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8 Traits That Can Halt & End A Relationship Easily

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What are new love affairs made of? Butterflies and rainbows. Fantasies and dreams. Sex that makes your toes curl spiced with passionate screams.  These are the things new love affairs are made of.  End scene. Exit characters. Time to face reality.

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Falling in love has always made my head spin, in a beautiful flowy way. At least that’s what I thought in those moments. And each and every time, I eventually became dizzy, lost control, and bumped into the wall of reality. People are complicated and falling in love has a tricky way of gently coating this fact. So a challenge arose from this, one of the toughest I’ve encountered.

This magical encounter rekindles our longing to belong to someone deeply and have this other person belong to us. It’s almost inexplicable what exactly attracts us to a particular woman or man, and maybe that is precisely what turns us into unconscious love zombies where it’s ‘lights out’ and our vision becomes blurred.

It may be interesting to pause for a moment and inquire — maybe for the sake of being truthful to ourselves or our partners, maybe for the sake of taking responsibility for those moments of unconsciousness and its consequences, and maybe just for the sake of sheer curiosity to understand how our minds work. We may find signs that can reveal precious information to us about what we’re looking for, what we desire, or what we should run away from.

It’s worthwhile taking a moment and becoming aware of some red flags that may be true about your current love relationship or looking back at some relationships from the past or new ones that are forming right now. Not necessarily in order to end or change them, but rather to create conscious choice and less projection into them.

Here are a few of these red lights that can provide insight into the deeper dynamics behind what we call ‘love.’ Remember, it’s not necessarily about changing these, but being aware of what experience they might create. Mindfulness is key here.

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I love your potential.

Potential is something everyone has. There is a sincere longing in most people to manifest that potential, but on the path of life there may be innumerable circumstances and misunderstandings that won’t allow us to realize it.

It is beautiful to recognize someone’s potential, but to build a relationship based on it is a wild bet at best. Even more than that, if that potential is not realized, we will usually feel disappointed because the love for it also carried the expectation and even the demand for its manifestation.

You challenge me to grow.

Suddenly there is someone out there who doesn’t allow us to find the easy way out, but demands that we  give our best and try harder. Who doesn’t want someone to believe in us?  In most cases this need to push another originates from our own need to discover something more in ourselves.

However, once the challenge has been taken and accomplished, we no longer have the need for that person to push us and the relationship lacks that urgency for change.

I can learn so much from you. (Imbalance)

This is more so about when we have an imbalance in roles. Learning from each other is what relationships are about. But what happens when just YOU see the other as a teacher? One partner becomes superior and the other inferior, as the teacher is leading the relationship and the other is following. The result is dependence.

In most cases the teacher doesn’t take his or her partner seriously and subsequently the mutual respect is hurt. The student can feel the imbalance and won’t feel good enough. Over time, once more matured, the student will look for a more balanced partnership.

I love someone much older or younger than me.

Love can cross many boundaries and age is one of them. When there is a large age gap it also means that one has already lived significant life stages while the other has not. Having a family is one such significant life experience. In order for partnerships to work it is important that both can look forward into a joint future, which for many people means having children. And for older partners this means being ready to start over again, while for the younger it’s critical to respect the past the older partner is coming with into the relationship.

You are a special person.

Who doesn’t want to feel special? We all do, and yet it is perhaps one of the most common relationship traps. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met” is a common sentence when we’re in love, and yet, come on. It is a way for us to feel special by being with such a special person, but as time does it’s thing, we sober up and begin meeting the ordinary person our partner is.

Wanting and often manipulating the relationship to stay special by way of idealization is a sure way to stay blind to who our partner is and to avoid mature love. Oddly enough, a deep love needs to acknowledge the ordinariness both bring into the partnership, and find the love and care that wants to nourish this ordinariness by moving through the ups and downs of life.

‘I love your quirks’ and ‘I love you back because you love them.’

You surely know the personal traits of your partner that you found so cute and different at the outset of the love affair. Maybe it was an obsession with detail or an awkwardness when talking to people. In any case, it is only a matter of time until the quirk will create a division between you and your partner.

What we call quirks are often a distortion in our personality and they often create pain for ourselves and others. Seeing one another for who we really are is an act of love.

Our values and cultural backgrounds are not important; our love can withstand everything.

It is a high aspiration for us all to move beyond religion, traditions, beliefs, languages or any other defining characteristics. Yet our cultural upbringing can subconsciously define us. It gives us a large part of our identity and sets us apart from others. Often cultural differences within the same country can impact a relationship. Our background in many ways is our parents and as much as we want to break free, we are deeply connected to our roots.

A love that discards those difference dismisses what we deeply love, and that is our family and cultural heritage. Even if we call it a blind love, it still is love. Respecting our love for what is familiar keeps us humble to what is true to us, instead of using idealism to look away at what sets us apart.

No doubt that these difference are meaningless on a deeper level and as spiritual beings, but still need to be met with respect and awareness.

Our intimacy creates such strong connection.

Sexual chemistry between two people is a substantial and important connecting force. We can be blinded by strong sexual attraction and chemistry, and label it as love. Good sex or intimacy can point to physical and emotional needs that are fulfilled, and at the same time we need to ask ourselves if other areas of the relationship are working well too. Intimacy often serves as an escape from dealing with our inner complexities and fear when it comes to relating with another person, while giving the impression that a deep connection is present.

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Consciousness

Science Says Silence Is Vital For Our Brains

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Studies have shown that excessive environmental noise not only decreases one's quality of life and cognitive function, but also reduces lifespan. The good news is that spending time in silence can reverse these effects.

  • Reflect On:

    Are you living in an environment that is consistently loud? Do you take much time for intended silence? Have you tried the 5 Days of You Challenge?

If you’re the average person, you wake up to the sound of an alarm. That alarm sends you to the bathroom where you quickly get yourself ready for your workday. If you have the time, you might eat something before jumping into your car to listen to music or the radio while you sit in traffic on your way to work.

Once you get there, it’s all people, customers, co-workers, cars, trucks, planes, lawn mowers, construction, phone calls, and tasks for the next 8 hours. These noises that most of us experience in excess send our bodies into stress states, decreasing our quality of life and potentially reducing our lifespan. It appears that noise, in excess, is not healthy for humans. Silence, on the other hand, can have huge benefits, but let’s explore the damage caused by noise before we get to the benefits of silence.

Before we get into the research, I’d like to note that the word ‘noise’ is said to come from the Latin word nausea, or the Latin word noxia, meaning seasickness, sickness, hurt, damage, or injury. Is it any wonder ‘noise’ is not healthy for us?

The Studies

Outside of your anecdotal reflection, there is scientific evidence that supports the negative effects of noise on our health. The World Health Organisation (WHO) examined and quantified its health burden based on a European study that involved 340 million people living in Western Europe. It found that residents were cumulatively losing about a million years off their lives due to noise every year. That’s like one in every three people losing an entire year off their life due to excessive noise!

A study that was published in 2011 in Psychological Science examined the effects Munich’s airport had on children’s health and cognition. Professor Gary W. Evans of Cornell University noted that the children who were exposed to noise developed a stress response that caused them to ignore the noise. These children not only ignored harmful noises, but also regular stimuli that are important to pay attention to like speech. Wonder why people have trouble paying attention these days? Perhaps we are exposed to too much noise and too many sounds.

This study is among the strongest, probably the most definitive proof that noise–even at levels that do not produce any hearing damage–causes stress and is harmful to humans. – Professor Gary Evans

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Going back to anecdotal evidence for a moment, I always find that staying with my friends who live in cities produces a much more uncomfortable situation for myself than when I’m in more quiet situations, or living at my quiet, somewhat isolated home in nature. I always share with friends that the environment of living in a city seems to be unhealthy; not just the air, but the energy, hustle and bustle, and the noise as well. Reading these studies clearly illustrates that it does not appear to be natural or healthy for humans to live or work in loud environments every day.

Noise has been linked to high blood pressure, heart disease, tinnitus, and loss of sleep. Living in consistently noisy environments will cause you to experience much higher levels of these harmful hormones. Of course, there is something you can do about this should you take action on it, but it requires that–action.

The Benefits of Silence

Again, pointing to anecdotal evidence for a moment, think back to the moments where you were on your own, retreating to the cottage or somewhere else quiet. Did you notice how often you NOTICED the silence? Not only that, but you likely felt a lot better after 3 or 4 hours of being there.

It isn’t just cleaner air or taking some time away from work, it’s the silence and lack of distraction. This can be observed by playing loud music and partying the entire time at a cottage as well. You’ll realize it isn’t relaxing, but simply another distraction. When you contrast the two different experiences, the benefits become more clear.

An interesting study observed the effects of noise, music, and silence on the brain. The study was published in the journal Heart and found that the two minute pauses randomly placed between the ‘relaxing music’  in the study were far more relaxing for the brain than the relaxing music. The longer the silence, the more benefits experienced by the participants. Study author L. Bernardi found that his ‘irrelevant’ blank pauses were the most important aspects of the study. Silence is heightened by contrast.

What You Can Do & The Takeaway

So, what can you do if you experience a lot of noise and are looking to avoid loud noises or simply take a break? Firstly, the good news is that the brain recovers from too much noise over time. According to the attention restoration theory, the brain’s finite cognitive resources can begin restoring when you are in an environment with lower levels of sensory input. In silence, the brain essentially lets down its sensory guard and restores some of what has been ‘lost’ through excess noise.

The practical end of this would look like making an extra effort to be or spend time in silence. This means no music, movies, friends, conversations, phone chimes, etc, even if it’s only for 30 minutes or an hour each day.

This silence would not only allow your brain to restore its cognitive functions like creativity, but it can give you the opportunity to disconnect, quiet down and connect with yourself as well.

Years ago, I created a challenge called the 5 Days of You Challenge that’s designed to do just that – help people slow down, reduce noise and distraction, and connect deeper with themselves. Over the years, I have sent 180,000 people through this challenge and it has resulted in an incredible number of positive transformations.

If you’re looking to:

  • Clear emotional blocks
  • Connect deeply with yourself
  • Find more peace in your life
  • Develop greater self-awareness and presence
  • Slow down and enjoy life more

Then this challenge is something I highly recommend. I’ve made this challenge available to everyone to experience for free. You can check it out on CETV here.

Help Support Collective Evolution

The demand for Collective Evolution's content is bigger than ever, except ad agencies and social media keep cutting our revenues. This is making it hard for us to continue.

In order to stay truly independent, we need your help. We are not going to put up paywalls on this website, as we want to get our info out far and wide. For as little as $3 a month, you can help keep CE alive!

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Consciousness

How To Get Over A Breakup & Stop Thinking About Your Ex

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Breakups are a seemingly inevitable part of life. Even if you're lucky enough to have never gone through one chances are that someone close to you has. Here's some helpful advice to better navigate these challenging times.

  • Reflect On:

    How does your breakup make you feel? Whether it's sad, angry, lonely or a combination of them all what mental shifts can you make to help you move on in a healthy way?

Romantic relationships are undoubtedly one of the most interesting facets to life.

When they’re going well, they have the potential to uplift us to levels of contentment we once thought to never be possible. This is especially true at the beginning of a new relationship, when both partners find themselves in what many label as the “honeymoon stage,” where neither can seemingly do wrong in the eyes of the other.

However, when a romantic relationship is either going poorly or is non-existent in our life, we can quite easily find ourselves locked into states of anger and/or sadness because of it. Seeing as though you’ve been “click-baited” into reading this article, I’m willing to bet that the second scenario currently applies to either you or someone close to you.

As someone who has been through my fair share of breakups over the years–a number that easily doubles in size if I also count the number of friends and family members I’ve helped navigate through theirs–here’s my take on what we can all do to process the end of a relationship in a healthier, faster way.

(Disclaimer: Of course there are always extremes and extraneous factors that complicate this process in some instances, but this advice is designed to tackle solely the mental and emotional sides of things for those who know they can move on but are struggling to do so.)

If You Feel Sad Because You Still Love Them

If you find yourself feeling this way, chances are that you were either the recipient of an unexpected breakup or a circumstance forced you to end something you previously felt secure in. Regardless of what triggers you into feeling this way, the strongest step to overcoming it is to assess the quality of the thoughts you’re having about your former relationship.

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For you to be feeling this way, you’re likely looking back on the relationship with rose-colored glasses.

A great illustration of what I mean by this can be found in the movie 500 Days of Summer [SPOILER ALERT] when the main character Tom–played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt–finds himself reeling after being broken up with. It isn’t until his younger sister Rachel–played by Chloë Grace Moretz–unexpectedly reminds him of not only many of the not so shiny moments of the relationship, but also shows him a different perspective where the couple’s doom could be more easily understood.

That’s not to say that you and your ex didn’t share a lot of wonderful things together, it’s just that solely focusing on those moments rather than seeing the bigger picture is likely keeping you trapped in love.

If You Feel Angry Because They Ruined Everything

If you find yourself feeling this way, chances are that in your mind the other half to this now failed partnership is largely to blame. And while that may be true, dwelling on that fact isn’t doing you any favors, nor is it going to change the past.

Rather than continuing to be angry at them for what they did or failed to do, mentally shift yourself to focus on what you no longer have to deal with. If necessary, even write it down. If they were capable of triggering a breakup, chances are they have a number of qualities and behaviours that you now won’t have to deal with.

If You Feel Alone Because You Miss Having Someone

Take whatever time you need to process what’s happened, but when you find yourself dwelling, fill the voids that your relationship used to fill with the things that YOU genuinely love.

All relationships, no matter how perfectly compatible you and your partner’s interests were, require some give and take. With that being the case, chances are that there is a passion or two or twenty you either put in the rear view mirror or barely engaged with while in your relationship.

Instead of staying in and sulking while binge watching a rom-com that perpetuates a relationship ideal we all know isn’t really possible, push yourself to do what you know you love to do deep down. It may feel incredibly uncomfortable at first, but the more you get yourself back into it, the quicker your love for that activity is likely to take over and help you move on.

If You Feel Justified Because Your Friends Say You Should

Realize that despite their best intentions, you’ve likely turned to the wrong friends for support at this stage. While your dramatic and reactive friends can be incredibly helpful upon first impact of the breakup happening, there naturally comes a point where you instead need to turn to those that you know are going to give you the tough love and honesty you require to move on.


For more brutally honest personal development content designed for those who actually want to change be sure to subscribe to my YouTube Channel and to follow me on Instagram. And to receive my free eBook on 5 Simple Daily Hacks For A Genuinely Happier Life click HERE.

Help Support Collective Evolution

The demand for Collective Evolution's content is bigger than ever, except ad agencies and social media keep cutting our revenues. This is making it hard for us to continue.

In order to stay truly independent, we need your help. We are not going to put up paywalls on this website, as we want to get our info out far and wide. For as little as $3 a month, you can help keep CE alive!

SUPPORT CE HERE!

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Consciousness

Are You A ‘Truth Seeker’ That’s Upset With ‘Asleep’ People? Read This.

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Often times, we can get caught up in anger and judgement when we feel we are 'more awake' than others. This leads to conversations that can be abrasive and aggressive. Does this begin to divide people?

  • Reflect On:

    Do you find yourself arguing with people about worldly truth? Do you view people as 'sheeple?' Are you consistently angry at people for their beliefs and understandings? Does it connect people when we approach conversations in this way?

We’re in a time where truth is coming to the surface, and it can be frustrating and infuriating to learn about some of what is going on in our world. Whether it’s deception, manipulation or issues that affect current events, it’s a high time for digging into truth. But what happens when we don’t work to process the emotions mentioned about that can often come from learning about this stuff? What if we simply let them linger?

Before you jump in and say “this sounds like New Age BS,” allow me to say: there’s no room for New Age BS here at CE, we concern ourselves with solving our collective challenges by shifting consciousness and action, not through passivity. But that means we have to take an honest look at ourselves, and our means by which we attempt to create change to understand what it truly takes to make it happen.

Being a part of the alternative media community for 10 years now, I have seen a great deal of anger, aggression, and judgment towards those who aren’t “waking up’ from those who are ‘awake.’ I feel there is a lot to discuss when it comes to ‘awake’ vs ‘un-awake,’ but that’s a discussion for another time.

We might often hear or see the terms ‘sheeple’ or ‘zombies’ when describing the average person who may not be aware that mainstream media is not delivering the truth to the public. I feel this form of judgement creates unnecessary divides amongst people where we move into a state that is often seen in those with societal power; they believe they are above others and therefore look down upon those who are not aware of something.

The meme below is a great example of the kind of stuff that often goes around. I’m one who loves jokes, and I see nothing wrong with most jokes, but the tricky part is, many people truly see their fellow humans in limiting and negative lights, and I feel it’s time to reflect on that.

Common memes that go around.

One thing you’ll often notice in these situations is, the moment there is a power gap in someone thinking they are more awake than another, the tone, language and intention of the person trying to ‘awaken’ the other changes. At any sight of resistance from the other, the ‘awake’ person may begin their attack. The ‘un-awake’ person might move into a mode of being defensive of their position, causing the other person to attempt to convince heavily and will often berating the other for not understanding lies that we have been told as the masses. This turns into a distasteful conversation where no one moves anywhere because the security system in both people’s minds have gone off!

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On one hand, the warning signal from the ‘un-awake’ person is saying “this person is crazy, don’t listen to them, hold onto your beliefs or you will end up like them!” On the other hand, the ‘awake’ person feels threatened and their alarm system starts saying “Hold onto your belief and position! This person is trying to shut you up!”

In either case, clarity and common ground cannot be found. So the question becomes, does exposing truth in an aggressive and alarming manner help to wake people up? Or is it widening the gap between those seeing the truth and those still unaware of it? If our number one goal is to help awaken people, shouldn’t we look for the most effective way to do that, and do it?

I personally feel it’s clear that by coming off in an aggressive manner is very much like being a bull in a china shop, and it isn’t effective at waking anyone up to truth. You might hear people say “but anger is what changes our world! Without anger, nothing will change!” To this I say, “where is the proof that anger has actually made our world better?” (We talk about this subject in great detail in episode 3 of our show on CETV called Elevate.)

In conversation, anger does two things, gives us an opportunity to feel and explore why we are letting our emotions get the best of us, and it gives others good reason to not want to look into what you are saying and also easily allows them to label people as crazy without having to think deeply about the content being discussed.

People often ask me “you must get attacked all the time at family gatherings or by friends eh?” I say “No. Pretty much never.” Why? Because I have always taken an empathetic neutral approach to the situation of sharing new and controversial ideas. I have had full on conversations about even the most controversial of topics like reptilian extraterrestrials and may get some wide eyes but never anything too crazy. It’s simply because I go into these conversations neutral and unattached to outcomes. This EFFECTIVELY allows people to explore topics and change.

So how do we do this? We can learn some of this through the CE Protocol.

The CE Protocol

From this same neutral position, we have approached our work here at CE. In fact, I developed a protocol that we use here at CE to not only create shifts within people through media but that also works as a practice to be used in our own lives to create the necessary shifts within our perceptions and consciousness such that we can actively create a new world from that new state of consciousness.

The CE Protocol will cover how we can begin having a greater grasp of this approach, and how we can reflect on implementing it in our own lives. As you reflect on how we can make the most of our conversations with others, and observe how an aggressive and judgmental state truly doesn’t bring anyone together in understanding, I also invite you to check out the CE protocol to truly dive deeper into why we not only cover the stories we do, but also why we go about it the way we do. Of course, you can take the 5 Days of You Challenge as well at the end.

Click here to check out the CE Protocol on CETV.

Help Support Collective Evolution

The demand for Collective Evolution's content is bigger than ever, except ad agencies and social media keep cutting our revenues. This is making it hard for us to continue.

In order to stay truly independent, we need your help. We are not going to put up paywalls on this website, as we want to get our info out far and wide. For as little as $3 a month, you can help keep CE alive!

SUPPORT CE HERE!

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