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10 Tips For Developing Effective Communication In Any Relationship

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Communication is an important aspect of the human experience. Communicating effectively and from the heart is a skill we all can work to further develop and hone. It not only improves our individual journey of growth but also how we work and interact with one another in our everyday lives.

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Here are 10 tips to creating better communication pathways between one another.

1. An intention for connection

Aim for a respectful and compassionate quality of connection, so that everyone can express themselves, be heard and understood. Trust that the connection is more important and more nourishing than being right, or even just having your say. Connection means to try to be open and stay in touch with what matters to the other person – and to yourself – in each present moment.

2. Listen more than you speak

We have two ears and one mouth – a reminder of what is important! Listening is key to a healthy relationship. Often we are only half listening, waiting for our chance to speak, wanting to make our point. When our attention is with our own thoughts, we are not listening. Listening means to enter into the world of the other person, to intend to understand them, even if we disagree with what they are saying.

3. Understand the other person first

When another person feels you understand them, they are far more likely to be open to understanding you. Willingness to understand involves generosity, respect, self-control, compassion and patience. Be ‘curious instead of furious’ about how others are different from you.

4. Understand needs, wishes and values

Everything people say and do expresses an underlying need, longing or value. We can learn to identify and ‘hear’ these needs, even when they are not expressed explicitly. Because all human beings share these needs, they are our magic key to unlocking mutual understanding. For example, if someone says, “You are so selfish, you never do anything to help at home,” they are indirectly expressing a longing for consideration and support, but it is coming out as blame and judgment. If we can empathise rather than react, we will connect and the person will feel understood.

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5. Begin with empathy

Refrain from:

  • Immediately telling your own similar story
  • Interrogating with lots of data-type questions
  • Interpreting the other’s experience
  •  Giving advice
  •  One-upping e.g. “if you think that’s bad wait till you hear about what happened to me!”
  • Dismissing the person’s feelings e.g. “Oh don’t be angry.”
  • Dismissing the person’s experience, or telling the person that this experience is actually good for them!
  • Generally people appreciate receiving empathy more than anything else.

6. Take responsibility for your  feelings

What someone else says or does is not the cause for how we feel, it is the trigger. Our feelings are stimulated by what’s happening. For example, if someone does not do what they say they will do, we might tell them, “You make me so angry, you are so unreliable!” This inflammatory accusation could be rephrased as, “I feel frustrated because it’s important to me that we keep to agreements we have made.”

7. Make requests that are practical, specific and positive

Make requests that will help fulfil our needs. This stops us just complaining, and allows the situation to change. Don’t ask things of others that are too vague or too big, or are expressed as a negative request, e.g. “Stop making so much noise.” Be positive and specific, e.g. “I am working. Can you please use the headphones while playing video games?”

8. Use accurate, neutral descriptions

When we are upset, we often interpret what has happened, using judgmental language, rather than accurately describing what has triggered us. This can get us into a fight immediately! For example, instead of simply stating, “You didn’t call me,” we might interpret and then accuse, “You don’t care about me!” First describe the situation in a neutral, accurate way, free of judgments or blame. Then the communication can continue with sharing feelings, needs and requests. For example, instead of saying, “That’s a really stupid idea!” you might say, “If we all go to a movie which ends at midnight [neutral description], I’m worried [feeling], because the children need to get a full night’s sleep [need]. Can we go to the 2 p.m. show instead [specific request]?”

9. Be willing to hear “No”

Even with these guidelines, our carefully expressed requests might still elicit a “No” from the other person. Why would this upset us? Is it that our request was actually a demand that we expect the other person to fulfil? We have a choice in how we hear that “No”. It could be that something else is important to the other person; that they had a different need or value alive in that moment. Maybe the “No” is their request for something else to happen. And then we are into the dance of giving and bending! “No” is not as threatening as we might imagine.

10. Ways we communicate other than words

Everything that is in our heart and mind is expressed through our body, our facial expressions, the tone of our voice, and the vibrations that emanate from us. All these are intuitively picked up and understood by others. Are our words in harmony with these subtler elements? We are manifesting our consciousness at every moment. To have connection, understanding and harmony in our relationships, we need to nourish those aspects deeply within ourselves.


The article was originally published in Heartfulness Magazine but has been republished on Collective Evolution with the consent of the original publisher.


Liz is a Heartfulness and Meditation facilitator, now returned to Edinburgh, Scotland after living in India.  For the past 9 years she has divided time between working with a large school community in Chennai, offering workshops in UK, gardening when a garden was available, and having adventures with her four heavenly grandchildren who live in Australia!   In UK she is the founding director of a training and organizational consultancy, and since 2003 has been a certified international trainer in Nonviolent Communication™ (NVC) – a process developed by Dr Marshall Rosenberg.  This approach has a natural affinity with her longtime heart-centred meditation practice.  In the past, Liz has enjoyed working as a teacher, counsellor, SHEN therapist, dream therapist … and keeper of goats, hens and ducks!

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Consciousness

Is Facebook Just A Virtual Platform For Our Ego?

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Facebook is a great platform, but are we using it, or is it using us?

  • Reflect On:

    Are we using Facebook with intention and integrity? Are we being authentic and vulnerable on the platform?

In many ways, Facebook has served us, bringing people from all over the world together. It seems everyone is on Facebook and if they’re not, we’re usually shocked — Really? Wow, how do you even communicate, bro? We all know a few of these elusive people… But, how can I creep your profile and stalk you if you’re not even on Facebook?! Perhaps these people understand some of the darker sides of Facebook.

Without Facebook, there’s a chance I never would have found Collective Evolution online and then moved to Toronto in 2010 to join the team. It has served a powerful purpose for connecting like-minded individuals across the globe and bringing a wave of knowledge and truth to those who are seeking. However, as with basically everything else, this doesn’t come without a cost — as connecting as it can be in a virtual realm, it seems, in reality, many people are feeling more disconnected than ever before. So, why is this?

To the average user, Facebook provides a platform to share our successes, our accomplishments, our fun adventures and our beautiful pictures. But, what about the other side of life; the darker times, the challenges, the real and authentic vulnerability that helps to truly connect us and help us to see that we are not alone? That is where Facebook is lacking.

When we are scrolling through our newsfeed, and we are seeing how great everyone else’s life is — who’s travelling, who’s getting married, who’s having kids, who’s beautiful, who has bought a house etc. It may cause us to feel inadequate in our own lives, why does it seem like everyone else has the perfect life except for me? These are all thoughts I’m sure we have all thought to ourselves at some point or another.

But what we often don’t realize is that the people who we admire are often feeling the same thing as us when they are scrolling through their own newsfeed. It is so important to know that WE ALL FACE CHALLENGES, all of us. This is a natural part of life and ultimately; it’s what is pushing us in the direction to step fully into our purpose and potential.

The Addiction Factor Is Real

In the name of absolute transparency, I am guilty of this. Because a large portion of my job involves Facebook directly I catch myself mindlessly scrolling from time to time. Looking for that next interesting post to give me that quick hit of dopamine, stealing many precious moments away from my day.

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When I post something and I hear that little “ding” a part of me is excited to see what it is, did someone “like” my post? Ooh, maybe someone even “loved” it, is there a comment? Says that little voice inside my head. Really, sometimes it leaves me questioning why I am even posting anything to begin with, is it because I authentically have something to share, or that I am bored and seeking some sort of validation or approval?

These thoughts triggered a conversation with a close friend about the idea that Facebook essentially serves as a virtual platform for our egos. In a sense our ego gets to live out this life with a little avatar and share only the most perfect moments, in some cases, the most beautiful and retouched photos, everything that we wish we were, everything that we feel that everyone else wants to see. When we do this however, we are ignoring a huge and important aspect of the shadow side and that is — ourselves.

This side of us is just as important as any other. By embracing this part of ourselves, not only are we able to step through this ‘darkness,’ but by being open and authentic with this facet of ourselves we can in turn, even if unknowingly assist others who may also be struggling.

Related CE Podcast: Ep #17: Who You Truly Are

Drama, Drama, Drama

Okay, so there’s a good chance that we all have a few of those friends who like to use Facebook as a platform to vent, about ex-partners, horrible jobs, hardships, and other drama. Maybe you see these posts and roll your eyes, maybe you can empathize with these words because you have been in a similar scenario, maybe you just love the drama. While there are no rules to this game, and we can use Facebook however you like, a good thing to ask yourself before posting is, how is this serving?

There is a difference between airing your dirty laundry on Facebook and sharing from your heart. The difference is the intention behind it. Do you wish to slander someone else, in order to make yourself feel better? Have you been going through a challenging time and have insight and awareness around the issue that you’d like to share? Are you seeking wisdom from your friends? There are really so many ways to use Facebook.

Anyone who knows me, knows that my life is essentially an open book. I am always willing to share, the good, the bad and the ugly and often I do so on Facebook as well. I do find that when my purpose is to simply share an experience, whether positive or negative, I receive a very heartfelt response. When I share about my challenges, I do so from a place of vulnerability, because I believe that there is tremendous power in being vulnerable.

Often I am overwhelmed with responses of so many people responding with deep appreciation because they too, have been experiencing a similar struggle or issue and, really, it feels damn good to know that we are all going through challenges. When we can allow ourselves to be fully vulnerable and express ourselves from the heart and to use Facebook as a platform to do so we can truly connect, from a place of compassion, empathy and understanding with one another. This takes away from the ego-fuelled attention game that so many of us are unwilling participants in and allows us to see that really, we aren’t so different after all.

Use ‘The Book’ With Intention

Yes, share your successes, and share your accomplishments but, I also challenge you to share the struggle of what brought you there, how did it happen, what roadblocks did you have to push through to get to where you are now? Speak from your heart and speak your truth. Don’t worry so much about what people might think to learn more about the real you, because chances are they will be able to relate in a way you never thought possible, and they may even be inspired, too. Before posting, anything really, ask yourself, what is your intention for posting it? This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t share pictures from your travels, or your new hairdo, but ask yourself why is this important and see what comes up.

We are craving real connection more and more these days and longing for a sense of community. Facebook can serve in this way if this is how we choose to use it. Be mindful of your activity, and most importantly, don’t forget to actually get out and live your life and take a good old break from Facebook from time to time. Go out and do something without any intention of sharing it, do it for you – not to satisfy your ego!

Much Love

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Consciousness

Who Lucifer Actually Is & Why They Are Here (Part 2: Bloodline Families)

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    The 'Fall of Lucifer' can be understood as the fulfillment of an agreement to bring evil to the Earth in order to create duality and hence the possibility of free will. Lucifer is a group soul that individuated through 13 sacred bloodlines.

  • Reflect On:

    How would our relationships change if we believed that all the evil in our world was actually here to enable us to have free will? How would it impact our personal evolution?

(Note: If you have not read part 1 of this article, my strong recommendation is to follow the link and read it first, because it provides an essential context for the discussion here.)

As we described in Part 1, Lucifer is considered to be a highly evolved ‘group soul’, having reached 6th density, while our world is currently in 3rd density transitioning to 4th density. The concept of ‘group soul’ is important here, as it suggests that, as individual souls evolve towards reunion with the One Creator, they gather into ever larger sub-groups of consciousness from which they came.

In this context, the ‘Fall of Lucifer’ is actually based on an agreement between Lucifer and the Earth’s planetary logos (creator) known as Yahweh, an agreement designed to introduce ‘evil’ to the planet in order to foster human free will and subsequently accelerate human evolution.

Fallen Angel

In the Bible there is reference made to the fall of Lucifer, characterized as God’s punishment for a self-centered angel who aspired to be above the one almighty God:

“How you are fallen from heaven,
O Lucifer, son of the morning!
How you are cut down to the ground,
You who weakened the nations!
For you have said in your heart:
‘I will ascend into heaven,
I will exalt my throne above the stars of God;” –Isaiah, 14:12-13

What this in fact represents is the result of Yahweh’s anger at his human population having disobeyed him by succumbing to Lucifer’s temptation in the garden. Yahweh had only reluctantly accepted the proposition that his human subjects be granted free will, and actually went ahead with it believing they would not disobey him.

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If you are wondering ‘How could God the Creator be angry?’ it helps to understand that Yahweh is not the One Creator but rather simply the creator of the planet Earth, and as a planetary logos had not evolved beyond anger, jealousy, and revenge. While being fully aware and very powerful, Yahweh’s soul had not grown much since the creation of the planet. It is, in fact, the evolution of the human race that is the vehicle for Yahweh’s own evolution into higher densities.

Lucifer Confined To Astral Planes

And so Yahweh took out his wrath, not only on his human population–which is well documented in the Old Testament–but on Lucifer as well. He confined the group soul to the Earth’s Astral Planes. Lucifer’s ‘fall from grace’ is actually a consequence of Yahweh’s jealousy, because Lucifer, as a 6th density group soul, had become a more highly evolved being than Yahweh was. Here is how Hidden-Hand explains the blowback from Yahweh’s actions:

Now that Free Will had been granted, Yahweh could not retract it, and we have to stay here as contracted to continue to provide the planet with the Polarity choice. Since then, Yahweh has confined us (as a Group Soul) here within the Earth’s Astral Planes (which is very constricting and uncomfortable for a Being of our Wisdom and experience).

The Council of Elders gave us the choice to be released (against Yahweh’s will), but at the cancellation of our contract to Serve the planet earth; or to remain and fulfill our assignment, and endure Yahweh’s self-proclaimed “Wrath”. We stayed, but as a karmic result of our Group Soul’s confinement by Yahweh, our own individuated Souls were given the mandate (by The Council) to “Rule” over Yahweh’s people during our physical incarnations here on your planet.

The fact that the soul group’s individuated souls ‘were given the mandate (by The Council) to “Rule” over Yahweh’s people’ is of paramount importance. It gives us a much greater and more profound understanding of the nature of the presence of evil on this planet. The oft-heard references to a nefarious ‘Cabal’ or ‘Illuminati’ group running the planet, no matter how accurate or inaccurate as those words may be, appears to be validated in this big-picture view.

The 13 Bloodlines

In effect, due to the karma that Yahweh created by his petty acts of jealousy and rage, the group soul named Lucifer would not simply be stoking the fires of evil on the planet from afar, but the individuated souls of that group soul would incarnate on the planet via 13 sacred bloodlines to actually rule the planet from a much higher level of consciousness and self-awareness that humans would have.

The original ‘incarnation’ seems to correspond to the Nephilim or ‘Fallen Angels,’ whose integration into the human race is described in Genesis 6:4:

The Nephilim were on the earth in those days—and also afterward—when the sons of God went to the daughters of humans and had children by them.

This may be where the 13 bloodlines got started. What is important to note is that, while the human race lived on the Earth with a healthy dose of ‘amnesia’ of who they were for the purposes of their own evolution, it does not seem as though the individuated souls of Lucifer were in the same boat. They consciously understood their role on Earth, and have had a structure in place to maintain cohesion in their role as rulers through their understanding that they are part of the ‘Family,’ an understanding that is passed down by every generation. Hidden-Hand, in fact, identifies himself as a ‘generational member’:

I am a generational member of a Ruling Bloodline Family, our Lineage can be traced back beyond antiquity. From the earliest times of your recorded “history”, and beyond, our Family has been ‘directing’ the ‘play’ from behind the scenes, in one way or another.

There are 13 ‘base’ or ‘core’ original bloodlines. Yet there are many many other lines that spring from these, as do rivers from the oceans. If you imagine the 13 Original lines as Primary colour, that can be mixed to create a vast array of other colours, then you will have some comprehension. Again, no competition, just Family.

Disciplines Of Training Within The Family

The Family, then, appears to be essentially the group soul of Lucifer, whose core members unify around their sole and original purpose, to provide the catalyst for human growth through playing the role of controlling rulers of the planet. They do so, according to Hidden-Hand, through a very comprehensive program of training of family members in key areas of human influence:

There are six disciplines of training within the Family, and each member of the Family is schooled extensively in all of them, from early childhood. We all have an area of specialty, though we have experience in all spheres. The six spheres or ‘schools’ of learning are Military, Government, Spiritual, Scholarship, Leadership, and Sciences. In practice, out there on the ‘stage’ of public life, we hold key positions in all of these main areas of importance. With the addition of a complicit Media machine and ownership of your Financial establishments, all bases are covered.

Hidden Hand Of Influence

These positions of power are not what we first think of–politicians, generals, corporate heads, even the visible monarchy. In reference to a question about the British Royalty, Hidden-Hand says the following:

The British Royalty is not the most powerful line. The names that you know, do not hold the real ancient power. There are others above these lineages in the Hierarchy. You will not know the names of these lines.

So the individuated souls of Lucifer do indeed play the role of a hidden hand, and hold the true power behind those people and institutions who seem to exert the most authority in the world. Are these powerful Luciferian souls actually perpetrating evil in the world themselves, or are they just inciting evil within human beings? We will examine this question in part 3.

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Consciousness

Why ‘Conspiracy Theories’ & Spirituality Are Intimately Connected

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Refusing to understand how our world truly functions and simply calling exploration into this as 'negative' is a common spiritual bypass. The elite/cabal is here for a reason, we must understand that.

  • Reflect On:

    Why do we find ourselves calling conspiracies negative or something we should not talk about? Why do we refuse to face some of the 'darker' things inside, or even outside, of ourselves?

Is it considered ‘not spiritual’ to talk about an elite or cabal running our world? This has become a commonplace today, and there is a great deal of ridicule that comes when people feel looking at the truth of what is playing out in our world is ‘crazy’ or a ‘negative’ thing to do. In fact, the ‘negative’ label on conspiracy theories we place is one of the biggest spiritual bypasses we can do. Let’s dive into this.

The truth is, understanding the way our world truly functions and consciousness evolution (spirituality) go hand in hand. Why? Because it is all part of life here. It is not separate! You don’t have spirituality on one side and conspiracies or truth on the other. It’s all interconnected in our life and human experience. And it’s time to bring them together.

Note: I did an amazing CE Podcast episode on this subject you can listen to here. It goes even deeper into the subject than this article.

The Challenge

This isn’t true 100% of the time of course, but in a lot of cases, we see those in the truth-seeking realm feel consciousness or spirituality is airy fairy and has no place in the big picture and is just a new age distraction. On the flip side, we see those engaged in spirituality-seeking feel conspiracy/truth-seeking people are crazy and negative. While there is truth to some extent in both cases, there is a lot more to the discussion and a very important purpose for both.

You’ve probably experienced it at some point, it’s believable that GMO’s are unhealthy and corporations are using them to make money in a number of ways but it’s damaging to people and the environment, but yet there is no possible way that’s happening with vaccines… or that 9/11 was an inside job. Let me be the first to say, there are a number of conspiracy theories that have no backing, no facts, are far-reaching and in many cases don’t even help us along our journey. But this is not the case with many, in fact, the amount of evidence is often staggering and it’s simply that we don’t want to believe it.

I’m writing this because I’m calling for an end of the reduction of conversation to ‘that’s crazy’ ‘that’s fake news’ ‘that’s a conspiracy’ etc. as it does nothing but maintain division, a lack of awareness and a misinformed world that can’t thrive. Time and time again what is often called ‘conspiracy’ turns out to be true only a few months or a year later. We can end this cycle by learning and choosing to listen instead of dismissing, then checking in with our hearts/souls about what role this is playing in our experience so we can dissolve the need for the cabal.

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Why They Go Hand In Hand

Some of us view spirituality as learning techniques to feel good, as ways to cope with life and the challenges we have in our modern world. Some view it as a means to begin to feel better about the prospect of death. Others view it as a way to explore what’s beyond the physical and who we truly are.

From a conspiratorial side, when we’re talking about digging past mainstream media to find out what’s really going on in our world, some view it as a way to disempower the elite that does not have humanities best interests at heart. Others view it as a way to take back our power. Some see it as a way to uncover the truth of how our world truly works so we can begin to thrive. Some react to these truths with wanting revenge or justice, this is an important thing to note as this is where the spirituality comes in.

So it appears we have ‘two sides’ as we often like to do within ego states of consciousness. But what role does the elite and cabal play in our experience? How has that served to suppress our spirituality and why has it all happened? The two are intimately connected because part of the game we are playing on earth here is that we have to uncover what has been happening in our reality and remember who we truly are. This is a spiritual journey, that involves understanding the players in the game and the roles they play.

I’ve been running a conscious media and education company for 9.5 years now. Our mission is to bridge the gap between truth-seeking and spirituality via exploring a shift in consciousness taking place on our planet. We understand that both are part of one big picture in life and you can only go so far in each before you MUST bring in the other to deepen your understanding.

During the 9.5 years since I started Collective Evolution, I have seen thousands of people go through various stages of discovering and learning, both in truth-seeking and spirituality, that has sent them on different paths. Some begin to discover our food system is rigged for a lack of health and they begin eating cleaner. This leads them to understand our entire world is ‘rigged against us’ and suddenly there is a shift in how they see the world. I have seen others attend a yoga class and this begins a journey into connecting with self deeply.

But in both cases, I often see an identity form. The yogi becomes identified as a ‘spiritual person,’ dresses a certain way, talks a certain way and may refuse to look at anything the ‘truth-seekers’ are saying because they don’t want to fall into that crowd. The truth-seekers are often angry, pissed off at the world, call everyone else sheeple and think the elite need to die in prisons. They might look at the ‘yogi’ or ‘spiritual’ crowd as having fallen into pseudo-scientific new age deception because they look at consciousness and spirituality.

Then there are those who have journeyed beyond that stage and are simply authentic and understand how both ingredients, truth-seeking and spirituality, are one in the same and part of the journey. They are both a part of this game we call life and if we truly want to evolve, move forward, remove the cabal and so forth, we must see the truth and learn why it was there in the first place for our own evolution in consciousness.

The video below explores the role the elite/cabal play in our spiritual journey.

It’s A Role!

Remember, what the cabal and elite are doing isn’t negative in the big picture scheme of things. To our mind it might be, but not to our souls. This is why you must connect deeply with self to overcome the vengeful hateful view the mind creates when we observe them.

What they are doing simply is. And for our souls, it is the journey we asked for to challenge ourselves to remember who we truly are in a very disconnected system. The cabal, are just souls having an experience too, and we all agreed on this together. This doesn’t mean we accept what they are doing in the physical and just take it, no, it simply means we must evolve our consciousness and overcome the need for them for it to stop.

How does that look or happen? We must understand why it’s there by going beyond the judgement and the emotion and see what the trap it creates for us. With that understanding, we no longer can get trapped in the angry, hateful emotions that hold this world in place and instead we choose, from a consciousness point of view, to create a different world. This not only affects collective consciousness and helps others awaken, but we then now can create a new world, both physically and consciously, that comes from a higher state of consciousness and not one that is built in fear, anger and judgement of the old one. Remaining in that old state will only create more of the same world.

Again, I feel it is very important to listen to the podcast episode on this one as it goes into deep detail about this.

Final Thoughts

If you find yourself viewing matters in either of these polarized lights, challenge yourself to ask why? Why have this opposition to either side and why are we coloring things as positive or negative in the first place? What is that showing us about ourselves? Our fear of looking at our own ‘darkness?’ Collective ‘darkness?’ In many ways, what the elite/cabal are doing is just a reflection of our own journeys on a macro scale. It’s reflecting humanity’s current state of consciousness as we awaken to the truth. Change Starts Within.

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Your life path number can tell you A LOT about you.

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