Sex is easy, and can provide a form of instant intimacy. But it’s not enough for deeper connection.
While good sex alone can’t sustain a soulful relationship, a lack of a sexual connection usually spells ruin. Sexual intimacy pales in comparison to being deeply seen, respected, and held in a relationship—when a like-minded person participates in our deeper growth and development. This is soul sex.
As a relationship progresses, its depth increases, however slowly or imperceptibly. This process tests both partners: their tolerance, emotional triggers, trust, needs, and true desires. This progression happens in the context of giving and receiving love, both conditional and unconditional.
Conditional love based in agreements is a given for us in intimate relationships, and to varying degrees among different couples. Unconditional love happens as well, though less commonly, as we hold sacred space for our old wounds and disgruntlements, as well as for the ways our partner differs from us and for which we nonetheless offer support.
When we allow disavowed or hidden aspects of us to find safe landing, to be seen, to be welcomed and held, they can be transformed by the mere act of their surfacing and our acceptance of them. Relationships with rich emotional connection, healthy boundaries, and mutual respect gift us this capacity.
While making space to welcome our shadow can be a messy process, the more experience we get, the more we get to know what we can handle holding space for, as well as what our partner can handle. Some issues are better vetted with close friends or in therapy, particularly those that trigger our partner. We might develop the capacity to sit with difficult feelings without sharing them in the moment, or choose to do so skillfully in the moment. Anger, for example, is usually best to sit with for a time before expressing, so that we don’t burn the bridges of intimacy.
Sitting with difficult feelings, especially our core emotional triggers, allows us to be there for ourselves before we ask others to be there for us. While holding space for emotional process in relationship is a blessing, we also have to understand that it’s not our partner’s obligation to do this, and it can unduly burden them. Soul sex happens when consent and similar desires for fulfillment are mutual; we can usually feel when this happens or not. Soul sex is a profound turn-on and can also help deepen physical love-making.
While the old wisdom that opposites attract can make for interesting dynamics, I find that having enough similar interests is not only more enjoyable but provides the needed distraction, enjoyment, and lightheartedness that is essential for a deeply meaningful relationship. Age differences as well might not be as significant as having similar core values, life trajectory, and spiritual perspectives. Qualities I appreciate in a partner include a passion for truth and wisdom, equality, fierceness, outspokenness, compassion and empathy, stewardship of the land, mind-body integration, and healthy lifestyle.
Ultimately, two individuals can have great soul sex if their “soul trajectories” are similar: how much each has worked on themselves, the depth each aspires to and embodies, and how much each can welcome and navigate shadows that present when the soul is deeply stirred. Partners might have different interests, but non-negotiable core values turn the soul on!
Without similar trajectories that reflect similar core values of potency, fun, compassion, and everyday interests, partners are more likely to leave the relationship. Of course, sometimes parting happens anyway for logistical and other reasons. Ironically, such parting, while excruciating, also helps us cultivate soul in the ways we grow from being broken-hearted.
If both partners don’t share a similar trajectory, the “soul-chemistry” usually isn’t sufficient to sustain the connection. Sexual attraction is also a key component for soul sex, such that each finds the other physically desirable. With soul chemistry and physical attraction, orgasm can happen on every level of our being.
When soul sex happens—when deep emotional support and sustainable connection occur—we can become more physically attracted to our partners, because we love who they are. We might even find ourselves sexually attracted to someone who is not our “type” or whom we would not ordinarily be drawn to.
The central practice for becoming soul-sexy is emotional healing. When we join with a partner who also cultivates emotional integration, hot soul sex and lovemaking can flourish!
Soul sex is synonymous with the healing and evolving container of sacred relationship. It’s a lot more challenging than superficial relating. But the possibilities it allows are invaluable: the healing of our deepest wounds and the ability to share and receive love in all its grounded, embodied glory.
A supportive network of loving friends, vital community, and a nourishing relationship with the natural world help to support us in the often-challenging container of soul-stirring intimate relationships. We need others to help us hold them, process our challenges, and find strength to endure and nurture their poignancy. In this sense, we share the soul of our primary relationship with others, leading to the building of soul in the community.
If we want depth, meaning, and a richer intimacy than sex alone, consider soul sex. For these very reasons I like to spend time in relationships that both nourish and keep me at my growth edge. These are the relationships of a lifetime.
10 Things That Happen To Your Body When You Walk Everyday
- The Facts:
There are multiple health benefits to be gained by taking a simple walk every day. These benefits are measurable, and if you don't already have an active lifestyle it can be a great way to assist you with your health.
- Reflect On:
Reflect on how the human race has become extremely sedentary, and how disease rates continue to climb as a result of the modern human lifestyle.
The human experience has become extremely sedentary, the average human lifestyle in the western world has been linked to multiple diseases and is one of the main causes of why disease rates continue to climb, among many other factors that surround all aspects of human life, like big food, for example. With technology in place and jobs that require tremendous amounts of sitting, there is no doubt that it’s having a detrimental effect on our lives.
That being said, the world is clearly becoming way more health conscious. It’s like we needed this experience of unhealthy food, the corporate take-over of everything, and our motionless lifestyle to knock us out of it. We are seeing a health revolution take place, where more and more people are becoming health conscious, and are always being encouraged to be more active.
Ultimately, we can’t really blame the human experience for our lack of movement, it’s something that all of us have the time to incorporate into our lives in one way or another, and if you’re someone who doesn’t enjoy being too active, a simple walk every day can have tremendous amounts of benefits. As pointed out in the video below, by Bright Side.
If You Want To Increase The Benefits Even More, Walk Barefoot
It’s called grounding, or ‘earthing’ and it involves placing your feet directly on the ground, without shoes or socks as a barrier. Why? Because there is an intense negative charge carried by the Earth, it’s electron-rich, which serves as a good supply of antioxidants and free radical destroying electrons.
A study published in the Journal of Environmental and Public Health titled “Earthing: Health Implications of Reconnecting the Human Body to the Earth’s Surface Electrons” postulates that earthing could represent a potential treatment for a variety of chronic degenerative diseases.
That’s right, many positive health benefits occur as a result of walking barefoot, and these are measurable.
The picture below represents improved facial circulation (right image) after 20 minutes of grounding, as documented by a Speckle Contrast Laser Imager (dark blue=lowest circulation; dark red=highest circulation). Image Source: Scientific Research Publishing
If you want to read more publications and access the in-depth science with regards to grounding, you can refer to the article linked above the picture.
Nature Valley Ad Shows The Down Side Of Children Addicted To Technology
- The Facts:
Technology has impacted most of our lives in a really big way. We use it daily for everything we do pretty much. Kids today, unlike previous generations, use technology more than ever and spend much less time in nature.
- Reflect On:
How much is too much technology for young and developing minds? Is it time to reevaluate our children's relationship with technology and get them back into nature?
Technology has become a staple in most of our lives, really, could you imagine life without it? In the video posted below, Nature Valley asks 3 generations what it was that they did for fun as a kid, the answers from the youngest generation may or may not surprise you, but is it time to cut back on the technology and bring kids back to nature?
Technology is not bad per se, that isn’t the discussion here. This is about how we use it.
Before technology, children would look to nature for entertainment. They would play outside on the lawn, go sledding, build forts, and use their imagination to create their own entertainment. Nowadays it’s all too easy for kids to get sucked into technology, there are video games, tablets, computers, cell phones and television, all of which provide a type of escape from the real world. Although, there are many ways that technology is and has been used for good in the world, is the disconnect that it is causing children and adults to part from nature causing more harm?
With the rise of mental disorders and illnesses, is it possible that the answer to these issues is simply to get kids back into nature, more time with self, using their brains to build things, be creative and connect to the energy from the Earth? We already know how effective a simple walk or hike in nature is and how they both can literally change our brains. Nature appears to be much more important than we generally give it credit for.
In my own experience, disconnecting from technology and going camping on my own proved to be a very cathartic and healing experience for me. I’ve come to realize that although being immersed in nature regularly does have a lot of benefits, but even just making time for it at all can cause a positive impact. For many of us who live in cities, with the constant bombardment of noise and of course EMF frequencies etc., just disconnecting for a short period can make a huge difference.
The following video is a brilliant ad from Nature Valley, check it out.
It’s easy to get emotional watching something like this as it shows just how far removed the newer generations are from what has been most natural to children for centuries, simply playing in nature. The children are essentially self-proclaimed tech addicts and get their entertainment by playing video games, watching videos or tv shows, texting etc. Is it time to go back to the basics and start evaluating how detrimental too much technology can be on young and developing brains? You can read more about this issue here, Is Your Child Struggling From Nature-Deficit Disorder?
Is it up to the parents to ensure they are setting proper boundaries with the amount of time their children are allowed to use technology? Or is this the future and something we should simply let happen as a natural part of evolution?
6 Proven Ways to Cleanse Your Liver & Release Pent Up Anger
- The Facts:
In Chinese Medicine our liver is directly connected to anger and unfortunately, we live in a world where our liver is regularly taxed by toxic chemicals. Thankfully there is plenty that you can do without medication to keep this vital organ healthy!
- Reflect On:
What toxins are you regularly exposed to and what steps are you currently taking to combat them?
A toxic liver can lead to anger. In Chinese medicine, our biggest detox organ – our liver – is the organ connected to anger. When we work at changing our lifestyles and daily habits, we begin to see it having a positive effect on our mood as well as general health.
When toxicity mounts we have a more difficult time controlling or letting go of our angry feelings. Toxic chemicals accumulate in our bodies because we live in a toxic world. We microwave in plastic, we cook food in Tephlon coated pans, we smoke, we take medication, and eat fried and processed foods.
These food-like products contain toxic chemical preservatives, glyphosate; GMOs and pesticides. Ingesting poison daily results in everything from immune deficiency, mood disorders, lowered mental performance, and even life-threatening cancer.
So, besides avoiding many of the contributors of liver toxicity – what can we do?
1. Eat less added sugar & address possible yeast overgrowth in the gut
Yeast can cause fermentation of food in place of digestion and cause bloating and gas. It can contribute to “leaky gut syndrome” – thus in turn can lead to the production of toxins that may affect the brain and nervous system. Yeast overgrowth can produce alcohol as its byproduct, acetaldehyde, giving us a “hangover” feeling. It can also lead to liver damage, and it prevents the proper detoxification of other pollutants, increasing the toxicity of other toxins.
2. Support the liver with botanicals
Plant medicine like Milk Thistle and Dandelion Root can help cleanse the liver. Both extracts are known to be pretty safe and well tolerated, and toxic or adverse effects observed in the reviewed clinical trials seem to be minimal. Only those with a ragweed, iodine or latex allergy should be cautious with dandelion. (Learn more about milk thistle)
3. Drink organic aloe vera juice
High quality; raw organic aloe vera can be a phenomenal digestive aid. It seals the gut wall, aids in digestion, has anti-inflammatory properties, helps the immune system, and detoxifies the liver, skin, and colon.
4. Cook with more turmeric & black pepper to help the body absorb nutrients better
Black pepper contains a compound called piperine, which increases the bioavailability of food by decreasing activity in the intestinal tract and inhibiting the metabolism of certain enzymes. Better still, cook with lots of turmeric and black pepper together. The combination helps the body absorb more curcumin, the active ingredient in turmeric.
This ingredient can heal gut wall permeability due to its amazing anti-inflammatory properties. It also aids in digestion, strengthens the immune system, improves asthma, heals wounds, prevents the progression of memory loss, controls diabetes, improves liver function, lowers cholesterol, and fights cancer. (Note: A great supplement for this that I recommend for is Liver Health)
5. Incorporate liver cleansing foods into your diet
Incorporate liver cleansing foods such as green leafy veggies, avocados, apples, garlic, olive oil, citrus fruit, beets, and cruciferous vegetables into your weekly diet.
6. See An Acupuncturist
Used for thousands of years, acupuncture has been used to detox and balance the liver meridians to reduce anger and other emotional and psychiatric issues. Simple needless acupressure is often used on children.
Learn more about my family’s healing journey (including everything that has worked for me and many of my clients) in my book Healing Without Hurting. And to receive more info on how you and your family can overcome ADHD, apraxia, anxiety and more without medication SIGN UP HERE.
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