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Marie Palmer Recounts Her Escape From The ‘Children Of God’ Sex Cult In New Book

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Marie Palmer recounts her escape from the 'Children of God' cult and the long journey of healing she went through afterwards in her book 'The Gift of Will.'

  • Reflect On:

    Can we see that one of the keys to our own liberation from the past is forgiveness?

Marie Palmer did not choose to be part of the ‘Children of God’ cult that was founded in California in 1968 by a former Christian pastor named David Brant Berg. She was born into it. And as such, her entire worldview was founded on the inexorable indoctrination and brainwashing that was used. In itself this is even more tragic than the plight of those hippies like her father that had joined the movement as adults, and who believed, ironically, that they had found a path of greater liberation and truth.

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Marie was brought up as a child in an environment that on the one hand promoted an unhealthy lack of boundaries, but in other ways was dangerously restrictive. The toxic and twisted principles that emerged from the mind of founder David Berg were laced with enough pseudo-validation from Christian scripture to convince many lost and downtrodden souls that they were actually on the right path to God and salvation–in fact the ONLY true path, for many of its devotees.

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What has emerged over time, marked by the testimony of ex-members like actress Rose McGowan and the tragic murder-suicide of Ricky Rodriguez, whom Berg dubbed ‘Davidito’ and was grooming as the heir-apparent to his throne, is that the psychological and emotional disorientation and trauma brought upon children born into this cult was so extreme that it was difficult or impossible for many of them to survive in the world, let alone establish a normal life.

Marie Palmer has written a book entitled ‘The Gift of Will,’ which explores the impact of the brainwashing of the ‘Children of God’ cult on her personally, her escape from the cult, and the long and difficult journey she has been on to overcome the trauma and confusion she had been beset with. It was after reading this book that I felt it would be worthwhile for CE to go down to Oregon to talk to Marie in person so that we could provide a full 4-part interview of her story for our members on CETV. You can watch it when you sign up for a free 7-day trial HERE.

The ‘Children Of God’ Cult

Marie was able to escape from the cult as a teen, out of an intense and very real fear of getting pregnant, and an inner rebelliousness that she didn’t really understand or get a handle on until much later. Having now been out of the cult for decades, Marie has been able to see in retrospect how the emergence and rapid popularity of the cult was likely a product of the times founded on some positive intentions, at least initially:

“Maybe it started as a sincere desire to help the lost hippie generation. Maybe it was his obsession with the Bible and his evangelical background that gave him a platform from which to easily build upon. Maybe it was timing. He believed he could create a new type of hippie culture that still held itself true to the ideals of freedom and free love but in the context of following the representation of Jesus in the Bible. He wanted the security of knowing his ideas were based on something real and true. Free love for the sake of free love was fun but flighty. Free love in the name of Jesus Christ–there was everlasting power in that.”

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“I can see how that era created opportunity for its youth to find peace and solace in the form of spirituality. I can see how being considered an outcast could be enticing, especially one that had purpose, was following the creator. They could be dropouts and still feel a sense of comradery, family, have a place to call home. Mo provided a way for these lonely youth to be crazy, wild and revolutionary, to burn their old ideas along with their bras, to be free from drugs and street life but hold true to their inner rebel against what they called “the system” and he created this utopia in the name of Jesus.”–The Gift of Will, pp 56–57

However, it seems clear that the basic principles that the ‘Children of God’ cult was founded on morphed over time to accommodate greater control and the sexual predispositions of founder David Berg and his inner circle. One particularly effective vehicle for indoctrination was the famed ‘Mo letters,’ (‘Mo’ being short for Berg’s moniker ‘Moses David’) which often used vivid cartoon graphics portraying sexuality to draw one’s attention and drive the message home.

The way in which sexuality was portrayed certainly had a lot of appeal to adult members of the hippie movement who were convinced that their freedom in relation to sexuality was bringing them closer to God and to their community. In the early years, the technique of ‘Flirty Fishing,’ where women would go out and recruit men into the organization through openly inviting them to have sex, was highly successful, bringing hundreds of thousands of men into them movement. The justification for this, as seen in the Mo Letter illustration below, was that the ends justified the means, and the end was supposedly to bring more people in to experience the ‘Love of God.’

Fear And Wrath

Ultimately, though, power is the name of the game, and David Berg’s personal motivations were far from ‘unselfish, pure sacrificial love.’ As the cult grew, more and more emphasis was put on the need for people to stay in the cult, and that meant using fear and the wrath of God to dissuade people from considering leaving the organization, with quotations cherry-picked from the Bible to garner legitimacy.

One method of control was the systematic suppression of worldly knowledge. In fact, a general tenet of the cult was that anything ‘worldly’ was evil. In this clip from our interview, Marie Palmer explains how as a child she really got no formal education, and had no idea about how the outer world worked. She was only ‘schooled’ in the cult’s indoctrination, which preached that children should trust and obey their elders and not ask questions:

Watch the full 4-part interview of Marie’s story on CETV by starting a free 7 day trial HERE.

As she mentions, young girls in the cult were expected to share themselves with older men who pursued them, as well as providing for those ‘in need’ of intimacy and comfort, under the guise that the whole community was ‘in this together’ and sex should have no boundaries. It wasn’t as though they were violently forced to have sex within the cult, but the psychological pressures, amid efforts to normalize sex between children and adults, led to countless sexual encounters that were undoubtedly traumatic and a source of complete disorientation for the young members:

I know that kids experiment with their sexuality when they are young, usually it’s with kids their own age. There are no words to explain how confusing it is when you are a child that’s expected to experiment sexually with adults. They are your role models. They have all the power. The power to shame you. To discipline you. To give you grace. To provide for you. To give you direction. Every child has the innate desire to please those who rule over them. Disappointing our parents and guardians is a hard thing to face. This makes children ideal victims for abusers.” —The Gift of Will, (p. 65)

Perhaps David Berg did not initially set out to create an organization that actively and openly practiced pedophilia. But the reactions of young members such as Davidito stand as a sobering testament to the volatile and damaging impact of such practices. Davidito had a burning rage against the nannies who were both his guardians and his sexual partners, a rage that was immortalized in this confessional video he made just before his murder/suicide that lays bare his deep resentment and hopelessness.

If there is any debate remaining as to whether it is healthy for children to have any kind of sexual relationships with adults, which some powerful forces have slowly tried to normalize in society, it is laid to rest with the testimony of brave survivors who were brought up in the ‘Children of God’ cult like Marie Palmer.

Healing

What is remarkable and also most important about Marie Palmer’s story is that she has found a way to heal herself from her past. Going through a long stretch after escaping from the cult in which she had absolutely no sense of self or understanding about how to deal with the rage, confusion, depression or sorrow that followed her around constantly, she eventually developed a great hunger for knowledge and for learning. What was especially exciting for her was to learn about spirituality and the Divine in ways that were liberating rather than restrictive. In this way, she could come to grips with the flaws in the Berg philosophy and let go of its influence. Further, she learned forgiveness as the only true way to reconcile the past:

Many religions, especially patriarchal ones, teach that we are either good or evil. And, they teach us further that if we aren’t submissive to this strand of teaching – the cross, the blood, and outside source bringing redemption – we are fatally flawed, crippled from the cradle to the grave.

By understanding and practicing Buddhism, I’ve been able to detach myself from the concept of good versus evil. I’ve been able to study the mechanisms that make my soul tick. I’ve been able to accept that as a human being, I experience light and shadow and it’s all OK.

Sometimes the light may blind me. Sometimes the shadow may darken my horizon. Regardless I am comprised of both; we all are. So, for me, there is no redemption by blood. There is no sense of retaliation or shame projected onto us by any God. Just as there is no need for retaliation for my experiences as a child. I was a victim of the shadows. But, I was graced with the ability to find and choose the light. —The Gift of Will, (p. 142)

The Takeaway

Marie’s journey reminds all of us that only through forgiveness is there liberation from the past. What she has accomplished is inspiring, because she has so much more to forgive than most of us. And she sees that once we are willing to forgive those who had the most power over us, those who caused us the most suffering, something opens up that can change our overall perception forever.

Once I decided to forgive my parents, I could see clearly to forgive just about everyone in the world. I began to see the world through the eyes of compassion, mercy, and Grace. I was also able to forgive myself for not being a better sister to my brother, and all the other naïve and ignorant things I have done to others and myself. I was able to begin the journey of loving myself. To have the upmost compassion for myself and respect for my own identity.” —The Gift of Will, (pp. 155-156)

Dive Deeper

These days, it’s not just knowing information and facts that will create change, it’s changing ourselves, how we go about communicating, and re-assessing the underlying stories, ideas and beliefs that form our world. We have to practice these things if we truly want to change. At Collective Evolution and CETV, this is a big part of our mission.

Amongst 100's of hours of exclusive content, we have recently completed two short courses to help you become an effective changemaker, one called Profound Realization and the other called How To Do An Effective Media Detox.

Join CETV, engage with these courses and more here!

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Consciousness

Lunar Eclipse In Gemini: Applying Ourselves In An Adaptable Way

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We are having a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Gemini on November 30th which is peaking at 9:30am Universal Time. This will be on the night of November 29th to the morning of the 30th for the Americas. It will be a penumbral eclipse which only has a slight shade on the Moon dimming it’s brightness. These ones are harder to notice and can be mistaken for a regular Full Moon. It will be visible (weather permitting) wherever it will be nighttime in part or all of its duration. This includes all of the Americas, most of Asia, some parts of Europe, and Australia.

This is the first of two eclipses occurring back to back, with this one followed by a more powerful Total Solar Eclipse in Sagittarius on December 14th/15th. This is also the first one in Gemini and the second of a series of Eclipses occurring in the Gemini-Sagittarius axis which we will be experiencing until late 2021. (You can join my mailing list here to receive my future eclipse articles and other content.)

Eclipses reflect evolutionary changes in specific areas of our lives which can play out over the following 6 months and can begin up to 6 weeks prior. However, they are also part of a 1.5-2 year process in which the Lunar Nodes and most Eclipses are in the same signs. The changes that occur are connected to the sign they are in, the planets they are configured to, and how this all lines up with our individual astrological blueprints (natal chart).

Lunar Eclipse In Gemini

This eclipse puts an emphasis on Gemini themes as it is near the Lunar North Node. This indicates changes associated with this sign that can have an increasing effect in how its energies are expressed in a way that serves your evolution. However, it can also be a culmination or release of old ways of expressing it as well. Ultimately it is about working with Gemini themes and areas of life in new ways. Certain developments, along with issues and challenges, connected to this sign can come up to help in this process.

Gemini is an Air sign which has social and intellectual properties. Ruled by Mercury, it is associated with the mind, communication, information, words, writing, facts, curiosity, and commuting. Gemini energy is adaptable, dualistic, agile, versatile, and quick witted yet can also be restless, scattered, duplicitous, overly talkative, and superficial.

Gemini correlates with our local/immediate environment, neighbourhood, siblings/cousins, communication devices/computers, and vehicles. It is associated with the arms, hands, shoulders, and nervous system. Considering that Gemini is a Mercurial sign, we can experience some similar complications as Mercury retrograde near these eclipse periods and in between other Gemini eclipses.

This Full Moon eclipse opposes the Sun in Sagittarius which is near the Lunar South Node. Over the next year and a half, we are also needing to address or move beyond Sagittarius expressions that can be holding us back from our evolution. This can play out more so with negative aspects of this sign such as strong opinions, judgements, dogmas, having blindspots, or unrealistic idealism. This eclipse can reflect these Sagittarius themes being at odds with the Gemini focal point mentioned in earlier paragraphs.

Lunar Eclipse Applying A Sextile To Mars Which Is In Post Retrograde Shadow

Mars ended its retrograde on November 13th/14th and has been picking up speed in forward position since. Some of the themes that have come up since mid-summer, and especially this past fall, are experiencing a conclusion process from now until early January.

Some of the shifts associated with the Gemini themes of this eclipse, now and over the coming months, can impact how we assert ourselves in a supportive way. In November and surrounding months, there is a recalibration when it comes to how we apply our drive, physical energy, sexuality, fighting nature, identity, individual needs, anger, or aggression. The changes, issues, developments, or complications reflected by the eclipse is connected to this process and how we should move forward.

Lunar Eclipse Quincunx Venus Which Is Opposing Uranus

The Moon is applying towards a quincunx aspect with Venus in Scorpio during this eclipse. There can be challenges, frustrations, and complications between the Gemini energies/themes of this eclipse (mentioned previously) and Venus ruled areas of love, relationships, friends, values, pleasures, indulgence, money, things pertaining to aesthetics, and/or perhaps linked to Scorpio matters such as shared/others resources, sexuality, debt/credit, jealousy, power/control issues, shadows, or hidden matters.

In some cases an action or development in one of these ways/areas can create problems or issues for another which may require adaptability and some sort of resolution. Venus is also in an opposition with Uranus which can reflect instability, rebellion, surprises, inconsistencies, uncertainties, separations, and sudden changes likely around Venus ruled areas mentioned above but can play out in other disruptive ways as well.

Lunar Eclipse Square Stationary Neptune

At around thirty three hours prior to this eclipse, Neptune in Pisces ended its retrograde as it is now slowly beginning to move forward and gradually picking up speed over the coming weeks. This retrograde began in the second half of June, therefore at this time and in surrounding weeks, you may experience something concluding, shifting, or page turning in connection to certain things that happened then.

It can be connected to Neptune themes such as spirituality/mysticism, creativity, music, visual media, compassion, sacrifice, fantasies, illusions, lack of boundaries, dreams, escapism, addictions, illness, some sort of deception, or not seeing something clearly. However, even if you don’t see a connection between then and now, these Neptune themes and energies can be stronger at this time regardless.

Neptune is in a wide t-square with the Sun and Moon at the time of this eclipse which can carry some of these themes (mentioned in above paragraph) and transitioning Neptunian energy into the coming months. However, it is a hard aspect which can also bring a sense of scatteredness, confusion, anxiety, and lack of focus.

Issues with water can occur for some people or perhaps parts of the world. The situation around the pandemic and the public perception of it is very Neptunian (deception, illusion, confusion, illness) and we can obviously expect more issues and conflicts around opinions/beliefs (Sagittarius) and information (Gemini) to play out.

Mercury Sextile Saturn and Jupiter In Capricorn

Mercury, the ruler of Gemini and this eclipse, is in Scorpio while separating from a tight sextile with Jupiter and applying one towards Saturn which are both in late Capricorn and on their way towards Aquarius. Generally speaking, this is supportive for making long term constructive plans and building towards something that will be initiated or changing from something else.

This can be especially so for career or ambition related things, but ultimately the way this plays out also depends on what’s going on your personal natal chart and astrological blueprint. It can also be good for putting into place some sort of structure and/or perhaps a consolidation. Applying our minds towards practical matters and responsibilities can also be a manifestation of this configuration.

Things To Consider

What has come up for you in recent weeks that is reflective of some of the themes mentioned in this article? Is there something that should be addressed or changed when it comes to areas pertaining to communication or information? Do you need to be more versatile or adaptable? What are the new or adjusted ways in which you need to be applying yourself? What changes do you need to make to fulfill your long term goals? What do you need to let go of or shake up when it comes to your relations, values, love, pleasures, or finances?

These are just some examples of what can be playing out for you but not limited to these either. Keep in mind that the themes of this specific eclipse will play out until Spring. It is best to try to tune into this energy as it happens and pay attention to your feelings to help you in decisions you need to make in the future.

The two weeks following this eclipse can be a good time to initiate any sort of releasing process if you feel necessary. The eclipse begins at 7:32am Universal Time on November 30th with it peaking at 9:42/43am and finishing at 11:53am. The Moon begins to wane after 9:30am GMT. You can click here to see when the peak will be in your time zone.

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Dive Deeper

These days, it’s not just knowing information and facts that will create change, it’s changing ourselves, how we go about communicating, and re-assessing the underlying stories, ideas and beliefs that form our world. We have to practice these things if we truly want to change. At Collective Evolution and CETV, this is a big part of our mission.

Amongst 100's of hours of exclusive content, we have recently completed two short courses to help you become an effective changemaker, one called Profound Realization and the other called How To Do An Effective Media Detox.

Join CETV, engage with these courses and more here!

Continue Reading

Consciousness

CIA Document: “Using Psychic Powers To Break Needles & Make Them Whole Again”

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    A document archived inside of the CIA's electronic reading room shows that a person with gifted "paranormal" abilities was able to break/bend a needle, and then put it back together again without even touching it.

  • Reflect On:

    How much do we not know about ourselves and our abilities? How much do we still have to discover? How much of that would change the way we perceives ourselves, our world and the nature of reality?

If you go to the CIA’s electronic reading room and type in “paranormal” in the search bar, you’ll no doubt find some very interesting documents clearly indicating that people with ‘paranormal’ abilities are indeed real. There are many examples of people with all kinds of abilities, whether it be remote viewing (the ability to accurately describe a remote geographical location), the ability of gifted people and children able to transport a small object inside a closed container to another one that’s outside of that container without touching it (breaking through spatial barriers), or the ability to write on a piece of paper inside of a closed container using nothing but the mind, without even touching the pen (parapsychological writing). These are a few of many examples we’ve written about over the past decade.

The document that pertains to this particular article comes from the CIA archive, approved for release in 2001 but the work was actually published in 1984 from what appears to be a journal titled, Research Into Human Paranormal Capabilities. The document was archived by the CIA and it’s from China. It’s one of a trove of documents archived by the CIA regarding China’s research into paranormal phenomena.

Page 27 of the document outlines “an experiment using psychic powers to break needles and making them whole again.”

There have already been several research reports on experiments on using psychic powers to bend iron and break wooden sticks and making them whole again. This article reports the results of an experiment conducted on using psychic powers to break needles and making them whole again in April of 1981.

In the experiment, the needles were places in a sealed container, and the test subject (the person with paranormal abilities) was observed constantly by more than one person.

We selected at random a steel sewing needle of about 1mm diameter. We used callipers to measure its total length. Then we broke the needle into two parts. We then measured the lengths L1 and L2. The person conducting the experiment kept L2, and L1 was used as the test object. After it was psychically broken, a magnifying glass was used to match up the break between L1 and L2, and the length was checked to make sure it was the same needle. 

Researchers were able to observe that the L1 portion of the needle was broken psychically.

A picture below from the document shows the broken end of a number 4 needle magnified 50 times. Picture 2 shows the same broken end magnified 1,000 times. Results of the analysis shows that particular test object was pulled apart and not bent until broken. According to the document, “this result confirms the reality of breaking needles with psychic powers from yet another aspect.”

In may of 1981 we used an electron scan microscope to analyze the seam of a needle that had been reformed with psychic powers. Picture 3 shows such a seam magnified 1,000 times. The results show that there is only the normal seam lines, and no signs of any welding. This is almost impossible to do using common methods.

We feel that the ability to break and reform needles is a psychic ability which objectively exists, and that further research into this ability, especially into the process of the super-precision reforming, could have major theoretical and practical implications.

The Takeaway:

As the Chinese Institute of Atomic Energy pointed out in 1991, in a study archived by the CIA:

“Such phenomena and paranormal abilities of the human body are unimaginable for ordinary people. Nevertheless they are really true.”

There are a number of examples of gifted people doing extraordinary things, things that are deemed impossible by mainstream academia. Perhaps what we believe about the nature of reality, or what we’ve been made to believe, prevents some minds from being open to such phenomenon, but the fact remains that it’s been studied, observed and documented at the highest levels of government for many years.

We live in an era where we use technological advancements to build weaponry, not to better the Earth and the human experience. In the same way, psychic phenomenon seems to have been studied by governments for intelligence gathering purposes. These capabilities are not openly studied and resources aren’t made widely available for people to learn. This is perhaps because we as a species are not ready for such realizations. We continue to be driven by greed, profit, fear, and ago. Until we shift our consciousness, the way we perceive ourselves and our world and recognize our deep interconnectedness with all life, until our world is governed by compassion, morals, and the desire for humanity and our planet to thrive, we will never be ready for such gifts. We must evolve, in a spiritual sense, in order to properly move forward. It’s not our discoveries and developments that propel us forward, it’s the consciousness that operates behind those discoveries and developments.

Dive Deeper

These days, it’s not just knowing information and facts that will create change, it’s changing ourselves, how we go about communicating, and re-assessing the underlying stories, ideas and beliefs that form our world. We have to practice these things if we truly want to change. At Collective Evolution and CETV, this is a big part of our mission.

Amongst 100's of hours of exclusive content, we have recently completed two short courses to help you become an effective changemaker, one called Profound Realization and the other called How To Do An Effective Media Detox.

Join CETV, engage with these courses and more here!

Continue Reading

Consciousness

To Those Who Feel Unheard & Misunderstood

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Photo by Khamkéo Vilaysing on Unsplash

I’m sure at some point in your life you may have felt unheard or misunderstood. Whether people actually didn’t ‘hear’ you and misunderstood you, or whether it was just your perception, I’m sure you’ve felt this at some point. But then there are some of us who might have felt this more than just ‘at some point’ in our lives. Those of us that might feel like it happens daily or weekly. Something in our core experience states “people don’t hear me, they don’t understand me and I can’t seem to do anything about that.” I know, because I have felt this many times in my life, and this is currently one of the key aspects of myself I’m integrating.

I’ve long known that this programming and feeling of being unheard is not something that results from things people are doing wrong to me, but that within myself I have a story running that creates a lens through which I see my daily reality. In that sense, in times where I truly am heard and understood, I don’t see it, and instead, my brain looks for ways to prove that I am not heard.

This is the basic format in which the brain will search our daily lives to reinforce rampant stories we might have running in our minds. All this happens through the brain’s reticular activating system (RAS), a useful system where all senses are connected. It’s like a filter that helps the brain so it doesn’t have to deal with more information than it can handle.

Where this gets a bit more important to our navigation of self is understanding that the RAS is like a gatekeeper of information that is let into the conscious mind. That is to say, the RAS will filter in information that is established in our subconscious, or deeper belief systems. It will also let in something we are really focusing on in a given moment. What this means in context to my story of not being heard, or any story for that matter, is that my RAS is literally operating to reinforce that story already within my subconscious mind. Any information that doesn’t reinforce that story, is likely not going to be let in as easily, hence why even when I’m heard, I don’t acknowledge it as deeply as when I’m feeling unheard or finding ways to reinforce that story.

Example: I might have factually had 10,000 people read an article I wrote, but that doesn’t become something I pay attention to. Instead, I notice the people who didn’t read the article, didn’t understand the article, or the person who left the singular negative comment.

Enough on the technicals for now.

If you’ve watched some of the discussions I have with people on my podcast episodes or shows, you might have noticed times where at the end people begin thanking me for the work I’ve done and how it has impacted them, and usually I well up. This is because when I conduct my conversations I’m really engaged, and in these moments I’m hearing proof of something that is meaningful to me but that a part of me denies. In my subconscious mind and story, I feel unheard, misunderstood, and that people don’t see the totality of the message I’m trying to share with my work.

Regardless of what anyone else might think looking at the billions of content views CE’s content has received over the last 11 years, I still feel unheard. It’s true I didn’t create all the content that’s been seen. It’s true that I can’t lay out my entire mission and message in every piece of content I’ve created. But mostly, I don’t feel heard or understood because of my internal stories – my subconscious stories – not because of what is happening in my life.

This all started when I was a kid, then it went away for a while when I did a lot of internal work on it around 2009, and then it returned around mid-2017 when life got very chaotic and I let stories reprogram my mind.

Some of the earliest memories where these stories began to emerge in my life was when I was in grade 5 and I began telling my friends and classmates that I felt what we were learning in school was not really helping us but making us “brainwashed to accept normal society.” Sounds harsh I know lol. And perhaps most fifth graders don’t think this way, but I did. And I still do feel traditional education is atrocious. That aside, by the time grade 7 and 8 rolled around, my peers were all beginning to really express their style, personality and were adopting pop culture. I didn’t go the ‘pop’ route because it felt uncomfortable and inauthentic to me. This is where the story began.

I was now a visible outsider. I felt that people were adopting pop culture in lockstep because everyone else was, and everyone wanted to fit in. It seemed robotic and weird to me at the time, and quite frankly, I didn’t like how it changed my friends and classmates. People started to put on a persona of being badass, cool, and ‘hard,’ it wasn’t authentic to me and it changed the way my friends would interact together. At the time I called it a mask, now I know it as the ego, but I started to see the false sense of self people would portray and something about it just didn’t feel good.

Because I chose not to go along with the emerging culture, I began to feel lonely. People didn’t listen to me, ask me things, seek to understand me – and they’d talk a lot of shit behind my back. Regardless of how curious I was to speak to them, understand them, and sure, challenge them at times about their choices, I felt it was always a one-way street. It wasn’t long before I went from feeling ‘cool’ and accepted, to feeling like and being treated as a complete outcast. And it’s weird looking back because I wasn’t mean, the class bully or anything like that. I was the guy who wanted everyone to play together, same team!

This experience continued throughout high school. There are many more details, but I’m sure you get the general point by now. But by the time college years came around, I felt like it was a fresh start, and even though I had become very quiet and shy around groups from that experience, I was eager to meet new people.

Fast forward a bit and I found myself beginning to read books about the ego, the subconscious mind, and how to navigate personal change. I met a friend and mentor who took me through many sessions that cleared away old subconscious programs and stories. I felt insanely empowered and unstoppable. Plus, now I knew how to do the work on myself very easily if something else were to arise. This was in 2009, and over the next 8 years, things were smooth on the front of feeling unheard and misunderstood. While people may not have always understood me, it didn’t bother me one bit, and I could see the people who truly appreciated whatever I felt inspired to share.

Then came a period in late 2017 where the biggest tech companies in the world were now descending upon alt media. They literally crippled a business our team took 9 years to build. On top of that, myself and a partner in another business could not align with the intentions and integrity of what we were creating, and I wanted out. It was a stressful time both financially and personally, and slowly but surely I found myself overwhelmed. Usually, I welcome change and love it, but with all that was changing at once, and how devastating the effects seemed, it was too much – or at least that’s how I felt.

After a 3 year life and emotional beat down, I started to feel unwelcome, unaccepted, and again unheard. On top of all that, it felt to me like so many people did not understand the underlying message of the work I was producing and that’s all I could focus on because, again, I built the story and my RAS was filtering out all information that told me otherwise. In this, you start to feel paralyzed. You can’t do anything right, you feel a lack of energy, and purpose feels lost.

A friend recently got me back into looking at old and new methods of exploring these stories again. And in just a few days, I’m already seeing why this inner work had so much power back in 2009. During one of the deeper moments of feeling like shit about all of this, my wife Ruby wrote me a letter that inspired this article and sharing. I wanted to share it with everyone because it resonated with me and was a great reminder to stop, take a breath, and reassess. Of course, doing the inner work is a must.


To the Unheard:

I know your voice and heart are growing tired, your spirit broken, and the moments where you see your purpose are fleeting..

But there’s so much you can not see when your head is down, feeling somber and purposeless.

What my eyes see when you’re not looking:

Someone new found you today.. their face lit up and their heart felt full.. they’ve found someone who speaks their language, understands their views, and carries the same values – who just GETS IT and THEM. They didn’t think it possible, but HERE YOU ARE, providing them hope and helping them envision a future they knew they wanted but didn’t believe was possible. They hear what you have to say, and are excited to listen – with fresh ears and an eager mind, happy to have found your perspective they begin to dive deeper, and tomorrow they are more aware because of it.

Someone else has had a rough year, and with everything going on they didn’t know what to believe – so they began questioning. It’s been months, but they’ve regained their faith in humanity and see the world differently now – because of You. You see, they’ve fallen upon your work and finally found a voice that doesn’t shove beliefs down their throats, but relays facts and lets them discern what’s real. They feel valued, heard, and uplifted – grateful that someone out there cares about so much that they’ve made it their mission to aid in their personal and our collective evolution. They may not know it yet, but this is the start to something completely transformational.

Then there are the ones who have been following you for years. The die-hard loyals that feel more like family than anything. They’re the ‘regulars’ that over time you have met or spoken to and become close with – they see your struggles and feel your pain, but most importantly they see You and value your work because they understand. You helped them through a rough patch, you held their hands whilst taking their first steps into the unknown, you reawakened them after a lifetime of slumber and in return when you were pushed down, they helped you up time and time again because they know you’d do the same if ever the opportunity or need. Your voice is a beacon of light to them, and in return, they follow you to the ends of the internet – knowing you are not there to lead but to show them the path.

And yet..

Every day you awaken and every night you lay your head, a voice is telling you that you are unheard, irrelevant, and falling behind. This voice grows louder and now your days are filled with a belief that is weighing you, and your nights hold a hovering limit that you did not try to surpass.

This voice that you’ve carried has begun to crush your spirit and silence you – little by little, making you question yourself and your creations, making you believe that success is that en masse and that without the world watching you may never truly help humanity..

And I’m just here to tell you: that voice, is wrong.

The voice in your head that fills your life with dread is but a story which needs to be rewritten. Because it is YOUR Voice that needs to be heard.

As you question what the point to all of the hours, months, and years poured into work that ‘no one’ sees.. there are thousands finding truth and themselves in your words.

It is in your character, your heart, your message, and your desire to help the collective that you have already helped so many. For every ‘someone’ that finds you is led down a path of discovery, and that fire you’ve ignited is like a torch passed onto others on their path.. slowly, but surely, setting the world ablaze.

I could go on for eons discussing the battle between ego/the mind and the Soul. But will just say for sake of knowing you know – the falsities playing on loop like a broken record in your head are solely doing so because they are threatened by the reality that your truths are so much more powerful. The only way to disempower You is to make you believe that you have none – and in doing so, your creations halt, you have no drive to bring your visions to life, you feel more and more lost and less and less YOU. You must remember, trust, and BELIEVE that your message holds more weight than any story your mind could ever tell you.

Remember that from infancy you saw this world differently. Never did you succumb to the external validation nor allow your mind to take the wheel – no matter how hard it became. In your teens you knew you had it within you, as you know we all do, to change our world for the better. And though times are trying, it’s time to shake yourself awake from the chains of self-loathing and doubt. This story has played like a rerun of a show you’ve grown tired of.. it’s time to change the channel and reawaken that little boy who knew any and everything was possible and who did not allow the critics, trends, or world to tell him any different or change him in any way. You are so special because you’ve always believed and have always been You – do not let anything take that away, not now – not ever.

It’s always been within you, as it is now, to cultivate something extraordinary and create a real shift on this planet – and whether you believe it or not, the truth is the world is ready and waiting for you to stand tall, lift and hold your head high knowing that this is what you are here to do.

And as you do, there will be those who will cheer, those who will boo, those who are grateful, and those who cast doubt – but in the end, it is about those who hear your call that change their lives and those around them because of you and your work. Focus on and remember these people, however many or however few..

For it is not in the masses that Your voice needs to resound.. but in the many that your voice inspires individually that will ripple onto the mass – as with any true altering frequency.

Know that what you broadcast is different, deeper, of higher purpose, and in return harder to hear and come to – like a dog whistle to the ones here to awaken oneness consciousness, your voice calls to those who are ready to tune in to that frequency – and therefore it is in that depth and consistent tone that you, collectively, will change the world.

All this to say, it may not be heard across the globe at first, but to those who do hear it, you have our attention and We Are Listening.

For it is in the unheard that we believe in something deeper.

I love you. Release all fears, doubts, limits or restraints – Remember Who You Are.✨

– Ruby

Dive Deeper

These days, it’s not just knowing information and facts that will create change, it’s changing ourselves, how we go about communicating, and re-assessing the underlying stories, ideas and beliefs that form our world. We have to practice these things if we truly want to change. At Collective Evolution and CETV, this is a big part of our mission.

Amongst 100's of hours of exclusive content, we have recently completed two short courses to help you become an effective changemaker, one called Profound Realization and the other called How To Do An Effective Media Detox.

Join CETV, engage with these courses and more here!

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