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Tips To Improve Your Self Love & Help Shift Your Relationship With Your Partner

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    Psychologist Dr. Eli Finkel developed helpful “love hacks” to fix your relationship with your partner, but these love hacks can also be tweaked and used to strengthen your relationship to yourself as well.

  • Reflect On:

    What can you do to improve your relationship? Sometimes it requires some self work, and looking inward at oneself.

Self love can be a difficult subject for many people to address, especially because it’s one that society frowned upon for a while. Strengthening your love for yourself was often viewed as vain, and even to this day it’s mistaken as being selfish.

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What we sometimes fail to recognize is that you cannot treat others with compassion and kindness if you cannot even extend that same level of respect toward yourself. How can you be expected to make others feel loved if you yourself feel incredibly unloved, or worse, unworthy of love?

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By increasing your own self love, you simultaneously strengthen your ability to connect with others. Being honest and vulnerable with yourself can be difficult, but it’s necessary for growing your self love. By feeling our emotions completely and being more compassionate with them, we develop a greater ability to empathize and be vulnerable with others, thus increasing connectivity in our relationships.

So, where do we start on our journeys? Psychologist Dr. Eli Finkel developed helpful “love hacks” to fix your relationship with your partner. However, after reading them, I believe that these love hacks can also be tweaked and used to strengthen not only your romantic relationships, but your relationship to yourself as well. Of course, love isn’t a “one size fits all” subject, but certainly these could help you along your journey!

Physical Touch 

The first “love hack” involves physical touch. According to Dr. Finkel, simply touching your partner can help to increase connectivity between the two of you, even if it’s just holding hands. This experiment found that couples who were told to touch one another while watching a video felt more confident in their partner and more loved in comparison to those who were instructed not to touch one another.

Physical touch can work in increasing your own self love and feeling of well-being too, regardless of whether or not you have a romantic partner. Even just hugging another human being can make you literally healthier and happier. When you hug someone or even just hug yourself, you release oxytocin, otherwise known as the “love hormone,” which can improve heart health, decrease stress levels, and more.

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Don’t Assume the Worst

Even if you’re super optimistic, occasionally our minds jump to the worst possibility. Whenever this happens, recognize that you are jumping to a conclusion that may not be the truth, and that there’s no way of knowing the truth until it’s discovered. So, you might as well not waste your time worrying about your partner, your job, or whatever else you’re stressing over.

Sure, it’s totally natural to weigh the possibilities, but if a story you’ve created in your mind is causing you unnecessary stress, then it’s probably best to just let that go. If you find that you easily assume the worst in situations, there’s a technique I discovered through listening to a Kevin Trudeau podcast called “cancel-cancel.”

Basically, you allow yourself to live in your stress for a few moments and imagine the absolute worst possible scenario. Then, when you’ve completely envisioned it, you yell “cancel-cancel.” You literally communicate to yourself that you want to cancel that thought, and that you will not allow it to become your reality. Even just screaming can be super empowering, let alone telling yourself that you refuse to believe your own pessimism!

Picture Conflict From an “Outside Perspective”

Sometimes, when we’re so wrapped up in our emotions, we come at everything from a state of “victim consciousness.” This is a term used by Michael Bernard Beckwith, and it basically refers to a state of consciousness in which you always think “poor me” or ask “why me?”

When we’re assuming the role of the victim, it becomes difficult to empathize with the individual we’re having a disagreement with. Try to imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes as best you can, and recognize that sometimes you may not know the full picture. That individual could easily just be projecting their emotions onto you rather than dealing with their emotions themselves.

Instead of matching anger with anger, try meeting it with compassion. Why fight fire with fire when you could literally put it out by using compassion and love? Don’t express anger toward the other person. Instead, ask them why they’re feeling so angry and upset in the first place. Sometimes, when people lash out at us, it’s really a cry for help.

When we take a third party role, it allows us to really see things from a bigger picture. This is helpful in not only romantic relationships, but in all relationships as well, including those that we hold with ourselves.

If I get upset, I’ll often ask myself what the root cause of my anger or sadness is, and then put things into perspective. Do I really need to be wasting my time complaining about the small things, or would I rather live in a healthier and happier state by focusing on the things I love and that truly matter, and not sweating the small stuff?

To be clear, I am not suggesting you suppress your emotions, as it’s important to feel them out. But “letting go” and taking an objective approach is another way to help you understand your emotions better and truly connect deeper with yourself and your partner.

One of the best ways to improve your relationships is by creating more self awareness in yourself. Take CE’s 5 Days of You Challenge to explore yourSELF deeper.

Make a Gratitude List 

I can confidently say that when I started to make a gratitude list, my life drastically changed for the better and my self love strengthened rapidly. By writing down all of the things, people, places, etc. that you’re grateful for, you begin to focus on all of the incredible parts of your life and the beauty within this universe, rather than the darkness.

Of course, duality exists for a reason, and it’s important that you face your hardships head on. It’s equally as important, however, that you recognize how incredibly blessed you are to be alive and living your life. If you have difficulty listing off numerous things you’re grateful for, you can start with the stuff we often perceive as being “small” but are actually so incredibly important, like our breath, fresh water, food, and other necessities.

To apply this to your relationship, Dr. Finkel suggests writing down a list of things your partner has done to truly invest in your relationship. What are you grateful for that your partner has done?

Accept a Compliment 

Dr. Finkel suggests recalling a time that your partner complimented you, and take not of how you felt when you received it. What does your partner appreciate about you? Often times, we create these fake stories in our heads of why we’re “unlovable,” so by establishing why your partner loves you and accepting that, it could in turn improve your relationship with your partner and with yourself.

If you’re single like me, you could try either giving yourself a compliment or recalling a time you felt loved and appreciated thanks to a compliment. I’m not necessarily referring to a typical compliment like “you look pretty,” but rather a comment that deeply touched your soul and made you feel loved, whether that be a love you felt for yourself or a love you felt from another.

Try just writing down one thing you love about yourself. It could be anything, but recognize that there are so many reasons that you are incredible, starting with the fact that you’re alive. Did you know that there was only a one in four hundred trillion chance that you’d be here right now with your exact DNA? Now that’s a reason to love yourself: beating the insane odds of your very existence.

Celebrate the Small Victories 

Dr. Finkel suggests that whenever your partner shares something with you that he/she is excited about, get excited over it too! Sometimes people are so passive towards their partner’s accomplishments, as well as their own accomplishments. that they forget it’s okay to express excitement. You find five bucks on the floor? Great, let’s celebrate! Your partner had an awesome presentation at work today? Let’s rejoice!

This reminded me a lot of Neil Pasricha’s Book of Awesome, in which he highlights some of the awesome moments in life that so many of us fail to recognize. The person standing in line in front of you bought your coffee? Awesome! A random person came up to you and asked for a high five? Awesome! Your grandfather asked you to play a game of cribbage with him? Awesome!

We let so many of life’s most “awesome” moments pass by us without even recognizing the sheer magic within them. Sometimes it’s the small stuff that really makes life so grand. Celebrate the small stuff, people.

Final Thoughts

Remember, self love is not a destination; odds are that you won’t just reach a point where you love every single thing about yourself forever. It’s completely natural to cast a bit of doubt upon yourself or question your actions and decisions occasionally, and that can actually be a huge part of your growth process. As you’re learning and growing as a person, your self love is bound to shift and evolve with you as time goes on.

Self love is a journey, one that requires constant attention and care. Don’t just tell yourself you love yourself once; remind yourself of how incredible you are over and over again, even if you don’t believe it. Tell yourself that until you start to believe it, and then continue to remind yourself of that so your self love can grow even stronger.

By having compassion for yourself, you can extend more compassion to others. Study after study has shown that the happiest people are those who not only extend a helping hand to others, but will also take the time to use both of their hands to help themselves.

No matter where you’re at in life, whether you have a partner or you’re single, or if your self love is relatively high or low on the spectrum, I think we could all agree that there’s no such thing as “too much love.” So, let’s work at spreading more love throughout the world, and let’s accept that in order to do so, we need to start with building up our own self love first.

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Alternative News

Positive Association Found Amongst COVID Deaths & Flu Shot Rates Worldwide In Elderly

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    A recently published paper has found a positive association between COVID-19 deaths and influenza vaccination rates in elderly people worldwide.

  • Reflect On:

    Why does vaccine hesitancy continue to grow worldwide? What's going on? What information/factors are contributing to this hesitancy?

What Happened: A recently published study in PeerJ  by Christian Wehenkel, a Professor at Universidad Juárez del Estado de Durango in Mexico, has found a positive association between COVID-19 deaths and influenza vaccination rates in elderly people worldwide.

According to the study, “The results showed a positive association between COVID-19 deaths and IVR (influenza vaccination rate) of people ≥65 years-old. There is a significant increase in COVID-19 deaths from eastern to western regions in the world. Further exploration is needed to explain these findings, and additional work on this line of research may lead to prevention of deaths associated with COVID-19.”

To determine this association, data sets from 39 countries with more than half a million people were analyzed.

The study was published on October 1st, and two weeks later a note from the publisher appeared atop the paper emphasizing that correlation does not equal causation, and that this paper “should not be taken to suggest that receiving the influenza vaccination results in an increased risk of death for an individual with COVID-19 as there may be confounding factors at play.”

The paper provides evidence from others which have recently been published that ponder if the flu shot could increase ones chance of contracting and dying from COVID-19.

For example, this study published in April of 2020, reported a negative correlation between influenza vaccination rates (IVRs) and COVID-19 related mortality and morbidity. Marín-Hernández, Schwartz & Nixon (2020) also showed epidemiological evidence of an association between higher influenza vaccine uptake by elderly people and lower percentage of COVID-19 deaths in Italy, which directly contradicts the author’s own findings and suggests that the flu shot may help prevent COVID-19 related deaths.

He goes on to mention another study:

In a study analyzing 92,664 clinically and molecularly confirmed COVID-19 cases in Brazil, Fink et al. (2020) reported that patients who received a recent flu vaccine experienced on average 17% lower odds of death. Moreover, Pawlowski et al. (2020) analyzed the immunization records of 137,037 individuals who tested positive in a SARS-CoV-2 PCR. They found that polio, Hemophilus influenzae type-B, measles-mumps-rubella, varicella, pneumococcal conjugate (PCV13), geriatric flu, and hepatitis A/hepatitis B (HepA-HepB) vaccines, which had been administered in the past 1, 2, and 5 years, were associated with decreased SARS-CoV-2 infection rates.

So, its important to mention that correlations between the flu vaccine have also found that it may decrease ones chance of deaths from COVID-19.

But are there studies that have shown an increased chance of death or contracting other respiratory viruses as a result of getting the flu shot? Yes.

That’s also discussed in the paper. For example, he mentions a paper published in 2018:

In a study with 6,120 subjects, Wolff (2020) reported that influenza vaccination was significantly associated with a higher risk of some other respiratory diseases, due to virus interference. In a specific examination of non-influenza viruses, the odds of coronavirus infection (but not the COVID-19 virus) in vaccinated individuals were significantly higher, when compared to unvaccinated individuals (odds ratio = 1.36).

The study above found the flu shot to increase the risk of other coronaviruses among those who had been vaccinated for influenza by 36 percent. The study was conducted prior to COVID-19, so it’s not included and only applies to pre-existing coronaviruses. The study also found an even higher chance of contracting human metapneumovirus amongst those who had received the flu shot.

Below are some more studies regarding the flu shot and viral infections that hint to the same idea.

  • 2018 CDC study (Rikin et al 2018) found that flu shots increase the risk of non-flu acute respiratory illnesses (ARIs), including coronavirus, in children.
  • A 2011 Australian study (Kelly et al 2011) found that flu shots doubled the risk for non-flu viral lung infections.
  • 2012 Hong Kong study (Cowling et al 2012) found that flu shots increase the risk for non-flu respiratory infections by 4.4 times.
  • 2017 study (Mawson et al 2017) found vaccinated children were 5.9 times more likely to suffer pneumonia than their unvaccinated peers.

Why This Is Important: We live in an age where vaccinations are heavily marketed. We’ve seen this with the flu shot time and time again and we are also living in an age where a push for more mandated vaccines seems to be growing.

Dr. Peter Doshi is an associate editor at The BMJ (British Medical Journal) and also an assistant professor of pharmaceutical health services research at the University of Maryland School of Pharmacy. He published a paper in The BMJ titled “Influenza: Marketing Vaccines By Marketing Disease.”  In it,  he points out that the CDC pledges “to base all public health decisions on the highest quality of scientific data, openly and objectively derived,” and how this isn’t the case when it comes to the flu vaccine and its marketing. He stresses that “the vaccine may be less beneficial and less safe than has been claimed, and that “the threat of influenza seems to be overstated.”

This is a touchy subject that dives into medical ethics and the connections that big pharmaceutical companies have with our federal health regulatory agencies and health associations. Vaccines are a multi billion dollar industry.

At a recent World Health Organization conference on vaccine safety, it was expressed that vaccine hesitancy is growing at quite a fast pace, especially among doctors who are now becoming hesitant to recommend certain vaccines on the schedule. You can read more about that and find links to the conference here.

We have to ask ourselves, why is this happening? Is it because people and professionals are becoming aware of certain information that warrants the freedom of choice? Should freedom of choice with regards to what we put in our body always remain? Are we really protecting the “herd” by taking these actions?

In a 2014 analysis in the Oregon Law Review by New York University (NYU) legal scholars Mary Holland and Chase E. Zachary (who also has a Princeton-conferred doctorate in chemistry), the authors show that 60 years of compulsory vaccine policies “have not attained herd immunity for any childhood disease.” It is time, they suggest, to cast aside coercion in favor of voluntary choice.

When it comes to the flu shot, I put more information and science as to why so many people seem to refuse it, in this article if interested.

The University of California is currently being sued for mandating the flu shot for all staff, faculty and students. A judge has prevented them from doing so as a result until a decision has been made. You can read more about that here.

In South Korea, 48 people have now died after receiving the flu shot this season causing a lot of controversy. You can read more about that here.

The Takeaway: There are many concerns with vaccines, and vaccine injury is one of them. The National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act has paid more than $4 billion to families of vaccine injured children. A 2010 HHS pilot study by the Federal Agency for Health Care Research (AHCR) found that 1 in every 39 vaccines causes injury, a shocking comparison to the claims from the CDC of 1 in every million.

Should these statistics alone warrant the freedom of choice? Should the government have the ability to force us into measures, or would it simply be better for them to present the science, make recommendations and urge people to follow them? When the citizenry is forced and coerced into certain actions, sometimes under the guise of good-will, there always seems to be a tremendous amount of uproar and people who disagree. Why are these people silenced? Why are they censored? Why are they ridiculed? Why don’t independent health organizations receive the same voice and reach that government and state “owned” or organizations do? What’s going on here? Do we really live in a free, open and transparent world or are we simply subjected to massive amounts of perception manipulation?

When it come to the flu shot there is plenty of information on both sides of the coin that point to its effectiveness, and on the other hand there is information that points to the complete opposite. When something is not 100 percent clear, freedom of choice in all places should always remain, in my opinion.

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Alternative News

Some South Korean Doctors & Politicians Call To Stop Flu Shots After 48 People Die

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    The number of South Koreans who have died after getting flu shots has risen to 48, but health authorities in South Korea have found no link between the vaccine and the deaths.

  • Reflect On:

    Is the flu shot as safe as it's marketed to be?

What Happened: It’s that time of year and flu shot programs are rolling out across the globe. The number of South Koreans who have died after getting the flu shot has now risen to 48 and some South Korean doctors and politicians have called to stop flu shots as a result, according to Reuters. The Korea Disease Control and Prevention Agency (KDCA) has decided not to stop the program, and that flu vaccines would continue to be given and will reduce the chance of having simultaneous epidemics in the era of COVID-19.

Health authorities in South Korea have explained that they’ve found no direct link between these deaths and the shots. KDCA Director Jeong Eun-kyung said, “After reviewing death cases so far, it is not the time to suspend a flu vaccination programme since vaccination is very crucial this year, considering…the COVID-19 outbreaks.”

According to Reuters, “Some initial autopsy results from the police and the National Forensic Service showed that 13 people died of cardiovascular, cerebrovascular and other disorders not caused by the vaccination.”

The South Korean government is hopeful to vaccinate approximately 30 million of the country’s 54 million people.

Concerns Some People Have With The Flu Shot: One concern many people seem to have is the worry of a severe adverse reaction.

Dr. Alvin Moss, MD and professor at the West Virginia University School of Medicine emphasizes in this video:

The flu vaccine happens to be the vaccine that causes the most injury in this country. The vaccine injury compensation program, 40 percent of all vaccinations in this country are flu shots, but 60 percent of all the compensations are for the flu vaccine. So a disproportionate number of  vaccine related injuries are the flu shot.

Moss is one of many who believe that the flu vaccine is not as effective as it’s been marketed to be. For example,  A study recently published in Global Advances In Health & Medicine titled “Ascorbate as Prophylaxis and Therapy for COVID-19—Update From Shanghai and U.S. Medical Institutions outlines the following:

Recently outlined A recent consensus statement from a group of renowned infectious disease clinicians observed that vaccine programs have proven ill-suited to the fast-changing viruses underlying these illnesses, with efficacy ranging from 19% to 54% in the past few years.

Dr. Peter Doshi is an associate editor at The BMJ (British Medical Journal)  published a paper in The BMJ titled “Influenza: Marketing Vaccines By Marketing Disease.”  In it,  he points out that the CDC pledges “to base all public health decisions on the highest quality of scientific data, openly and objectively derived,” and how this isn’t the case when it comes to the flu vaccine and its marketing. He stresses that “the vaccine may be less beneficial and less safe than has been claimed, and that “the threat of influenza seems to be overstated.”

These are just a few examples out of many claiming that the flu shot has not really been effective, opposing others that claim it is.  Mercury that’s still present in some flu shots also seems to be a concern.

The National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act has paid more than $4 billion to families of vaccine injured children. A 2010 HHS pilot study by the Federal Agency for Health Care Research (AHCR) found that 1 in every 39 vaccines causes injury, a shocking comparison to the claims from the CDC of 1 in every million.

Professor Heidi Larson, a Professor of Anthropology and the Risk and Decision Scientist Director at the Vaccine Confidence Project stated at a World Health Organization (WHO) conference that more doctors are starting to be hesitant when it comes to recommending vaccines.

The other thing that’s a trend, and an issue, is not just confidence in providers but confidence of health care providers, we have a very wobbly health professional frontline that is starting to question vaccines and the safety of vaccines. That’s a huge problem, because to this day any study I’ve seen… still, the most trusted person on any study I’ve seen globally is the health care provider…

This is no secret, and actions against mandates are being taken. The University of California was recently sued for making the flu shot mandatory. That trial will begin soon, and you can read more about it here, and find information regarding the claim that the flu shot can help in the times of COVID-19.

The Takeaway: We are living in an age of extreme censorship of information, no matter how credible or how much evidence is provided, information that goes against the grain always seems to receive a harsh backlash from mainstream media as well as social media outlets. Why is there a digital fact checker patrolling the internet? Should people not have the right to examine information openly and freely and determine for themselves what is and what isn’t?

As far as vaccines are concerned, despite the fact that there are many safety issues the scientific community  is bringing up, a push for vaccine mandates continues and the idea that we are protecting other people is usually the narrative that’s pushed hard. Vaccine skepticism is growing at a fast pace among people of all professions, and people aren’t stupid. There’s a reason why more and more people are starting to question what we’ve been told for years, and those reasons should be acknowledged and openly discussed amongst people on both sides of the coin.

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University of California Sued For Making Flu Shot Mandatory: Latest Updates

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In Brief

  • The Facts:

    A hearing will take on November 4th as to whether or not the University of California will be allowed to mandate the flu vaccine for all staff, faculty and students. This comes after they were sued after announcing the mandate this past summer.

  • Reflect On:

    Why has vaccine hesitancy grown so much amongst scientists and doctors?

The University of California is one of many in the United States that have made the flu shot mandatory for all students, staff and faculty. Originally, Flu shots were required to be taken by November 1st of this year, according to UC, but Judge Richard Seabolt has halted their ability to do that until November 4th, when he will determine whether or not UC can or cannot mandate the flu vaccine.

Due to the growing amount of evidence that vaccines are not completely safe for everyone, let alone completely safe, attorney’s Rick Jaffe  Robert F. Kennedy Jr, renowned attorney and Chair of Children’s Health Defense are sued the University of California for mandating the flu shot. You can read a bit of their reasoning here.

According to Greg Glaser., general counsel at the Physicians For Informed Consent (PIC), “In this lawsuit against the UC Board of Regents over their new flu vaccine mandate, some of the world’s top experts have provided declarations opposing the flu shot mandate…Their declarations will have a s significant impact on decisions made regarding public health.”

Dr. Shira Miller, founder and president of PIC says “there’s data showing that the flu shot increases one’s chances of non-flu illness by 65% – meaning that not only does this mandate lack scientific justification, but it puts UC students, faculty and staff at a greater risk of other respiratory illnesses…The studies referenced in the UC Regents’ flu vaccine mandate suggest positive effects of the flu vaccine on the incidence of illness caused by flu viruses; however, that benefit may be outweighed by an increase in non-flu respiratory illnesses. And although the possibility has been studied, there is no evidence that the vaccine prevents the spread of influenza.”

UC will not take adverse action against any employee or student who comes to campus who has not had a flu shot. We will see what happens during the trial.

Jaffe states: The judge is obviously taking this motion very seriously, and that is a very good thing. He wanted more time to consider all the papers and write an opinion that will have enormous implications. Judge Seabolt gets to be the first judge in the country to weigh in on whether the state can mandate a vaccine during a pandemic where the vaccine doesn’t treat the pandemic disease and where there is reason to believe that the flu shot could actually increase COVID cases, hospitalizations and deaths. That’s alot to think about. It seems like he’s trying to get it right, and that is certainly extremely encouraging, since in my view, the more anyone reasonable thinks about it, the worse the mandate looks because of the lack of proper procedure in its issuance, and the lack of proof that the vaccine won’t cause much more harm than good. So I am all for the judge taking all the time he needs on this.

There are many concerns with vaccines, and vaccine injury is one of them. The National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act has paid more than $4 billion to families of vaccine injured children. A 2010 HHS pilot study by the Federal Agency for Health Care Research (AHCR) found that 1 in every 39 vaccines causes injury, a shocking comparison to the claims from the CDC of 1 in every million.

Professor Heidi Larson, a Professor of Anthropology and the Risk and Decision Scientist Director at the Vaccine Confidence Project stated at a World Health Organization (WHO) conference statesd that:

The other thing that’s a trend, and an issue, is not just confidence in providers but confidence of health care providers, we have a very wobbly health professional frontline that is starting to question vaccines and the safety of vaccines. That’s a huge problem, because to this day any study I’ve seen… still, the most trusted person on any study I’ve seen globally is the health care provider…

Some Science:

A study published in the journal Vaccine found a greater risk of contracting coronavirus among individuals in the study who received the influenza vaccine. These studies were conducted prior to COVID 19, and apply to already circulating coronaviruses prior to the novel coronavirus.

  • 2018 CDC study (Rikin et al 2018) found that flu shots increase the risk of non-flu acute respiratory illnesses (ARIs), including coronavirus, in children.
  • A 2011 Australian study (Kelly et al 2011) found that flu shots doubled the risk for non-flu viral lung infections.
  • 2012 Hong Kong study (Cowling et al 2012) found that flu shots increase the risk for non-flu respiratory infections by 4.4 times.
  • 2017 study (Mawson et al 2017) found vaccinated children were 5.9 times more likely to suffer pneumonia than their unvaccinated peers.

A study recently published in Global Advances In Health & Medicine titled “Ascorbate as Prophylaxis and Therapy for COVID-19—Update From Shanghai and U.S. Medical Institutions outlines the following:

“Recently outlined A recent consensus statement from a group of renowned infectious disease clinicians observed that vaccine programs have proven ill-suited to the fast-changing viruses underlying these illnesses, with efficacy ranging from 19% to 54% in the past few years.”

I’ve put more information and science about the flu shot that goes more in depth and provides more sources in an article I published last year: “Reasons Why People Refuse The Flu Shot”

The Takeaway: Why do federal health authorities and state health affiliated organizations and institutions have a right to mandate a vaccine. What about the opinions of independent health organizations? Why do their voices constantly go unacknowledged and in some cases, ridiculed?

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