift our emotions, we are changing information coded into the magnetic fields that are radiated by the heart, and that can impact those around us. We are fundamentally and deeply connected with each other and the planet itself, and what we do individually really does count and maters. (source)
Research from the Aerospace Institute of the University of Stuttgart in Germany supports the theory that water actually has memory, and is full of information. This idea was first coined by French immunologist Dr. Jacques Benveniste in a controversial article published in 1988 in the journal Nature as a way of explaining how homeopathy works. You can read more about that here.
The Takeaway: There is a limited amount of information in this article, but the big point of it is that our state of being matters. When we look at our planet today, people are angry and polarized in their views on COVID-19, for example, or election fraud. More important, or just as important as facts and combating censorship of information, or anything for that matter, is the state of being from which we do it from. We need more love, compassion, understand and empathy and in order to bring that about in our world, we have to be it.
Being aware of how we react in certain situations, and really observing ourselves and being mindful of our emotional state is of critical importance.
Lunar Eclipse In Gemini: Applying Ourselves In An Adaptable Way
We are having a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Gemini on November 30th which is peaking at 9:30am Universal Time. This will be on the night of November 29th to the morning of the 30th for the Americas. It will be a penumbral eclipse which only has a slight shade on the Moon dimming it’s brightness. These ones are harder to notice and can be mistaken for a regular Full Moon. It will be visible (weather permitting) wherever it will be nighttime in part or all of its duration. This includes all of the Americas, most of Asia, some parts of Europe, and Australia.
This is the first of two eclipses occurring back to back, with this one followed by a more powerful Total Solar Eclipse in Sagittarius on December 14th/15th. This is also the first one in Gemini and the second of a series of Eclipses occurring in the Gemini-Sagittarius axis which we will be experiencing until late 2021. (You can join my mailing list here to receive my future eclipse articles and other content.)
Eclipses reflect evolutionary changes in specific areas of our lives which can play out over the following 6 months and can begin up to 6 weeks prior. However, they are also part of a 1.5-2 year process in which the Lunar Nodes and most Eclipses are in the same signs. The changes that occur are connected to the sign they are in, the planets they are configured to, and how this all lines up with our individual astrological blueprints (natal chart).
Lunar Eclipse In Gemini
This eclipse puts an emphasis on Gemini themes as it is near the Lunar North Node. This indicates changes associated with this sign that can have an increasing effect in how its energies are expressed in a way that serves your evolution. However, it can also be a culmination or release of old ways of expressing it as well. Ultimately it is about working with Gemini themes and areas of life in new ways. Certain developments, along with issues and challenges, connected to this sign can come up to help in this process.
Gemini is an Air sign which has social and intellectual properties. Ruled by Mercury, it is associated with the mind, communication, information, words, writing, facts, curiosity, and commuting. Gemini energy is adaptable, dualistic, agile, versatile, and quick witted yet can also be restless, scattered, duplicitous, overly talkative, and superficial.
Gemini correlates with our local/immediate environment, neighbourhood, siblings/cousins, communication devices/computers, and vehicles. It is associated with the arms, hands, shoulders, and nervous system. Considering that Gemini is a Mercurial sign, we can experience some similar complications as Mercury retrograde near these eclipse periods and in between other Gemini eclipses.
This Full Moon eclipse opposes the Sun in Sagittarius which is near the Lunar South Node. Over the next year and a half, we are also needing to address or move beyond Sagittarius expressions that can be holding us back from our evolution. This can play out more so with negative aspects of this sign such as strong opinions, judgements, dogmas, having blindspots, or unrealistic idealism. This eclipse can reflect these Sagittarius themes being at odds with the Gemini focal point mentioned in earlier paragraphs.
Lunar Eclipse Applying A Sextile To Mars Which Is In Post Retrograde Shadow
Mars ended its retrograde on November 13th/14th and has been picking up speed in forward position since. Some of the themes that have come up since mid-summer, and especially this past fall, are experiencing a conclusion process from now until early January.
Some of the shifts associated with the Gemini themes of this eclipse, now and over the coming months, can impact how we assert ourselves in a supportive way. In November and surrounding months, there is a recalibration when it comes to how we apply our drive, physical energy, sexuality, fighting nature, identity, individual needs, anger, or aggression. The changes, issues, developments, or complications reflected by the eclipse is connected to this process and how we should move forward.
Lunar Eclipse Quincunx Venus Which Is Opposing Uranus
The Moon is applying towards a quincunx aspect with Venus in Scorpio during this eclipse. There can be challenges, frustrations, and complications between the Gemini energies/themes of this eclipse (mentioned previously) and Venus ruled areas of love, relationships, friends, values, pleasures, indulgence, money, things pertaining to aesthetics, and/or perhaps linked to Scorpio matters such as shared/others resources, sexuality, debt/credit, jealousy, power/control issues, shadows, or hidden matters.
In some cases an action or development in one of these ways/areas can create problems or issues for another which may require adaptability and some sort of resolution. Venus is also in an opposition with Uranus which can reflect instability, rebellion, surprises, inconsistencies, uncertainties, separations, and sudden changes likely around Venus ruled areas mentioned above but can play out in other disruptive ways as well.
Lunar Eclipse Square Stationary Neptune
At around thirty three hours prior to this eclipse, Neptune in Pisces ended its retrograde as it is now slowly beginning to move forward and gradually picking up speed over the coming weeks. This retrograde began in the second half of June, therefore at this time and in surrounding weeks, you may experience something concluding, shifting, or page turning in connection to certain things that happened then.
It can be connected to Neptune themes such as spirituality/mysticism, creativity, music, visual media, compassion, sacrifice, fantasies, illusions, lack of boundaries, dreams, escapism, addictions, illness, some sort of deception, or not seeing something clearly. However, even if you don’t see a connection between then and now, these Neptune themes and energies can be stronger at this time regardless.
Neptune is in a wide t-square with the Sun and Moon at the time of this eclipse which can carry some of these themes (mentioned in above paragraph) and transitioning Neptunian energy into the coming months. However, it is a hard aspect which can also bring a sense of scatteredness, confusion, anxiety, and lack of focus.
Issues with water can occur for some people or perhaps parts of the world. The situation around the pandemic and the public perception of it is very Neptunian (deception, illusion, confusion, illness) and we can obviously expect more issues and conflicts around opinions/beliefs (Sagittarius) and information (Gemini) to play out.
Mercury Sextile Saturn and Jupiter In Capricorn
Mercury, the ruler of Gemini and this eclipse, is in Scorpio while separating from a tight sextile with Jupiter and applying one towards Saturn which are both in late Capricorn and on their way towards Aquarius. Generally speaking, this is supportive for making long term constructive plans and building towards something that will be initiated or changing from something else.
This can be especially so for career or ambition related things, but ultimately the way this plays out also depends on what’s going on your personal natal chart and astrological blueprint. It can also be good for putting into place some sort of structure and/or perhaps a consolidation. Applying our minds towards practical matters and responsibilities can also be a manifestation of this configuration.
Things To Consider
What has come up for you in recent weeks that is reflective of some of the themes mentioned in this article? Is there something that should be addressed or changed when it comes to areas pertaining to communication or information? Do you need to be more versatile or adaptable? What are the new or adjusted ways in which you need to be applying yourself? What changes do you need to make to fulfill your long term goals? What do you need to let go of or shake up when it comes to your relations, values, love, pleasures, or finances?
These are just some examples of what can be playing out for you but not limited to these either. Keep in mind that the themes of this specific eclipse will play out until Spring. It is best to try to tune into this energy as it happens and pay attention to your feelings to help you in decisions you need to make in the future.
The two weeks following this eclipse can be a good time to initiate any sort of releasing process if you feel necessary. The eclipse begins at 7:32am Universal Time on November 30th with it peaking at 9:42/43am and finishing at 11:53am. The Moon begins to wane after 9:30am GMT. You can click here to see when the peak will be in your time zone.
I’m currently doing a DISCOUNT with 20-30% off personal readings. Gain more astrological insight into what is going on in your life and have a better understanding of your individual potentials. Get a personalized astrology reading with Carmen (author of this article) specific to you based on your exact birth date, time, and location. Click here for the discounted rate.
CIA Document: “Using Psychic Powers To Break Needles & Make Them Whole Again”
- The Facts:
A document archived inside of the CIA's electronic reading room shows that a person with gifted "paranormal" abilities was able to break/bend a needle, and then put it back together again without even touching it.
- Reflect On:
How much do we not know about ourselves and our abilities? How much do we still have to discover? How much of that would change the way we perceives ourselves, our world and the nature of reality?
If you go to the CIA’s electronic reading room and type in “paranormal” in the search bar, you’ll no doubt find some very interesting documents clearly indicating that people with ‘paranormal’ abilities are indeed real. There are many examples of people with all kinds of abilities, whether it be remote viewing (the ability to accurately describe a remote geographical location), the ability of gifted people and children able to transport a small object inside a closed container to another one that’s outside of that container without touching it (breaking through spatial barriers), or the ability to write on a piece of paper inside of a closed container using nothing but the mind, without even touching the pen (parapsychological writing). These are a few of many examples we’ve written about over the past decade.
The document that pertains to this particular article comes from the CIA archive, approved for release in 2001 but the work was actually published in 1984 from what appears to be a journal titled, Research Into Human Paranormal Capabilities. The document was archived by the CIA and it’s from China. It’s one of a trove of documents archived by the CIA regarding China’s research into paranormal phenomena.
Page 27 of the document outlines “an experiment using psychic powers to break needles and making them whole again.”
There have already been several research reports on experiments on using psychic powers to bend iron and break wooden sticks and making them whole again. This article reports the results of an experiment conducted on using psychic powers to break needles and making them whole again in April of 1981.
In the experiment, the needles were places in a sealed container, and the test subject (the person with paranormal abilities) was observed constantly by more than one person.
We selected at random a steel sewing needle of about 1mm diameter. We used callipers to measure its total length. Then we broke the needle into two parts. We then measured the lengths L1 and L2. The person conducting the experiment kept L2, and L1 was used as the test object. After it was psychically broken, a magnifying glass was used to match up the break between L1 and L2, and the length was checked to make sure it was the same needle.
Researchers were able to observe that the L1 portion of the needle was broken psychically.
A picture below from the document shows the broken end of a number 4 needle magnified 50 times. Picture 2 shows the same broken end magnified 1,000 times. Results of the analysis shows that particular test object was pulled apart and not bent until broken. According to the document, “this result confirms the reality of breaking needles with psychic powers from yet another aspect.”
In may of 1981 we used an electron scan microscope to analyze the seam of a needle that had been reformed with psychic powers. Picture 3 shows such a seam magnified 1,000 times. The results show that there is only the normal seam lines, and no signs of any welding. This is almost impossible to do using common methods.
We feel that the ability to break and reform needles is a psychic ability which objectively exists, and that further research into this ability, especially into the process of the super-precision reforming, could have major theoretical and practical implications.
As the Chinese Institute of Atomic Energy pointed out in 1991, in a study archived by the CIA:
“Such phenomena and paranormal abilities of the human body are unimaginable for ordinary people. Nevertheless they are really true.”
There are a number of examples of gifted people doing extraordinary things, things that are deemed impossible by mainstream academia. Perhaps what we believe about the nature of reality, or what we’ve been made to believe, prevents some minds from being open to such phenomenon, but the fact remains that it’s been studied, observed and documented at the highest levels of government for many years.
We live in an era where we use technological advancements to build weaponry, not to better the Earth and the human experience. In the same way, psychic phenomenon seems to have been studied by governments for intelligence gathering purposes. These capabilities are not openly studied and resources aren’t made widely available for people to learn. This is perhaps because we as a species are not ready for such realizations. We continue to be driven by greed, profit, fear, and ego. Until we shift our consciousness, the way we perceive ourselves and our world and recognize our deep interconnectedness with all life, until our world is governed by compassion, morals, and the desire for humanity and our planet to thrive, we will never be ready for such gifts. We must evolve, in a spiritual sense, in order to properly move forward. It’s not our discoveries and developments that propel us forward, it’s the consciousness that operates behind those discoveries and developments.
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