I remember it like it was yesterday. It was the middle of the night, and I was alone pacing across the lawn of my dad’s backyard lit by nothing but the moon. I’m not typically an insomniac, but my anxiety had made me into one, and this particular bout with it was undoubtedly one of the most exhausting I had ever endured.
It was the tenth straight day that severe anxiety refused to let up within me. I barely slept, had no appetite, and had no solution, despite the incredible love and support that I had from those close to me at the time.
I was fully convinced that I would be stuck either in an anxiety attack, or living in fear of the next one, for the rest of my life.
This night celebrated its three-year anniversary just last week, and I now write this article not only well-removed from that particular bout with anxiety, but over a year removed from anxiety even attempting to butt itself into my life.
Did things magically become so incredible that anxiety was pleasantly thrust into the back-burner of my mind? No. I simply flat out refused to accept that as my reality and I sought out everything that I could to put an end to this “shitty” experience.
The One Thought Fuelling It All
The deeper I dug into my anxiety, the simpler its main source presented itself to be. It wasn’t the circumstance, the environment, a physical feeling, or the actions of another that would feed the fire; these were simply the igniting trigger.
The one thought fuelling my anxiety more than anything else was the belief that it was stronger than me, and that I was therefore a victim to it.
If you’ve ever experienced anxiety, this thought likely seems completely logical. We both know that anxiety is capable of and has struck without a moment’s notice, and that when it does, it’s quite easy to feel like a helpless victim to it.
But no matter who you are, and how severe your struggle with anxiety is, I can promise you that this belief is just that… a belief!
It’s a Matter of Perspective
We are always in control of our reaction to things, and it is only when we inflate anxiety’s strength (by making it into a villain) and deflate our own (by making ourselves into a victim) that we fool ourselves into believing otherwise.
I’ve recently had the privilege of connecting with dozens of people who classify themselves as an “anxiety sufferer” — just as I once did. And in every single case, even those in which the person had been dealing with anxiety for decades, I’ve given them the exact same life-changing advice: Stop focusing on the times you’ve had an anxiety attack, and you’ll realize that you don’t really “suffer” from them.
It doesn’t matter who you are and how severe you believe your anxiety to be, I can guarantee if you were to count out the number of times in your life you’ve had an anxiety attack, it wouldn’t even come close to comparing to the number of experiences you’ve had without one.
It’s an act of unintentional self-sabotage. Rather than focusing on and developing belief systems about the things we have abundantly more evidence to prove, we all consciously choose to develop them about the few experiences that hurt or are more intense.
And this goes well beyond the realm of anxiety:
- Believe that you’re unattractive? Do you actually have substantial evidence to suggest that you are? Or do you just have a couple of painful experiences where you were rejected or called “ugly”?
- Believe that you’re incapable? Are you actually? Or did you just receive some backlash a few of the times you stepped out of your comfort zone in the past, and have chosen to “play it safe” since?
- Believe that you’re emotionally broken? Flip the script by seeing your hardships as character builders and suddenly you’re tougher than you’ve ever been before.
We all go through challenging experiences in life. It is up to us whether we want to form our belief systems around those isolated experiences, or the much larger pool of moments that reflect a much more positive experience.
How to Squash This Thought and Become Anxiety Free
Putting an end to this unhealthy thought pattern certainly requires persistence, but I’ve developed a simple activity to get you started:
1. On a white piece of paper, start by drawing a tick mark for every single experience you’ve had in your life thus far that you would classify as an “anxiety attack.”
2. Whether you come up with only a few ticks, or you manage to fill up quite a bit of space, take a deep breath and then remind yourself that all of the remaining white space symbolizes the moments where anxiety wasn’t present.
3. With many of your bouts with anxiety now fresh in your mind, challenge yourself to come up with an antonym to anxiety (common ones include: confident, strong, peaceful, calm)
4. Now on a different part of the piece of paper, draw a tick mark for every time in your life you’ve felt that antonym.
5. Look at your completed paper. Remind yourself that to this point you’ve simply chosen to create a belief system off of the first set of tick marks, but are now choosing to instead create one based on both the blank space and the second set of tick marks, knowing that it is by far the more logical, healthy, and well-supported belief.
This exercise may seem simplistic, but its potential impact is far from that. I’ve seen it perfectly set the stage for an anxiety-free life and that’s why I made it the introductory lesson in an online course I’ve developed to give you the tools to power past your anxiety and set yourself free to do everything you set your mind to.
The course features 17 lessons, including eight tried and tested tools designed to stop anxiety attacks in their tracks. For more information on this course, do not hesitate to contact me directly or check out this link.
Ready to change your life today? Get my FREE eBook on 5 Quick Daily Hacks for a GENUINELY Happier Life sent straight to your inbox by signing up here. And for more brutally honest personal development content designed for those who actually want to change, be sure to subscribe to my YouTube Channel and to follow me on Facebook.
Full Moon In Libra: Deep Perspectives & Transformations
We are having a Full Moon in Libra on April 7th-8th, depending on your time zone. This is the peak of the Lunar cycle that began with a New Moon in Aries on March 24th and the themes mentioned in that article are still in effect. The energies of a Full Moon are strongest in the days surrounding it yet its astrological configurations also play a part over the following two weeks. You may start to see its effects slowly build up after the New Moon prior to it.
Full Moons are a period in which we feel a push-pull between two opposing signs, in this case being the Moon in Libra and the Sun in Aries. It can play out as either a conflict, an integration, or some sort of dynamic playing out between the energies of both signs. The Moon reflects the expression of feeling and emotion while the Sun reflects the expression of ego and conscious self.
We may feel this opposition happening individually within us and/or we can also experience it play out around us with some people (or circumstances) expressing the Libra side and others expressing the Aries side. In some cases, Full Moons can also reflect/trigger some sort of change or release.
Full Moon In Libra Opposite Sun In Aries
Aries season began on March 19th/20th and will last until April 19th when the Sun goes into Taurus. Aries is a self oriented and energetic Fire sign ruled by Mars. It is associated with independence, individual needs, leading, and pioneering. It is assertive, courageous, initiating, instinctual, direct, quick, and bold. Negatively, it can be too aggressive, impulsive, impatient, selfish, hot-tempered, combative, restless, and overly competitive.
The Full Moon highlights and brings the energies of the opposing sign of Libra into this Aries backdrop. Libra is a relationship oriented and intellectual Air sign ruled by Venus. It is associated with cooperation, diplomacy, fairness, justice, relating, balance, equality, peace, harmony, aesthetics, art, codependence, consideration of others, and finding common ground.
It is compromising, sociable, creative, charming, communicative, and is about weighing out different sides as it is symbolized by the scales. Negatively, it can be indecisive, impractical, insincere, superficial, vain, overly judgmental, passive aggressive, and people pleasing.
Full Moon Quincunx Neptune
This Full Moon is in a quincunx with Neptune in Pisces. This can reflect the need for adjustments, dealing with frustrations, and/or not seeing things clearly around issues pertaining to that planet. It can also be something that needs to be attended to, or integrated, but may be challenging to do so.
Neptune rules spirituality, ideals, retreating, seclusion, compassion, oneness, dreams, glamour, fantasy, visual arts/media, music, and poetry. It is mystical, psychedelic, creative, sacrificing, and imaginative. Neptune is also associated with intoxication, addiction, escapism, deception, delusion, confusion, lack of boundaries, elusiveness, and a victim/martyr complex.
As far as mundane and worldly affairs are concerned, Neptune rules fossil fuels such as oil and gas. The Covid-19 situation is Neptunian; such as the nature of the illness being portrayed in the media, our perception of it, as well as the potential of deception believed by conspiracy theorists.
Jupiter Conjunct Pluto
Jupiter is currently in a conjunction with Pluto, this is the first time it has occurred since December 2007. This energy has been becoming more noticeable in recent weeks and is peaking this first week of April. However, this energy will play out until the end of the year with it peaking again in early Summer and mid November.
Jupiter is an expansive energy and is associated with learning, education, media, big picture awareness, perspectives, optimism, beliefs, truth, wisdom, travel, foreign countries, and aspirations. Negatively, it can also be excessive, inflated, have blind spots, and disregard limitations and consequences. .
The potential different expressions of Jupiter joins forces with Pluto which is associated with depth, transformation, evolution, regeneration, purging, power, sex, psychoanalysis, inner resources, primal instincts, occult subjects, and looking beneath the surface. It rules fear (or fearlessness), secrets, hidden matters, subversion, jealousy, death, abuse, the underworld, and conspiracies. It can also be intense, violent, destructive, abusive, and dark.
This conjunction is happening in Capricorn and we have already been having so many other significant astrological events occurring in this sign as mentioned in my previous Eclipse articles and recent New Moon content. Capricorn correlates with the structures of the world such as government, authorities, banking, and business. This sign is also associated with our ambitions, careers, mastery, traditions, consolidation, status, and orderliness.
The Lunar South Node (and its eclipses) has been in Capricorn since late 2018 and will transition out this year. Saturn has also been in Capricorn (its own sign) for most of this period which reinforces what it is doing, This process reflects shifts directed at changing/releasing negative qualities or aspects of Capricorn that are not serving us or need to be changed as a result of circumstances. However, some of this process will continue in the coming years as Pluto is still transiting this sign until 2024.
The coming together of Jupiter-Pluto in Capricorn can bring deeper awareness around issues happening in the world yet also in understanding aspects of ourselves or certain areas of our lives. There is opportunity for major changes and transformations. However, this can also feel like a boiling point as Jupiter can expand the negative qualities of Pluto.
Much of it is up to us and how we respond to life’s circumstances, or co-create with this energy, using our free will. Another thing to consider is that many of things happening now are being seeded into a new Jupiter-Pluto cycle. Many of the combined themes of these planets occurring now and this year will evolve over the next 12-13 years.
Full Moon Square The Jupiter-Pluto Conjunction
The polarity of the Sun in Aries opposing the Full Moon in Libra (mentioned above) is in a t-square with the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction. Full Moon’s can trigger conflict, either within ourselves or with others, and this one has a higher potential of that happening due to the Pluto influence.
The potential Aries expressions of self, action, leadership, hot temperedness, impatience, impulsiveness, forcefulness, one pointedness, inconsideration, and urgency can be at odds with the Libra expressions of balance, peace, harmony, seeing different sides, pleasing, indecisiveness, idealism, and superficiality. This can be tied into the Jupiter-Pluto themes mentioned.
However, the key here is to try to strike a healthy balance or integration of the positive aspects of both Aries and Libra. Also, the positive aspects of Cancer (which opposes Capricorn) are also themes that should be brought into the equation. Caring, nurturing, security, self-care, instincts, feeling, sympathy, family, domestic life, and emotional well being are different expressions of that sign.
Mars Square Uranus, Mercury Sextile Jupiter-Pluto Conjunction
Mars, the ruler of Aries, has been moving towards a square with Uranus since the end of March (when it entered Aquarius) and is at its peak during this Full Moon. This energy can be impulsive, restless, erratic, rebellious, and be hard to focus and direct ourselves. This can also reflect combativeness towards anything progressive, unusual, unconventional, technological, or metaphysical. Alternatively, this can also be good for asserting ourselves in these ways or with authentic individuality.
Mercury in Pisces is a harmonious aspect with the Jupiter-Pluto energy mentioned above. This can reflect communication and discussion pertaining to the combined themes of these planets. This can also be good for research, expanding our minds, investigating, insights, uncovering truths, and embracing a deeper understanding.
Venus Sextile Chiron, Entering Pre-Retrograde Shadow Period
Venus, the ruler of Libra, is moving towards a sextile with Chiron in Aries which will be strongest from April 9th-11th. Venus areas of love, relationships, friends, values, attraction, aesthetics, art, creativity, money, pleasures, and social life can tie into Chiron themes of wholeness, healing, creative solutions, discovery, teaching, and holistic approaches.
Venus is also entering its pre-Retrograde shadow period on April 9th as it slows down before going retrograde from May 13th-June 25th. Some of the themes and developments that occur over the coming month in the areas pertaining to Venus will continue to unfold and perhaps go through a sorting out period during the retrograde process. Some of it will be connected to the Chiron influence mentioned in the above paragraph. I will be covering this more in future content, you can join my mailing list here to ensure that you receive it.
Things To Consider
Do you need to balance your personal needs, perspectives, and independence with diplomacy and consideration of others? Do you need to weigh out different sides? What were you experiencing in 2007 until early 2008 and is there a connection with what was going on then? What area of your life is calling for transformation? Do you need to address the way you assert yourself? What are your relationships showing you and does that area of your life require some sort of healing?
These are just some examples of what to consider at this time. If you wish to do any sort of intentional release, cleansing, or clearing, it is best to initiate after the peak of the Full Moon or as it is waning over the following two weeks. The exact moment of it will be on April 8th at 2:35am Universal Time, but will be the night of the 7th in all of the Americas. You can click here to see what that is in your time zone.
I’m doing a BIG DISCOUNT during the pandemic period with 40-50% off personal readings. Gain more astrological insight into what is going on in your life and have a better understanding of your individual potentials. Get a personalized astrology reading with Carmen (author of this article) specific to you based on your exact birth date, time, and location. Click here for the discounted rate.
Magic: Thoughts From Plato & Manly P. Hall To Modern Day Scientists – Is “Magic” Real?
- The Facts:
The Concept of 'magic' has been written about and explored for thousands of years. It's always been a large part of history and ancient mysticism, and today, "magical" concepts are being explored by science, mostly in the form of parapsychology.
- Reflect On:
Are there concepts of our reality we have yet to understand? Are there concepts we turn away from that have ample evidence, but simply push the boundaries of the mind a little too far to accept? Perhaps things are changing
“The underlying, primary psychic reality is so inconceivably complex that it can be grasped only at the farthest reach of intuition, and then but very dimly. That is why it needs symbols.” – Carl Jung
What is ceremonial magic? The works of multiple scholars, from Plato to Manly P. Hall and further down the line, suggest it is essentially the use of rituals and techniques to invoke and control “spirits” or lifeforms that could be existing within other dimensions or worlds. For example, according to Hall, “a magician, enveloped in sanctified vestments and carrying a wand inscribed with hieroglyphic figures, could by the power vested in certain words and symbols control the invisible inhabitants of the elements and of the astral world. While the elaborate ceremonial magic of antiquity was not necessarily evil, there arose from its perversion several false schools of sorcery, or black magic.” (source)
Yet if we examine the works of Plato, we see he specifically condemns, both in the Laws and in the Republic, the idea that “gods” can be influenced by the performance of certain rituals — called “necromancy” or “magical attack.” He believed those who try to control the spirit world should be penalized. (source)
Socrates, about whom Plato wrote much, also spoke of an entity that guided him. It was never given a name, but references to it ranged from daemon to daimon. Socrates believed this entity was a gift, and manifested itself in the form of the voice within, something we all possess. His communication with this entity was actually used as one of the charges against him when he was put to death. Socrates believed it to be a link between mortal man and God.
Socrates seems to be an exception when it comes to using these concepts for perverse reasons, and, as Hall points out, he provided evidence that “the intellectual and moral status of the magician has much to do with the type of elemental he is capable of invoking. But even the daemon of Socrates deserted the philosopher when the sentence of death was passed.” (source)
He was put to death for “corrupting the youth” and spreading “false” information amongst the people, but looking back, he seems to be a figure more like our modern day revolutionaries than a malevolent influence, put to death for exposing the aristocracy’s secrets and encouraging people to question the true nature of reality, to question the doctrine that had been provided to the masses by those in power.
There are also native records containing abundant evidence that the civilizations of Central and South America were heavily involved in these types of arts, both black and white magics. This is well documented in the Popuol Vuh.
If such information is true, it’s hardly surprising. Human beings have always been subject to the lure of power, driven by their ego, greed, and shortsightedness. It’s disconcerting to imagine this power of working with the spirit world in the hands of those who would use it for their own reasons, taken by the power of black magic.
Fast forward to our modern day, and you have stories like that of Dr. Johannes Faust. Through his study of magic, he was able to conjure up an extra-dimensional who served him for many years is several different ways. There is even an excerpt from The Book of Dr. Faust, Wittenberg, 1524 describing his experience. (source)
Napoleon Bonaparte, the French military and political leader, is another example. He used to tell of a “Little Red Man of Destiny,” a ‘spirit’ that appeared at a Royal Palace. Apparently when something important was happening, he would appear. This man, and what others now consider to be silly superstitions and folklore beliefs, genuinely influenced Napoleon and his actions and guided his campaigns. (source)
According to Hall, The Little Red Man of Destiny is an example “of the disastrous results of permitting elemental beings to dictate the course of human procedure.” (source)
Phenomena like these appear in various cultures during different time periods all throughout human history, so what makes us think these practices have stopped today?
There is even a modus operandi for the invocation of spirits in various texts, one being The Complete Book of Magic Science that, according to Hall, was first published in the original British Museum. This is also mentioned by other studies of occult philosophy, like Francis Barret in his Magus, where he describes the use of symbols and more things relating to the occult.
Living creatures existing in a world we cannot perceive have been the subject of lore dating back countless years. It’s embedded in the stories and passed down orally, and written about in multiple religious texts like the Bible and the Quran. I am not referring to extraterrestrial beings in this case, but rather to beings existing in realms indistinguishable to our senses.
Black vs. White Magic
A distinction is made early in the article about black magic and white magic. Basically, black magic is the process of using entities to accomplish a goal through ceremonial magic.
By means of the secret processes of ceremonial magic it is possible to contact these invisible creatures and gain their help in some human undertaking. Good spirits willingly lend their assistance to any worthy enterprise, but evil spirits serve only those who live to pervert and destroy. . . . The most dangerous form of black magic is the scientific perversion of occult power for the gratification of personal desire. (source)
According to scholars of various philosophies, there occurred, long ago, a systematic destruction of all keys to wisdom, so that no one else could have access to the knowledge. Whoever did it completely inverted the rituals of the ancient mysteries while claiming to preserve them, believing what they did was the right thing to do.
Magic also uses symbols and sacred geometry. Black magic, on the other hand, uses inverted symbolism, taking pure symbols with noble meanings and perverting them. Inverted symbolism seems to be the way to invoke spirits for malevolent purposes.
“They mutilated the rituals of the Mysteries while professing to preserve them, so that even though the neophyte passed through the degrees (Free-Masonry) he could not secure the knowledge to which he was entitled. Idolatry was introduced by encouraging the worship of the images which in the beginning the wise had erected solely as symbols for study and meditation. False interpretations were given to the emblems and figures of the Mysteries, and elaborate theologies were created to confuse the minds of their devotees. ” (1)
It appears there were many black magicians throughout history who strayed from the noble concepts that underly the core of spirituality and working with the spirit world.
White magic, on the other hand, deals with the noble, the morally pure, and cannot be used to accomplish selfish ends. Ego, greed, and personal desire have no place in white magic.
I agree with Socrates that the concepts of white magic exist within all of us and can be used as powerful tools of manifestation, provided one is pure in their heart and intention. It’s simple, and cannot be used as a means to an end, or to fulfil a specific personal desire.
A Scientific Perspective
Proponents of what we now call ‘magic’ include nearly all ancient literature from all parts of the world, from the Vedic texts and the yoga sutras, all the way to Moses, Jesus, Milarepa and Mohammed. Donald Lopez Jr., a professor of Buddhist and Tibetan Studies and the University of Michigan provides a great example in describing the Buddha:
With this enlightenment, he was believed to possess all manner of supernormal powers, including full knowledge of each of his own past lives and those of other beings, the ability to know others’ thoughts, the ability to create doubles of himself, the ability to rise into the air and simultaneously shoot fire and water from his body…Although he passed into nirvana at the age of eighty-one, he could have lived “for an aeon or until the end of the aeon” if only he had been asked to do so. (source)
The crazy thing is there are also modern day examples, but they mostly come from the black budget government programs. In 2016, I published a well-sourced article providing multiple examples from a CIA document that confirms the existence of humans with ‘special abilities’ who are able to do ‘impossible’ things. It’s titled “Research into Paranormal Ability To Break Through Spatial Barriers.” and it outlines how documented cases of children and adults who have the ability to teleport small objects from one location to another, using their mind. Why would the CIA archive this document? The study was done under controlled conditions.
Dean Radin, chief scientist at the Institute of Noetic Sciences, has published a book called “Real Magic.” It has received praise from multiple scientists, including Nobel Laureates.
Dr. Carl Jung once stated, “I shall not commit the fashionable stupidity of regarding everything I cannot explain as a fraud.” This is something we should all hold in our minds as we examine this or other claims that are not part of our current perception.
The amount of statistically significant results when it comes to this reality, usually dubbed as “parapsychology,” is very significant. We are talking about hundreds, if not thousands of studies that have been conducted worldwide for decades.
There seems to be a deep concern that the whole field will be tarnished by studying a phenomenon that is tainted by its association with superstition, spiritualism and magic. Protecting against this possibility sometimes seems more important than encouraging scientific exploration or protecting academic freedom. But this may be changing. —Cassandra Vieten, PhD and President/CEO at the Institute of Noetic Sciences (source)
A lot of the statistical results for parapsychology are just as strong, if not in some cases more significant, than a lot of the results which emerge from hard sciences, like physics and mechanical engineering. The Department of Defense has stated that results in this area are a clear sign that these phenomena are real, despite the fact that they are still somewhat unexplainable. As far back as 1999, a statistics professor even published a paper showing the results dealing with parapsychology and mind-body connection are a lot stronger than the results used to approve some of our medications. That study was done by Dr. Jessica Utts, as statistics professor in California who had this to say about Radin’s book:
“Real Magic illustrates the limitations of 20th century science and proposes a more comprehensive view that incorporates ideas that have been associated with magic throughout the ages. Blending history, humor, and plausible hypotheses, Dean Radin illustrates that there is a staggering amount of evidence for a broader view of science that offers hope for the future of humanity.”
“A thought-provoking book. The author makes a convincing case for the reality and significance of magic.” —Brian Josephson, Nobel Laureate in Physics and Emeritus Professor of Physics, University of Cambridge
Today, hundreds of scientists are coming together to emphasize that matter is not the only reality. They’ve created a manifesto, and you can find links and access more information about this initiative, which started a few years ago, in an article we published here.
“Some scientists are confident that we already know what is and is not possible. But the truth is that science is very much in its infancy. To advance our understanding requires bold excursions into domains some might consider heretical, including esoteric legends about magic that have persisted for thousands of years. This is what Dean Radin sets out to do with Real Magic. In my judgment, it succeeds in blazing new trails. Well worth the read.” — Kary Mullis PhD, Nobel Laureate (Chemistry)
Everything I Know: 42 Hours of Buckminster Fuller’s Visionary Lectures Free Online (1975)
- The Facts:
A 42-hour lecture series titled Everything I Know, by Buckminister Fuller, is now available to download at the Internet Archive.
- Reflect On:
Can we do things here differently on planet Earth? Do we have the potential, technological capability and solutions in order to create a new human experience that provides abundance to all?
Buckminister Fuller was truly ahead of his time, he was a humanitarian and an activist that provided multiple alternative ways of thought as well as critical questioning with regards to the human experience and how we are currently living here on planet Earth. He was one of many visionaries that could easily see how the human race could operate differently, in a manner where everybody could have their needs met, and provided ways that the human race could actually live in harmony with the planet. Fuller wrote over 30 books, registered 28 United States patents, and kept a diary documenting his entire life. These achievements and others have also made Fuller the subject of at least four documentaries and numerous books, articles, and papers, but it’s always best to hear someones thoughts straight from the source, and now you can do that. A 42-hour lecture series titled Everything I Know, is available to download at the Internet Archive. You can listen to a part of it in the video below.
I really resonate with a lot of what Fuller shared, especially when it comes to our current system and the way we do things here, and how completely unnecessary and absurd it is. I agree with Fuller, that “One in ten thousand of us can make a technological breakthrough capable of supporting all the rest. The youth of today are absolutely right in recognizing this nonsense of earning a wage.” Today, we have that capability, and living in that kind of a world would be one devoid of power. It would be a service to others type of community, one that thrived off of cooperation, and not competition, and one where people who sought power would no longer be able to do so.
Imagine if the human race was free? Imagine if we didn’t have to continue doing the same thing, going to school, and finding a job so we can earn a wage to live. What would we do? I believe it’s in our natural state to explore, to be curious, I believe if we created that type of human experience we’d be travelling the stars in no time.
I won’t go into any specific examples. I’ll let you ponder how a utopian society would work, or how all of our needs could easily be provided for. Scarcity is something that doesn’t have to exist, neither does supply and demand. There are solutions and technologies out there that threaten the concept of scarcity, yet they never see the light of day. Our current economic models were all creations by what’s known today as “the 1 percent.” The system was designed to benefit them, not us. Something new needs to be created, a new way of life that requires the complete shut down and change of our current economic model. Just as Fuller said:
“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”
At the end of the day, the concept of “money” alone in my mind is absolutely ridiculous.