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8 Ways Spiritual People May Be Fooling Themselves

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Take a moment and breathe. Place your hand over your chest area, near your heart. Breathe slowly into the area for about a minute, focusing on a sense of ease entering your mind and body. Click here to learn why we suggest this.

Who is more aligned with their path of spiritual evolution?

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  • A person sitting in a lotus position, taking deep breaths and in perfect composure?
  • Or a person curled up in a ball, crying hysterically?

If we base our answer on everything we have learned from “new age” philosophies and most spiritual teachings out there, I think it’s fair to say that the person meditating wins. He/she appears peaceful, at ease, and detached. Now I’m not about to “shock” you and say that the opposite is true. But I would argue that this image is just that: an image.

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This is why:

Even the most peaceful, composed, and “spiritually correct” person in the world can be completely out of alignment with themselves, even more than someone who isn’t into spirituality at all. How come? Well… because of our tendency to be dishonest with ourselves. I say this from experience: no amount of sophisticated spiritual jargon has been able to aid my evolution more than an honest look at my raw, vulnerable self.

P.S. I don’t mean to say that all spiritual people fool themselves. These are simply traps that I have noticed are common in the spiritual community, and which I myself have fallen for on occasion.

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HERE ARE 8 WAYS SPIRITUAL PEOPLE CAN FOOL THEMSELVES:


 1. I Have To Feel Good And Stay Positive All The Time

Translation: I’m terrified of feeling pain.

This belief is quite common among the “positive thinking” community. Now there is nothing wrong with thinking positively, but using the power of thought to gloss over any surfacing negative emotions is one of the biggest blocks to our spiritual growth. Why? Because what our souls actually desire is to become whole again. And this means reconnecting with all the fragmented aspects of ourselves (fears, negative beliefs, past emotional traumas) we have dissociated from so that we may acknowledge and transform them.

Newsflash: That’s NOT going to happen if we continually avoid and suppress them. It’s not going to happen if we perceive them as enemies and invaders. The truth is, each and every painful emotion that is surfacing in our lives is like a child in distress. When we repress them, it is as if we purposely lock this child self into a room, forcing it to relive a trauma alone and behind closed doors while we look the other way. In other words, it is self-abuse.

“That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.”

– John Green

Being completely emotionally honest with ourselves takes bravery. It means putting ourselves right into the very emotions we have spent our lives shielding ourselves from feeling again. But once you allow yourself to feel and release what is stored inside of you, you are basically letting your brain and body know that it is now safe to feel, that you are no longer in the scary situation that created the trauma in the first place, and that you are now ready to learn from it and and move on to better things.

It can help to have a friend or an animal holding space for you while you release emotion, because it is important to feel safe. You will find that when you make it a habit to feel and release the emotional charges that are stuck in your body, the lightness you will feel will be more worth it than all the effort put into avoiding and suppressing!

P.S. If there were really something wrong about feeling all ranges of emotions… your soul wouldn’t have chosen to incarnate in a body capable of feeling them all!


2. I Behave Spiritually, Therefore I Am Growing Spiritually!

Translation: I’m really just scared and confused. So I’ll keep repeating “love n’ light!”

Many spiritual people believe that a “spiritual” behavior is all that is required to be on the “spiritual” path; that if you say loving words, follow spiritual principles, and act like Jesus, you’re pretty much enlightened. Well… let me just say that the most emotionally wounded and ‘in-denial-about-it’ people I have ever met had a very strong spiritual ethic and personality. I know because I have been one of them.

Spiritual people often fall into the trap of using their understanding of spiritual concepts to feel like they are above emotions and duality. This defeats the whole purpose of our soul, which is to learn from emotions and duality through our own felt experience — not just through theory!

“Spiritual Bypassing: A term first coined by author John Welwood. The spiritual bypass is the tendency to jump to spirit prematurely, usually in an effort to avoid various aspects of earthly reality (practical challenges, unresolved emotions and memories). The bypass has many symptoms – the starry-eyed bliss trip, radical detachment from one’s self-identifications, premature forgiveness, ungrounded behaviors, wish-full thinking etc.”

– Jeff Brown

There is a purpose and lesson behind every emotion and feeling, and simply adjusting and focusing on our behavior prematurely is pulling us away from where our greatest learning is.


3. I Use Self-Conviction To Make Me Feel Like I’m On The Right Path

Translation: I’d rather live through the safe stories I tell myself than trust my intuition.

Have you ever noticed yourself going overkill with grand speeches and declarations of why something is right (or wrong) for you, whether it be a “twin flame,” a job, or a new year’s resolution? Now that doesn’t mean it must necessarily be wrong for you, just like it doesn’t mean it must be right. It just means that using self-conviction is a process of mental rationalization, not of intuition.

When we do this, we are much more likely to fool ourselves into something that doesn’t align with our true self. No big deal though, because following through on a choice that is out of alignment will eventually teach us that we are better off trusting and being honest with our intuition and feelings — a lesson that usually gets learned once our illusion crashes.

Many times, I have convinced myself of things to make me feel “good” about a decision or situation despite a nagging suspicion that something isn’t right. And many times, I have screwed myself! So now, I do my best to follow my intuition instead of getting lost in my mind. The best part is, when we stop fooling ourselves, we automatically become more honest with others. This guarantees more fulfilling relationships and the dissolution of fake ones!

“Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.”

– Walter Anderson

The tricky part is that sometimes, our intuition leads us directly toward a choice that would make us face a fear or difficult emotion, which is precisely why we often rationalize ourselves out of taking the leap of faith. That’s why following our intuition often requires courage. Although I promise you… the maturity, wisdom, alignment, and freedom gained from following it is always worth it in the end!

“You get your intuition back when you make space for it, when you stop the chattering of the rational mind.”

– Anne Lamott


4. I Preach When I Feel On Top Of My Game, But Blame When Triggered

Translation: I’ve got Issues.

We reaaaaaally need to get off our high horses, or perhaps I should say, our “spiritual unicorns.” Sure, preaching may make us look wise and majestic for a while, but at what cost? At the cost of not ACTUALLY evolving. It prevents us from truly growing and maturing from the inside out. Now it doesn’t mean we can’t offer valuable wisdom even if we still deal with personal issues. But we shouldn’t wear our wise insights like a badge, only to resist growth when it’s our turn to feel vulnerable. 

We should actually embrace it when our foundation gets shaken. Many of us think we must fight to stay on our comfortable throne, yet little expansion and joy exists there. True expansion and joy happens when we embrace the fact that our vulnerability connects us all.

We’re all human, and we’re all vulnerable. Imagine how warm, compassionate, and friendly this world would be if we weren’t so busy hiding, suppressing, and feeling shame for the things we all learn and experience! In such a reality, anyone acting preachy and denying their own vulnerability would actually be the odd ones.

Being transparent is scary, I know. But the RIGHT people will LOVE you for being real, for being you. It’s always the wrong people that love you for your image.


5. I Use Spiritual Perspectives To Bypass Human Emotions (THIS ONE IS KEY!)

Translation: I want to get to my destination quickly and bruise free. I resist and devalue the journey towards it.

This is something I’ve done quite a bit, and with the best intention. Of course I want to remind myself that everything happens for a reason when I feel hurt and heartbroken after a difficult breakup. Of course I want to remind myself that every soul is made of love when I believe that I shouldn’t feel anger or rage toward someone who has betrayed me. But this is a HUGE problem among the spiritual community: the belief in shoulds and shouldnt’s when it comes to emotions. The belief that anger, fear, and grief aren’t as much a part of our spiritual progress as feelings of love and transcendence.

The thing is, we actually ARE headed toward a state of consciousness where we can feel the beauty and value of every challenge and every soul. But every single one of the emotions that come up along the way should be valued as stepping stones, each containing a valuable lesson designed to bring us closer to that state.

“Anger is a river. It wants to be released into the vaster ocean. It wants to move naturally. When we repress it with premature forgiveness, block it with false positivity, repress it in the name of pseudo-peace, we just dam(n) our natural flow. The river then turns inward, against the self, or explodes outwardly, against innocents. Better we express it when it is in our awareness – not in a way that is destructive to humanity – but in a way that is authentic and that restores the integrity of our being. Anger isn’t the enemy. Misplaced anger is. Let the river flow…”

– Jeff Brown

The truth is, anger, fear, and grief can be amazing catalysts for change and transformation when embraced. For example, anger is a very potent energy to get you moving and clear up the clutter in your life, whether it be toxic people, situations, or limiting beliefs. It doesn’t need to be destructive or vengeful; it is a fire that should be used to fuel positive action. Once you have made the appropriate changes, you no longer need it and can move to a higher vibration.

Fear is also a valuable emotion. It points you to another layer of your being that needs peeling so that you may experience greater freedom past it. It shows you where your growth is. Grief thrusts us into our deepest wounds of separation so that we may find ourselves again. It has the power to shatter our illusions and reconnect us with what truly matters.

So go ahead and feel it all! You are not alone in this.

“Real shadow work does not leave us intact; it is not some neat and tidy process, but rather an inherently messy one, as vital and unpredictably alive as birth. The ass it kicks is the one upon which we are sitting; the pain it brings up is the pain we’ve been fleeing most of our life; the psychoemotional breakdowns it catalyzes are the precursors to hugely relevant breakthroughs; the doors it opens are doors that have shown up year after year in our dreams, awaiting our entry. Real shadow work not only breaks us down, but breaks us open.”

– Sera Beak, Red Hot and Holy


6. I Can Talk/Read About Spiritual Growth All Day, Yet Avoid Using My Own Life As My Teacher

That’s kind of like reading a bunch of video game strategy guides, but never actually playing. The actual fun, the “levelling up” and the progression, happen as you play it! 

Many spiritual people understand the mechanics of personal and spiritual growth like the backs of their hands. I’m pretty knowledgable about it myself. I know that we create our own reality, that life is literally a reflection of the thoughts, emotions, and energy we put out, and I even know the science behind it. So it’s sort of ironic that I still sometimes manage to remove myself from this equation. I sometimes believe myself to be a victim of circumstances and slip into a passive attitude toward my life, ignoring my own guidance and cues to move forward. This usually happens when I forget that my life itself IS my purpose and mirrors what is necessary for me to evolve.

Our lives are meant to be lived, our feelings are meant to be felt, and our challenges are meant to be learned from. All of our experiences — internal and external — are like quests in a video game, designed to bring us to the next level. So let’s play!

“If we can live life consciously and authentically—understanding that things do not happen to us, but rather for us—we can use everything that comes into our lives to our benefit. We can locate all the barriers that keep us from beauty, love, abundance, intimacy, joy and good health.”

– Erin Lanahan


7. I Have Found The Truth! Let Me Anchor That In Forever And Shut Down Any New Perspectives

Translation: I am forgetting that I am a unique, fluid, and ever-changing being on a unique, fluid, and ever-changing path that adapts to what I need to learn in any given moment.

What we need in one stage of our lives may be completely different from what we need in another. What feels right one day may not feel right the next. And there’s a reason for this. We are unique and multi-layered beings. Sometimes, we hit layers that require us to learn commitment and goal-setting. Other times, we hit layers that require us to learn flexibility and “going with the flow.” We may at one time need to learn compassion and softness, while at another time need to learn firmness and resolve.

The problem is when we become set on ideals rather than staying tuned to our intuition (similar to what we talked about in #3). Our paths and lessons adapt to what is best and most important for our evolution. When we get stuck in our minds and adopt a fixed spiritual ideal, we miss out on the actual cues that our feelings, intuition, and life experiences whisper to us.

As much as the truth may very well be that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively and that we are a way for the universe to know itself… well, it seems the universe wants to know itself through very UNIQUE perspectives and paths. We are not meant to live in a synchronized fashion and all move the same, think the same, and feel the same. We are here to be complimentary to one another, much like a puzzle requires unique pieces to create a beautiful image.

8. I Am “So Spiritual,” But Forget To Treat Others Like I’d Want To Be Treated

Translation: I skipped the most basic yet important step to my own spiritual growth, which is to be an expression of love.

It might sound cliché, but Jesus had it right. It doesn’t matter if you have read all the books or mastered all of your spiritual abilities; if you keep all of that magnificent love, generosity, care, and compassion locked in a little cellar within your heart… you have missed the entire point of your spiritual growth. You are still operating out of fear and need to clear out whatever barrier is preventing you from accessing the loving being that you are. The world needs you!

I once met someone who disregarded the importance of love because he believed it was too much of a cliché and cookie-cutter approach to spirituality. What I would say to that person today is that, regardless of how different and unique every flower within a garden may be, you wouldn’t want to water any of them with poison. You would ideally use the purest water to see them thrive and beautify the environment in their own unique way. The same goes with human beings. If there is one universal law that applies to us all, I believe it is that we thrive best in the vibration of love. If we can all strive to grow into more loving, compassionate, and authentic versions of ourselves, what a wonderful world this would be!

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

― Albert Einstein


I hope these perspectives helped you as much as they helped me! Let’s lead by example and help rid the spiritual community of pretence by being the realest we can be with ourselves and others. It is in our vulnerability and openness that we build the most profound and intimate relationships. It is in feeling what we need to feel that we grow. It is in being authentic that we attract and create a reality that truly matches us. And it is in being love that we create a more loving world!


If you enjoyed my article, like Uplifted Life to stay tuned with my work! 

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Consciousness

How To Embrace New Ideas & Envision A Better World

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Take a moment and breathe. Place your hand over your chest area, near your heart. Breathe slowly into the area for about a minute, focusing on a sense of ease entering your mind and body. Click here to learn why we suggest this.

In this video I explore how to look in our minds and bodies for resistance towards new solutions and ideas. If we are to create a more thriving world, what has to happen within us? How do we use new and emerging solutions in a pure form, without applying the old dominance or capitalistic stories to them?

It can, very understandably, be hard to imagine something different than what we’re doing now. Especially when we consider we don’t know HOW things would change or what will happen to the current life we’ve built.

What if real global solutions involve shifting our long term plans? How do we gain a sense of comfort and stability in challenges we seek to solve at their core?

Every time I’ve been faced with some pretty big changes I had to make in my life, if I ever sensed resistance in myself, I had to find it in my body as well as navigate it in my mind.  I explain more in the video below.

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Consciousness

Raising Our Vibration Through Compassion & Unconditional Love

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Take a moment and breathe. Place your hand over your chest area, near your heart. Breathe slowly into the area for about a minute, focusing on a sense of ease entering your mind and body. Click here to learn why we suggest this.

An internationally recognized nonprofit research and education organization, the Institute of HeartMath dedicates itself to helping people reduce stress, self-regulate emotions, and build energy and resilience for healthy, happy lives. HeartMath tools, technology, and training teach people to rely on the intelligence of their hearts in concert with that of their minds at home, school, work, and play.

It’s becoming clearer to many of us that working together with kindness, compassion and acceptance are the missing pieces for resetting humanity’s fast and furious trajectory into separation and division. It’s also becoming obvious that we cannot create solutions from the same consciousness level that’s creating the problems. Raising our consciousness vibration for drawing peaceful solutions is an undertaking that calls for kindness, forgiveness and an inclusive love that respects our differences.

A large portion of their research has investigated heart and brain interaction. Researchers have examined how the heart and brain communicate with each other and how that affects our consciousness and the way in which we perceive our world. For example, when a person is feeling really positive emotions like gratitude, love, or appreciation, the heart beats out a certain message. Because the heart beats out the largest electromagnetic field produced in the body, it can yield significant data for researchers.

HeartMath has discovered that  emotional information is actually coded and modulated into these fields. By learning to shift our emotions, we are changing the information coded into the magnetic fields that are radiated by the heart, and that can impact those around us. We are fundamentally and deeply connected with each other and the planet itself.

This is very important work, as it shows how the heart plays an important role far beyond what is commonly known. For instance, did you know that your heart emits electromagnetic fields that change according to your emotions, or that the human heart has a magnetic field that can be measured up to several feet away from the human body? Did you know that positive emotions create physiological benefits in your body, and that you can boost your immune system by conjuring up positive emotions? Did you know that negative emotions can create nervous system chaos, and that positive emotions do the complete opposite? Did you know that the heart has a system of neurons that have both short term and long term memory, and that their signals sent to the brain can affect our emotional experiences? Did you know that in fetal development, the heart forms and starts beating before the brain is developed? Did you know that a mother’s brainwaves can synchronize to her baby’s heartbeats? Did you know that the heart sends more information to the brain than vice versa?

All of these facts, published research papers, and more can be accessed at heartmath.org.

I recently came across an article published by HeartMath titled “Raising Our Vibration Through Compassion & Unconditional Love” written by Sara Childre, Pres. of HeartMath Institute and Doc Childre, HeartMath Founder. I thought I would post it below for those who are interested.

Vibrations

HeartMath and many systems use the term vibration in reference to the quality of thoughts, feelings, emotions and attitudes that are generated and influenced by our beliefs, memories, choices, environmental stimuli and more. For example, you often hear people say, “I had to leave that office, the vibes were so low it was draining my energy, or, “I felt a lift from being in her positive vibration.”

The vibration of our moods, attitudes, thoughts and feelings can rise and fall throughout the day, based on our actions and reactions to others, ourselves, or to life’s issues. The vibes we emanate to others and to the environment vary, based on our resilience for balancing our mind, emotions and disposition – especially in today’s dynamic emotional climate.

Lower-level vibrations can occur at every turn in connection with frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness, judgment, comparisons and much more. These emotions are part of being human, but it is within our power to shift out of these debilitating feelings into higher vibrational attitudes and perceptions.

An easy way to maintain a higher vibration is to interweave the qualities of our heart in our connections and interactions. These heart qualities include love, care, compassion, kindness, appreciation, forgiveness, and more. Anyone who experiences these qualities knows their power to lift our feelings into a kinder and more stress-free outlook.

Raising Others’ Vibrations

For evidence that the heartfelt intentions of one individual can raise the heart vibration of others, HeartMath cites studies it has conducted. You may be familiar with the study in which a dog’s incoherent heart rhythms became coherently aligned with a boy’s heart rhythms as he radiated intentional love and care to his dog. Go to Josh and Mable to read more.

Science tells us that human beings and all creatures radiate an electromagnetic field produced by the heartbeat. Our feelings broadcast like radio waves through this field. When you are in the presence of a group of friends, family or others, everyone’s thoughts, feelings and attitudes are intermingling in your immediate area — which HeartMath calls the field environment.

Another study, with 40 participants, explored the effects of being in a coherent field environment. The participants were divided into 10 groups of four people who were seated around a table. They were all connected to equipment that simultaneously measured their level of heart rhythm coherence. Three of the participants had been previously trained in the Heart Lock-In technique and were instructed to get into a coherent state at random times unknown by the fourth untrained person. Overall, as the coherent vibration of the three HeartMath-trained participants increased, the untrained person’s coherence level also measurably increased from being in that more coherent field environment.

Poised in Higher Vibrations

When poised in our higher vibration, we experience many benefits. Decisions and solutions flow more easily due to increased access to our heart’s intuitive wisdom; our discernment becomes more inclusive and our choices become clearer and more effective; it gets much easier to deflect frustration, anxiety, impatience and other chronic stress producers that strain our critical thinking and reasoning.

Most all of us feel more self-secure when in our higher vibrational composure, yet it can be harder to maintain in the midst of challenges and ramped up stress. We can learn to lift our vibration to meet challenges by adding heart qualities of conscious care, kindness, gratitude or compassion in our interactions. As these qualities of love move through our system, it lifts our attitudes automatically for the highest way to deal with the situation at hand.

Unconditional love and compassion are among the highest vibrations of love and are not subject to preconditions, limitations, or requirements of others. They serve the greater interest and benefit of all sentient beings and the environment in which they exist. Many people are realizing that unconditional love and compassion are from our higher consciousness potentials with the capacity for healing and attracting solutions for social transformation.

Uncountable numbers of people have experienced the benefits of compassion and more individuals are resonating with this powerful expression of love in these times of robust change. Practicing compassion is something we can do that benefits all, yet it takes heartfelt commitment to anchor this responsibility to the whole of which we are a part.

Summary of Benefits From Raising Our Vibration Levels

  • Increased care and kindness flow more automatically in our connections.
  • We are more clear-minded and self-secure in our choices and actions.
  • Our mind and emotions interact more harmoniously to suit our needs.
  • We deflect common stress triggers – frustration, impatience, intolerance, etc.
  • We are much more resilient and resistant to fears and self-doubt.
  • Our heart’s deeper care is not overridden by our disruptive mind and emotions.
  • The lift in our attitude wards off anxiety, excessive worries and overwhelm.
  • We tend to lift others and the environment when our vibration is up.
  • We are less judgmental and intolerant with others and ourselves, which prevents mega stress accumulation.
  • Lifting our vibration amplifies our intuitive heart feelings for better choices and outcomes.

Simple Exercises to Raise Your Vibration

(Adapted from exercises in the Heart Intelligence: Connecting with the Intuitive Guidance of the Heart book.)

How to replace lower vibrational feelings, such as sadness, anger, insecurity, anxiety, self-judgment, rejection, etc.

1. Exercise: Find a quiet place where, for a few minutes, you can breathe easily, imagining with each breath that your mind, emotions and body are becoming still inside. In this stillness, desire the uplifting feeling you would like to have, and as you breathe, imagine breathing this new feeling into your being for a while. Imagine you are creating it with your breath.

2. Another Exercise: When feeling low, just sit quietly and imagine radiating love, compassion and stillness into your mental and emotional nature. Self-care is often allowing ourselves to have a low moment without compounding it with self-criticism. When our light is dim, it helps to give ourselves the feeling of compassionate heart warmth that we would give a child or a pet that is infirm. Even if it doesn’t stop the pain, we know it can help energetically. If we feel awkward while trying this, it helps to ask ourselves, “What’s the difference in nurturing ourselves with compassionate intention than taking the vitamins and health foods we consume for self-care?” Or, “Why do we teach kids to put their hand over a hurt area and radiate sunshine from their heart to help it feel better?” We do this because it’s a natural expression of self-compassion, with benefits to their mental, emotional and physical nature.

You can soon feel a difference when doing these exercises, unless extremely challenged. If it doesn’t work the first time, be patient and simply try again later. Being genuine makes a difference. This activates your heart energy. Practicing for a few days in a row strengthens your capacity to reset unwanted feelings and lower vibrations.

Simple exercises such as these can do more to lift your vibration than you may think. Make it fun to consciously reset your vibration throughout the day and watch your spirit lift and the stress accumulation diminish.

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Click below to watch a sneak peek of our brand new course!

Our new course is called 'Overcoming Bias & Improving Critical Thinking.' This 5 week course is instructed by Dr. Madhava Setty & Joe Martino

If you have been wanting to build your self awareness, improve your.critical thinking, become more heart centered and be more aware of bias, this is the perfect course!

Click here to check out a sneak peek and learn more.

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Consciousness

How To Have More Patience & Manage Uncertainty

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Take a moment and breathe. Place your hand over your chest area, near your heart. Breathe slowly into the area for about a minute, focusing on a sense of ease entering your mind and body. Click here to learn why we suggest this.

Many of us can relate to the fact that our world is chalked full of uncertainties right now. Whether it be in our careers, relationships, or state of the world, it’s normal to feel a sense of uncertainty. This can lead us to want to find solid ground quickly and surely, even if it means we make choices that are unclear or rushed.

Outside of uncertainty, we also tend to live in a culture that desires instant gratification. We want things right away, and if we can’t have them, we often start to lose interest or move onto something else that might bring that instant gratification. Just take a moment now to reflect on that idea alone: when was the last time you found yourself becoming inpatient about something? What thoughts did you have? How did you feel in your body?

I recall just the other day, opening up an article I wanted to read, it took about 4 seconds as it was loading, and my reaction was to hit the back button and look for a different article about the subject I was looking into. 4 seconds? I was 4 seconds into waiting for information that could have helped me and I moved on? Perhaps we should expect information in half a second these days, or perhaps we should be able to wait those 4 second – either way, it’s important we have the freedom to choose and not allow those reactions to be so automatic.

Why? Because today it might be about a website loading, but tomorrow it might be about much more important things that we simply don’t have the patience to properly assess because we have be trained into procedural memory by all the ‘smaller things’ in life.

For me, when I stopped and thought about why I rushed away from that website after only 4 seconds, I noted that my jaw was clenched, I was in my head and operating in a rush.

For us to be in a flow, create well, think clearly and make balanced decisions, it’s very helpful to be more present. When we find ourselves in our heads, rushed and impatient, we might note that we’re losing energy throughout the day, becoming more and more drained as time goes on. Yet when we are in our flow, we tend to have more energy for things, things don’t feel as ‘up and down’ and we experience a lot more joy.

This is primarily because we are more present and our body experiences greater synchronization between major systems and organs including the brain, nervous system, and heart. With greater synchrony comes more efficiency, and in essence our body isn’t in conflict with itself, but instead is moving in one direction. This creates rhythm and flow.

Think of the mother or father who loses their patience because of something their child is doing, what emotions tend to rise? Anger, frustration, or irritation perhaps. The energy of that person begins to change, as does body language, tone of voice and their decisions. In fact, sometimes people end up saying things they don’t mean or later regret as a result – why? This happens because the more we become irritated or frustrated, the more our physiological state changes and we begin to lose access to our higher thinking (prefrontal cortex) causing us to act more on procedure and emotion vs. based on connection, patience, and higher understanding.

Now, we’re always going to have moments where ‘we lose it’ from time to time, but how often does that have to be? Daily? Weekly? Monthly? Perhaps it only needs to happen a few times a year? Why do some of us seems so cool and level headed in some situations, aka more patient, while others lose patience much more quickly? There are, most likely, many reasons, and each of us might have to ask ourselves that question based on our own experience to get an answer. But what we do know is we can all become more patient with simply practice and intention.

With more patience comes less frustration, less problematic choices, and less stress, while increasing flow and energy.

To build greater patience is not some magical skill you must find, it’s simply to become more present and self aware. It’s truly something that is within anyone’s grasp.

How To Build More Patience

Next time you are waiting for something or are in traffic and a sense of unease, bring your focus to your body. We’ve all felt the benefits of how a massage loosens up our muscles, in that same breath, take a moment and notice where there is tension in your body. Jaw, shoulders, hands, pelvis, and release it.

Make a forward facing effort to feel ease in your body. What does it feel like to feel ease? When was there a moment you can remember that you would describe as feeling ease? If you take some time to feel that ease, or even relive that moment of feeling ease, you are bringing that feeling to your body now and moving out of the automatic response of impatience.

You don’t have to ‘meditate’ or close your eyes or do anything special to do this, you simply are becoming aware of how you feel, what emotions might be playing out and the state of your body, and you are doing something to choose how you want to feel.

So to recap:

  1. Notice you are feeling impatient and how that feels. Accept it.
  2. Release tension in your body, take about 60 seconds to go through your body and do this.
  3. Notice what it feels like to feel a sense of ease and calm, feel that feeling in your body and let it grow.
  4.  Go on with the next few hours being in this state. Come back to this awareness and repeat if you have to.

Note, we are not running from any feelings of frustrations or irritation here. These aren’t “BAD” things that we don’t want to acknowledge. Instead, we are bringing ourselves to a state where we might be able to more closely examine why we felt this way to begin with. Was it something small, petty and not worth losing energy over? With simple awareness will this pattern of feeling this way diminish? Or perhaps you recognize something happened that made you feel irritation or frustration and you need to express something to take an action, either way, you are now in a clear space to asses and make effective decisions vs operating from a draining space where clarity is more difficult to come by.

The more this is practiced, the more it becomes your everyday state of being.

Dive Deeper

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