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Consciousness

Five Things I Learned By Going Celibate For A While (By Choice)

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Have you ever considered taking a time of celibacy?

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It’s a fascinating question because it seems counter to everything that we desire when we start studying tantra. Many of us start studying tantra because we hear about the incredible sex and hour-long orgasms. Why would we ever want to be celibate?

Because the magic of tantra is about breaking free of limitations and old patterns.

It’s about personally challenging our beliefs, fears, and desires.

It’s about changing, expanding, and truly taking ourselves to a new level.

And celibacy is a fascinating “wormhole” that can get us there.

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Many Great Tantric Masters Had Times of Celibacy. Why?

Sex is a wonderful experience, a wonderful way of sharing love. In fact, part of becoming tantric sexually involves getting rid of all the shame, guilt, and taboos connected with sex. So, isn’t taking a time of celibacy going in the wrong direction?  No.

The ancient tantriks were about changing things up and challenging the status quo so that people would wake up and start truly living.

And so, if they came into a town where everyone was sexually repressed through religion or societal rules, sex would be the thing to shock them into awakening.

But if they came into our sex-saturated society, what would they recommend? A break, perhaps, since  even though we have issues with shame, guilt, religion, and taboos around sexuality, sex is everywhere. We believe that it defines our self-worth. The media tells us subliminally each day how important it is to be attractive sexually. It is so deep in our subconscious now that the idea of chosen celibacy is shocking.

And in some tantra circles it is even worse. In many “red-tantra” workshops and courses, the focus is on healing and releasing the shame and guilt around sex — very valuable work. Accordingly, they include many sexual exercises and physical interactions that are very pleasurable and freeing. But often, there is also an undercurrent of sexual addiction. Having these pleasurable sexual experiences becomes the goal of every workshop and life experience. As you walk in, you can literally feel the sexual desire and needs coming off of people. Energetically, their “second chakra” is screaming for union.

Once we are freed of our shame, guilt, and taboos, the next step is to become whole. Tantra brings us to complete wholeness. There is actually no need for another. There is no need for sex. We have both masculine and feminine energies within us. Combining these polarities with spirit, we are fully satisfied within us. This is true tantra. Sexuality and union with another simply becomes one way of expressing this ecstasy.

What I Discovered Being Celibate:

I recently took a time of celibacy.

This was a huge deal because I LOVE sex. The choice of celibacy came as an intuitive knowing. A healer had told my friend that she had to take some time off from men for a while. As my friend told me this, it was like the healer had spoken directly to my heart. I instantly knew that this is what I needed to do.

And it horrified me! I had had a partner and been sexually active for over 25 years. I teach tantra. I have euphoric sexual experiences that I can’t even describe. Why in the world would I want to give this up?

My first clue was the incredible reaction my ego was having to the thought. I felt like that person who says that they could give cigarettes or booze up any time — they “just don’t want to right now,” but they could do it.

Sigh. And so it was.

And it changed my life.

1. I Realized That I Was Addicted to Sex and Relationships

I couldn’t believe how hard it was to give up having a man in my life. I had been married for over 20 years. Before and since then, I’d had other partners and lovers. I didn’t realize how much my heart depended on always having that other person to say “good morning” to or to crawl into bed with at night.

I never thought that I NEEDED the masculine energy of a man. I was convinced that I was an independent, intelligent, whole woman. You couldn’t have convinced me otherwise. And yet, the dark nights of the soul that I went through definitely showed me something else.

I found out that part of my self-worth was intimately tied to having a sexual partner. It meant that I was desirable and loveable. Without that person as a mirror for me, did I exist at all? I went through quite a few existential crises.

2. I Healed My Energy Leaks

I had a vision early in my celibacy of my pelvis as a bowl. And that ever since I started being interested in boys, this bowl had tipped downward in the front. And so energy would come into my body and then pour out the bowl into the other person. And when I was in a serious relationship, it was like every bit of energy I had simply went to nourish the other. Hmmm… No wonder I was so tired.

But after about 3 weeks, this bowl seemed to tip up and become level. It felt like energy would come into me and then it would circulate within me instead of pouring outward. This energy nourished ME for perhaps the first time in decades. It was absolutely incredible.

Even doing simple tantric breathing exercises like micro-cosmic orbit was different. This breath pattern asks us to breath energy up the back of our spine and then down the front of our bodies (this is a simplified explanation). Now, there was so much more energy circulating within me. And it was so easily orgasmic. I wondered whether this is why many people struggle with feeling anything during this breath. Do they have leaks?

3. The Masculine and Feminine Balanced Within Me

I soon realized that I had to become my own best boyfriend. What was this masculine energy that I was seeking in another? Structure, Logic, Protection, Energy… Hmmm.

In the rest of the world, my masculine energy was strong. I have a degree in mathematics (I’m logical). I’ve written books and courses and taught classes (manifested). I’ve owned my own businesses for 20 years (structure). I figured that I had this one covered.

But the masculine within myself needed work. To make a plan personally and honour it (structure). To turn my cellphone off and take a bath and not let anyone interrupt me (protection). To defend myself from others (protection).

I also asked myself what was it that I wanted a partner to do for me. Truthfully, I wanted him to look at me and tell me I was the most beautiful, incredible person he’d ever met. I wanted him to touch me gently and lovingly and not expect anything from me. I wanted him to plan fun outings and buy me flowers and chocolate.

So I did this for myself.

I planned fun things for “us” to do “together.” I looked in the mirror and observed the beauty before me and told my feminine side wonderful things about her. She cried a lot. I held myself in bed and loved myself completely. I am a tantrika. I have magic touch (we all do). I could actually use it on myself and drive myself crazy. Apparently, I am a great boyfriend!

After a few months, I can’t tell you the feeling of wholeness and complete contentment.

4. I Had More “Spontaneous Orgasms”

There’s a joke out there about people who study tantric sex becoming unable to finish a sentence without their whole body shaking in orgasm. It’s just a joke… kind of.

In my past, once in a while, I would have the experience of just sitting somewhere and suddenly feeling incredible orgasms in my whole body. No touching. Nothing in particular happening. They would just happen.

Well, as the months of my celibacy went on, this started happening more and more. I would be sitting in the library and I would read a beautiful passage and I would close my eyes to ponder it. And as I would breathe deeply, my whole body would start to shudder in pleasure. (Honestly, I was torn between the part of me having this incredible, unanticipated experience and the other part of me watching me sitting in the middle of the Toronto Public Library barely able to contain my full-body orgasm and thinking about how incredibly ironic and funny the scene was!)

But it started happening as I walked down the street, as I talked about tantra, as I watched the sunset.

Then, I found out that this was normal with people who choose tantric celibacy. If we choose celibacy because sex is “bad” or “dirty” or “low-energy,” then we are repressing our life-force and so instead, this energy just gets twisted into something else. But within a tantric path, we choose it with the desire of exploration. It is about “changing the variables” to further explore our own consciousness and experience. So, growth and new experiences (like spontaneous orgasms) happen.

And of course, this experience deepened my experience of being whole without the NEED of another to fill my needs. I was having orgasms just sitting in the library! Choosing a partner would truly be a CHOICE, not a need.

What a wonderful surprise!

5. I Integrated With My Spirit Even More

I’ve always been intensely spiritual. I’ve always been a mystic. But I had also always been a partner and a mom. As much as I connected “vertically” with God/Spirit, my first focus has always tended toward “horizontal” — partners, children, and family. No matter how spiritual I was, my default has always my interactions and love with others.

But during my time of celibacy, I was living alone. My children had grown and were thousands of miles away. I had lots of friends. But they aren’t the same level of intimacy.

So, I read a lot of Rumi. I read a lot of mystic poetry about the wonder and connection with God.

I was able to immerse myself in this experience in ways that I hadn’t before. I had cleared the decks in a way. It was so beautiful.

Being Celibate on Your Own

Would you like to try this? Does it feel like it’s on your path? Do you feel like you are always searching for a partner? Does it feel like more of a need than a choice?

Are you studying tantra but maybe missing the magic that everyone talks about?

Even without a partner, if you choose this, it is good to have at least one person that you can talk to that understands your process. I found it to be a very dark time, since I was looking at very vulnerable aspects of my need to belong and to be loved, as well as my self-worth. So it is good to have a teacher or wise confidante to share your journey with.

It’s often good to give yourself a timeframe. It’s only in the low times that we want to break our vow, and we don’t tend to have the best discernment then. So a hard “masculine” rule can be helpful here.

Being Celibate Within a Relationship

You can still practice celibacy within a loving partnership as well; you just release the sex part. You can be intimate in loving ways — embracing, kissing, touching. But we all know the difference between a loving touch and a sexual touch. Just let the sexual touch go.

And it’s even an interesting discussion to have within a relationship if it would be an issue. Sometimes, we rely on sex as our connector and if this is true, you’ll find out right away. The wonderful gift is that you will find other ways to connect intimately. You will find out what you both love to do together. You will have conversations like, “Sooooo, if we aren’t going to have sex, how else do you like to connect?” Just imagine the wonderful ripple effects of bringing in other loving connections into a relationship besides sex.

And then, after a couple months of connecting in a hundred other loving ways, your sex life would truly be the sacred worship that it is meant to be.

Being Celibate Was Fascinating

The most beautiful end result was that I truly felt like me again. I didn’t realize how I had subtly shifted with each person in my life — including family, children, and partners. It was like I had been a shapeshifting chameleon in some ways, and now I wasn’t. I got to see the real me: whole, perfect, and wonderful. Such an incredible gift!

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
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Consciousness

Have You Realized The Profundity Of Our True Nature?

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    In life, we typically move about, seeing all material for what we define it as. This makes things convenient in a way, but there is a profoundness to not only seeing beyond these definitions, but also tapping back into full potential.

  • Reflect On:

    Have you ever tried practicing the awareness that you are not your mind nor your body? Why do we identify so strongly with just our physical body, and is it time to begin to remember we are much more than that?

Who we really are has been staring us in the face the whole time.

Take a look at your body, but look at it from a completely impersonal perspective; free of any thought about it at all. Without labels like arms and legs; without any sense of ownership, just as it is. Look in the mirror at your face, your eyes, but look without the thinking mind. This body that you get to use and throw around the joint, is a product of the universe. Conditions were apparently perfect here on Earth for Humans to exist. A magnificent sculpture, carved from stardust, gases, cells, minerals, heat – one of the most complex arrangements of cells and energy you have ever laid your eyes upon.

There is no boundary to the human body; there is no “in here” and “out there.” The body is a constant flow of energy, never a stationary or permanent thing we could pin down. There is a constant flow of air coming in and out, molecules by our skin, bacteria breaking down food in our stomach, there is no boundary between the body and the environment. It’s like a river, never the same body of water in any two moments.

Then, how about all the stuff the body perceives. All the sounds, tastes, smells, visual images and so on. The human body makes the whole world we’re privy to. The brain selects a very narrow band of frequencies and constructs reality according to the bandwidth of what our senses relay for us. The visual spectrum is only a very narrow band, while other sentient beings select out different bands for their viewing pleasure. So reality as we know it, never exists objectively, only subjectively through the being that is observing it. Without an observer what does it exist as? Just a soup of frequencies I suppose.

I find this phenomenal! There are little reality bubbles existing wherever a sentient being is alive. Energy has coalesced into the form of a human being, a giraffe, an ant, a butterfly, a chameleon, an amoeba, and through these configurations, the universe is observing itself. It is having experiences with itself.

1619136_420984308034739_245289130_nSo essentially, the whole world that you exist in – the reality bubble that you spend your entire life in – is entirely made by the human body. Your human body. Everything, all of it. Look at the image your eyes are creating. Look at how immaculate, perfect and impeccably high the resolution is! Check out how infinite the colour palette is. Take another look in the mirror at the wonder of your eyes. Those things stuck in that head, those things that we call eyes are absolutely wondrous biological organs, composed of trillions of living cells; living in harmony, being fed by the fuel you place in your mouth. Those things are taking frequencies of energy, sending it at light speed to your brain, where trillions more cells convert it into a picture. WOW!

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And while I’m on that subject: have you ever wondered how electrical signals in the brain – how realistically an infinite amount of neurons in our brain – can create the conscious experience of sound out of electrical impulses? How does something biological turn electricity into the conscious experience of smell? Into the emotion of love, of anger?

So look around you. Look what you’re part of. You’re on a planet zooming through space at hundreds of kilometres per second, circling around in a gigantic galaxy. You’re amongst animals, forests, bodies of water, lightning, rain, drought, plants and soil. You’re amongst life! You’re seeing it unfold right before your eyes, seeing life in all its animation. I don’t see why it should seem like there’s anything else to do, other than admire what we’re amongst, and create.

Just as the bus motors down the street, so too does the galaxy arms revolve around its core. A child eats breakfast, while an asteroid erupts as it passes through an atmosphere. We are as much an expression of this universe as the plants and galaxies. This universe has arranged itself in such complex ways, in such exquisite patterns, so that it may know itself through our eyes. We have become an aperture for energy to know what it inherently is.

When we look deeper into our own nature, we find that things are even more extraordinary than what exists in the physical realm of bodies, animals, plants and stars.

There is this notion of separation in our society, where we exist separately from the outside world of other stuff. We are separate from the table, our house, other people and the whole cosmos. We feel this too, because we feel that we are the human body, or the thinker somewhere in the head. But this notion is learnt, cultivated, but not all cultures prescribe to this way of being at all.

The whole world is consciousness; it all exists within, not out there somewhere. This is the worldview slowly being ushered in by quantum mechanics and eastern traditions. They’ve arrived now at the same point, but there is obvious resistance because the old system composed of survival-of-the-fittest, authority, institutions and competition rely on our illusory separateness for vitality.

Consciousness is the way in which biological functions of firing neurons in the brain are turned into a conscious experience. Consciousness is something transcendent of the physical world, and is therefore never affected by the  realm of form. It is so perfect and complete already, not needing fulfillment or healing in any way.

The thing is, most of us don’t feel this way though. We still feel separate, small, incomplete and not an integrated part of the whole. We still feel like we are locked up inside a head looking out at separate stuff. But there are ways in which consciousness can shift and identify with something much deeper. The first step is usually quieting the mind through meditation. Our thoughts have run rampant, and we’ve taken this incessant internal monologue to be who we are. But if you do one session of meditation, you’ll see that the mind comes in all by itself, starts up fantasies, conversations, judgments and memories all by itself, while you are trying to focus on your breath. While you’re trying to be silent, the mind has other ideas. Meditation shows us we aren’t the thinker at all; it shows us that we are the witnessing presence OF thought.

A thought is as much a sensation as the taste of ice cream is; we’ve just placed too much emphasis and belief in thought. So rather than identifying consciousness with something superimposed upon it (the mind, the “small self”, the ego) we can shine the light back in on itself via techniques like meditation, and identify as pure consciousness itself. We become not only the witnesser of all sensation, but we merge with it, just as we did with the mind. The feeling of self shifts from the mind with all its thoughts and ideas about the world, to sensation. And sensation is essentially the universe! You become the whole universe.

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
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Consciousness

When Is The Last Time You Were GENUINELY Yourself? If You’re Still Thinking About It, Read This.

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Some of us go our entire lives without truly being ourselves. There may be many reasons for it, but we often find ourselves living via others' expectations or approval.

  • Reflect On:

    When was the last time you noticed yourself hold back or be different than YOU because you were worried about what someone may think or do? Worried about challenging someone? Perhaps just appeasing people's egos?

Being 100% authentic to who you are, and at peace with it. Living from the Heart. Feeling comfortable within yourself. At all times. With everyone. No matter what “people dynamics” you are exposed to.

Now that’s a tough one for an ego who needs the approval, love and acceptance of others. Inner-peace sure is conditional when we are afraid to have our mind and its beliefs challenged in one way or another. But instead of basing our actions and state of being according to the fears, worries and desires of our ego, what we should ask our heart instead is:

Is it really worth it to compromise our natural state for the sake of appeasing the ego of others? Is it worth it to step away from our natural state and rather buy into our own egoic beliefs and fears?

The truth is, when others are truly comfortable and at peace with themselves, they won’t need you to change who you are. And when you are truly comfortable and at peace within yourself, you don’t need others to change who they are. Only the ego does.

When you have reached a state of utmost clarity and inner-peace, the only thing that can really make sense… is to BE who you truly are!

So the bottom line is, when you are authentic and at peace within yourself, YES, there will always be egos challenged by you, yet there will always be souls INSPIRED by you. In both cases, it is as perfect as it can get 😉

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This is a simple reminder, not long, just simple. You can read it today, pass it on. Deep wisdom doesn’t have to be super long. Enjoy your day! 🙂

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
Continue Reading

Consciousness

Is Synchronicity A Glimpse Into The 4th Dimension?

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    The idea of dimensions was first spoken about in the mid 1700s by Joseph-Louis Lagrange, it was later a part of Einstein's various theories.

  • Reflect On:

    Are we limited to what we experience dimensionally based on where we are dimensionally? Are we not able to easily see or interact with 4th dimensional beings due to our existence in the third?

Currently, the world is going through a transition. This could either be the effect of the current communication revolution or be the cause of the current communication revolution, depending on how you view things. To define the communication revolution, I am speaking about the way we have rapidly changed our means of communication through smart devices and social media.

This phenomena seems old, but has actually only been around for less than a decade, with it really becoming the norm in the last 5 or so years. This has allowed people to communicate in a way that was not previously possible and despite the obvious flaws of smart devices and social media, it has allowed ideas to circulate like never before, and has lowered the degrees of separation between people.

The six degrees of separation is a 1929 concept from Frigyes Karinthy that says we have just 6 steps between ourselves and any other living being on the planet. Well, due to the communication revolution, those 6 degrees are probably closer to 2 or 3. If I look to my own social media and network, I have Peruvian Shaman on my friends list and a Tribesman from Gabon in Africa.

Many of the people I have collaborated with are in the United States and Canada (I am from the UK) and I have managed with relative ease to communicate with people who would be considered a “celebrity” through a simple Facebook introduction. This is all new and something that did not exist just a few short years ago.

I see this as a more scientific and rational reason for what many would describe as a mass spiritual awakening. Many people are being exposed to ideas that were not available before or hidden in small pockets of the world for only a few to see.

One of the buzzwords that have been circulating relating to spiritual awakening is “stepping into the 4th dimension” or “4th dimensional beings” and this is something I would like to discuss in this article.

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What Is The 4th Dimension

The easiest way to visualize the 4th dimension is to start with the lower dimensions and work our way up. The start is a singular point which cannot be seen with no up, no down, no left and no right. The first dimension from this singular point is when it stretches out and has 2 ends. What we would call a line. This is the dimension of width. The second dimension is when you add 4 of these lines together (making a square) so you would have width and height.

Then the third dimension is when we give the square depth. This is what we would call a cube. This principle works for any shape, but the square was given as a simple visual representation to imagine. So far all of the dimensions have been describing space, however the fourth steps into the realms of time and an object moving in time.

This idea was spoken about in the mid 1700s by Joseph-Louis Lagrange and later worked upon in 1854 by Bernhard Riemann and in 1880 by Charles Howard Hinton. In 1908, Hermann Minkowski presented a paper called Space and Time which became the basis for Einstein’s theories of special and general relativity.

I would just like to say that what I am speaking about is not fully comprehensible as it deals with matter outside of our ability to visualize, so you have to work with this knowing that you cannot imagine the concept, but to just try to imagine what it could be like.

To give another visual representation- we are 3-dimensional beings, yet we see in 2 dimensions. What I mean by this is things appear to be flat through our eyes as if we move them closer or further away the shape and size changes. If you look at a soccer ball for example it resembles a 2-dimensional shape that changes in size depending upon how close it is to us and the depth of this is seen only due to light. However, if we saw it from a 3-dimensional perspective the size would stay the same and we would be able to see the entire ball simultaneously. So when we start to move into the 4th dimension we are talking about movement of time and time in a spatial sense. This is something we are bound too, however, the 4th dimension is not.

To give another visual, imagine a 1st-dimensional being- it would only be able to move left and right. A 2nd dimensional being up, down, left and right. A 3rd dimensional being up, down, left and right, forwards and backwards. This means a 4th-dimensional being would be able to see up, down, left and right, forwards, backwards and every angle simultaneously. In this dimension everything would represent the actual size and as I mentioned earlier this is not necessarily something we can fully visualise. But below is as close as we can get:

A 4th-dimensional being is theoretically something living outside of our known laws of time and space. They would also not be bound to time in the same way we are, meaning time would not be a line with a start and end point, but more like a spiral in which they would be at the center. As an example; a 4th-dimensional being would be able to see both sides of a wall simultaneously, and would be able to move through time. Using the logic of us (as 3-dimensional beings) seeing in 2 dimensions, it would make sense that only a 5th-dimensional being would be able to see time as a whole.

This could very well explain why a 4th-dimensional being would not be detectable using 3-dimensional means of tracking. For example, if a 3-dimensional being was to step into the first dimension where only width is visible, the 3rd-dimensional being would only be visible in width. Meaning only a slice of that being would appear to the 1st-dimensional being and at certain angles nothing would appear in the 1st dimension.

Higher Dimensions Could Struggle To Communicate With Lower

People often say if there were such beings and they were trying to make contact, why would they not have done it. One answer to this is quite simple, maybe they are and we just don’t have the means to understand it. A good example is if a human being tried to communicate with an ant, we could easily make ourselves visible from our understanding of the world, we could even guide the ant or pick it up and force it to go in a specific direction, however that ant may not know that it is some form of life manipulating its movement.

Maybe a higher being communicates in a way that we cannot comprehend. An example of this would be changing weather to try to change the way we act. This could be conceived as a clear form of communication that we are not fully understanding.  

What Is Synchronicity and How The 2 Relate  

Synchronicity is when a series of 2 or more events have a meaningful relationship with each other, what many would call a coincidence, but a coincidence with meaning. These events are often recurring, such as seeing the clock at 11:11 every day or seeing the same animal repeatedly. How could this relate? We could argue that we are all actually part of the same organism. Meaning a human body contains cells, these cells could be looked at as separate, however, they are actually part of the human body.

If you take this logic and apply it to the planet and the beyond you could view us as just singular cells in a larger organism. Given this logic you could argue that we are the cells of a higher dimensional being, and in the same way we would generally want the best for our bodies and minds, these higher dimensional beings would likely want the same for us. Not being bound to time a synchronicity could simply be a communication from (a version of) ourselves, to ourselves trying to explain what we need to do to move forward.   


Some of this article is factual, some examples are theoretical explanations that can help visualize the ideas. Much love, Luke. If you would like to download my free eBook- Psychology Meets Spirituality- Secrets To A Supercharged Life You Control YOU CAN DO SO HERE

Free Franco DeNicola Screening: The Shift In Consciousness

We interviewed Franco DeNicola about what is happening with the shift in consciousness. It turned out to be one of the deepest and most important information we pulled out within an interview.

We explored why things are moving a little more slowly with the shift at times, what is stopping certain solutions from coming forward and the important role we all play.

Watch the interview here.
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