Tantric Intimacy holds the potential to connect us completely. We drop our guards and allow our whole self to flow into another person as we totally receive them as well. This creates a seemingly magical circuit of loving energy that can take us to infinite, wondrous places.
This is very simple to say and completely natural for us to do.
Yet, we struggle. How can we be safe to do this? How can I be open when I don’t know if I can trust this other person completely? What if I get hurt? What if I give myself completely, and my heart gets broken?
These fears keep our walls up, and so the magic of this kind of open, free-flowing connection eludes us, no matter how much tantra we study.
Your Inner Connection Makes You Whole
“Be humble for you are made of earth. Be noble for you are made of the stars.”
– Serbian proverb
The foundation of tantra is always our personal spiritual connection. However you define God/Spirit/Consciousness/Zen, it is our deep and trusting connection to this mystery that brings us great inner strength (and humility).
As the proverb above says, we are both made of earth AND the stars. What does that mean to you? What does it mean to be made of the stars? The beauty of tantra is that it embraces both aspects of being human and blends them together to create the whole beings that we are meant to be.
For some of us, we get lost in the day-to-day movements of life — jobs, relationships, kids, politics, fears, hopes, etc. All of these things exist in the physical three-dimensional world in which we live. They are very real. They hold incredible opportunities for joy, growth, pain, and a myriad of other incredible experiences.
But we are more than that.
Somehow, we are also mystery, infinity, everything, everyone, nothingness, all-powerful, and all-knowing. This reality isn’t really possible to understand with our brain because our brain belongs to the physical world. And our language best describes things that happen in this world. Everything that happens in the “spirit” world cannot be described adequately in our language. We have words like “AWEsome,” “INCREDible,” “AMAZing.” All of these words simply mean that we cannot describe how we feel. These are all spiritually-inspired experiences.
The magic of tantra is the ability to blend these two worlds — to live within our physical bodies in our specific spot on the space-time continuum and also to know that infinite energy and possibilities flow through us in every second.
This is when we truly become tantric.
This Connection Gives Us Inner Strength
“The only thing that is constant is change.”
When we feel this deep connection within us, we become strong regardless of our circumstances. The world around us (including those people we choose to love) is always changing. This is the human condition. We are naturally in a constant state of change, growth, and flux.
Tantric Intimacy teaches that kindness and respect are the foundation of all loving connection. But although we may be diligent in how we treat others, those we love may struggle with this based on their upbringings and past experiences. So how do we still open ourselves without risking being hurt?
We cultivate this deep, inner spiritual connection.
You can do this through any path that works for you. It could be through the works of the mystics of all faiths. (Mystics always seek a direct experience of God.) It could be through meditation and mindfulness. It could be through running or horse-back riding. Whatever it is that connects you with that deep, still place where you can feel the stillness and hear your own personal guidance.
When we cultivate this deep connection, we find something called “Divine Courage.” This courage comes from within and helps us have the faith to take steps in our life that are new, exciting, and possibly a little scary. But the beautiful thing is that the courage came from within. This means that if it doesn’t work out the way we planned, we will also have that strength on the other side of the experience. That strength will give us the meditative mind to observe what happened with understanding and compassion. The experience won’t break us (even if it hurts). We will feel the growth and expansiveness of what happened instead of focusing on the pain.
This Divine Courage is what takes us to incredible places on each step on our tantric journey.
Merging Becomes Effortless
“A healthy ego is no more afraid of sacred union than a raindrop is of merging with the ocean.”
– Jalaja Bonheim
When we have this deep connection within, we are able to walk in the world quite fearless. We know that we are not alone. We are strong, yet we are completely humble.
So, when we find someone that we love, whether it is a friend, child, or lover, it is easy to be open with them. It is easy to share who we truly are. We don’t need to put up façades or pretend that we are something that we are not. We let them see right into our souls. Because of course, we know that we are all made of the same stuff. Our soul is the same as theirs.
Of course, we also have discernment. Because we are already whole ourselves, we don’t feel the need to merge with EVERYONE. In fact, it isn’t really recommended. There are a lot of people who don’t actually want to merge in that way. They just want to be near you, but to stay separate emotionally. That is awesome. We too, will feel that way sometimes.
But there will also be occasions where someone appears in our life and true, beautiful connection is possible and desired. And then we can sit in personal strength, drop our guards, and let them in. We can experience the beautiful flow that is possible between humans.
True tantric connection.
When Is The Last Time You Were GENUINELY Yourself? If You’re Still Thinking About It, Read This.
- The Facts:
Some of us go our entire lives without truly being ourselves. There may be many reasons for it, but we often find ourselves living via others' expectations or approval.
- Reflect On:
When was the last time you noticed yourself hold back or be different than YOU because you were worried about what someone may think or do? Worried about challenging someone? Perhaps just appeasing people's egos?
Being 100% authentic to who you are, and at peace with it. Living from the Heart. Feeling comfortable within yourself. At all times. With everyone. No matter what “people dynamics” you are exposed to.
Now that’s a tough one for an ego who needs the approval, love and acceptance of others. Inner-peace sure is conditional when we are afraid to have our mind and its beliefs challenged in one way or another. But instead of basing our actions and state of being according to the fears, worries and desires of our ego, what we should ask our heart instead is:
Is it really worth it to compromise our natural state for the sake of appeasing the ego of others? Is it worth it to step away from our natural state and rather buy into our own egoic beliefs and fears?
The truth is, when others are truly comfortable and at peace with themselves, they won’t need you to change who you are. And when you are truly comfortable and at peace within yourself, you don’t need others to change who they are. Only the ego does.
When you have reached a state of utmost clarity and inner-peace, the only thing that can really make sense… is to BE who you truly are!
So the bottom line is, when you are authentic and at peace within yourself, YES, there will always be egos challenged by you, yet there will always be souls INSPIRED by you. In both cases, it is as perfect as it can get 😉
This is a simple reminder, not long, just simple. You can read it today, pass it on. Deep wisdom doesn’t have to be super long. Enjoy your day! 🙂
How To Survive The Dark Night Of The Soul
- The Facts:
The dark night of the soul can be viewed as a complete purge of a person and their false sense of self we call the external identity. This can be a tough time, but a necessary one to move to higher levels of consciousness and being.
- Reflect On:
If you are experiencing this, or know someone who is, remember this isn't about forcing a 'fix' of anything. Ask questions, reflect on what you are resisting and holding onto so dearly. We are looking to evolve, be open to the process.
The dark night of the soul is a phrase derived from 15th century poem “Noche Oscura” written by Spanish mystic, saint and priest John Of The Cross. It refers to a spiritual crisis, a seeker of truth is forced to face during their spiritual evolution. The dark night is when the man/woman of God (or your metaphorical equivalent) is given the feeling of abandoned by their maker and left to find their own way. It is the transition from being shown the way you should be, to actually being that way. The dark night gives the impression that the change is painful, but the suffering actually comes from the resistance to the change and not the change itself.
One could call it the integration of the dualistic mindset, to one of unity. The harmonising of the masculine and feminine. Or the merging of the soul with the body, and realising it to be one.
Into this dark night souls begin to enter when God draws them forth from the state of beginners – which is the state of those that meditate on the spiritual road – and begins to set them in the state of the progressives – which is that of those who are already contemplatives – to the end that, after passing through it, they may arrive at the state of the perfect, which is that of the Divine union of the soul with God.”
It Is A Purge Of The Self
The dark night is the complete purge of a person who seeks a higher path of truth. This leads to a breakdown of the egoic construct this person has created and leads to the death of the avatar they believe to be the self. This can result in hopelessness and an existential crisis. It is the true butterfly metamorphosis which seems really beautiful to the outside, but the reality is a lot more brutal.
For the caterpillar to become a butterfly, it has to completely dissolve. It does not change in the way we might think, with the caterpillar growing wings, but it completely falls to pieces and becomes a liquid pulp. It literally becomes nothing and has to die. It then forms in the complete darkness and unknown. This means to become the butterfly, it is forced to step into a completely unknown place outside of anything it would call comfort. But this is just the start, it then has to fight its way out of the cocoon which is not an easy process. However, the beauty is in this fight as it builds the strength of the wings. Without this, the newly formed butterfly would not be able to fly. So it is the caterpillars dark night of the soul leads it to be the fully evolved beautiful and free creature.
This is the same for the holy men and women we see in the public light. We often see their compassion and unconditional care, but forget the process they needed to go through to get there.
The Difference Between The Dark Night And Depression
The dark night of the soul differs from depression, as depression is more self centred and apathetic in nature. Whereas the dark night is more a question of where one would fit into the bigger picture. The potential suffering is often due to a feeling that you cannot do anything about the suffering of others. Whereas depression is more often centred around the person who is suffering. There is often a fine line between the 2, and they can exist simultaneously, however, someone is far more likely to be misdiagnosed with depression, than the dark night of the soul.
If you believe in the cycles of karma, many of us have a karmic debt (past or present life) and this debt needs to be balanced to move forward. If you visualise a set of scales with all the past deeds- the giving and taking needs to have balance restored. Not too much either way. If you fill your cup too much it will overflow and make a mess, if you empty your cup to much you will find there is nothing left to give. If you ask for progression, you can often be forced to face the karma you carry in this life far quicker than you normally would.
The Dark Night Of The Soul Is An Answer To Your Prayers
The dark night of the soul could be thought of as an answer. It is common to search high and low for meaning, but the answers we receive are often not inline with the expectations held. Sometimes it feels as if there is a magic formula, discipline or teacher who is going to arrive and liberate us. But anyone that ever does only ever gives a false sense of liberation.
True liberation comes from within and the dark night allows us to humble ourselves, strengthen our wings and build character for the journey ahead. It is a chapter (or series of chapters) of our own personal heroes adventure to find and liberate yourself from suffering.
What To Do If You Are Experiencing It?
If you are experiencing the dark night of the soul, reach out to those who understand and have been through a similar process. There are many events, workshops classes and online groups that have a higher likelihood of meeting people who would understand your process. You can also attend retreats that specialise in Shadow Work or Spiritual Crisis. Just be intuitive about who you work with as they need to be the right person for you. There are also charities that can help, in the US they have Spiritual Emergence and the UK has Spiritual Crisis Network. If you are somewhere else in the world there is a good chance you will be able to find something similar, if not you can always reach out to the US or UK charities.
The Dark Night Of The Soul does pass and while it can be difficult while you are in this vortex, you will never be given a load you cannot carry. On the other side of this process is something beautiful and if you persevere, you will get there. Take care and if you would like to download my free eBook- Psychology Meets Spirituality- Secrets To A Supercharged Life You Control You Can Do So Here
7 Things You Need To Stop Being Ashamed Of
- The Facts:
Whether or not self-consciousness is an challenge you deal with regularly, we all have things we are unnecessarily ashamed. These are 7 in particular we all could benefit from embracing rather than hiding.
- Reflect On:
How many of these 7 things are you currently ashamed of? What in particular makes you feel that way about them? How can you regularly stop yourself from falling into these patterns?
Both as a teen and throughout the first half of my twenties, I was ashamed of pretty well anything and everything I did that wasn’t in direct alignment with what seen as socially acceptable for me. I missed out on potential relationships and stopped doing a number of passions publicly all in the name of being accepted.
What was the result of all of this? A widely accepted but flat out miserable me.
While I didn’t raise any eyebrows or deal with much criticism, I also wasn’t myself. Thankfully, since then I’ve experienced what so many had rumoured about before me: with age you literally start caring less and less about what other people think of you.
As I now approach my thirtieth year of life, I can confidently say that the amount I care about what other people think of me is at an all-time low -and that’s in the social media obsessed world we live in, where self-consciousness is globally at all-time high. Don’t believe me? We all know at least one person who can easily spend several hours perfectly posing and posting a particular image on Instagram to maximize the chances that they receive the attention and approval they are seeking.
Even though this process is seemingly naturally-occurring, we all still perpetually carry some unnecessary shame. So whether you are 16, 30 or 85, here is my list of 7 things I truly believe you need to stop being ashamed of in both video and written form:
1. The Music You Listen To
Still to this day, when asked to list some of my favourite artists or bands I’ll find myself inclined to primarily list off those that “match” me. And while those that I list are reflective of some of my favourite music, it’s certainly not the full picture. Since grade 2, a part of me has always loved pop music, especially songs created by the infamous boy bands NSYNC and The Backstreet Boys, yet only my closest friends ever got to know this about me.
There are far too many of us who reserve our favourite tracks, which we all know uplift us the most, for those rare “safe” moments where we know there is little to no risk of being judged by anyone nearby. If it’s going to put you in a better mood, why not treat your car the same way you treat your shower?
2. The Things You Do In Your Downtime
While I’m not concerned as to whether or not you do what you genuinely love in your downtime, I am concerned about how hush-hush we tend to keep our interests. Whether you love playing video games, reading Harlequin novels, or building model train sets, your personal passions are one of your greatest tools for deep connection.
Think of the friendships you can form with those who are just as passionate about what gets you going. You’re far more likely to connect with them than you are with your girlfriend’s friend’s boyfriend.
3. Your Emotions
I’m not suggesting we all become incredibly emotional beings who overreact to anything and everything that comes our way, but I am suggesting we stop bottling things up inside. While some strides have been made to shift away from the “Macho Man” or “Macho Woman” mentality, there are still far too many of us who think keeping our issues to ourselves is the “tougher” thing to do.
I’m a firm believer that the most efficient and effective way to move past challenging situations is to fully express what you are feeling and ride it out.
4. What You Do For Work
Unfortunately, but also thankfully, we cannot all work jobs that are both widely understood and accepted. I’ve tried explaining to my mom dozens of times what a social media consultant is and she still has no idea what I do for a living other than “Facebook”.
So whether you’re a plumber, doctor, or the second line manager for a particular part within a certain piece of machinery at a company that no one has ever heard of, embrace and express what you do. It is a key player in helping you provide for yourself and your loved ones, so why not be proud of everything that it entails? Plus, if you happen to not like your job, it’s only through properly expressing what you do, that others can draw parallels to other opportunities that may be a better fit for you.
5. Everyone You’ve Dated
The shame surrounding this tends to come in one of two ways.
The first revolves around quality. You likely have at least one “psycho ex” or that person you dated for several months that everyone knew was a bad fit for you and ultimately was.
The second surrounds quantity. Either you haven’t dated enough people or you’ve lost count of how many you have, either way there are plenty of judgemental terms that can be cast upon both. No matter your dating resume, remember that everyone, or lack of anyone, has helped to make you into who you are today.
6. Your Bank Account Balance
Let me set the record straight that I’m not suggesting we all start openly parading our checking account balances. What I am suggesting is that we stop letting our savings dictate our confidence level, and ultimately how we sell ourselves to others and the world.
Just as no one likes a cocky bastard who won’t shut up about their wealth, no one likes someone who belittles all of their wonderful attributes because they feel their financial situation makes them into an unworthy and lost soul. Remind yourself of everything you have to offer this world and operate from that space, doing so will bring more money your way than selling yourself short ever will.
7. The Fact That You Read & Watch Content Like This
As someone who has been creating this content for well over 8 years, I can confidently tell you that there are far more people who seek this information out than you likely think. But if that isn’t comforting enough, remind yourself that engaging with this content simply suggests that you are actively looking to improve your life. When did that become something we need to be ashamed of?
Ready to change your life today? Get FREE access to download a copy of my eBook on ‘5 Quick Daily Hacks for a GENUINELY Happier Life’ by SIGNING UP HERE.
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